• Member Since 20th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 16th, 2014

Button Mash the youtuber


Button never liked Sweetie Belle but little did he know that was about to change. Sweetie Belle had to do it, and ask him out.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 32 )

I'd recommend some longer chapters there, bub. And may I also suggest rereading the short description you have?

This is just.... Bleh. So cliche, and badly written :$ have you read any good written fics? Reading other fics (good ones at that) can help you a long way. Also proof readers. Yes. Mmmm proofreaders. *Drools*

This was my first fimfic and my first love story advice would be appreciated.

I said that if you wanted longer chapters I'd give'm to ya.

I would recommend longer chapters, and maybe some more character development.

I'm going to make longer chaps but I was just trying to get a story up.

Well let's see...where to start...first off as I'm sure you're aware of, this story is very short. The chapters were kinda flimsy at best, but I do think it does have some potential.

My best advise is try developing more of the story between each chapter. As a fic aiming toward romance you have to show us Button's progression from viewing Sweetie as the bane of his existence to the love of his life. Show us how the date went, where they went, etc. Even if it's just as simple as a stroll in the park, something like that opens up opportunities to help us grasp Button's shift in opinion. Opportunities like, noticing that maybe Sweetie Belle isn't as annoying as he thought she was, maybe how nice she always looks on a day-to-day basis, stuff like that. I'll admit, it's mostly cheesy, but it works; and, as long as you kinda avoid the level of fluffiness when Big Mac and Cheerilee were 'love poisoned' we'll more than likely like it.

it would also help to show more of the internal conflict he might've had as his view shifts. All-in-all, a good premise to story, and I'd love to see this fleshed out a bit more deeply.

PS: Don't worry if it's a bit cliched, as friend points out, in romance, every angle has been investigated at least once by now, so its pretty much cliched already, but you know, we still like it all the same. :twilightsmile:

Thank you, this advice is much appreciated and I will take it very heavily.

P.S. I'm going to try my hand at every genera and see which I prefer. So an update will not be for a while.

Im not sure but i do have a smile so im fine with it so keep it goin

WTF. I did stuff like foreplay and grouping at 8 but sex wth

Ok just saying you need more expaination and filler ok

3533621 It's probably gonna be at the least 6 months before the next chap so be patient.

Okay...constructive criticizisim here.The chapters are really short, and not well written.Things move fast and aren't really all accurate anyway.I don't mean to be mean, but having someone else proofread for you would be good.

:duck: proof reading, Dahling.

Comment posted by Night Frost deleted Nov 27th, 2013

3535221 6 months for 300 words? wow.

I would give this constructive critisim, but i don't know where to start...
1.This story stinks.
2.Your grammar is horrible, you should really reread over it and fix the mistakes.
3. To much time distortion.
4. Not enough description.
5. Chapters should have atleast 1000 words.
6. You need to space paragraphs better.
7. You can't go from hate to love because you smell popcorn.

There are alot more mistakes, but those are the main problems. Keep practicing though, you might get there.

Ok, I'm sorry, but there is just everything wrong with this story. There's no descriptions, the grammar sucks, the plot makes no sense, 'time management? What's that?' and it's incredibly cliched and horribly paced.


Really short I know.

You say it like the other chapters weren't

This story is to far gone to turn around so it's officially dead.

Wtf is this, this isn't a chapter, this is a paragraph. PLEASE MAKE THEM LONGER !!!!!!!!!!

But it does look promising, so I'll keep an eye on it.

Does anyone else find it sad that some of the comments are longer than the actual chapter?

3683169 Sorry Bronixus, it's officially dead, I need to put "complete" don't I? :twilightblush:

Apparently so, I usually smile at any type of stories, even the ones I don't mind, but I did not smile once.... There was no scenery nor plot to it


Aww that's too bad.


Unfortunately I have to agree with you on that one.

I was going to write a comment with stuff that this story needed, but that's too much for me to write.
Just read some good stories, or actual books (Gasp!) Then try again.
There are also very helpful groups in place if you need assistance.

3683410 please finish it. I actually like it.

I would give criticism on the story, but I think it is you who needs it.
1. This is your first story! Expect to do bad, receive hate, and do finish it.
2. You really let haters get to you, majority It may not be, but you have likes (from me too)
3. Don't :flutterrage: or :fluttercry: or :twilightangry2: just :facehoof: and Cary on
4. If you permanently cancelled this, it has been almost six months, write something.
5. Just keep :pinkiehappy:

Ok you need to rewrite this, the plot is good but how it's written isn't. What would you do if you saw two third graders making out on a playground. Just don't have that it's not right put them in highschool where they have thier cutie marks it'll give you a lot more to work with. Another thing is that all of you chapters add up to about one chapter worth of words. At first I didn't get why this had so many dislikes but from where your taking it the story will turn into a sixteen and pregnant kind of thing. Rethink what you wrote and repost what you rethink this time with a chapter at least a thousand words. Don't say it'll take six months to write three hundred words, that just shows you shouldn't be writing, I know people who can write five THOUSAND words in a few hours and have it edited and posted too. I know it's getting respective but I cannot STRESS how much it looks like you just don't care, at least try again don't give up.

I like thissssssssssssssssssssss...........

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