Muffins and Demonic Mares
Chapter 10- Muffins and Demonic Mares
“Dear Mysterious man who mails us orders,
Hello! I am ze Medic! You never told us how to address you but I doubt you care. You should have noticed zat zis is being sent via recorder. Ze same one you sent us, ve viped it and here it is. I’m finding zis to be more efficient than to write it out. Engineer has programed into a dispenser ze construction code for another recorder. Fascinating machine zat is, but I digress.”
“From vhat ve have learned so far is zat ze projectile shields are in fact fruitless against hand to hoof combat. Ve all possess skills in melee, so the shields aren't a major issue. If two or more unicorns form a bubble, zen nothing can seem to get in. Ve dealt vith one using high explosives, but zat is much too inefficient for our standards, no much too inefficient. I have constructed a makeshift lab vith materials I got from ze Tall Tale hospital. I say make shift, but as I am experimenting as I’m talking, I vould call it a crafted lab. Makeshift is too much of a negative vord for vhat I have in front of me.” There was a scuffle across the mic as the recorder was moved. Sounds of bubbling liquid and the soft sound of a bunsen burner, alongside occasional clinking of glass, became present in the background. “My research has been slowly moving forvard, my understanding of magic is steadily growing, but my calculations predict zat you vant faster answers. Vell, all I can say is that I’m vorking hard vith vhat I have. Attached to zis mail, is a report of my findings on soul gems. Ve have found a flawless gem and are using it to our major benefit.”
“I vant to take zis opportunity to have my good friend Soldier share his opinion. Now hand me zat vial.”
“What do you refer to me as maggot!?”
“Ugh, my friend, ze Great Soldier of Oz…”
“Thanks Doc, here. Ok Sir, I have something to advise you of, you need your men to be trained in more thorough close quarters combat. These ponies use swords, axes, whips, flails, if you want your men to have a better chance out there, then teach em the old ways. Teach them how to parry, give them better and bigger knifes to wield, show them how to thwart a whip and to avoid swings of the ax! Teach them how fight like knights!”
“Also, believe it or not, my team is immune to feeble attempts to be levitated. I can’t tell you why, its a secret of the trade. But from what I know about magic and from what we’ve experienced so far, I can tell you that it takes magic to stop magic. You said that you have in state ponies relocated into camps. I recommend seeing of you can convince one to help you with your research. I will also send more information as it comes. That is all.”
“Good, now pour zis blue stuff into za water... I have concluded after consulting vith teammates, zat ze most effective way to detect and take down pegasus is vith either extreme computer precision, or a large rapid fire spread. As for how to achieve that, vell, you have your own team of zinkers for zat part.”
“Uh, medic?”
“Vhat?”
“The water turned green. More blue stuff?”
“More blue stuff, vait for it to be a color yellow as hell.”
“Earth ponies are seldom an issue for you so I vont talk about them. Overall I vill send over my findings vhen I comacross somezing useful, for now, ve must push through vith vat ve have at hand. End message.”
The recorder was set aside, and Medic picked up the vial he was working on. It was a thick creamy yellow substance. “Engie, I have dyed your cream filling.” The texan reached over and snatched the paste before moving over to Pyro who was the team chef. “Here you go. Chef.” Pyro had Heavy move a workbench closer to the fire for easy access. He was wearing his famous chef hat. The workbench had various colored smears from cut vegetables on one side, and the other had flour and small dough circles. The food was supplies from Juniper Fort and wheat powder with what other seasonings they scraped from the raid made up the dough. Small portions of yellow paste were placed inside the circles which were then bundled up neatly into balls. Taking a makeshift oven box made from sentry metal, Pyro inserted the stuffed balls into the box and placed it gently to the side of the fire to bake. Pans, pots, and veggies supported by an engineered campfire grill.
The overall setup wasn’t pretty, but the important thing is that is was functional. Cooking was the only thing that tamed the mysterious beast from burning things to a crisp. Nothing was more satisfying to it than to cook for his fellow companions. It was a passion. He used Rifleman’s machete as a spatula, with his permission of course, and moved quickly and carefully around breakfast.
-Ponyville-
Derpy awoke in the dark dew of dawn. Light from the distant sun and setting moon failed to be hardly close to bright enough in order to awake even the most sensitive of sleepers. An alarm clock, quiet enough to only wake a single pony, rang next to Derpy's bed. Her response was quick. Her subconscious mind recognized the noise, and sent sudden signals to the rest of the body, effectively jumpstarting the whole system.
She tapped the snooze button, too fast, and then needlessly spammed the button to get the soft beeping to stop. Once the noise died down, Derpy looked up at the ceiling with a messy mane and half open eyes, a strand of mane was on her nose. She blew it upward, out of the way and began her morning routine. She stood up from her bed, yawned, and stretched herself like a dog. The house was quiet apart from her movements and activity. Dinky slept in her room and wouldn’t be awake for another two hours, but Derpy needed to leave the house in fifteen minutes to reach Smoky Mountain in time.
A quick trip to the bathroom gave her daily relief and made her mane clean. The pony softly fluttered into the kitchen, the morning paper was already at everypony’s door to appeal to early risers like herself. Doors are seldom quiet and one must move carefully, yet quickly, to make a small amount of noise when opening the front door. Even if it may seem loud, the constant creaking of a slow door is more disruptive than a short yelp.
As Derpy held the paper in her mouth after performing the ‘yelping door maneuver,’ her mind now began to slowly click into gear as it reminded her about the unjust reasoning of her bipedal companions. She went through a lot to bake muffins and escape with them without Dinky noticing. Keeping tabs on your followers and insiders for the human cause, while doing her normal job, also takes a toll on the body and mind.
Her bag was waiting by the door on the floor, inside were the books for Medic, plus papers she needed for her day job. She stuffed the Equestria Daily into the weighted bag, and put it on without her muscles giving any sign of strain. She has made deliveries of all shapes and sizes over the years, and has become deceptively fit as a reward.
One more with the door maneuver, she was out if the house, and on her way to Smoky Mountain. As she flew through the sky, the looming emotions about yesterday weighed down in the chest. Its not like they knew what she went through on a daily basis. However, she did understand that these were men who kill on a near daily basis. She didn't know what they went through during missions.
That doesn't change the fact that they don’t trust her.
The upsetting part is that it is irrational. If she wanted to betray them then she easily could have them all hunted down and killed, but the main part of it was that they simply weren't nice people. This is completely expected, but as a pony, it is difficult to cope with. “Perhaps,” She thought, “I just want some acknowledgement of what I do, some kind of apology.” She did not doubt that they loved the muffins, they did thank her for those. Yet, muffins are but a small piece of the pie, as to what she does for them. “It feels selfish to request more praise when they can't have any idea of understanding. Regardless, they did lie in an unnecessary way.” Derpy was the one that felt betrayed, because she trusts them, but they don't trust her. “I still should confront them about this.”
-Time passes-
The mare entered the cavern as usual, but the quick and firm movements of her body indicated stress or agitation. She paused at an unusually flat ground, and lack of rough stones in her path. The cave was normally like an unkempt dirt trail, with rocks and an uneven ground. Here, the dirt and loose rocks were, for the most part, removed and thus was left with a solid rock floor, but dirt filled where sharp divots and holes would be.
She threw the paper at Scout without even saying hello, and almost stomped up to Soldier. He was helping Medic at the lab. Her voice was like a mother who was confronting her child who did something bad. “So, Soldier, Demo told me about your little teleporter watches.”
Soldier wasn’t one for hopping around the proverbial bush. “Derpy, I know what it seems like, so we wanted to show you that we cared.” This quick to the point attitude was something she did not count on. “Oh, you do?” She refused to be beaten like that so quickly and remained stubborn. “Prove it then.” She closed her eyes and stuck up her nose.
The mailmare yelped when she was carried up in the huge arms of Heavy from behind like a baby. She then felt herself turn and be placed in a warm bear hug. “Umm, Heavy?” The hug wasn’t painful, but it was awkward, touching, but awkward. The embrace was held for a few more moments to let the emotion sink in. He then held her up under the front legs in front of him. His face beaming, “Derpy is credit to team!” She blushed in response, “Oh, Heavy thats sweet, but could you please put me down?”
“Da.” Derpy’s hooves made contact with the floor and she smiled up at the gentle giant. “Well, at least you care-” Derpy felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Pyro holding a plate with boiled cabbage, cooked carrots, and some local flowers. A grumble from her stomach told her surprised brain that breakfast was served. “Did you make this for me!?”
“Huda.” Engie called from behind Pyro, “That means yes!”
Derpy thought that they were nothing more than ruthless humans doing the bidding of their respective owners. Caring was a word thought to be quite distant from the group of savage humans.
Engie moved from behind pyro to present the coffee. “We flavored it with sugar.” Derpy was clearly caught in a moment where she didn't know how to react. She mouthed words that were not spoken, and then found herself lifted by Heavy again, before being placed at a workbench turned breakfast table. The food was set before her, and she noticed a plate of baked dough balls, was added. “What. Are. Those!?” They were of a golden brown, soft appearance, and the smell was enticing. The team stood around the table, and Scout answered,
“They're little puff balls we made with what we had from the fort we recently raided.” She anxiously dug in. “Murp is really-muph (Gulp) Good!”
“Glad ye like it lassie. It our way of saying sorry.” Demo seemed most apologetic. Derpy still didn’t want to accuse, but had to point out, “Well, I know for a fact Pyro made this, and Heavy gave me a hug…”
“Yeah, but I got those flowers you ate from the forest below while getting Pyro fire wood.”
“Medic and I colored the puff paste yellow.”
“That there plate you're eating on, I built that.”
“That strong little bite you taste lassie? It be from my Scrumpy.”
“My machete was a tool used as a spatula for cooking.”
“Heavy moved tables too.”
“Spy and I helped clean the floor, in fact most of us contributed to that.”
"Trust me, I had to change suits from being so dusty."
Derpy felt sincerely touched at the effort they made just to show that she was appreciated. Her eyes watered slightly and her ears fell back. “A polite sorry would have been enough, but thank you, thank you all.” She slowed down and took care to savor the food. “I hate to dampen the mood, but I bought some stuff with me that you guy’s won’t like to see.” Reaching into her bag she pulled out a stack of propaganda and Soldier grabbed it from her hooves. As he looked through the posters, his face grew enraged. "What the hell is Celestia trying to pull off with these!? Hooves stronger than hands!? I would like to see her and Heavy in a boxing match and then ask her that question! This crap is right out of World war one and two! War bonds!? Why that little-”
As Soldier went on to negatively rant about the claims the posters made, Derpy brought out the books Medic requested. “Oh, zis is wunderbar! Danke Derpy!” She ate a puff whole, and swallowed, “Now you get me that book bag-”
“Of course.” The food was nearly gone from her plate. “Did you guy’s find out anything from the Alicorn Amulet I got you?” Rifleman held the amulet in his hand, it was unchanged apart from a cable rope to support human necks. “Soldier couldn't make out what was inside, but he said it possessed powerful magic, so he still thinks its a flawless soul gem. Medic tried it, but didn’t pick up anything from it, and the rest have tried it apart from myself. And Soldier and Demo of course.”
She swallowed the last bite, “Well, try it on. I’m not returning it.” Slightly hesitant at first, Rifleman put on the amulet and felt the cold metal press against him. His mind braced itself for anything, and he closed his eyes…
Darkness at first, duh, his eyes were closed. Nothing appeared to approach him, or talk to him. “Hello? Is anypony here?” Nothing. “What the hell is this thing then? Some crappy piece of jewelry with an enchantment?" The darkness grew warm. Rifleman felt heat on his skin even though he only closed just his eyes. He opened his eyes, and saw that he was no longer in the cave, but standing on a heated cliff over looking a fiery pit under a red sky. “Oh shit! Umm..” He looked behind him and saw the cliff was actually a small flat plateau, surrounded by fire far below. “Am I in hell? Or is this another dream about spicy salsa?” He walked to the centre of the rock, “I hate spicy salsa, or most things spicy for that matter.”
“Something we share in common, creature.” A female voice that had a chocolate silkiness, but an evil red filling hidden inside. Attractive, but foreboding.
Instinctively, he turned around as nothing presented itself in front of him at that very moment. A unicorn mare stood behind him with a black-grey coat that reflected the light of the fire, a mane of purple with and corresponding tail that was plush, long, and thick. Her visible eye, the other being obscured by her mane, was a rich blood red, and her smile was both intimidating and inviting. Her cutie mark was a purple earth crystal with orange light burning inside.
“A dark unicorn that sounds like Loki’s twin sister...cool.” In spite of this...unique appearance to say the least, the man did not show fear, but lack thereof. “Hello there! I was beginning to think that this was fruitless. My name is Ri-”
“Rifleman, I know.”
“Ok, and yours i-”
“Saura, Saura Sombra. Descendant of the the King Sombra himself.”
“King Some-bra what now?” The team was not versed well in Equestrian history. Saura seemed quite agitated at this, “Sombra, tyrant who controls the Crystal Empire!”
“Never heard of him. The ruler of the Crystal Empire is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.”
“What?!”
“Mouthful, I know.”
“No…” she stared into space at a realization. “What year is it?”
“I’m not the right person to ask. My people are in a different year.”
“Listen creature!”
“Human, but I prefer Rifleman.”
“Human! I need answers and you will help me get them.” Her tone was quite demanding.
“And say I am inclined to refuse.” The fire around the rock rose in intensity and the heat level increased to uncomfortable. “Test me human, and you will never mentally recover. You mind will be nothing more than my puppet.” A pop sounded and Saura looked up, wondering what came into existence.
A man sized jar of hot jalapeno salsa. The lid faded away and the jar tipped. The contents threatened to spill on it’s target. Naturally thinking to move away, Saura tried to move but found her legs bound in chain. She tried to use her horn but magic had no existence in a dream world, and she looked up to her captor. He sat on the top of a soft chair relaxing and drinking an ice tea. “My mind, your mistake.” Saura struggled at the chains, she tried to summon a counter threat, but nothing obeyed by her command. She was a soul, prisoner to the human mind. She stomped and yelled in frustration. “ARGH! Buck you!-AH!” A pint of salsa, getting warm from the heat, had dripped onto her back. “Didn't your daddy teach you manners?”
“No, he taught me to crush all that dared oppose me!”
“Good. I’m simply making it clear that I’m not the victim here.”
“Why should I surrender to a human, creature, thing!? You will bow to me like all the other ponies hav-MURPH!” A flexible hooze appeared in her mouth and her eyes slowly followed it upward to a 4 ft wide funnel just under the looming salsa. “MURPH!! MUR!” Saura shook her head back and forth vigorously. She tried to spit it out, but found the tube glued to her lips. Rifle sipped from his bottomless drink. “I’m sorry what was that? I’m not a pony you know, not easily swayed.” She glared death at him, but soon looked down, defeated. There was nothing she could do. “I’m not here to make your life a living hell of salsa jars. But please understand I don't want you to take advantage of me.” The funnel and jar disappeared as did the chains. The fire died down. She looked up angry, but found the ice tea staring back at her. Her gaze softened, and the drink was accepted. A wise choice to back down.
“Let me wake up and talk to Soldier.” He suddenly turned hostile, “Try anything and your soul may never see light again!”
Rifleman opened his eyes again and saw Medic looking over him. “Hello doctor. Sorry to dissapoint you, but I’m not dead.” He laughed out loud in his maniacal habit. "Hah, haha! You were still breathing but the thought did cross my mind." Looking around, Rifle saw that he was laying down on his bed and Soldier was still yelling about the posters. "I will take those bonds and shove them up her ass! And this one; Ride alone and you ride with Obama, share carriages...Heh, I like this one."
Heavy saw a flaw in the claim, "Ponies do not use gas."
"They eat greens that soldiers could eat..." Soldier also had his doubts.
Medic called to him. "Soldier, he is awake, and not dead.” Soldier tossed the papers to Scout, who had just finished taking apart the newspaper and distributing the parts to people’s beds. “The hell am I going to do with these?” Derpy reached for them and Scout handed them over. “I’ll send these to your Mysterious Man. I think the human public would like to see this.”
“Well, what did you find?”
He stood up and dusted himself off. “A mare by the name of Saura Sombra. She sounds like a female version of Loki.” Soldier chuckled, but was interrupted by a ping of
pain in his head. “Saura Sombra?! This could be dangerous, Soldier, give me control of your voice and tongue!”
“Uh, ok.” He immediately felt a swell form in his throat and face. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it felt weird. “Rifleman.” The merc had his eyes open wide in surprise. “Redwood? Jesus, you do sound like Thor.” Redwood sounded annoyed. “Who is this Thor you keep speaking of? Nevermind. Let Saura control your speech, but be wary! Do not let her control anything else.”
“Um, alright.” He felt the swell, not expecting it, he resisted. “You heard him, let me have control!” Carefully, he let the swell pass through his throat. Her tone was bitter sweet. “Redwood Heart, father told me how you thwarted his expansion campaigns. How did Celestia’s precious war horse get soul trapped? And who is Loki?” His tone was no different. “I do not know the answer to either of those questions, but I can tell you without a doubt that you and I have been at rest for at least many centuries, possibly a thousand or more.”
“What hell happened to the Empire, my father, and who the hell is this Mi amoru pony?”
“You catch on to human curse quickly, not surprising.” Even though she had no control over facial expressions, you could almost tell from the lips she was glaring at Soldier. “Celestia and Luna overthrew your father and banished him, he took the empire with him. His return was put down by the Elements of Harmony, for good. And the Empire returned to its colorful glory.” Soldier had to ask Derpy about this history to get the whole story as Equestria knew it. “Your father is dead. His throne destroyed and replaced by the original to be used by Mi Amore Cadenza. An alicorn of a younger age.” To Saura’s credit, she did not vocalize a sob, rather she voiced annoyance. “Father didn’t pay his advisors any heed, more of he sent them to me as targets and test-subjects for destructive magic training. So what of now, why are we here, and who are these humans?”
“Leave that answer to your new host, Rifleman.”
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I already miss the guy...
Mickey Roony was a great actor, and a great man, from his funny career in Hollywood, up to his more serious roles in his late years.
(R.I.P)
You voice dose not change because you are possessed it dose not change you vocal cords.
Solder needs to be a tad more energetic? I'm not sure if it's just me but he seems laid back.
4205674
1-He's supposed to act tough and manly in front of his peers, especially if its a new recruit. Showing weakness is unacceptable!
2- Its magic.
I did not mention anything about vocal cords and the like. It's like a sub-level of fusion.
I notice that this is becoming slightly too serious for something TF2. But I'll work on it this next chapter.
4205937 I still think Rifleman is fucking evil.
4206225 rifle man the word just makes me think of killing floor with the swat helmet and shit
Oh we're in 2008-2016... Wierd...
because scouts dead (December 4 1987) or something happened because god said "see you on December 4 1987!". Most likely scout died but there is speculation as he would die in his 40s, and only the medic is confirmed alive at this point soldier was fighting in Germany during WW2 and heavy was in his 40s in the 70s yikes