A vision of Kindness
“For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had them. Most have come and gone, but Sam’s always the one that’s stayed.”
“Uh huh. Now...tell me about Sam. Is there a particular reason you feel he stayed?”
“I...I dunno.” I told him, pontificating that question.
“Well, then tell me, what’s he like?”
“He’s usually mean. He makes me feel worthless. I think he scared the rest of them off. I don’t understand why he treats me that way...”
“Sometimes, they’re simply a reflection of your inner self. Do you feel troubled?”
“Only by Sam, really...”
“Interesting. Now, Tell me about the others. The ones he’s scared away.”
“There was Lilly. She was a little girl, around 9. She was really nice, in the childish sense. There was Arthur, an older gentleman who tended to curse a lot. There was John, who was sort of like a drunk character. He was unpredictable, sometimes volatile, sometimes humorous. Then there was Jessica...she was always really sad. She tended to cut herself, and I’d suffer the scars, too. I’m not sad about her leaving.”
“Peculiar. And Sam’s been there the entire time?”
“Yeah. Everyone else started to disappear and not come around as often. Lilly was the last one to leave. I remember getting a hug from her before she left. That was nearly 3 years ago.”
“Hm...you’re going to be an interesting person, I can tell. Now, let me ask you some other questions...”
***
“How did the visit with Dr. Holgein go?” asked my mother, as we walked out of the building.
“I guess it went alright. I’m not sure how these things are supposed to work. He asked me a lot of questions.”
“What kind of questions?”
“Basically he asked me about them. Who they were, what they were like. We talked a lot about Sam.”
“Did he mention anything about medication?” she asked, somewhat hopefully.
“He said he was going to talk to you about that during your own talk.”
“Huh. He didn’t really have a definitive answer for me. He said he needs time to see how much you need and how badly you need it.”
“Do I really have to have meds?” I asked, as we approached my mother’s car.
“Son...I know you hate them, but they’ll do you some good.” she said, as we took our seats, ready for the drive back home.
“I’ve gone 20 years without needing them. Why do I need them now?” I asked, visibly irritated. The need for medication was only a recent development. My mother had previously nurtured my “imaginary friends” until she realized I hadn’t quite grown out of them. For the next few years, my mother debated taking me to therapy, a doctor, or whatever she felt could get the proper “Help” that I “Needed”. Honestly, it was more annoying than anything.
“Big Bwother!” piped my little sister, from the backseat. “Medicine helps you grow big and stwong! That’s why we take it in the morning before school!”
“Sarah, sweetie, vitamins are a bit different than medication!” said my mother, revving the engine, backing out of her parking spot, ready to take us back home.
“But they both make you stwong...right?”
“Yes, sweetie.” she said, smiling at her. “Now, Trey...”
“What?” I said, still irritated.
“I know you don’t like them...but it will help you.”
“I’ve heard that a million times. I’ll be fine.”
“Trey...I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about Sam.”
“I can keep him in control.”
“I’d rather him be gone. You’ll be happier without him.”
“I couldn’t care less about happiness at this point.” I said gruffly. We pulled into our driveway. My mother stopped the car and turned her head to look at me, and with a very serious face.
“Do it for your father.”
I froze for a second, shocked that she would mention him so soon. My shocked expression soon turned to anger as I hurriedly undid my seatbelt, flinging it away from me, storming off into the house. I stomped my way up to my room before tears came to my eyes. I slammed my bedroom door behind me, flinging myself upon my bed, sobbing into my pillow.
“Crying’s for faggots.” I heard a familiar voice behind me say.
“Shut up Sam.”
“Make me. Wouldn’t you have to stop crying first?” he snickered.
“Why won’t you leave me alone?” I managed to say, staring him down.
“Because I love you, so very, very much. We have such good times together! I’m sort of like a second dad, aren’t I?”
“SHUT UP!” I yelled, throwing a pillow at him. It passed right through him, and he dissipated into thin air, his snicker ensuring he didn’t leave without some sort of memory. I sucked up some snot, and threw myself back down on my bed, sobbing.
“Trey?” I heard my mother say, knocking on my door. “Are you alright?”
“GO AWAY!” I shouted, unable to control my emotions. I heard her sigh and retreat back down the stairs. I stared up at my ceiling, tears running down both sides of my face. “...stay away...” I whispered, closing my eyes, reminiscing on a time where I felt truly happy, where my father’s kindness gave me a direction in life.
***
I woke up to the sound of knocking at my door.
“Trey, it’s dinnertime!”
“Mph.” I managed to say. I had apparently fallen asleep. There were two large wet spots on either side of my head, and I had a rather large headache. I sat up, rubbing my eyes.
“If it tastes as bad as it smells, you might as well just skip it.” said Sam, sneering at me from a wall he was leaning on.
“Shut up.” I said, putting my shoes on, heading out of my room towards the dinner table. It smelled familiar and delicious. “Is that...” I started to ask, before my mother brought a huge bowl of food out to the table.
“Yep! Shrimp boil!” said my mother. “I figured you deserved your favorite for putting up with my whims about doctor visits.”
“Whatever works.” I said, drooling over the pot of Shrimp, potatoes, and sausage. “Sorry about yelling at you earlier. Sam said something and I was upset.”
“Oh, honey...” she said, playfully pinching my cheek. “It’s alright. We’re going to get rid of him soon enough.” she smiled.
“Oh, boy! Sausage!” my little sister said, fumbling with the large spoon, trying to scoop out a heap of sausage on her plate.
“Now, now, Sarah, we haven’t even said a blessing!”
“Oh, yeah!”
“I believe it’s your turn, Sarah!”
“I did it yesterday!”
“But I just love your prayers so much! Come on, let’s hear it.” my mother said, as we all bowed our heads.
“Dear Jesus, Thank you for the food, even though shrimp is disgusting! Well...thank you for the sausage. And thank you for Mommy, and Big Brother, and Dad...um...and the sausage. Amen!” she said, hurriedly reaching for the spoon again. My mother gave a small, exasperated smile.
“You’d better not take any of my shrimp!” I said to my sister, giving her a playful smile.
“Ew! Why would I want shrimp? It tastes bad!”
“Big Brother is watching you.” I said, opening my eyes wide, giving her a playfully creepy stare. She laughed and continued fumbling with the spoon, before my mother took it from her, scooping some sausage for her.
“Thank you, Mommy!” she said, ignoring her fork, putting two or three pieces in her mouth at one time.
“Oh, Trey...” my mother said, looking up at me.
“Yes?”
“I’m going to need you to babysit your sister tomorrow.”
“Ah. That’s why you made this.” I said, annoyed.
“Well...no.”
“I already had plans.”
“I know, dear, but Jenny fell ill and had to cancel. I’m sorry, Trey, but I really need you to do this.”
“Whatever.” I said, scooping myself a large heap of potatoes.
“Thank you. I won’t be done with work until about 5 in the afternoon. Do you think you can handle that?”
“What else am I going to do with my Saturday? Sleep in and play video games?”
“If Sarah will let you!” she said. Sarah continued chomping at the sausage, oblivious to our conversation. My mother rolled her eyes, scooping another spoonful of sausage onto her plate. Sarah beamed and went back to work, devouring sausage pieces.
“I guess I’ll just play xbox.”
“Sarah’s going to want to watch cartoons, honey.”
“I guess I’ll just watch youtube videos, then.”
“You’ll find ways to keep yourself busy, I’m sure. She doesn’t need much to be entertained.”
“Hey, Mommy?” piped Sarah.
“Yes, sweetie?” she asked, turning her attention to her.
“Do you think Daddy watches a lot of TV in heaven?”
A small silence filled the room. My mother searched for the words to say while I grabbed my plate and excused myself from the table.
“Yes, honey. I’m sure he does.” she finally said, hoping to avoid further inquiry.
“Can we go to heaven, too?”
“Not yet, sweetheart.”
“Is Dad gonna come back?” she kept asking. I felt envious of her, almost, to be at the age where death was a foreign concept. To be oblivious to the fact that Dad wasn’t coming back.
“Sarah, sweetheart...”
“Why did he go? Couldn’t we have gone, too?”
“Sarah...” my mother said, her voice faltering. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
“Oh. Ok! Can I have some more sausage?”
“Sure, honey. You need some vegetables, too, you know...”
Their banter continued as I carried myself back up the stairs to my room. I gently closed the door behind me, doing my best not to cry.
“Go ahead and cry, faggot.” said Sam.
“No.”
“It might do ya some good. Might help you forget about some of the daddy issues you have.”
“I don’t have daddy issues.”
“Yeah, you do. He clearly abandoned you. He didn’t love you, so he left this world so that he wouldn’t have to spend time with you anymore.”
“THAT’S NOT TRUE!” I shouted, getting angrier and angrier by the second.
“Then...why’s he gone? Hm?”
“God’s will.”
“There is no God, and you know it. It’s just some false security you’re hiding behind.”
“Shut up.” I said. “Why don’t you just die and leave me alone?”
“Like your dad?” he sneered.
I froze for a second, speechless. I looked down at the ground, more tears coming to my eyes. “Yes...just go. You’ve had your fun. Leave me alone.”
“And here I was thinking the fun had just begun.”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” I shouted, only to find that Sam had disappeared. I sighed, taking a seat down at my desk, booting up my laptop. tear streamed down my face as I started typing up another blog entry.
***
“Big Brother! Big Brother! Big Brother!” my sister shouted.
“Sarah, get back here!” I hear my mother shout. I snapped awake, stretching.
“Big Brother, come watch cartoons with me!”
“Trey, I’m fixing to leave for work. Please humor her. I love you!”
“Love ya too.” I said, groggily.
“Big Brother, it’s almost starting!”
“Lemme put some clothes on, Sarah.”
“Yay!” she said, running down the stairs. I threw on my cleanest dirty clothes, and headed downstairs to the living room with her.
“What do you want to watch?”
“My Little Pony!”
“Oh, God.” I said, rolling my eyes. “What channel?”
“I dunno.”
I sighed, searching all the local cartoon channels until I found something remotely similar. My little sister screamed with joy, plopping down on the floor in front of the TV. I laid down on the couch, closing my eyes, attempting to squeeze in a nap while she was distracted. I had just about dozed off when I heard my sister giggle, snapping me back to being awake. I sighed, closing my eyes again. After what seemed like two minutes, my sister broke into hysterical laughter, jerking me back into being awake. I guess I wasn’t getting any sleep. I sat up, watching the show with her.
“Hi, girls...” said one of the purple ponies, in a rather creepy manner. I blinked twice, trying to figure out what was happening. I seemed to be missing a large chunk of context, because the next thing I knew, The entire cast of the show was fighting over a doll. Confused, but interested, I continued watching with Sarah for the rest of the day.
***
“I’m home!” I heard my mother shout. Was it that time already? “Where are you guys?”
“We’re in the living room!” I shouted.
“What are you guys doing?” she asked, seeing my laptop connected to the flat screen TV.
“Just watching cartoons.” I said sheepishly, pausing whatever episode i was watching.
“Where’s Sarah?”
“Uh...bathroom.”
“Oh. Alright then. Did you have fun?”
“I guess.”
“Don’t seem so excited, Trey. Did SHE have fun?”
“Well, she got to watch her favorite cartoon all day, so I guess so.”
“Oh. Well, alrighty then.”
“Maybe I can do it again next weekend.” I said, trying to offer my usefulness.
“I might even pay you for your trouble.” my mom said, handing me a 20 dollar bill.
“Well, it’s all part of the job, I suppose.” My mother laughed.
“I’ll go ahead and get started on dinner.” she said, setting her stuff on the kitchen table, pulling some chicken out of the fridge. I clicked play, finishing off the rest of the episode I was on, just in time for dinner.
***
“Big Brother, Big Brother!” my sister shouted once again. The last week had flown by, leaving me another weekend of babysitting.
“Sarah, Stop doing that!” my mother said.
“Mph. I’ll be there in a sec.”
“Yay!” she said, running down the stairs once again.
“Thanks again, Trey. by the way, I never asked...when did you say your next appointment with Dr. Holgein was?”
“Uh...I thought you were supposed to set the appointment.”
“Oh. I could have sworn I told YOU to do it.” she said, slightly irritated.
“No, I thought you said you’d schedule it on our way out.”
“Well, damn. I’ll make a call today and see when we can get in next.”
“Alrighty.” I said. My mother closed the door behind me, and I hopped out of bed, throwing on my cleanest dirty clothes, once again.
“Watching that little girl’s show again?” said Sam, snarling at me.
“It makes my sister happy.” I said, trying to justify the real reason I was watching.
“I bet it makes you happy, too. Especially below the waist.”
“That’s sick.” I said. “Now leave me alone.” I said, grabbing my laptop and rushing downstairs before he could say anything.
“Alright...” I said, flipping the TV on, hooking up my laptop. “Which episode do you want to watch?”
“The one with Fluttershy!”
“Is she the yellow one?” I asked, feigning ignorance.
“Yeah.”
“Alrighty.” I said, typing “Fluttershy” into the Youtube search bar.
“How about...Hurricane Fluttershy? Or...Iron will?”
“Hurricane!”
“Seems kind of morbid. Alright, let’s do it!” I said, booting up an episode. As we both watched, we were both mesmerized for different reasons. My sister, no doubt, for the childish fascination that comes with watching a cartoon. She and I both laughed at the appropriate times. I laughed at some of the more subtle references. But I was mesmerized for a different reason. The more I watched this episode, the more I came to appreciate Fluttershy’s character. She was nice, kind, caring...everything my father was...everything I wanted to be, but was prohibited by because of Sam. Before I knew it, the credits were rolling, and Sarah was begging me to play another episode. I snapped back to reality, playing a different Fluttershy episode, once again absorbing her character, in true appreciation for the personality in which she enveloped.
“I’m home!” shouted my mother. The afternoon had flown by. I checked my watch. Sure enough, it had been close to 6 hours since she left, most of it spent watching ponies. Sarah hopped up from her spot, running towards Mom, giving her a tight hug.
“Big Brother’s the best babysitter ever! He lets me watch cartoons all day!” she said, beaming up at her. I smiled a little bit.
“Well, I’m sure he’d love to keep being your babysitter!” She said, handing me 25 dollars. She winked at me, picking Sarah up off the ground, giving her a bunch of eskimo kisses. “Wouldn’t you?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I said, smiling.
“Good. Now, I kind of feel like pizza tonight. How about you guys?”
“Only if it’s pepperoni.” I said.
“Sausage is way better!” said Sarah.
“One of these days, you’ll be eating more than one kind of sausage.” I said, slyly.
“TREY!” shouted my mother.
“Couldn’t resist.”
“What?” asked Sarah.
“Nothing. Sausage is fine.” I said, sticking my tongue out at Sarah.
“Good.” said my mother. “On a side note, I managed to get a hold of Dr. Holgein.”
“And?”
“He’s booked solid for the next three weeks.”
“Shame.”
“I’ve made sure to get you an appointment, though.”
“Alrighty.” I said.
“Now, clean up your stuff in the living room. it looks like a tornado hit it!”
***
After dinner, I headed back up to my room, opening to door to the familiar havoc that was my living quarters. Piles of clothes, my trumpet in one corner, chaos. Discord, if I remembered correctly, would have loved it.
“What the hell, man? You’re still watching that little girl’s cartoon?” Sam said, staring me down.
“It makes my sister happy.”
“What’s the yellow one’s name?”
“Fluttershy.”
“Only a little girl would know that.”
“And a big brother who happens to be watching the show with her. Doesn’t hurt to pay attention. Might be a good Christmas idea.”
“Excuses.”
“All viable ones.” I said, opening my laptop, ready to write another blog entry.
“Whatever.” he said. I turned to face him, finding that he wasn’t there. He had left me alone, it seemed. I finished my blog entry, before heading off to take a shower and get ready for bed.
I had dreams about Fluttershy that night. Nothing spectacular, she just happened to be there. Yet, simply the image of her being there made those dreams fantastic. She didn’t have to do anything special. Simply her presence was enough. Maybe I liked ponies more than I wanted to admit.
The familiar buzzing of my alarm clock sounded, reminding me that I needed to get up for school. Except it was summer, and I hadn’t exactly figured out how to disable the alarm yet. I fumbled blindly on my nightstand, finally managing to hit the snooze button. Having to pee like crazy, I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I yawned, opening them. Sitting there in front of me, was Fluttershy. I panicked, letting out a little scream. Fluttershy responded as such, desperately searching for a place to hide. I closed my eyes again, pinching myself, thinking I was in a dream. i opened them again to see that she was still there, sitting behind a pile of dirty clothes, shivering, staring at me. I did my best to smile, got out of bed, and dropped down to one knee, extending my arms.
“It’s ok...I’m not going to hurt you.” I said. She blinked once or twice before slowly, carefully, trotting over to me. When she was within arm’s reach, I slowly gave her a hug, feeling her warmth. I only stayed there for about a minute, though. “I’ll be right back. i really have to pee.” I told her, releasing the hug and hurrying to my bathroom, relieving myself as fast as I could. When I ran back to my room...she was gone. I looked behind the laundry, under my bed, in my closet, and any other nook and cranny i could think of, to no avail. Had I just lost her? I sat back down on my bed, depressed. I put my head in my hands, sighing heavily. I had seen her...would she return?
“Looks like I have a new friend to play with.” said Sam. I shot up straight, looking him dead in the eye.
“Don’t you dare.”
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Welp, guys, my first new story in a long time. Feel free to tell me what you think!
Sam is literally everything wrong with this world....
Been a while since I've read one of your fics, and I see your grammar hasn't diminished in the slightest, mister Flutternerd.
I love Sarah's innocence, it's so damn adorable! That being said, her innocence also hit my heart when the subject came to death...
I think my only piece of criticism would have to be that I think some of the conversations could use a little more descriptive context, but eh, maybe that's just me. Didn't stop me from enjoying this read, though.
So yeah, you've earned my like! This story really needs more views! I think it's a pretty interesting take on the human/pony interaction in a fan fiction, and I hope to see more of this story in the future.
P.S.
That's terrible. And yet, I still laughed, so I guess that makes me no better.
3484309
I agree although I'd like MOAR! I-if that's okay with you that is....
3484309 THank you for the comment. I was wondering when this would see comments >.> I'm not sure how I feel about people liking without commenting. Feels weird, brah.