• Published 15th Apr 2014
  • 3,048 Views, 22 Comments

Observer - Superdale33



I'm someone that doesn't stay in one Universe for very long, because that would be boring. One Universe in particular is quite memorable, what with six ponies, two princesses, and two Wastelanders. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke...

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Chapter 4

Observer
Chapter 4

It may have seemed like an impossible feat, but Princess Luna didn’t use the Royal Canterlot voice. Like at all. In fact, all she really did was scold me like a three-year-old with a finger in his nose. When I looked at it from that perspective, it was quite insulting, though voicing my concerns would probably just make matters worse. Besides, I had tuned Luna out fairly quickly, and after a few minutes, I was completely lost. One moment she’s talking about responsibility, judgement, and all that jibber jabber, then suddenly it’s about why broccoli was good for me…

Actually, I couldn’t tell if she said that. I was still tuning her out.

If I didn’t speak up soon, I was going to have to go through all those life lessons my dad had already told me. And let me say, it was pretty boring the first time.

I waited until she came to a pause, which had her mouth open to talk some more, before I spoke up. “You know,” I said, my voice failing to hide my sarcasm, “I’d love to hear more about your complaints about me, but I’d rather mess with everyone else at the moment. Could we postpone this until, say, I’m not bored out of my mind?”

Luna gave a cold hard stare at me for a few seconds, then her gaze became quite intense as storm clouds suddenly formed above her, lightning shooting in all directions. This usually meant two things: One, she was turning back to Nightmare Moon, which was quite plausible, considering my shenanigans. Or two, she was going to use…

***

To say the dinner was awkward would be accurate on many levels. After arriving in the dining room, which was quite large, everyone took a seat at the surprisingly short table. The Lone Wanderer, having read a few medieval stories back when he was a kid, expected a table so long, servants would be required to pass the salt. Instead the table was compact, having six seats on the longer sides and two chairs at the heads of the table.

So it was pretty much a normal table. The Lone Wanderer had to admit, he was disappointed.

Princess Celestia moved at the far end of the table and sat at the head of it, right in front of a large stain glass window depicting herself. Everybody else took their seats as well, with the ponies sitting on one side and the visitors sitting across from them.

Then, everyone just stared at each other, unsure of where to go from there. A few minutes passed before Twilight cleared her throat, causing all eyes to land on her. The sudden attention made her blush a bit, swallowing a small lump in her throat before laughing uneasily.

“So…” she started, “Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourselves?”

“Why don’t you?” the Courier asked back, before two hands slapped the back of his head. The Courier growled from the impact provided by the Lone Wanderer and Garrus.

“What he meant to say,” the Lone Wanderer emphasised, giving an unseen glare to the Courier, “was that we’d love to.” He took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts before speaking, “Well, you know a little about where we came from, right?”

Garrus grunted, leaning an elbow on the table, “I’m kind of out of the loop there, which is rather uncommon for me. Loops are comfortable.”

Rainbow was the only one to giggle at his joke, which went undetected by the others as the Courier summed up, “Our place was blown up by nuclear warheads, and humans nearly went extinct but we survived and now we live in a wasteland where nearly everything is trying to kill us.”

“Huh,” Garrus said, not showing any sign of shock, “Well, that’s why the Council banned those things.”

“Council?” Pinkie and the two wastelanders said at the same time.

“Jinx!” Pinkie quipped happily, making the Courier swing his arm in annoyance for missing his opportunity.

“Ignoring that,” Garrus went on, “The Council runs the galaxy where I’m from. They’re a bit thick headed, but they do their job. It’s made up of multiple races, my own included. The others are the Salarians, the Asari, and the-”

“SILENCE, YOU FOOL!” A female voice suddenly boomed through the castle, making everyone jerk back and cringe from the sudden volume increase. “YOU SHALL RESPECT A PRINCESS! NOW RETURN TO THE OTHERS, WE ARE FINISHED!”

The last word echoed through the castle for a few moments before dying down. Nobody was sure what to think about the sudden shout as they looked to each other like someone would answer. Eventually, everyone turned to Celestia for an explanation, who simply sighed as she rubbed a hoof against her forehead.

“Luna,” she whispered to herself, “We talked about this.”

“Was that… Luna?” the Lone Wanderer asked, looking over to the door that they had walked through. “Remind me not to get on her bad side.”

“Which is what Observer probably did,” the Courier laughed, a hand on top of his head, “Oh man, I hope she does it-”

“WE DO NOT SMELL OF STARS!” Luna shouted again, making the Courier fall on the table, laughing uncontrollably, “WHERE WOULD THOU GET SUCH AN IDEA!?”

Even the others had to laugh at that one, though everyone shut up instantly when the doors burst open, revealing Luna and Observer standing side by side. Luna had an furious look on her, entering first as she stomped behind the pony side of the table before sitting beside Celestia. Observer remained still a moment before walking forward, his motions suggesting he was a bit disoriented. When he finally found a seat at the opposite head of the table, he didn’t move at all, staring straight ahead with proper posture.

“So how’d it go?” Rainbow asked as nonchalantly as possible, hiding her laughter through her hooves. Observer didn’t say a word, he didn’t even face her, making the others glance to each other.

“Hey!” Applejack shouted, “Are ya listenin’?”

Still no response.

“I think you blew out his eardrums, Luna,” Celestia scolded lightly with a small shake of her head, “I’ve told you to watch your temper.”

“But he started it!” Luna accused hotly, pointing a hoof at Observer as she bared her teeth at Celestia, who was unmoved by Luna.

“And now look at him,” Celestia pointed out, her eyes on Observer, who still hadn’t moved, “Who knows how long he’ll be in such a state.”

“Not too long actually,” Observer commented suddenly and dryly, relaxing in his seat, and making everyone flinch from the sudden speech.

“Wha- Were you faking it!?” the Courier yelled, smacking his fists onto the table, rattling it. The Lone Wanderer and Garrus were just as peeved, though it was much more obvious on the latter. The ponies on the other hand were completely stunned, simply staring at him as if he was faking his ability to hear again.

“Nah,” Observer waved off as he put his feet on the table and his hands on his stomach, getting into an even more comfortable position, “I still felt the very intense pain of having my eardrums blown out, but the pain subsided… eventually.”

“I don’t understand you, Observer,” the Lone Wanderer said with a shake of his head.

“Ah, but I do understand you!” Observer countered, pointing a finger at him.

“God dammit,” the Lone Wanderer swore with a shake of his head, “What the hell did I do to deserve this?”

“Saved countless lives and changed the very Wasteland itself?” Observer asked, though his voice made it sound like he already knew.

“The Wasteland is a lot more brutal than I thought it was,” Garrus said aloud.

“You haven’t even heard of Deathclaws yet,” the Courier said with a shrug, before putting a hand to his chin, “Come to think of it, you kind of look like a Deathclaw.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Garrus said, scratching the top of his head.

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

“I figured as much.”

***

Ah, nothing like hearing the quips of people from alternate universes. It’s one of those things that pretty much everyone could enjoy, or at least me, which counts as everybody. Those three dummies went off in some tangent about weaponry afterwards. I could have sworn they were using innuendos, but considering the Lone Wanderer was talking animatedly with the other two, that idea was quickly kicked out the door.

A mere glance over to the ponies proved to be entertaining. They were trying to grasp what they were saying and failing remarkably. In fact, Twilight was speechless! I guess that doesn’t really say much, but hey, it’s Twilight. The Princesses looked like they had given up a while ago, the quitters. At least I knew what they were talking about, ‘cause I’m a cheater like that!

“So all of your ammo is interchangeable with all of your other weapons?” the Lone Wanderer asked, sounding very interested.

“Yeah,” Garrus said sadly with a sigh, “Our weapons used to just have a small cool down time, but that took a while, and it was pretty costly to make too.”

“That’s a shame,” the Courier said, honestly crestfallen, “That would have saved a whole lotta cells.”

“Cells?” Garrus asked, “Is that a type of ammunition for…?” He thought for a moment before finishing, “Your energy weapons?”

“Yeah,” the Lone Wanderer responded, “How’d you know?”

“I know my way around a gun, if you know what I mean,” Garrus said, leaning back in his seat.

“Welp,” I interferred, drawing all eyes on me, “We need something to happen before the ponies and I die of boredom.”

Pinkie gasped, “Is that possible?”

“Tis,” I replied quickly, earning a hard glare from Luna. “Anyway, how ‘bout-?”

The kitchen door opening up interrupted me as a line of pony servants walked in with silver trays and lids. And there I was just about to ask if we could raid the refrigerator. Not because of the food, but because raids are cool. The servants nimbly placed the foods in front of everyone, including myself, because I was the guest of honor. And as soon as they came, they left. They didn’t even leave their phone numbers. How rude.

“Bon Appetit,” Celestia chuckled, the lid in front of her lifting off from her magic, revealing… wait for it… bananas. It was always bananas.

“I fail to see how bones have anything to do with this,” I noted, crossing my arms, “Unless you all suddenly had the hunger for meat… which would actually be very frightening.”

The ponies all winced, suddenly afraid of their meals. Celestia gave me that motherly look that showed disappointment, while Luna gave her the most intense I-told-you-so look I’ve ever seen.

“Observer!” the Lone Wanderer hissed as he leaned towards me, keeping his voice low even though everyone could hear him. I leaned towards him to hear him better, or maybe to help him think our conversation was a secret. Whichever worked. “Mind your fucking manners!”

“Oh right,” I whispered back, placing both of my hands on the table beside the lid and tray before saying monotonically, “We appreciate this lovely meal you have given to us out of the kindness of your heart because that’s what ponies do best.”

I finished off with a stiff thumbs up, and everyone sent me their half lidded looks. Ignoring them, per usual, I lifted the lid of my meal to show two slabs of fish meat…

I was still holding up the lid as I stared at the cooked food…

“Called it,” I said weakly, slowly putting my lid back on.

The three other doofuses pulled back their own lids, also showing meat for all of them. The ponies mirrored my look of disgust, though I was disgusted by how accurate I was. I hate it when that happens. I gotta stop being right. Celestia, however, was rather calm. Too calm. Dun, dun, duuun.

“I figured you were all omnivores,” she explained, her horn glowing as our plates levitated off the table. “Perhaps I was wrong about that assum-”

“No, no!” the Courier shouted, grabbing the meat and clutching it to his chest, “We love meat! Yum!”

“Wow,” I said from the look of surprise from everyone else, “That was disturbing.”

The Lone Wanderer gently put his hands on his plate, lowering it back on to the table. Seeing the gesture, Celestia released her magic, causing Garrus’ and my plates to fall back down on their own.

“We…” the Lone Wanderer glanced to the Courier, who was still clutching the meat like it would go ‘poof’ and never be seen again. “can eat meat. He’s just a psycho.”

“I didn’t want her to take the meat,” the Courier whined, loosening his hold and putting the fish back on the plate. “When was the last time you had genuine meat?”

Garrus grunted, “I can’t even eat this meat, for your information.”

“Oh right,” Twilight said, her horn glowing alongside his own meat, “You can only eat dextro-protein foods. Hold on.”

A purple aurora enveloped Garrus’ meat, and an audible pop could be heard, as if a bubble had been violently murdered. The steak didn’t change at all, but Twilight’s smile was a big enough message that it was a mission accomplished. Magic; something to be truly desired by all. However, Garrus was still skeptical about the food as he stared at the meat.

“Eat it, you wimp,” I teased, my anticipation growing, “Come oooooon. Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it-

“Alright, alright,” Garrus relented, waving off my inspiring chant. Taking a deep breath, he tore off a bit of meat with no trouble at all and tossed it into his mouth.

The sudden explosion rocked the very earth we stood on! A crack in the ground tore up the ground as the hot molten magma spewed onto the surface! All the while the devil himself…

Heh. Naw, that didn’t happen.

What did happen was that Garrus chewed the meat a few seconds before swallowing, after which he gave a content grunt. See? My version was better.

“As long as I get its nutrients,” Garrus said with a slow nod that quickly picked up, “Yeah, I can eat this!”

“Good for you,” I said with a shrug, propping an arm on the back of the chair, “Cause I can’t.”

Yet again, everyone was staring at me with confusion. At that point, I thought having a competition on who was most confused wouldn’t be so bad. “You can’t… eat?” Fluttershy whispered, giving me a sympathetic expression.

“Yep,” I answered, though not as cheerily as usual, “I can’t eat and I can’t drink. All thanks to this suit.”

Celestia and Luna glanced to each other, as if silently wondering if I really was some sort of god. If that were the case, we’d all be dancing to the macarena. “How are you alive?” Twilight asked, making me turn to her. I also noticed that all the Elements were giving me a pitiful look. A look I had seen far too many times.

“This suit,” I said quietly, putting my hands behind my head as I gazed at the ceiling. “I never feel hungry, but not stuffed, and I never get dehydrated. Impossible? Yes. True…? completely.”

The Courier stared at me a moment before facing his steak again, “If you’re finished whining over practically being immortal, can we eat?”

“Well, I never said you couldn’t,” I said, sitting up in my seat as I leaned an arm on the table.

“Hallelujah,” the Courier deadpanned, “Let’s get to it then!”

The Courier and the Lone Wanderer reached their hands up to take off their helmets, and everyone else watched them do so. Probably to see what they looked like underneath. I, on the other hand, turned the other way, seeing an asparagus on Applejack’s plate. I needed a distraction from my little reverie of personal information. Trust me, what I was doing was way more interesting.

“I’ve always liked the sound of asparagus,” I mused, earning a few annoyed looks. It was amazing how fast they could drop their sad faces. “Like how Pinkie likes the word kumquat - which is pretty good too.”

My hand grabbed one of the pieces of asparagus, flopping it back and forth as I watched. “But Asparagus sounds like a wicked cool spell. I mean, I can imagine Dumbledore swinging his wand around and shouting it."

As an imitation, I swung the vegetable in a line as I shouted, “Asparagus!”

An armored person crashed onto the table, scattering all the plates and food. Everyone froze completely: the wastelanders with their hands on their helmets, Garrus with his mouth open and a piece of meat in his hand, and the ponies with their jaws completely dropped. As for me, well, I was holding a piece of asparagus.

I looked down to the vegetable in question, before turning back to the armored figure, groaning on the table. “I have magic powers…” I concluded, “Sweeeeeet.”

***

The figure slowly pushed himself up, completely revealing himself as he rubbed the top of his head. He was in some sort of sleek metal suit, having a few blue, horizontal lines on the front of his helmet. The suit he wore had scattered panels of metal, and a large piece of tech junting out of his chest, a blue display facing the figure.

Celestia sighed, "We can never catch a break."

The figure flinched from the voice, remaining still as if moving would cause an explosion. Moving anyway - and excruciatingly slowly too - the figure lifted up his head, scanning the many heads of ponies, all staring right back at him.

“Fucking shit!” the figure cursed, pushing himself to his feet as he aimed his pistol-like weapon. However, his foot landed on the Courier’s steak, causing the figure to slip and tumble backward right off the table between the Courier and the Lone Wanderer.

The Courier was not happy with that as he stared unmoving at his squished steak.

“Two swear words in a row,” Observer observed, tipping back in his seat, keeping a foot on the table for balance. “That’s a record with this group so far.”

The figure hurriedly got back to his feet, wildly firing two blue vertical lines around where the human visitors were, making them hunch behind their seats for protection. The shots missed completely, flying above the group and hitting the marble walls. The ponies were somewhat used to being fired at, but still recoiled as the shots went over their heads. Using the distraction, the figure took off, heading for the large double doors and taking a left around the corner, heading out of sight.

“Hold up, Isaac!” Observer shouted after him, hastily shoving his chair out of the way as he ran for the door. Unfortunately, a banana peel was on the floor, and Observer stepped on it, causing him to slip on it and fall directly on the back of his head. Observer threw his head up as he sat on the ground, pounding both of his hands against the floor.

“Darn cartoon physics!” he shouted as Celestia scrunched up her face, looking pretty guilty as she levitated her plate of bananas underneath the table.

Twilight blinked at him, still trying to understand what had just happened, “Cartoon? This isn’t a cartoon!”

Observer slowly moved his head to gaze at Twilight, and stayed that way for a solid five seconds.

“I’m going to kill that bastard!” The Courier roared, making the ponies recoil from his sudden exclamation. He drew his revolver as he pushed his chair away in his haste. “First he destroys my first good meal in years, then he shoots at me!”

“Yeah,” Observer said, leaning forward in his seated position as he rubbed the top of his head, “Isaac is a bit delusional.”

“Isaac is his name, right?” the Lone Wanderer asked, eyeing the door the new human visitor had exited through.

“Yepperoini and cheese,” Observer answered, standing to his feet, “An alien artifact was in his head for a while. Oh, and he had to fight off mutated, monstrous humans that may or may not resemble Garrus in some fashion.”

“Another human that might shoot me on sight,” Garrus concluded as he crossed his arms, “I have a feeling all humans just hate me.”

“I didn’t shoot at you,” the Courier pointed out, before whispering, “yet…”

“We need to go after him!” Twilight announced, hopping off of her seat and trotting around the table.

“Well, duh,” Observer commented with a small shrug, “That’s what I was about to do.”

“Whatever,” Twilight muttered before turning to the group of ponies, “Observer and I will chase after him.”

“I’ll come with,” Garrus said, retrieving his sniper rifle, “He may turn… violent. And Observer won’t fight him if he does.”

“I should be offended,” Observer said, rubbing his chin, “but he is correct.”

“We’ll come to,” the Lone Wanderer said, placing his hands on the table to push himself up.

“I don’t think so,” Observer said, holding up a hand to halt their movements, “I rather not have to run back into another Creeper incident like before. You two stay here and play hero, while me and Garrus go and play hero elsewhere.”

“What about me?” Twilight snapped, standing next to him, having to look up to face him.

“Perhaps you can ride the Hero Train when you grow bigger,” Observer said with a chuckle, holding his hand up in the air. Twilight, using her magic, grabbed his hand and made him slap himself across the face.

“Yeah,” Observer said, tenderly rubbing where he was hit, “That was a pretty bad joke.”

Rainbow shot out of her seat and hovered a little above the floor, pointing towards it with a hoof. “We should come too,” she said, “Twilight isn’t going alone after this crazy guy.”

“I fail to see how you help anyone,” the Courier said, crossing his arms, “You left me and AJ last time.”

“And you’re ponies…” Observer pointed out, still rubbing the side of his head, and having all the ponies stare at him with a mixture of confusion and anger, “You can fight off a Changeling invasion, but don’t get your hopes up against Isaac Clark, Necromorph Slayer.”

Rainbow growled but didn’t argue, looking off to the side. Garrus took notice of her behavior as he shouldered his rifle. He could tell she didn’t like being left behind; it reminded him of himself.

Shaking his head, Garrus looked between Twilight and Observer as he stepped beside them. “You two ready to go?”

“Well, considering I don’t want her to slap me again,” Observer said, still rubbing the side of his head, eyeing Twilight carefully, “then yes.”

With a firm nod from Twilight, the three ran for the double doors, with Observer leading. The three filed through the doors and turned left as well. The room was left in silence, like it had many times before.

“Why is it we have ta wait on the sidelines all the time?” Applejack complained, glaring at the ‘magical’ asparagus in front of her. The ponies all looked to one another, but not one could give an answer. The Lone Wanderer and the Courier were in the same bout, remaining quiet as they watched the doors. Though they trusted Garrus to get Isaac - they refused to say the same with Observer - they were tense, ready to make a grab for their weapons if things didn’t go how they planned.

In their experience, it was sort of expected.

“Tia,” Luna whispered to Celestia, holding up a hoof to make sure no one overheard her. “As much as I hate to admit it, we must get Discord involved. He may be able to find Sombra and stop these appearances.”

Celestia gave a steady nod, her eyes flickering over to the Courier and the Lone Wanderer, “He may also know more about Observer and the other visitors.”

“It’s agreed then,” Luna said firmly, putting her hoof down as she closed her eyes.

***

Breathing hard, Isaac sat against a fallen pillar in a large, glamourous room. He was staring at the floor, shaking his head. He couldn’t believe he was in another nightmare, no matter how abnormal or colorful it was. He thought he had rid himself of the Marker, the alien artifact that created the Necromorphs. However, in this world with talking ponies, he knew that it was still in his head. The question was, how was he going to survive this time?

He lifted up his Plasma Cutter, looking it over for anything that could cause a malfunction. At the moment, he needed to assess his weaponry and make a move. What that move would be, he’d figure out later. His faithful Plasma Cutter didn’t seem any worse for wear, so he set it down and pulled out his Javelin Gun and Plasma Rifle.

All in all, his weapons were operational and ready for use. Isaac had to wonder if he could even use his deadly tools against those ponies. They didn’t seem too bad. And they didn’t really attack him either. If anything, he was the one to fire off a shot. Not only that, but there were other humans too…

Well, two guys in armor and a Necromorph. What an odd trio.

Giving a long sigh, Isaac leaned his head against the broken pillar, his helmet giving a small clunk when it hit it. Perhaps he did jump to conclusions, though he felt like they were warranted to some degree. He pushed himself to his feet, wondering what to do next. All of those ponies were probably looking for him, along with those other three humanoid figures.

Isaac hummed to himself, his memory coming back to him. There was actually one other person. Someone who called out his name if he recalled correctly. Did Isaac know him? Or maybe this person knew him instead. If Isaac went back, he could get some answers. He just had to-

“‘Ello!” the person Isaac was thinking about popped from the side of the pillar, scaring the living daylights out of him. Giving a shout of shock, Isaac grabbed his Plasma Cutter, aimed, and fired.

***

Twilight sighed as she stood beside Garrus behind their own fallen pillar. Observer left them there, saying he would speak with Isaac. However, the two felt like it was just another excuse for Observer to strut his hypothetical stuff. They weren’t happy with that part at all.

“How long do you think it’ll take?” Twilight questioned like she was asking about the weather, which was what she was thinking about asking as well.

Garrus faced Twilight, his face unmoving, “For Observer to get shot, or for Observer to get shot?”

Despite how dark the humor was, Twilight had to chuckle. These new characters were influencing how she viewed violence, and whether it was for the better or for the worst was yet to be seen.

“‘Ello!” the two heard from Observer, quickly followed by a shout of surprise and a gunshot. The two were unfazed as they glanced to each other knowingly as their previous humor was evaporated on the spot.

“That didn’t take long,” Twilight sighed, shaking her head. A few seconds later, they heard grunting, continually coming closer. They didn’t bother to investigate as they remained where they were. Just as they predicted in their minds, Observer came crawling around the corner of the pillar, pulling himself along with his arms with his legs completely limp.

“So how’d it go?” Garrus asked like he hadn’t heard a thing. Observer gave another grunt before flipping to his back, his arms spread to the side as he gave a breath of exhaustion.

“I feel the diplomatic process is beginning to break down,” he expressed, before flinching. “Also, I can’t feel my legs.”

As Twilight and Garrus gazed at Observer as if he was the stupidest person they had ever met, which was pretty much the truth for them, Isaac popped around the corner with his Pulse Rifle. Garrus nimbly drew his own rifle, and the two aimed at each other in a stalemate. Twilight blinked in shock, forgetting that they were still dealing with someone who could and would kill them.

“Lower your weapon…” Isaac spat before trailing off, “Whatever you are.”

“Human-necromorph hybrid…” Observer thought aloud.

“Shut up,” Garrus snapped, his grip tightening on his weapon. If Isaac was as unpredictable as he presumed, then he couldn’t afford to let Observer say more stupid stuff.

“If this is a hallucination,” Isaac went on, ignoring the small interaction with the two, “then killing any of you won’t put any guilt on my conscious.”

“Think of it like this,” I said, flinching from the pain in my abdomen, “You shot me in the gut and I survived, and I’m not a necromorph. What do you suppose that means?”

Isaac scoffed, “That you’re a new breed of Necromorph.”

Observer remained still, and Twilight had to stare at him with disrespect. She just couldn’t take this guy seriously. “I should have seen that coming,” Observer said, lifting up a hand in the air for no apparent reason. Twilight couldn’t understand why he had his hand in the air. This wasn’t school!

“Consider this,” Observer went on, making Garrus and Twilight groan, “What if we are real? Then you’d be killing those that don’t deserve to die!”

Isaac didn’t move, but Twilight could almost see him contemplating those words. Based off what Observer had said - which wasn’t much - Isaac might believe this was another trick. She had to hope he would trust them, because if he didn’t, the other humans - minus Observer - would have to put him down. This was definitely Sombra’s doing, and Twilight didn’t want him to win.

Eventually, Isaac lowered his weapon, but still kept his gaze on Garrus. Twilight released a sigh of relief as Garrus did the same. Observer brought his other arm up, clenching both of his hands into fists.

“Yeah, magic of friendship, woo,” Observer half cheered, his arms falling to his sides afterwards. “Now, someone drag me back to the dinner table, I still can’t stand.”

Author's Note:

Happy Halloween!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Holidays!