Prologue
Just Another Day
It seemed like just a normal day for Applebloom. She struggled to get up from her bed and get ready for school on time; she couldn't find all the things needed to go into her saddlebag, or her actual saddlebag for that matter.
Applejack came into Applebloom's room 10 minutes before school started to find a very frustrated Applebloom looking for her saddlebag. "Watcha' doin' there Sugar Cube? School starts in ten minutes."
Applebloom stopped her frantic searching long enough to look up to Applejack and take in a deep breath."Ah'm about to be late for school, ah can't find my saddlebag, Ah'm still tired from last night because ah didn't get a very good sleep, Ah've got lots of homework that ah need to do but don't have the time because ah'ma too busy helping you'll on the farm and ah still haven't got my CUTIE MARK." Applebloom let out the breath she had been holding.
Applejack smiled at her sister in amusement, and then took in her own deep breath. "Applebloom you still have plenty of time to get ready for school, ah saw your saddlebag on top of a chair downstairs, you're only tired because you decided that it would be fun to have a Cutie Mark Crusades meeting last night. If you want, you can always tell us that you have homework to do and you won't have to do as many chores, and as I've told you before, you will get your cutie mark when you get it. You just can't force it."
Applebloom looked at her sister for a second with a puzzled expression before bolting down the stairs to retrieve her saddlebag. Applejack smiled to herself before casually trotting down the stairs and out into the yard to begin her long day of work on the farm.
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To Sweetie Belle, today seemed like the worst of days. Sweetie woke up late and was already late for school. Rarity was yelling at Sweetie Belle to hurry up even though she already was. She forgot to study last night because Applebloom decided to call a Cutie Mark Crusades meeting last night, and she hadn't even had the time this morning to try something different to get her cutie mark.
"WHY AREN'T YOUR READY YET!?" Rarity yelled at Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle decided not to grace Rarity with an answer, instead she continued to stuff things into her saddlebag while trying to eat a bowl of cereal at the same time. This resulted with cereal and milk covering the floor and a very untidy saddlebag.
"HURRY UP!" Yelled Rarity at Sweetie Belle.
"Ok, ok, I'm leaving. See you tonight sis." Sweetie Belle said as she unceremoniously bolted out the front door to get to school, but mainly to shut Rarity up. When she was gone, Rarity collapsed on the couch thinking to herself how Sweetie Belle got so lazy.
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Scootaloo woke up thinking that this would be an amazing day. She was ready for school on time for once, she remembered everything to take to school and she even amazed herself when she got a few hours of study in after the Cutie Mark Crusades meeting last night. Scootaloo was ready so early that she had time to go down and watch Rainbow Dash practice her new moves.
Scootaloo admires Rainbow Dash in every single way. She wishes that she would be like her some day. The second the thought popped into her head, Scootaloo sadly looked behind her at her wings and realised once again that she could never be like Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo had never flown before and probably never would because her wings were too small too carry her weight. Scootaloo felt tears swelling in her eyes and quickly brushed them away before her idol saw her crying, not that Rainbow was paying any attention to her, she was too busy focusing on her new tricks to even know that she was being watched. With a heavy heart, Scootaloo turned around and slowly started heading towards her school, but brightened up as soon as she saw her best friends Applebloom and Sweetie Belle talking around the playground.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Please note that this is constructive criticism, not unnecessary hate.
The grammar is atrocious. I care more about it than most other people but it's still important (seriously, whenever I run into a grammatical mistake in anything, I read the sentence again, sigh, close my eyes, and shake my head, it really breaks immersion). The fact that this is your first story has nothing to do with your ability to end questions with question marks or proof read so
doesn't happen. I wrote my own first stories the day before yesterday so I'm pretty much in the same boat as you here. I'm not great at creating a cohesive narrative and I don't quite understand how certain parts of fimfiction work, so my only real advice is: edit.
All right, this story is okay and I do like it. However you do have several errors here. First, when you say 'I' it needs to be capitalized. However in Applebloom and Applejack's case, you should try matching their accents. Make their 'I's like Ah and their 'My's like Mah. Secondly, writing in all caps is fine, but it would be better to do sentences like that normally and end them with exclamation points. Thirdly, remember the difference between your and you're. Please go over this again, as well as the rest of your story, and make sure all grammatical errors have been corrected.
I like it so far Ill give you thoughts and maybe toss you some ideas I'm a huge fan of scootaloo adoption hope you dot let me down.
I LOVE IT SO FAR, NICE JOB.
good first chapter, a few typos but whatever no biggie