Discord's Revenge

by Naxanz

Darkening Skies

As Spike slept in, like always, Twilight was casually sorting books. Every so often she would reorganize them because organization was her top priority.

“Hmmm, Spells for Beginners would go under the spell book category, and the book on how to organize books would go into the nonfiction category,” Twilight muttered to herself as she put the books into their proper place.

At that that very moment she heard somebody knock at her door.

“I-I’ll get it,” said Spike sleepily as he woke up.

Spike walked slowly over to the door and opened it. Applejack stepped in followed by Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash.

“Well howdy Twilight,” said Applejack, “We all have nothing much to do today, so we were wonderin’ if you didn't either then we could all hang out.”

“We could all go to the spa!” proclaimed Rarity excitedly.

“Or we could throw a party! For no apparent reason at all!” squealed Pinkie.

“Or we could go to my house and pet all the cute animals,” said Fluttershy quietly.

“Those all sound like great ideas girls! Spike, sort the books while we’re gone,” said Twilight as she ambled outside with her friends.

“Ugh, fine…” answered Spike.

As the friends walked down the street chatting excitedly Applejack noticed something strange in the sky. She did a double take not believing her eyes.

“Oh my stars, hey Dash! Lookie here! Is it just me or is that cloud pink?!” stammered Applejack.

“What are you talking about Applejack?” said Rainbow Dash coolly as she floated by.

“Th-that cloud! It’s pink!”

“Huh? Wow, your right. One sec, I’ll fly up there and check it out.”

Rainbow Dash bolted upwards flying faster than ever and stopped before the cloud. She studied it closely and then cautiously tasted it. Realizing what it were her eyes opened wide. She was paralyzed with fright; just hovering there in the sky. But then she thought,

“Why am I so scared? We owned that bastard once and we can do it again! Besides, why would he be back? We freaking encased him in stone! This is probably just a leftover cloud that never disappeared or something.”

“Hey Rainbow!” yelled up Applejack, “What is it? You’ve been hovering up there for awhile now.”

“Oh it’s nothing,” called down Rainbow Dash, “I think it’s just a leftover cloud that never disappeared after we defeated Discord.”

“Awesome! Bring it down here so I can eat it!” cried Pinkie as she bounced up and down eagerly.

Rainbow Dash leisurely brought the sugary cloud down the earth. Pinkie took a huge bite, chortled, and then took another. The ponies continued walking down the street as if nothing had happened. That is until they saw a second cloud. Then another, and another, and another! They seemed to be appearing out of nowhere! Either a normal cloud would turn pink, or a pink cloud would randomly materialize!

“You call that one extra cloud!” exclaimed Rarity

Soon there were so many cotton candy clouds that the sun was virtually blocked out. This left Ponyville dark and shadowy.

“Muahahahaha!” laughed a familiar voice from all directions, “Did you really think that you could defeat me, the king of chaos, disorder, and confusion!”

“Discord! N-no way!” stammered Fluttershy.

“Did you miss me? Because I know I missed you. Muahahaha!” he guffawed hysterically.

“Show yourself!” demanded Twilight.

“Oh, all in good time Twilight.”

“We beat you once and we can beat you again!” yelled Rainbow Dash in a random direction.

“Yeah, there ain’t no way you can beat us,” argued Applejack.

“Well, we’ll just see about that! Do you really think I’d let myself be overpowered for a third time?” questioned Discord, “I mean seriously! One thousand years ago I had no knowledge about the elements and got destroyed by Celestia and her sister Luna. Then, one thousand years later, I became overly confident and lost to you girls. Ah, but not this time! This time I won’t celebrate my victory until I know for a fact that you’re all beaten! I will crush anybody who gets in my way, and kill all who defy me! You’re about to see my bad side, and trust me when I say you’re not going to like it! My motto this time is destroy all and then chaos!”

Lighting made of fire erupted from the clouds and incinerated nearby houses. Then from the center of it all Discord slowly descended down to the ground.

“Nyahahahahaha!” Discord laughed so hysterically he seemed to be mentally insane.

Nobody moved. They all just stared at him, shocked by his sudden change of attitude.

“Why lookie here!” he said acting surprised, “I just happen to have the elements of harmony!”

He snapped his fingers and they instantly appeared into his open hands.

“No! I won’t let you!” screamed Rainbow Dash.

She burst forward with so much speed that she almost instantly created a sonic rainboom! Discord held his hand out in front of him and then snapped his fingers. Rainbow Dash literally stopped right in front of him, frozen in time! Discord then snapped his fingers again and she was blown back with so much force that she broke that sound barrier a second time!

“How about we play a little game?” grinned Discord fiendishly, “Everypony has to play or I win and you die!”

Comments

[Nazkan]

Great, another evil Discord fic. Just what we needed. Forgive me if I hold my cheer, and remember to sit still while I operate my dissection kit.
Lets start at the length, shall we? This is painfully short, even by my standards, and I once wrote a 300 word story. If I had to give you a helpful hint, and I do, it would be to try and be more descriptive. You have a good grasp on avoiding the word said, so that's a good point. However, your minimalistic style undermines any attempts at utilizing this.
Rainbow Dash shouldn't be using the word bastard, since the word is never spoken in the show and is just crude enough to be considered a cuss word. Pinkie Pie only thinks with her stomach and is slightly out of character, but not enough to be a problem. Twilight is too willing to abandon her schedule while halfway through it, to be with her friends. She would at least attempt to continue working.
Discord is terribly out of character, but that's to be expected and I will allow a certain amount of leeway, but even in the parameters of the story he is still out of character. Discord is not stupid, he can realise that if he destroys everything, then there's nothing to make chaos with. He was also against killing ponies, preferring instead to break their minds and watch the ensuing 'fun'. Not to mention the fact that his powers don't even work like the way they are portrayed in the story. Clicking his fingers and making it rain fire lightning to set things on fire at least shows some semblance of common sense and control. Clicking his finger and making it rain exploding pillow cases to cause a flood of grape juice is both random and nonsensical, and that's more the way a god of chaos would act. But this is more my opinion than fact, so feel free to disregard this.
In conclusion, Clichéd, poorly written, out of character and just plain hard to read.
It's going to take a lot of revision to get this fic into one a person would be interested in. Try reading some of the non terrible fics around this website before you attempt to write one.
Giant balls of chicken
Dis...Nazkan

[Naxanz]

311650

ikr isn't it great?

[Princess Bronicorn]

OMG cant wait till next chapter