Hey there. My name is James. And do I have a story for you. Now only, this story is not one of happy endings, good fortune and good times. No. This is a story of a land many thought to be peaceful and very, girly, in a sense. I am talking about Equestria. Only, Equestria is only a country on a big planet, like America is on Earth. And I was lucky enough to get sent there. This planet is at war and it doesn't even know it. And I have been sent there by a women from Target. She sent me here for a reason. I just wish she hadn't set me on fire to get here. I also wish that my job was a bit more clear. Honestly, I really just want to get home. Oh, and I'm no longer human, nor a pony.
Chapters (7)
4326349 The cheese? How does it build?
4328687 What makes you say that?
So epic.
EPIC STORY!!!!
Welcome to the CGotG, my friend. I'm the unofficial welcome wagon, Because l feel a certian kinship with writers who post in this group (and because I'm a correction Nazi), I'll take a moment to review the first chapter of this fix, grammar wise. God knows some other people that Sev let slip into the group's canon folder need a slap against the head with a thesarus. Let's begin, shall we?
It's lo and behold. Lo is its own word
I don't even know where to begin on that one. You won't go very far making your sentences as short as can be. Try making that two or three sentences instead of one. Ex: I needed something cheap, but Lego's were SO not cheap. G.I. Joes would work, though! Also, Legos should be capitalized since it was a brand name.
*cough* kimono *cough*
Why is that sentence in the present tense? Pick a tense and stick with it.
It's bad form to use numbers in a story, unless you are writing out a year, like 1984, or 2014. Write it as twenty five.
I totally skimmed the rest of the chapter. These are all the major points, but the writing in general needs work. I'm not saying that it's bad (it's not good, either), I'm saying that you need a HELL of a lot of practice. I would know. This fic was pretty much the same as my first, and it was CGotG too. It took me a half year of nothing but practice every night til my stuff was readable, and another half year still til I started getting decent views on FIMfic. Bottom line is, keep writing. And while youre at it, read some too. This fic isn't very good, but it can be. I just takes some time.
He counted four tails, but he said three. I am confused as to which it is.
4556742
Thank you for the welcome! Also, all of those points were all done the way you said the first time, but arguments with all of my editor/proofreaders, mind you I have finite amount, stated that they should be one way versus the other. Now that I can, and will laugh in their faces, I will fix those problems shortly. The one problem with the Kimono was stylistic. The character wouldn't know what it is, but I do. I am not aiming for Mary Sue. The character knowing everything defeats the purpose of my story.
On a side note, and definitely not an excuse, but I am fairly rusty with my writing. Given the fact that I went through ACT's and Finals. I also had personal problems as a distraction. So, I will be doing my best from now on since school is out. I will be on GDocs hell of a lot more now.
4557551 4556742
Ah, the first to notice! Virtual cookie! If you tell me when and where that happens, I will love to offer you a job. I will sometimes make mistakes that will find ways to get through my filters, AKA PR/editors. If you find another, you can get the job of being a PR/Editor for me, or just get the chapter early, via watching me write! Same goes to CtrlAltDeleteMan!
I have no idea where this is going but like all thing at the start it's to early to judge. I see promise so I'll give it a shot.
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So you did!
4573352
Not worry, things will get more shrek and a touch more led zeppelin
This is good. I have not noticed any mistakes, be them spelling or word choice, so I say the story deserves a like and a fave.
I know this is a really shallow reason for reading this but I'm going tomcontinue reading this because of the fox
Not just the fox though!
but mostly the fox...
4732966 well Duh. Fox's are awesome. There are some other cool things.....nah...it's the fox.
I see a distinct lack of ponies and a sur plus of furries....
I like it
Do my eyes deceive me? Did you just use Holo the Wise Wolf as your god?
Update?
4909237 I will. I have to do school stuff first, drivers ed, etc. Life :/
4914493 Life? What's that? Do I have one?
...
...
...
I don't think I do.
Next chapter?
Wasn't Julia/James brought by a guy named Judir a fisherman? And isn't theKyubi suppose to be the leader of the village?
5068325 the leader of the main village, not an outpost, and no, the fisherman did not bring him in
5073784
Well, the fisherman was the one who found him/her. So what exactly happened to the poor guy? The last mention of him was his uncle siring and the guy holding Justin in his arms.
5074614
It's James/Julia. Also, nice question. Hopefully it's answered. 
5077616 Opps, my bad.
more
Update?
Update?
How long has it bin? I thought it was dead.
Any idea on more?
Welcome back & someone is having a breakdown
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6667705
6668707
There will be more, and the typing will be fixed, as well as depth. A few more hours til update.
6669651 sweet!
6667705 may be a kik late on that. I'm at a thousand words, but holiday stuff :/
6672317 that's fine.
Oh I've been missing this!
Good to see it back!
Huh, I honestly thought Julia would keep that secret for a bit longer
Very cool, nice to see an update.
6702134 I don't she's a little girl now and little girls have a hard time keeping secrets.
6702134 Imagine the look on his face if she had told him about the gender change.
6702161
"Little"
What? I thought she was 20 and some?
6702134
6702161
6702189
I JUST posted this! XD nice to see it is liked
6702296 I'm pretty sure the guy is only 16-ish years old and 2nd, she turned him into a little girl of that species. He said something along the lines of, "if Equestria is real than i'm a little girl". As such the kitsune lady turned him into a little girl
6702709
I could be wrong because she says she "decides" to choose the magical age of 21
6702627
And yes! I loved this story since the beginning because most stories are just
Human in equestria in ponyville or turned pony, insert original conflict
But you took it a step further! You chose a species not mentioned in equestria AND you didn't just plop them down in ponyville you put them in places like "foxx hallow" there is nothing I don't like about this story!
P.s. Could you clear up how old Julia is I the story? We know James was 21 but was he turned younger?
6704369
In the first chapter James....now Julia states this after his "player" proclaims that she is 457. Now in this chapter she also states that his actual age is 16. For those under the legal limit the age "21" is considered a magical time in a person's life because its when they can legally do things such as having alcohol.
6710191 someone is paying attention. If only you'd remember teens don't shoot straight for 21, because that is 'too perfect' a number