"Mom, I'll be fine, it's just a friend from school."
" Whether it's a friend from school or a rich mane from Manehattan , you still need to look presentable." said Button's mom rather irritated.
"But mom I don't like her!"said an equally irritated Button.
"If you didn't like her you wouldn't be going out with her would you?" Button sighed, his mom had pinned him, he was so conflicted, on one hoof;she was kinda cute, and on the other;she didn't play video games. Was that his only excuse for not liking her?Button didn't know anymore.
" Button!Your fillyfreind is here!"
"She's not my-uuurrrrgggghhhh!"
Sweetie Belle blushed. "Thank you for coming Button.I know how much you like to play your video games."
"No prob."said Button casually,"Where are we going?"
" You'll see"
As they neared their destination the smell of apples was all around, then Button found himself sniffing another scent something much more pleasant and fresh, and soon Button found his muzzle in Sweetie Belle's mane. Sweetie Belle, blushed and confused mumbled another prayer for courage. Soon they stopped altogether, Button sniffing away Sweetie Belle gently licked they side of his face.
Button woke up in a pleasant boutique he had seen in ponyville. He saw that Sweetie Belle was next to him, then he realized that he was in love, with the one he hated.
This is just.... Bleh. So cliche, and badly written :$ have you read any good written fics? Reading other fics (good ones at that) can help you a long way. Also proof readers. Yes. Mmmm proofreaders. *Drools*
This was my first fimfic and my first love story advice would be appreciated.
Im not sure but i do have a smile so im fine with it so keep it goin
Okay...constructive criticizisim here.The chapters are really short, and not well written.Things move fast and aren't really all accurate anyway.I don't mean to be mean, but having someone else proofread for you would be good.
proof reading, Dahling.