• Published 23rd Mar 2012
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Behind a Sunny Face - Tayman



How does one deal with infinite, inevitable loss?

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Chapter 2.5

As the memory ended with another blinding flash, Twilight collapsed on the ground in front of Celestia. Her mind was a foggy mess; she had felt every pain, heard every thought of the Princess. Twilight had never felt so empty in her life.

Dazzle...seeing the dying purple pony as a bright eyed young filly nearly brought a tear to her eye. Young, full of potential, hundreds of years stretched out in front of her...gone in an instant. And now the time since her passing had long exceeded her life. It was such a lovely ceremony...but ultimately, what was the point?

But that wasn't the only thing that tugged at her.

There were a hundred ponies in that room, but Celestia may as well had been the only one.

"Celestia?" Twilight slowly got to her hooves and peered up at her mentor. "Is this why you told me not to bow?"

"It is indeed, Twilight Sparkle." Celestia closed her eyes for a moment. "It's a strange thing. Countless subjects live under me, yet I walk alone. They love me only for what I do and what I represent. They equate royalty with formality; they assume I adore the bows and titles, that I require them to treat me in such a manner. But there's no bond to be shared when a pony acts not out of free will, but obligation. Actions and words must be genuine for them to be truly felt."

"But Celestia...I'm sure they were genuine. Do you think they aren't thankful for what you do?" Twilight asked with a confused look on her face.

"Oh, I'm sure they are, and I'm glad they feel that way. But imagine, Twilight. Say you help me with some chores around the castle. Then, everytime I see you after that, I thank you specifically for the chores you did, using almost the exact same wording every time, simply because I feel like I have to."

Twilight nodded. "It would become old after the first time. I mean, I would know that you were thankful for the help. You wouldn't need to keep saying it everytime you see me."

"See what I mean?" Celestia peered down at her student, her face expressionless. "They constantly thank me just for who I am. I raise the sun for them, but with so many subjects, it is unlikely that I have personally done anything for a particular pony. Yet they praise me just the same."

"But why don't you just tell them to treat you normally? Explain to them how you really feel." Twilight said, before scrunching up her forehead, realizing how foolish her words sounded.

Celestia chuckled, before shaking her head. "You don't just tell a pony how to treat you, let alone thousands. I can imply how I feel; I'm sure you saw that in my memory. I couldn't just hold a speech explaning my true feelings. Actions and relationships dictate how one is treated. The less you know another pony, the more formally you will treat him or her. I can't possibly know all of my subjects personally, and therefore they default to formal treatment out of fear or respect. Perhaps both."

"Fear?" Out of all the words associated with the Princess, it was one Twilight never would have associated her with.

"Fear comes with power, Twilight." Celestia sighed. "I have been blessed with incredible magical gifts. Perhaps they are afraid that they will anger me, and a magical outburst would follow. You've seen for yourself how tough it can be to control it. Remember when you were first taking your magical entrance exam and you turned your parents into plants?" A small snicker escaped the regal alicorn.

Twilight laughed at the memory. "How could I forget?"

"Indeed, it was quite funny, given that no serious harm was done. But you know that controlling such magic..." a perfect sphere of light began illuminating from her horn tip once more. "...takes incredible willpower."

Another memory already? Twilight was starting to have second thoughts. I don't know if my mind can handle it...but I can't back down now. She simply nodded, bowing her own horn forward, closing her eyes, before another burst of light flooded her head.