I had woken up in an unfamiliar bed, it isn't my room. For a moment, I had thought I was outdoors. If not for the fact I'm in a bed and the wall on the other end of the discussion? There is a night stand. On it, I found two items of clothing, passing for the suit of clothes I was supposed to, or expected to wear. I found a skirt and a top, both are tight fitting and pink, but with a silver lining on the edge of the smooth and elastic fabric, not feeling like any cloth Rarity ever presented to me. She had made all the suits I ever wore.
I slowly picked up the skirt, slipping into it, pushing a hoof through at the time, right and left, even if I found the entrance enough, the exit was feeling fairly tight for my hooves to fit. Yet, I managed to pull the garment up, only to realise it had included the panties into the design.
Then I picked up the final garment, completing the suit, a top, pulling it down to cover the top of my chest, including my jigglies, such as I had come out of the gate.
The fit almost too exact, I had managed to slip into each of the garments. They now fit me snugly, almost as if they desired for me to forget I was actually wearing them? That did feel strange to me.
Looking down I could clearly see the mark on my flanks, they're still there, the group of yellow and blue balloons. Then I noticed, they're on both of the garments as well. I guess that would make them mine, at least for as long as I stay here?
Only now, the light in the room, clearly much more luminous. I can clearly see every detail, nothing is hidden. There is very little to see. The bed and the night stand, what else to look for. Nothing had been entered into the room, and nothing had been taken away.
There is the one thing that had also changed since I came here, I realised as I hear the rumble of my tummy. I need something to eat, a breakfast that is.
I walked towards the door, now feeling fairly comfortable in myself, walking on my hind hooves. They had proven to be straight to the point, purposefully, allowing me to walk with unexpected ease. As I came close to the door of my room, the doors slid aside, granting me entrance to the hall outside.
Looking back, I noticed something, the door had apparently changed, I could clearly read my name under the face that now clearly is mine. It reads 'Pinkie Pie', then it reads 'Laughter', under.
For as long as I'm here, this would be my room. Looking right and left, the door to the room where the gate is, is closed, not that I desired tog go there right now. I could see the blanc wall before me. The colours, seems to be identical here as well. I imagine that's the general colour scheme, throughout the building?
Turning the other side, I simply walked towards what soon proved to be the entrance of the kitchen. Or rather, it is the dining room. Tables lined up, to the right and left. Chairs grouped in pairs, on both sides of the tables, for all I could see.
In the middle of the room, I found what was to pass for the central table, on which all the food making up a breakfast buffet had been placed.
In a way, it felt as if it had been a hotel, and I had become their honoured guest. How many others are here at this time, I had no idea, but I see none of them, so I could as well have been alone. Or, they're just sleeping right now, unless they've all already eaten?
Learn to spell before writing stories. That's all I can say for this.
Just from the description, I can tell this is a misspelled disaster. Learn basic English before you attempt to write a story.
Edit: I showed this to my non-brony brother, and we both laughed at it.
3724352 I may as well ask, just what you mean with 'Disaster' in this context, in part, since it does start out, in the 'EverFree Forest', of all places.
You did read the story, as far as it had been published at the time of the comment?
'Basic English'? I'm trying to work European English, just for the record, in case someone don't understand everything?
Now, I hope I'm not coming out as a 'Stuck-Up', or any the like.
If it isn't evident, I have been writing stories for years, and by the tone, you'd be happy, you did not read any of the first 'Atempts'!
On a final note, the story is incomplete, and for good reasons.
3726511
"Disaster" meaning that it'll be a spelling and grammatical nightmare. A story like that will always be bad, no matter how good the premise may be. Let's take a look at just your description, fixing the flaws along the way.
Before we even get to the description, the forest's official spelling is Everfree. Not EverFree, not Ever Free.
This doesn't even mention the cases of awkward flow, Comma Cancer, etc. in the description.
That doesn't sound like someone who's been writing for years. It honestly sounds like someone who just learned English/an 8 year-old started writing a story with no editor. I sincerely hope that you will try to improve your grasp of written English.
3726591 I guess that's starting to get an explanation, as to what you were trying to explain.
Listening to the ponies explaining things, doesn't give me the spelling of what they're saying, possiby in good part, due to the fact that I'm limited to what I could find at 'YouTube', rather then the films, or even the original broadcast?
Furthermore, I'm not native to english, aside from the everpresent typos I seems to get. English is a spelling nightmare, since there seems to be very few hard rules on how to spell words, even if I may be mistaken? Just as there are languages, that are pure hell, in comparison to English as well.
Ifyou were laughting, maybe I did acomplish something, even if it wasn't the intended action?
There is ofcause the stories I've been publishing at mibba, just to give you a few examples, even if I guess you're not particularly interested in the majority of these, even if there may be a slim chance you may enjoy some of them, regardless of how well writen some may be?
3726674
Yeah, English is a bitch to learn, but honestly, if you're not experienced with English, then you shouldn't be writing a story on an English fanfiction website. It takes years to get good enough at written English to make your writing flow similarly to speech, never mind manipulating sentence flow to add to the current mood of the story.
There is a group called "Plan 9 from Equestria." It collects stories like this, and alot of them are enjoyable due to comedic reasons. I would consider getting a story put into there a mixed blessing. On one hand, your story was a complete flop. On the other hand, it was so bad that people enjoy reading it. the "best of the worst" so to speak. Also, well-written stories aren't necessarily good. I had a story a while ago that was written, grammar/spelling-wise, like a dream. The plot was dull and cliched to oblivion, so I deleted it in a fit of shame. To this day, I regret that decision because it prevented me from learning from my mistakes.
3726729 This story, just like the other once, are marked 'Incomplete' for a reason, I'm going to go over them, untill they are 'Complete', which may, or may not happen.
The question is, if the original concept behind the story was worth the effort of writing the story in the first place? if it was, the typose could be corected, and the gramar could be fixed, if not, it may be better to just delete it, as you did. Even if it mean you never learned from the mistake?
The story may benefit from a proof-reader, if I had any available? I'm presently going over the story, both with the spell-check, and the dictionary, since spell-check has no guidance, just alternative spelling, for what it interpret was intended?
You don't think the priced Authors just spit out perfectly written stories on a limb, efortlessly? They have all these tools availble to them. Very much unlike the rest of us?
3726924
I'm not much for critiquing plotlines and the like. You should take this story to a group made specifically for reviewing to see if the concept is worth saving.