The Vanguard And The Planet of Darkness

by Gravitiaxis

Chapter One

Everyone has nightmares; even big scary monsters from under the bed have nightmares.

The Doctor

Man were you getting old. How are you? Heck, you don’t know, you stopped counting. All that you know is that your ancient in more ways than one.

It’s funny though, not long ago you were deemed one of the oldest ponies in Equestria(not including the Princess of course.) Oldest by fact that at least four generations(eighty years) worth of families have recorded seeing you alive, which is oddly rare given the circumstances. Not many ponies can say that they've lived for over 80+ years. Those that can, are usually in worse shape than you are.

For a pony as who is as ancient as you are, you consider yourself to be hanging on quite well in your senior years. Your joints don't creak as if you were opening up a old door and you don't crap yourself involuntarily.

But did you really care about how old you were? Because when you're as old as you are, things such as age and appearance doesn't really matter to you anymore. You thought of yourself as being fine just the way you are. Whether if your skin looked like a dried up prune or if you were as soft as a foals bottom, as long as you were ok with how you looked then there was nothing to worry about.

However, with age comes the impending sense of fear and worry. It didn't take a genius to know that at your age you could die at any moment. This didn't bother you much for some reason you knew death to be natural cause, there was no fighting it so why not just embrace it and live out the rest of your life without fear? This happened to be an ideal that you cherished, but like all other ponies, you had a fear as well. It just didn't happen to manifest until now while you were at the last stages of your life.

Lately you've been having nightmares, about a war.

You were running as fast as you could in each and every dream. Never before have you felt fear as a strongly as you did when you had this dream. You weren't alone in this dream. You were accompanied by a young filly. You were leading her away from this carnage that surrounded itself around you. All around you people were dying, kids, elders, middle aged adults, everyone was dying.

You don't know why, but you had to safe her. Maybe her parents had died in the conflict and she was all alone, you didn't know, she wouldn't talk no matter how hard you tried to persuade her multiple times but she just wouldn't talk.

You led her through countless demolished buildings and abandoned alleyways trying to get this little filly to safety, but each and every time you would fail. At the start of every dream you tried to protect this little filly, but at the end you would find yourself alone, that would be the cause of why you would wake up in tears. There were always loud noises such as explosions and screams. The screams were almost blood curdling. The dream wasn’t always the same, it was changed by showing different people and a different setting, but it did have the same outcome. You were always the last one to survive. A horrible thing that dream, you don’t seem to ever remember participating in a war.

As spent your time reading the newspapers, you found out that new studies have shown that dreams of death in any form could be a manifestation of a ponies regrets when of old age. This of course made you think. You don't have many regrets. There was only two things that you really wanted to accomplish in your life. The first was reconciling with an old friend whom you used to know from a long time ago and second was fixing this broken fob watch.

You've had this blasted thing for as long as you could remember. It's not really a special watch, is just that you have this stupid thing for decade yet, you couldn't help but remember that you've never once opened this thing. So meeting with your old friend and opening up the fob watch would basically be the last things you want to do in your life, and if you could accomplish these things then use practically done everything you've wanted to do in your life.

Really you just been biding your time though. As much as you want to leave, there hasn't been much motivation edging you on towards your last minute goals. Right now you were just living your life day by day doing what you've always done. Wake up, make some breakfast, take a morning walk through the park, read the newspaper, visit a few friends at their homes, head back home read a little bit, fix dinner, and go to bed. Pretty boring lifestyle isn't it? Can’t be because you're the one who's living it.

You were happily content with the daily routine that you had made for yourself. You were old, you didn’t have time for all that “What am I going to do today,” crap. This just made things easier. Besides when you’re over eighty years old what haven’t you done?

Today you found yourself just sitting on your couch looking at your old dusty pocket watch. You held it by it’s chain and slowly dangled it back and forth like a metronome. This old dusty thing. “How long has it been?” You asked yourself. You frowned as you couldn’t come up with an answer. “Come on. I’ve gotta have an age.” You said tossing the pocket watch into the air and catching it. “Are you telling me that I can’t even remember my own date of birth? Bullshit, pure and utter bullshit.” You thought as you stood and slowly walked your way into the kitchen to get yourself something to drink.

After you opened the refrigerator you took out a water bottle. Uncapping it, you let out a long refreshing sigh after quenching your thirst. “Wow. I must be older than I thought.” You said shaking your head at how senile you were becoming. “I mean how old do I have to be so that I forget how old I am?” Apparently very old.

You tossed the empty bottle into the recycle bin and began to wander around your house, staring deeply at your pocket watch. Just when you were about to sigh, there was knock at the door.

Knock, Knock!

Two knocks. You thought you recognized the knocks and the tone of the pounding. “It’s Fleur.” You thought before telling whoever it was to come in. If it wasn't her than it was the mailpony. The door to your home opened up to reveal that your assumption was right. A white pony with a magentish grey mane was standing at your door step. “Well, don’t just stand there give your grandfather a hug. You’re letting all the heat out.” You said with a old grin.

Smiling herself Fleur quickly did as instructed and hugged you. “I see you’re doing well. Grandfather.” She said hugging you tightly.

“Of course. I’m not going to let old age bring me down,” You said with a toothy grin which caused Fleur to chuckle. “Come on. Take a seat. I can’t have my favorite granddaughter standing up for no reason, now can I?” You said quickly pulling her into the living room, so she could take a seat on the couch. “How’s your modeling been going? Didja find yourself a boyfriend yet?” You raising an eyebrow, to see her reaction.

“My modeling career has been going great, plus I may have found the one.” She said causing your ear to twitch.

Did your granddaughter just say she may have found the one? Yes, yes she did.

“That’s great. I’m very happy for you.” You said while hugging her. “What's the young stallions name?” You asked curious behind whom she had fallen in love with.

“His name is Fancy Pants. He’s a big time celebrity in Cantorlot, You’ve met him before.”

You took a second and tapped your chin with your hoof. “Nope. The name doesn’t ring a bell.” You said with a smile as you shook your head.

Fleur shook her head. “I’m not surprised. You forget my name sometimes. You even forget your own name.” She said tilting her head as if she was trying to understand you.

You shook your head and placed a hand on her cheek. “Darling. I have never forgotten your name. You're the only granddaughter of mine who actually still comes by to visit an old loon such as myself.” You said with weak smile.

Fleur gave you a warm smile but it quickly faded away as if she was remembering something. “But I’m your only granddaughter.”

Upon say that, your smile slowly began to fade as you slowly pulled away your hand. “Yes… I suppose you are.” You said way making your way over to your recliner chair. Fleur frowned as she saw the saddened look on your face. You looked to the floor a began to space out.

“Whats wrong? Are you ok?” She asked s shifting in her seat.

You looked at Fleur and nodded your head. “Of course I’m ok. I’m always ok. Whats make you think that I’m not alright?” You said immediately cheering up.

Fleurs ears flattened just a little. “It was just that you seemed a little sad.” You quickly shook your head and told her that it wasn’t the case.

“Don’t worry about things like that. I would much rather hear about your new coltfriend.” You said putting up a very convincing smile. Immediately Fleur continued on about her new lover. You loved to hear things that involved Fleur’s life. The good, the bad, the terrible, all things involving your granddaughter brought a smile to your face. When you were with her, you felt like you could talk to her for hours. Which is exactly what the both of you ended up doing each time and every time she visited, hours upon hours would be spent reminiscing about the past or the present. You found yourself often telling her stories that you made up even when she was a little foal. She didn't mind rehearing them, they were good stories.

But at last all good things come to an end. Fleur would leave and you wouldn't see her again for a while. She was a busy mare, so you never thought much of it. Being somewhat rich and a model, your granddaughters life was always filled with excitement. And that was okay, you were glad that she didn't spend all her time with you anymore. It's a good sign that she's grown up and that she doesn't need you as much anymore. This was fine, she was grown now, you weren't needed there anymore to hold her hand as she went through the hardships of life, but even then as you knew she was grown, you couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness every time she left you. Perhaps it was a bit of loneliness? You can never been able to pinpoint what it was.

---

“Thanks again grandad for the wonderful talk. Its was nice seeing you again.” Fleur said kissing you gently on the cheek as you sat in your chair.

“Oh, don’t mention it. I’m just glad you stopped by to see me. You know how rare it is for a Grandparent to see their grandchild nowadays. Everythings always bustling and moving, there’s no time to relax anymore.” You said waving your hands around like a madman.

Fleur tilted her head and let out an exasperated sigh. “Grandpa, what are you talking about?”

You shrugged your shoulders and smiled. “Who knows? Hurry now, It’s getting dark outside. You don’t want to be caught by some madpony do yah?” You said raising any eyebrow.

“Oh please. I know how to take care of myself. I mean if I can take care you, then I’m sure I can take on any crazies.” She said walking elegantly as she held her head up high.

You began to whistle and she walked away and out of the house. “Thats my girl!” You yelled. “That’s mah girl.”

Comments

[The Vault Tech]

Ugh. Grammar.

[Inthretis]

Criticism Time!

First off, interesting concept. Second person Doctor is definitely different.

However, it has some problems.

1. You need to capitalize the first letter of every sentence.

2. Lots of awkward narration:

But did you really care about how old you were? No not really.

Lately you've been having nightmares, nightmares about a war. A war that for some reason you had participated in.

etc. etc.

3. Show versus Tell. A lot of it.

4. This story doesn't need to be anthro, just replace hands with hooves, etc. (if you prefer writing with human terms, it's fine, just doesn't seem necessary to me.)

5.

New studies have shown that dreams of death in any form could be a manifestation of a ponies regrets when of old age. this of course made you think. There was only two things that you really wanted to accomplish in your life. The first was reconciling with an old friend whom you used to know from a long time ago and second was opening up this blasted fob watch.

It just seems really weird, I'm not sure what's wrong with it, but it needs to be reworded. Also, what studies? Come on, this is not a high school essay!

6.

Can’t be because your the one who's living it.

Your should be you're

7.

As you opened the refrigerator you took out a water bottle.

Shouldn't it be after opening the fridge, not while?

8.

Two knocks. You recognized how many knocks and the tone of the pounding. “It’s Fleur.” You thought before telling her to come in.

I'm not even sure the Doctor can do that.

Overall, it was pretty good, interesting, and different from 80% of Doctor Whooves fanfics, so that's already a bonus. Just work out your grammar and narration (Do not tell the readers, show them. Especially in this 2nd person story.

Also why 2nd person?

Anyways, I liked it.

[The Servant Archer]

Huh. Not bad, not bad at all. You actually made me feel senile there for a few seconds...

[Gravitiaxis]

3923981 Thank you. I've just edited some of it

[Sr Face Tear]

you can just use italics for thoughts