“Sister?” Princess Celestia asked, knocking gently on her younger sister’s bedroom doors. “Luna, are you awake?”
“Yes, Tia. You may come in.” Luna called through the door, prompting her sister to enter.
As the doors swung slowly open, Luna carefully levitated the headset she was wearing over to her desk. “I see you’ve gotten a new game recently.” Celestia said as Luna turned her TV off.
“These video games are such amazing things.” Luna said. “A thousand years ago, I never could have imagined such a thing would ever exist.”
“I share that sentiment.” Celestia said. “We have made many advances since you were away. I’m glad you’re catching up with the times so well.”
“So what is the meaning of your visit?” Luna asked, turning to face her sister. “Certainly you didn’t come here to discuss my latest addition to my game library.”
“I would like some help preparing some spells, if you wouldn’t mind.” Celestia said, getting straight to the point.
“And what sort of spells could you possibly need my help with?” Luna asked. “You’re capable enough to do anything short of tearing holes through space and time.”
“And that is something I intend to do.” Celestia nodded.
“I don’t think I need to remind you of how dangerous a prospect that is, dear sister.” Luna said.
“I know, and I have good reasons.”
“Yes, that new creature. Anivia, I believe her name was?” Luna said, smirking a bit at her sister’s surprised look.
“I did not think word would travel that quickly through the castle.” Celestia said.
“It does not.” Luna said, standing from her bed and moving to walk with her sister. “When our guest got to this world, I felt it just as strongly as you did. She was in a deep sleep when she arrived. Almost as if she were not alive at all.”
“And so you conducted your own investigation?” Celestia asked.
“I would be remiss not to.” Luna replied. “This was obviously a being capable of powerful magic. To remain unaware of her potential risk in the face of such a perfect opportunity to learn would be grossly irresponsible of me.”
“I see.” Celestia said thoughtfully.
“Her mind is very open to outsiders. I felt as though I was not among the first to share her consciousness.” Luna said. “And I felt that I was not the only one sharing it at that time, either.”
“I can attest to the same as of today.” Celestia said.
“While Anivia’s mind is pure, this other entity is a corrosive intruder. That is all I could ascertain before I had to retreat.” Luna said, shivering a bit. “Whatever makes its home in her mind, it is dark and ancient. Likely more so than either of us.”
“And that is what else I need your help with.” Celestia said.
“You wish to save this outsider from her own mind?” Luna asked.
“I’m sure you are aware of the second disturbance that day.” Celestia said.
“Yes, I am.” Luna said. “But I know not where or what it was. If it was another creature, it did not arrive in the same sorry state that Anivia did.”
“And that is what worries me.” Celestia said. “What if this second disruption is far less friendly than Anivia?”
“Then we must take measures to neutralize it.” Luna said, stomping a hoof. “We cannot allow our subjects to come to harm.”
“I may not have decisive proof yet,” Celestia said, “but I believe this intruder may be the reason Anivia is here in the first place.”
“And the source of the corruption in her mind?” Luna asked.
“Exactly.” Celestia nodded. “Until we can create a spell to keep that malevolence at bay, Anivia will be with Twilight and her friends.”
“In Ponyville?” Luna asked, slightly shocked. “Are you sure that is wise?”
“If anything has been proven to me by my most faithful student,” Celestia said as she paced into the hall, “it is that the magic of friendship can do miraculous things.”
“I only shared her consciousness briefly,” Luna said, “but I did not see many visions of friends while I was there.”
“And that is why I believe Twilight is her best option for now.” Celestia said. “I wonder who will connect with her first.” Celestia said, stopping to look out the window towards Ponyville.
“Dibs!” Pinkie Pie shouted as she and the other five ponies exited the train at Ponyville Station.
“Excuse me, what?” Rarity asked, cocking an eyebrow at Pinkie.
“I called dibs!” She shouted again, bouncing toward Anivia as she exited the caboose.
“I think she means she wants to spend time with Anivia first.” Applejack whispered to Rarity.
“Oh, I see.” Rarity said. “Why not all together then?”
“I apologize.” Anivia said, stepping forward. “I am not very accustomed to socializing.”
“Maybe Pinkie’s got a point.” Twilight said. “We don’t want to overwhelm her. Besides, I’m sure we’ll all get to spend time together with her after she’s gotten to know each of us a little better.”
“I’m cool with that.” Rainbow Dash said. “That way she can see how awesome I am without any distractions.”
Anivia hummed briefly, narrowing her eyes at Rainbow Dash.
“What’s the matter, dear?” Rarity asked.
“It is nothing.” Anivia said, shaking her head. “It’s just that her personality reminds me of a rather unsavory fellow champion in my world.”
“You’ll have to tell me about that later.” Rarity said, smirking a bit. “I must know who Rainbow Dash could possibly remind you of.”
“You won’t after you find out.” Anivia groaned.
“But that’ll have to wait till later!” Pinkie said, jumping up and latching onto the back of Anivia’s neck, slightly throwing her off balance for a second. As soon as she grabbed hold, Pinkie began shivering violently. “Cause she’s gonna be bust at Sugarcube Corner for a while.” She said through her chattering teeth. “Jeez Louise. You’re colder now than when you were an egg.”
“Please remove yourself from my neck.” Anivia said, becoming slightly agitated.
“Right, sorry.” Pinkie Pie said as she let go and fell to the floor. “C’mon, follow me! La, lala lala.” She said, merrily skipping down the road.
Anivia looked back at the rest of the ponies before reluctantly following Pinkie Pie towards town.
“I hope Pinkie isn’t too much for her.” Fluttershy said.
“Oh, I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Twilight said, not sounding particularly sure of herself. “It’s just Pinkie Pie. She’s bound to have met others like her before.”
“Somehow I doubt that.” Rainbow Dash quipped, Applejack and Rarity nodding in agreement.
“Release me, you demon!” The crystal mare shouted, having previously been stripped of her armor.
“Demon?” Lissandra asked. “Your words wound me, small creature. I wish only to learn of your world. Particularly your crystal city.”
“I am Lustrous Glaive, a sworn protector of the Crystal Empire, and I’ll never tell you anything else. I’d rather die first.” The crystal pony growled.
“I could arrange that, if you so truly desire it.” Lissandra said, launching a spear of ice from her palm, stopping it in midair mere inches from the pony’s eye. The guard’s terror was evident on her face as the black shard hovered in front of her, rotating slowly like a great frozen drill bit. “Ah, how the bravado fades when truly threatened.” Lissandra chuckled. “If the rest of your kind are so easily intimidated, then this will be far easier than I thought.”
“I- I’m not the only guard for the whole empire!” The Lustrous Glaive said, trying her hardest not to look at the black ice. “My friends will come looking for me. You’ll be sorry!”
“A search party, hmm?” Lissandra asked as the ice dissipated into crystalline mist in front of the guard. “I’m counting on it.” She said as the tiny crystals flew into her captive’s face.
“Wha- AUGH!” The Lustrous Glaive began convulsing as black ice moved throughout her body. As she twitched, she could feel her blue crystal coat stand on end. Each individual hair in her green mane and tail straightened as they froze.
“You said your name was what? Lustrous Glaive?” Lissandra asked as the pony’s fits became slower. “Please. Tell me more.” She said, an evil grin crossing her face as the pony slowly stood back up.
“And this is where I work!” Pinkie shouted, flinging the door open in front of her. “Sugarcube Corner, the best bakery in all of Ponyville!”
“A bakery, you say.” Anivia said, ducking down to follow Pinkie through the doorway. “I believe I know someone who would be very interested in such an establishment. Though he would never freely admit it.”
“Well, maybe they can come and visit someday.” Pinkie said. “Anyways, I’ve got something great planned for you here.”
“Pinkie Pie, glad you’re back.” Mr. Cake said as he came in from the kitchen. “I hope you can explain why you needed so much- WHA!” He exclaimed when he saw Anivia. “Pinkie Pie, what is that?” He asked, pointing to Anivia.
“Oh, this is just my new friend, Anivia. Say hi to Mr. Cake, Anivia.” She said, gesturing to the surprised stallion with her hooves.
“Hello. I apologize if my appearance is causing you trouble.” Anivia said.
“Oh, no.” Mr. Cake said, adjusting his hat. “I was just surprised is all. You seem like a kind enough sort. Make yourself at home, I suppose.” He said before going upstairs.
“Anyways, it sounds like the stuff I needed is already in there, so let’s go!” Pinkie shouted before bolting into the kitchen.
“I can’t help but wonder what you’re going on about.” Anivia said as she followed the pony.
“Believe it or not, I get that all the time.” Pinkie said. “I guess some ponies, and some birds too now, just don’t really get me. In fact, I don’t even get me sometimes. But luckily, I did get all of… This!” She shouted, pointing to a collection of large buckets all coded a different color.
“What… Is this?” Anivia asked, looking down into the open container and finding a large amount of red liquid inside. “Blood?” She asked.
“What? Ew!” Pinkie cringed. “Why would I have a bucket of blood here? Why would I ever have anything like that ever? It’s just so totally not like me!”
“Well then, what is it?” Anivia asked again, leaning closer to the bucket.
“You’re made of ice, right?” Pinkie asked, opening the blue bucket and rummaging through many drawers before finding a comically large ladle.
“Well, I suppose you could say that.” Anivia said as Pinkie scooped up a ladle full of the blue liquid. “Why do you ask?”
“Because…” She said around the handle of the ladle, causing a little bit to splash out and stain her coat with a blue spot. Suddenly, she whipped her head around and splashed Anivia’s right wing with the substance.
“What in the world-” Anivia said, startled and trying to wave the liquid off as it soaked into her wing. “What is this?”
“It’s food coloring!” Pinkie squealed before turning to fill the ladle back up.
“I think I understand.” Lissandra said, pacing back and forth with her chin cradled in her thumb and forefinger. “So the Crystal Empire projects the feelings of its citizens across the globe. Very interesting.”
“Yes, my Queen.” The pony in front of her said. Her coat was black as could be, yet reflected the light in beams from its icy surface. Her mane and tail were made of like colored shards of black ice, small enough to emulate the movement of a regular pony’s tail but large enough to be individually seen. “The focal point of that power is the crystal heart. In case of emergency, it is the most desperately protected relic in the city.”
“And what of the rulers? This Shining Armor and Mi Amore Cadenza?” Lissandra asked, continuing her pacing.
“They both are very powerful in their own right.” The black ice pony said. “Prince Shining Armor is physically powerful and can erect powerful magic barriers. And Princess Mi Amore Cadenza can access her own array of powerful defensive and offensive spells. They are not to be taken lightly.”
“I see.” Lissandra said. “Tell me. What are the odds that I could enter the city undetected?”
“Not good, my Queen.” The pony said with a shake of her head. “There are many guards stationed within the city. And you would not be able to hide amongst ponies as you are.”
“Nor would you, I suppose.” Lissandra said, looking her subject up and down. “Speaking of which, how are you liking your new form, Miss Lustrous Glaive?” She asked, gently petting the ice pony behind her ears.
“I am grateful that you have given me this form. And these powers.” Lustrous Glaive said as she stomped a hoof, sending a trail of black ice across the room.
“Tell me.” Lissandra said, chuckling at how enamored her previous captive was with her new abilities. “How many friends might you be expecting in this search party of yours?”
“A standard search party is made up of four ponies.” Glaive said. “Three guards, and one commanding officer.”
“Not much…” Lissandra said, walking away. “But I suppose it’s a start.” She said, chuckling into her hand and enjoying the sound of her laughter echoing off the walls.
4218255 Dey gon' fuk
Interesting.
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I'm actually sort of hoping to get comments about the story that might help me with the whole writing process.
While I'm glad that you are enjoying it, just saying one word and adding an emoticon doesn't really help me that much.
I really don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything, I just wish that you would say a little more. Like, what about it interested you? What might happen later that you would find interesting? Just kind of throwing that out there.
Regardless, thanks for the comment I suppose.
Did Dash remind Anivia of Vi? 'Cause that's who she reminds me of.
No idea what Pinkie is doing, but that's hardly abnormal.
Write on,
Legion
Nice chapter. Try using line rules or something like it to skip between narratives/scenes. It may be hard to see as a writer, but it helps the readers a lot.
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But... I did use line breaks between narratives.
I'm beginning to think that between your comment, and my personal observation, I should see about using different things than the standard in-client line rule to separate things. The one provided by the in-site editor is truly rather pale.
Thanks for the comment. I think it may have actually helped me out.
Heh, wow, I really do like this! Hmm, what can I say about it...?
I think you went with a really nice setup, which was what had drawn me in at first. It kind of easened the reader into the story whether they knew the lore, knew only the champions or didn't know anything at all. For all it did, it was short and smooth, so I really gotta commend it! The pacing seems good so far, and no scene felt purposeless until now (Pinkie being Pinkie is very relevant to Anivia's development too xD). And being a League player myself, I felt the characters to be well-represented in this, especially Lissandra. I mean, it's hard to place a League champion in a different world, both in races and general ideology, and make them feel so natural, but I feel you nailed it for her. The cool demeanor, the wit, the acquirance and possible future manipulation of information, the potential for a personal unit or army of her own closing in... It's just top-notch stuff, really. Amazing job.
Now, is there anything I felt was odd? Hmm... Anivia felt a bit subdued, given how important she should know her task actually is and how regal of a creature she is as well, but I'm quite aware that she's the one who's trying to take the peaceful route in all of Freljord's madness and reconcile everyone, so she ought to have that side to her. But all I've seen her do or talk really does seem to fit in with her and make sense, so I'm not complaining. Hmm... Twilight had a bit of a strange reaction, in my opinion. I mean, she felt a pretty big disturbance, right? So great that Luna all the way on Canterlot picked up on it too and considered it warranted some actual investigation immediately. Given how paranoid Twilight is, I'd expect her to be less "Oh, a mystery, how cool is that?" and more like "Close the gates, hide everyone, get the Elements and let's investigate this!!". ... But I think that's just my interpretation of her in the end, so maybe you shouldn't mind me...
The last thing, though, is how the transitioning of scenes has been going. Maybe it's because I went through the chapters in a sitting rather than progress through them, but it felt weird to me. The first two chapters have similar progression: one big scene that happens and a small one to complement. The third one expands the second scene in play a bit, which is OK to do too (I myself am much more interested in Lissandra's side too, which is weird because I generally like Slice of Life stuff more). Now the fourth is short, and goes back and forth between the scenes. I realize you needed the transition between the crystal guard pony being converted into a servant of Lissandra's somehow, but that format felt a bit inconsistent with the previously established one. However, that's not to say that it doesn't work: it certainly might work if you keep with it from now on! Just calling a bit of attention to that because... I ramble. A lot. Sorry.
At this point, I'm quite certain you know more lore than I do, so I'm not gonna discuss that. xD So I'll just end with saying that you've been doing a really nice job with this and I'll keep watching out for this story! I'll probably not comment in every chapter, but I'll do so when I feel I have something new to add. Really nice work so far! Keep up the good work! ^^