My Little Dashie Tribute

by Olimak

Part 2

I took a deep breath before revealing the truth; I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy, and that Applejack would have a lot of questions… I had to be ready.

“Uhm, what’s wrong dad?”

Boom… mindshot. I hadn’t heard that word in, what? Seven years? And it just hit me like the first time Dashie said that. A tear… no, this isn’t the time for crying! This is the time of being honest, of telling the truth to Applejack, the time to correct the mistake I did once before.

“Come over here, Applejack”. I said calmly. “Look through the window”

“Well, yeh, those apple trees sure are big”

“No AJ” at that time, I started to call her like that, Jackie just didn’t seem a good name for her. “What you’re seeing through the window, is a representation of your real home”

“What in tarnation are you tal—“

“Please, let me finish. You’ll see” I took another deep breath; just to be sure this was the right thing. Ok, here we go. “This isn’t your real home. You fell in my yard while I was searching for my house’s keys. Somehow, you survived the fall, but most importantly, somehow, you fell in my farm, in my world.” I said. I grabbed the remote control and turned on the TV. This was going to be hard to explain.

The TV turned on, in the Hub channel. I had enabled it a while before, and an Applejack episode of My Little Pony was airing right now. Everything was set up.

“This is where you belong. It’s a place called Equestria, were you live with other five ponies” I softly said.

“Is –“she murmured, “Is that me?”

“No, Applejack. You are the pony from the show, but you yourself are a different pony from the show” I said that, trying to remember what I said the first time that this happened to me. ‘Ha’ I thought, ‘it’s weird how this happened to me twice’

“Now, do you have any questions you want me to answer?” I said with a smile, trying to suffocate the shock that the truth had given to her.

“Yea, I actually have some questions!” she said with the best poker face I’ve ever seen. She really knows how to hide her emotions and feelings.

“Okay, go on”

-------------------------

Minutes later, all the questions were answered. Believe me, they were A LOT! Though, I could answer each one of them. But AJ didn’t seem to be really happy about the news. She now knows that she’s lost in another world, rather than hers. And, the worst thing, if that she now knows that she’ll have to go back someday, and, leave me here, thing which doesn’t make me happy either.

I came upstairs, to see how well she was doing. I knocked the door, but there was no answer. ‘No, falling from here would have hurt her, badly, and she knows it. She also has no wings, so can’t have escaped.’ I understood, that maybe it wasn’t the right time, so I decided to go for a walk.

“I’m going for a walk AJ! Be right back soon”

But, when I got out from the house, I saw her. She was bucking the apple trees, collecting those sweet and shiny red apples and putting them in buckets. Just like the Applejack from the show.

“Oh, there you are! I thought you were closed in your room, mad at me” I said

“Mad at you? Why would I be?”

“Because the truth might really hurt some times” I said while looking down to the floor.

“Don’t – worry, no – hard feelings” She added while bucking a tree.

She had really become an apple bucker. A real farmer. She was quite good, but needed practice, and she sometimes missed, which made the work harder for her. Her direction had to be corrected as well.

“WAIT, NO!”

*Boom* I passed out

-------------------------

I woke up, in the grass. I didn’t remember what happened, but I knew it hadn’t been something good, I felt really, really bad, I was having a terrible pain on my chest. I opened my eyes, but I didn’t saw a worried Applejack, nor apple trees, not even a farm. I saw, what was it? A park? I didn’t know how the hell I got there. I know that we can’t magically teleport in our world. So, I was either transported here somehow, by car or something, or this was a dream. I decided to find out.

I got up, with great effort. The pain was ceasing, luckily, but the biggest problem I had, was the unknown location I found myself into. “Where am I?” I said. I must add that I felt the weird feeling of knowing this place. Is there any park that I’ve been into before? “Yeah, the one near my old house. The only in which my little Dashie learned to fly. But this place was converted into a big factory, wasn’t it?” I didn’t know what to do, but just then, I saw a man walking through the street.

“Hello!” I yelled as hard as my chest let me. “HEEELLOO!” But, no answer was given by the stranger. “Maybe he couldn’t hear me from here, I should get nearer him”

I ran for a moment towards him, my chest pained a little, but my curiosity always wins, so I continued no matter what. I finally got next to him…

“Excuse me” I said “Can you tell me what place is this?”….
Still, there was no answer to my question. ‘Maybe he’s deaf? But, if he is, how will I ask him where am I?’ My next step was to touch him. My finger got closer, and closer to the man’s shoulder, only to pass through him, like a ghost.

“What? I can’t touch him? Is he an hallucination, or am I? Am I dead? Or is this a just dream?” A lot of questions passed through my mind, but, I preferred to think it was a dream. “Ok, is there anypony – eh, anybody else in here?” No, there wasn’t. The only person walking in these streets was him, so I decided to follow him. After some minutes of walking, I saw something beautiful, something that gave me a lot of joy, and pain, something that had changed my life forever. A box.

The man walked towards it, with a curious look in his face. ‘I think I know what’s going on in here, but I still need something that confirms my idea’ I though. And my idea wasn’t wrong at all.

He slowly opened the box, he couldn’t know whether there was something extremely fragile in it. After some seconds, you could see a big smile on his face. But, he stumbled, and hit the box. Moments later, you could see something yellow, no, red, wait no, orange, maybe all of them, coming out of the box. My heart stopped for a moment.

“That guy… that guy is me. I’m that guy” I said, very surprised that I couldn’t recognize my past self before. “That’s me, discovering what gave me the best 15 years of my life. That’s me, discovering Dashie. My, little Dashie” I saw that guy – well, myself, picking up Dashie. I closed my eyes, letting a tear flow through my cheek, and passed out.

I finally woke up, but I was in no other place than my home. I could see the farm, the trees, and lastly, Applejack next to me.

“UGH, darn it…. What, what happened?” I faked; I couldn’t just know that I had a broken rib, and that I had to get some medical attention.

“I thought you’d never wake up! I’m so, so sorry dad!” She said with tears in her face

“What happened?” I said, still faking.

“I missed, that’s what happened. I kicked you. I’m so, so sorry!” She said, still crying

“Don’t worry Applejack. It’s ok. Accidents happen you know that!” I answered.

I really felt bad again. In my dream, memory, or whatever that was, the pain had disappeared, but in real life, it hadn’t. It touched my chest, to see if I still had a broken rib, and, of course it was still there.

“Help me up AJ, I have to go to the hospital” I said, while trying to get up from the ground. She extender her hoof, and I held it tight. I got up, and walked to the car.

“I’ll go to the hospital so they can fix my rib, I’ll be back in a few da—. What are you doing?”

“Did ya think I was goin’ to leave ye alone? No, I’m commin’ with ya!”

“You can’t, everybody would see you. Also, even if I say you’re my pet or something, I don’t think they let you in”

“Then you’ll have to make yer best! Cuz I’m not leaving you alone!”

We drove to the hospital. It was a tough struggle, since the pain my chest was producing didn’t let me drive quite well. When we finally got there, I asked if my pet could come in. I said it was a young pony, since ponies, for most of the people, are like horses, just that a little bit different. I also hoped for nobody to know Applejack, or MLP:FiM.

Somehow, I finally got the nurse to let my “pet” in.

“Now, they’ll let you in. But, nor ponies, nor pets talk in our world. So you can’t say a single word, unless we’re alone, ok?”

“Alrite sugar cube” She answered, and we entered the hospital

“The doctor will attend you in a few minutes, when he’s done with the other patient” Said the nurse. Good, I wanted to be out of there as soon as I can.

The patient finally got out, and I could get into the office. Applejack came with me. I lied to the doctor that one of the horses I had in my farm had kicked me.

“Does it hurt if I touch here?” He asked, while putting his hand over my chest

“Yes, a lot”

“Yeah, you got a broken rib then. Let’s take you a x-ray of your chest shall we?”

“Ok” I said, expecting the worse.

The doctor left the room for a moment.

“Will you be alrite, dad?” Applejack asked

“Sure, don’t worry, we’ll get through this, and everything will get back to normal” I hope…

The doctor then returned with the results.

“You’ll need surgery sir” he said. Damn…

“What’s the risk if I don’t do it?” I asked

“Sir, your broken rib is really close to your heart. If you do not submit to the surgery, the least movement will probably move the rib, making a hole in your heart, causing a hemorrhage, killing you. You need the surgery”

“Ok then, but when will it be?”

“Tomorrow, we need to fix this as fast as we can. You’ll have to spend the rest of the day here, however” He said

Some questions later, I was in my own room, on my own hospital bed. I answered any questions Applejack had before closing my eyes and sleeping.

“I’m very, very sorry dad”

“Don’t worry, tomorrow, everything’s going to be fixed” I said, and closed my eyes.

Comments

[Olimak]

PART 2 IS UP!!

[godofwar88,108,9,2]

i liked it whats funney is that AJ is in the hospital with him but where its seems shes in plane site it would be weird seeing a orange pony with a cowgirl hat on but over al nice job , godofwar88 the fanficfim critic

[Typewrittensoul]

297604
My Little Dashie was an example of FORCED SAD, along the lines of "Marley & Me". Although "Dashie" being a fictional account, loses much of the ethos that Marley has. The themes themselves are what resonate the strongest amongst fans, while the specific instances within the story are what put off the detractors.
That said, within the world set up, its able to evoke strong emotion, but requires one to suspend their belief a tad.
It's a story that, if you take the character's background to heart, makes you happy and sad for the trials and events that happen.
--
As for this story in particular, the sense of continuation was just instantly broken with the second paragraph. This had the same problems of all the other Dashie sequels: it relies on the knowledge of the original to carry the reader's interest. There's no set up (no description of setting), no actual contemplation going on. The character is just thinking things and stating his thoughts ("Ever since Dashie left, I felt very lonely and sad" but how are you sad? Why specifically?) rather than actually reflecting the weight of his feelings (Trying to relate the "sad" to something or other instance).

I seriously recommend you get someone to edit this and subsequent chapters. An editor is not necessary. Just get SOMEONE to read and really get to the grit of what works, what doesn't, what's enjoyable and what wasn't with your writing before you post.
Take note of metaphors and phrases and writing styles that flow really well in any other stories (of any sort whether its fanfiction or original) that you read and try to see if you can incorporate the ones that seem appropriate to what you're trying to get across to the reader.

My last point is also what I think will be the biggest factor to my lack of enthusiasm to this fan sequel. The following sentence has no place being in the story: "I just woke up, and my manly tears were already flowing through my face."

Being inspired is one thing, making references is understandable. But that sentence just stops me from taking anything following it seriously. Not the sudden crash of AJ or the character's sudden 180 degree turn in admitting that he'd probably "fall in love with Applejack".

Pacing and grammar aside, I wish you luck on your writing. I hope you write your own fanfic.

[Olimak]

312453
What? You've never seen a little horse on a hospital with a cowboy hat?
Well, for her age, she's small, not her full size, also, everybody thinks she's a horse.... (that was the main idea)

[Olimak]

312464
Nice comment sir, you really took your time writing it didn't you?
Well, about the editing part, I live in a country were you talk spanish, not english. In my college, we're all learning english, I'm in the best level (we have 4 levels), and, as far as I know, there's nobody else who knows more than me, and I don't know more than my class.
What do I mean with this?
Though I can send this to a friend who really knows english, he/she wouldn't be able to fix many of my mistakes.
I sure have friends who's native language is english, but I haven't really known them in person. It would be like "Hi stranger, can you edit my story, though I don't know who the heck are you?" And that, for me, would be asking way to much from a friend who I met in the internet.
"Take note of metaphors and phrases and writing styles that flow really well in any other stories (of any sort whether its fanfiction or original) that you read and try to see if you can incorporate the ones that seem appropriate to what you're trying to get across to the reader"
When I read, I usually focus on reading, not taking metaphors from the text, though I sometimes use a word or phrase I've seen.
(...) "fall in love with Applejack"
I can see your point there, and I accept the fact that maybe, I didn't think too much on that phrase. What I meant to say is that 'the character would have to take care of Applejack, and he probably was going to become very attached to her', but I could only think about 'falling in love of her', pretty much like the character did with Dash.
One last thing:
""I wanna say, it's my first story, it's probably not going to be a masterpiece""
Double quote to mark it as important.. I guess you'll figure out what I meant

[Typewrittensoul]

312525
Here's a group of bronies that I'm sure are willing to help you out.
http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=97

Apart from reading, as in enjoying the story, it helps as a writer to analyze. Analyzing what you read not only helps you to become a better writer, but will help you enjoy the reading as well. Like understanding a metaphor so you can really feel what the writer is trying to say, then with practice you can do the same thing. I wonder if you can write a story in spanish so you can rack up a lot of spanish brony fans.

I also noticed you mention that it's your first story, which is why I wished you luck on your writing.

By the way, buena suerte con tu escritura

[Olimak]

312620
Gracias, supongo
You speak spanish for real, or you google translated?
Spanish FanFics are not an option for me. I love english, more than spanish. Spanish FanFics just simply dont seem to be right, since the show itself is voiced in english, so making a story with spanish talking characters just doesn't seems right to me.
Also, writing in english improves my understanding of it, and so, i can speak even more fluid that i already can.
Again, "thanks, i guess"

[Typewrittensoul]

313062
I know buena suerta, but the rest I looked up (yo se francés y ingles)
>I love english, more than spanish
It's because the Spanish dub sucks, isn't it?

[Olimak]

313428
Eeyup
The accent is just not right, but not only for that, also because I love the challenge of learning english
By the way its
"buena suertE" you said buena suerta

[The Lich King]

Fuck what everyone is saying,update the history,it is fucking unbelievably AWESOME

[Olimak]

334443
Hey, thanks a lot!
But, the reason of why I haven't updated this story yet isn't because of the comments or dislikes.
Its because I don't have much time. I'll try to upload the next chapter tomorrow, or, if I'm lucky enough, today (Sunday)

[Alex Wadegrove]

I like it. I'll probably give it a chance.
Now; On to the original story (calling it a "masterpiece" is debetable): To be honest, I kind of forced (and I mean really FORCED) myself to cry to immerse myself into "My Little Dashie" emotionally. Also, Rainbow Dash is my least favorite of the Mane 6 (I still like her though) and the story doesn't really change any of that. She kind of reminds me of myself when i was younger (Smug, bragging and attention seeking) and I really loathe people like that. Since MLD is only a fanfic and it got nothing to do with the actual show it reminds me "Oh yeah... She's still really smug and arrogant...".
Don't get me wrong; I like My Little Dashie. It's just my opinion on the matter.

[Olimak]

361102
Actually, I know that feel.
I cried just a bit after reading the finale.... I had to force those tears to come out too... kinda
But, still, it's a touching story, and I say it's a masterpiece, just because of being it, and being well writen.
Thanks for the comment, though you should also read the Sequel and Threequel, which are way better than mine
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5284/My-Little-Dashie%3A-A-sequel

[Alex Wadegrove]

361140
Yes, I've read that. Honestly, I don't see the point of any "added ending" or "continued" stories for MLD (I still give them a chance if they are well-written though). "My Little Dashie" ended the way it was supposed to. Dash leaving her foster forever, hence the main character ultimately decides to make the best of his life without her. There's really nothing more to add to the story.

The one you linked by the way, I think it was chapter twelve, one line said " I have had enough alcohol to put myself into a coma twice now.". Just to add a little criticism; There was not even a hint of any of that in the original story. He was sad, yes, but he decided to move on with his life and make the best of it (like I said in the previous section). That, and the fact that he eventually, somehow, found his way into Equestria, really ruined it.

If people want to make sequels to MLD that's fine, but no one should expect everyone to be happy with it. I'm not bashing anyone. Again, it's just my personal opinion.

[Olimak]

362791
MLD left us with many questions. What happened next? Did they ever saw each other again?
Those questions are obviously answered by our imagination, but, when someone writes it and posts it here, or elsewhere, we can have an idea and clear those questions.
Anyway, I agree with you a little bit, he wasn't THAT sad in the original story, since he knew he did a good job and had to let her go, but, wouldn't you be pissed off if something you cared about and loved was gone in a blink of an eye?

[Alex Wadegrove]

366338
My mom died of cancer 4 years ago, so yes. I was pretty upset back then. (not looking for sympathy :P)

Anyways... Scenario: Somebody finds a Mane6 filly somewhere and they adopt her. They take care of her for years but one day she is brought back to her own world. They get sad, but not overwhelmingly sad because they know it is as it should be.

I think it's safe to say that if anypony (as in brony/pegasister) just happened to find a filly Mane 6 they would instantly know she will one day have to return to Equestria. That guy in MLD knew that Dash would one day be brought home and he prepared for it, because he KNEW it was going to happen. You can't make him into a drunk when he said "I still have a lot of life ahead of me, and I plan to make the best of it." and expect it to make sense. I don't buy that at all.

"My Little Dashie" left me with no questions after I finished reading it.
"What happened next?" answered itself. Dash returns to Ponyville and continues her adventures in Equestria while the Guy moves on with his life on earth as an average, normal human being.
"Did they ever see eachother again?" on the other hand; I didn't bother with that question at all because it was too obvious that they did not. (Like I've said maybe 2-3 times now :P ) Dash is gone forever, never to return. That's the ending for me. As it was (is) ment to be.

TL;DR
Sequels to fanfics with an obvious ending doesn't make sense to me

[Olimak]

368903
Anyway, think about it.
In the life of a teenager (like me) reading is something you need. I'm studying english (as I stated above) so reading english and/or writing in english
helps a lot, reason of why I'm doing this.
On the other hand, I liked the story, I can now live my life knowing that Dashie's okay and found his father, which makes me happy, as I'm a fan of Rainbow Dash
I know it's not the same, but, I lost my rugby couch some years ago. He was like a second father to me, I cared about him a lot, we made jokes and had long chats about whatever we could think about. So yeah, I know that feeling as well..