Growing Pains

by Bluecatcinema

A House Divided

Celestia, Luna, Twilight, Cadance, Dusty, and Chrysalis were all enjoying tea in one room, having a lovely chat.

"And then Spike said "Wait'll you see the bachelor party!" Twilight finished her story.

The mares laughed. Suddenly, they heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Celestia asked.

"It's me." Mist's voice came from the other side of the door. "Mist."

Celestia opened the door with her magic, and Mist came in.

"Hello, Mist, how are you doing this fine afternoon?" Celestia smiled.

"Not so well." Mist sighed. "You see, I have this problem... and I was hoping to seek some... 'sisterly' advice?"

"Why sure..." Celestia glanced uneasily at the other mares. "...though maybe we should wait another-"

"No, it's fine." Mist glanced at the others. "I could really use input on this problem I have... it's about boys."

Immediately, the others closed in.

"Really, now?" Twilight asked, eyes lined with interest.

"Do tell." Cadance smiled.

"And do not spare any detail." Chrysalis urged.

"Well, the thing is... I've fallen in love with two colts." Mist explained.

"Two colts?" Chrysalis gasped. "Ooh, do go on..."

"One's a Unicorn named Luxury, and the other's a Pegasus named Blue Blazes." Mist told them. "I met them both at that function a little while back." She quickly recapped her encounters with them, right up until the day before. "So now you see my problem. They're both really nice, and I really like each one a lot, and I don't know who to choose."

"Oh dearie, it is evident that Mr. Luxury is the right stallion for you." Chrysalis declared. "Unicorns can do wonders for you with their magic."

"Really?" Cadance raised an eyebrow. "All your husband can do is fancy card tricks."

"Hmph, it is better than your husband." Chrysalis snorted. "All he can do is conjure a shield... and it's not that hard to break through one of them…"

"For the record, the only reason you were able to break through his shield was because you hypnotized him!" Cadance shot back.

"Are we really going there?" Chrysalis frowned. "That happened TWENTY-FIVE years ago!"

"Well, sorry if I have trouble forgetting you locking me up in a cave and taking my shape..." Cadance growled.

"Cadance, Chrysalis, please." Celestia stepped in between them. "We are here to help Mist, not banter about events long past. And on that note, I believe Blue Blazes would be the best choice."

"I must admit, there is something about a Pegasus stallion in uniform..." Twilight smiled.

"Speaking as a former Pegasus myself, I'm inclined to agree with your decision." Cadance agreed.

"A touch biased, don't you think?" Luna asked. "I myself agree with Chrysalis; Luxury would be the best choice."

"Yeah, Unicorns do tend to have more going for them... at least, relationship-wise." Dusty added.

"Now who's being biased?" Cadance snorted. "You're all married to Unicorns, so of course you think Luxury is the best choice!"

"Like Celestia and Twilight can talk." Chrysalis smirked. "They only chose Blue because they're with Pegasi stallions."

"And what's wrong with pegasi stallions, exactly?" Twilight asked heatedly.

"Oh, nothing." Dusty stepped in. "They just... tend to have their heads in the clouds most of the time..."

"Yeah, and that's coming from the wife of the once biggest snob in Equestria." Cadance snorted.

"Do you really want to linger in the past, Cadance?!" Dusty barked.

"And I suppose the Unicorn males are better, simply by virtue of their horns?" Celestia asked.

"Not exactly." Luna shrugged. "But I do find them to be a tad more level-headed, and even-minded."

"Really?" Cadance smirked. "Because Sleight doesn't seem so level-headed to me. I sensed that he was once a pony who would do anything for a company of a mare…"

"Watch it, pink princess." Chrysalis growled. "Just because our two races are at peace now doesn't mean I won't zap you back to that cave!"

"I'd like to see you try, you overgrown beetle!" Cadance roared.

"Don't think I won't, cotton candy-head!" Chrysalis growled.

The ladies' husbands, joined by Caboose and Daring Do (who had come to visit her husband at work), suddenly entered the room, drawn by the yelling.

"Hey, now." Shine declared. "What's going on here?"

"Something wrong, dear?" Sleight asked Chrysalis.

"What's the matter, Cady?" Shining inquired.

"Do I need to get Shelia 2.0 and shoot somepony?" Caboose asked. Everypony just glanced at him oddly.

"I don't think that will be necessary, Caboose." Daring shrugged.

"Dang. I never get to use her." Caboose groaned.

"Look, it's nothing." Cadance declared. "Just a little friendly exchange of opinions."

"Yes… friendly." Chrysalis shrugged.

"Opinions about what, exactly?" Sleight asked.

"About Mist and her romantic dilemma." Chrysalis answered.

"Oh, really?" Shine chuckled. "I figured we'd get around to this sooner or later."

"Yeah, though four chapters was a really long time." Caboose complained.

The uninformed were quickly filled in on Mist's problem.

"Who do you think Mist should pick, Caboose?" Shine asked.

"Oh, I think I know who he would pick." Daring smiled.

"Yeah. You should go with the lawyer unicorn pony." Caboose nodded.

"Say what?" Daring asked.

The others gaped.

"What?" Caboose shrugged. "I think Luxury would be great. Coming from a family consisted mostly of unicorns myself, Mist could easily find herself in good hooves going with a pony who can use magic. And the fact that he wears suits makes him a shoe-in…and you won't have to worry about him molting his feathers."

"Dear... you do realize that your wife and your child are pegasi, right?" Daring asked, her eye twitching. "With wings?"

"Oh, sure." Caboose smiled. "I love you and Hurricane a lot... but I want Mist to date a guy who, if he wronged me in a way, I can get my hooves on, and not have to steal a slingshot from a bunch of 'angry birds' who use it to fling themselves recklessly at a bunch of 'bad piggies' so I can nab a pegasi and still not get three stars in the end."

The other ponies remained silent.

"Am I the only one that didn't get any of that?" Sleight asked.

"Don't try to, Sleight." Dusty grinned. "It will only get somepony shot by a cannon."

"Well, gettin' back to the matter at hand, I'd go for Blue." Shine noted. "He seems like the honest, hardworking type. A better match for my little sister then a spoiled rich kid…no offense to Fancypants of course."

"You read my mind." Daring nodded. "Kid seems like a real high-flyer."

"Count me in on that." Flash smiled.

"What good's flying high, if it doesn't get you anywhere?" Sleight snorted. "Mist should pick Luxury. The kid's clearly got connections and a safety net."

"Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that, but I too am leaning towards Luxury." Gothic declared. "He seems like a charming, urbane young gentlecolt."

"And let's face it, there is a certain prestige to a colt of the upper class. Not to put down the commoners or anything, but a lawyer beats out a bartender in many categories…" Blueblood added.

"If the kid's anything like his old stallion, I say go for it." Shining nodded.

"No way!" Flash countered. "Blue Blazes is clearly the colt to pick!"

"Ya darn tootin'." Shine nodded. "Fame and fortune isn't everything!"

"More bias." Chrysalis sighed. "So much for all races being equal."

"It's not about race, it's about character." Gothic declared. "And from where I stand, Luxury holds the highest calibre."

"Says you." Daring snorted.

"And me." Blueblood declared.

"Me as well." Luna glared.

"If this were a vote, Luxury would win, hooves down." Shining noted.

"In your dreams!" Flash declared.

Like Blue Blazes even has a chance." Sleight grimaced. "He's nothing but a busted flush compared to the royal flush that is Luxury. Besides, if he does open up a bar… that's just asking for him to become an abusive drunk… and trust me when I say this… you don't want a drunk. Not like my father was..."

"Whoa, that's a whole lot of assuming there, pal." Shine admonished.

"Yeah, and I would keep all the poker references to a minimum, card boy!" Daring growled.

"Don't you talk to my husband like that!" Chrysalis growled.

"Or what, you banish her to a cave?" Cadance jabbed.

"Yes, right after you!" Chrysalis sneered.

"Don't even think about it!" Twilight stepped forward.

"And don't you think about ganging up on my wife!" Sleight stepped forward, only to be accosted by Flash and Shining.

"And don't you think of messing with our wives." Shining threatened.

"Oh please, I have powers that makes me a force to be reckoned with!" Sleight bragged.

"Who do you think you are?!" Twilight yelled, "Gosh, and I thought Trixie was this bad a braggart…"

"I used to date Trixie, back in Baltimare." Sleight declared. "But we split up, due to differing needs. We're still friends, though the loss still stings... thanks for reminding me, by the way!"

"How insensitive of you!" Chrysalis glared. "I really thought you of all ponies would be above that, Sparkle!"

"Don't talk to her like that!" Flash yelled.

"Now, now, let's all try and calm down!" Celestia offered.

"Only if you admit Luxury would be the best choice." Luna jabbed.

"Not a chance!" Celestia shot back.

"Typical Celestia." Luna snorted. "Always think you know best, hmmm?"

"You tell her, honey!" Gothic smiled.

"Hey, back off!" Shine yelled.

"Make me." Gothic snarled.

"I'm with you, Luna." Dusty added. "Anypony who doesn't like it can take it up with me."

"And me." Blueblood smiled.

"Talk about whipped." Daring chuckled.

"Excuse me?!" Blueblood roared.

"Maybe that's why you all want Mist to be with Luxury." Shine posited. "Unicorn stallions roll right over for their wives."

"Hey!" Blueblood, Caboose Gothic, Shining and Sleight yelled.

"Watch it there, farm boy!" Daring glared at Shine. "That's my husband you're talking about!"

The argument about which colt was suitable to be with Mist raged on. Eventually, Mist had had enough. Groaning loudly, she stuck two of her feathers in her mouth and blew, creating a whistle that grabbed their attention.

"Enough!" She yelled.

The others stopped arguing, and started looking sheepish.

"Sorry, Mist." Shine said guiltily. "Guess we got a little carried away there..."

"I'm sorry to say this, but you guys haven't been much help." Mist declared. "I'm gonna have to figure this out on my own."

And with that, Mist left the room. Everypony glanced awkwardly at each other, as Caboose broke the silence.

"Anypony wanna make bets on who she chooses?" Caboose asked, "The whole team shirts thing was a bust."

The others glanced at Caboose oddly once more.

"Say, Caboose, there's something I've been meaning to ask you." Sleight declared.

"Yes?" Caboose asked.

"Blueblood and Dusty had been telling me about how you used to have these... 'episodes' where you took on the persona, 'O'Malley'." Sleight recalled.

"Ah, him... those were dark times in the book of 'Boose." Caboose nodded.

"But what happened then?" Sleight asked. "You seem to be fine now."

"Well, it is a long story... well to be honest, it is a story that the writer has yet to write." Caboose stated.

"Huh? The writer?" Sleight asked, confused,

"Oh yes." Caboose nodded. "The guy who's writing this conversation right now, with the help of his friend."

"You realize that you are making no sense, right?" Sleight frowned.

"Maybe." Caboose shrugged. "But all I know is that the story has not been written."

" ...Then when will it?" Sleight asked.

"Oh..." Caboose smirked. "Soon, my friend. Very soon." Caboose laughing... which then broke into an evil laugh... before noticing something, "Ooh, cake!"

Caboose walked off, leaving a very confused Sleight behind.

"Cake?" Chrysalis asked, joining her husband. "I swear, that pony is not normal."

"'Not normal' is a little harsh…I would prefer to call him 'unique'." Dusty shrugged.

"No argument there. Now if you excuse me, me and little guy here have to find something to eat." Daring declared, rubbing her pregnant belly as she left the room.

"Geez, we really didn't help the problem, did we?" Twilight asked with concern.

"No we didn't…" Shine stated, as he shook his head.

As Mist stormed off to her room, she passed one of Chrysalis' Changelings, who was talking to a Unicorn guard.

"Zzay, don't you ever get that feeling that a zztory is lacking zzomething?" The Changeling asked.

"Like what?" The Unicorn retorted.

"I dunno." The Changeling shrugged. "Like zzomething to give the zztory a little zzpice. I mean, a zztory about a mare and her two coltzz has been told many timezz. Poniezz would read it if zzomething completely left-field happened."

"You mean a twist?" The Unicorn asked.

"Yeah! A twizzt!" The Changling nodded. "Every story needzz a twist!

"I dunno." The Unicorn shrugged. "Stories that have twists don't usually end so well, especially if there is an antagonist around."

"Antagonizzt?" The Changeling snorted. "Yeah, right. Like there izz going to be a bad guy in thizz zztory..."

"Yeah, you're probably right." The Unicorn nodded. "You know, I enjoy talking to you. You're not half bad."

"Yeah..." The Changeling nodded.

The two stood in silence.

"Well, I gotta do my rounds." The Unicorn declared. "See you around."

The Changeling gave a nod, as the unicorn walked outside. As the Unicorn entered the gardens, he was suddenly pulled into the bushes.

"What the b-" The Unicorn was interrupted as goo was slimed onto his mouth. He looked up in terror and saw dark green, pupilless eyes and fangs.

"Oh, yezz..." A vile voice hissed. "You will do nicely... with your face... everything will go according to plan..."

Comments

[SageBrony07]

I knew that would happen. The whole house fell apart. I do Like that you are going to write an Ol'Maley story. That will be fun to read. Great job adding an antagonist. This is getting good.

[danick]

REBEL CHANGELINGS?