The Wonderful Life of Berry Punch

by Dusk-Spark

Ch. 6: "What is with you and zombies?"

The Thunderbutt diner/bar. Berry had worked there in her adolescent year. It was originally called something much more elegant, lost to time and years of alcohol consumption unfortunately. On the day the old mare decided to move to Manehattan to be with her family for her final days, she handed Berry Punch the deed and some very inspiring words that Berry tried to remember in everything she did:

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"You can't change the past, so don't bother worrying about what you did back then.
The future is always moving, so don't spend all your time wondering what will happen tomorrow.
Live today with the ponies you care about most, treat it like it'll be your last day and you'll have a wonderful life.
No regrets, Berry. Now go sweep up that corner, I think I saw a rat starting a fire. I'm telling you, they're planning a revolt! Everyone laughs at me, but when the rat overlords take over the bowls of jello, ALL OF PONYVILLE WILL BE SORRY!
Also make sure to always check for zombies. Yes, every pony says there's no such thing...yet. The key word there is yet.
ALWAYS BE PREPARED FOR ZOMBIES!"

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...The old mare may have been drunk off her haunches when she gave Berry those words of wisdom. Regardless, the place was hers now. She originally wanted to spruce the place up, make it look good as new...
And then she got drunk off her flank when reminiscing about the time she met Colgate (they got in a fight on the playground over something stupid, something about how the school was only big enough for one set of twins) and then later when she met Colgate's brother Blues.
Next morning, she finds construction ponies putting up the sign: “Thunderbutt” over the door.
She remembered thinking: ‘Stupid drunk Berry’ the following morning and tried to punish drunk berry by DRINKING MORE, thinking she would die of alcohol poisoning and then Berry Punch would be free of her drunk self!
....The plan didn't work of course, because that was stupid.
......There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to kill drunk Berry.

Curious. The door was unlocked. Did she forget to lock up last night? Or maybe…ZOMBIES?! ‘Be brave Berry.’ She took a deep breath, steadied her nerves and…barreled right through the door screaming: “DIE ZOMBIES!” She was about ready to fight a whole horde of vicious zombies…instead all she saw was Colgate and Blues. Blues standing on his hind legs while carrying a comically shivering Colgate, they both had terrified expressions stuck to their face. “…Am I interrupting something?” Berry joked, and then she felt a light telekinetic thwack to the head.

“You startled me, Berry. Came rushing in all of a sudden like a bat out of Tartarus.” Colgate got back onto her four hooves and dusted herself off.

“Yeah, I guess I did…” Then it suddenly hit her, “Did you two break into my bar?”

“Wh-No!” Colgate protested, “You gave us the spare key last night.” Oh yeah, she was wondering what happened to that back when she was tearing apart her room.
....She probably should've been very concerned about that, actually.

“Well, drunk Berry did.” Blues suddenly spoke up, turning his attention back to the large case resting against one of the tables.

“I did?” Berry Punch really WAS on a roll today! Maybe she should get drunk more often? It seemed to be going great for her so far. “And what’d drunk Berry say to do?”

Colgate used her magic to hoist a keg onto the table. “Keep an eye on this keg for starters, gather up some cups, a punch bowl and I think there was something else you wanted to tell me but…you were way too drunk, I couldn‘t really make out what you wanted to say. Mainly because you tried to get into a fight with a table.” Colgate had a really wide grin on her face that...kind of made Berry a little uncomfortable. "The table won, by the way."

Well that might explain why her headache hurt a little worse than usual that morning, “You seem pretty chipper?” Berry noticed Colgate’s good mood. Berry could almost think Colgate was trying to do a Pinkie Pie impression. And she was doing a decent job of it.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Colgate’s happy smile suddenly turned mischievous, “Nightmare Night is like Hearth Warming for dentists.” Seeing Berry’s sour expression, Colgate quickly added, “Only joking! I would prefer my patients maintain their teeth properly…still…I do get an increase in patients after Nightmare Night. So…silver lining.”
Colgate laughed it off, “So Blues!” She was trying to change the subject, “What are you gonna dress up as?”

Blue’s gaze shifted to the ceiling, “Hm…A robot?” He didn’t sound all that enthusiastic, probably wasn’t interested in the conversation. Just went back to examining his case. Typical Blues, if they were a two-pony comedy act then Colgate would most likely be the silly one, while Blues was the comic foil straight-stallion. “Maybe I should practice a bit?” He said to himself. “What about you Berry, what’s your costume?”

“…” Berry looked dumbfounded; at a complete loss for words, she realized…she didn’t have a costume. Well, she did have that Daring Do costume from last year but…there was a bit of a mishap with the costume a few weeks ago. She tried not to remember it. Long story short, she had to burn the costume afterwards. And even that would never make her feel clean again.

“Berry?"

“Huh?” She remembered that Blues had asked her a question, “Oh um…I’m…gonna be…” Two pairs of eyes on her, Berry laughed nervously. “I think I hear Cheerilee calling! In the backroom!” Berry dashed straight for the door past the counter. ‘Costume. Now I need a costume for me…I‘ll figure it out later.’ She pressed her ear against the door…

She heard the entrance open and then the sound of hooves leaving. But only one pair? “…” Her gaze drifted to a note hanging next to the door. She looked a bit closer and saw her own, very drunk, writing:

“Dear future Berry, the keg has the drinks but do-” it just ended in a scribbling mess that drunk Berry must’ve thought were words at one point.

"Ah whatever, couldn’t have been important." Her thoughts were interrupted by the melodious sound of the saxophone in the other room. She had always liked Blues playing…okay maybe she actually just liked Blues in the past, but that was in the past. Right? It felt like such a long time ago...

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It was shortly after Berry and Colgate's little scuffle on the playground. Leave it to Berry to kick a filly in the face and then become her best friend a week later. Turned out the two had a lot in common and had a lot of fun hanging out with each other. It was when school was over for the day that the three fillies: "Berry, Cheerilee, and Colgate were discussing weekend plans, that Berry heard the sound of music playing somewhere in the school house. It was like she was being lured by a siren's call as she followed the sound to...Mr. Autumn's extracurricular music class, where she peeked into the open door to see the blue colt playing that instrument that seemed much too large for him.

Colgate whispered into Berry's ear, "Berry and Bluesie sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-" That was as far as she got before Berry shoved a hoof over her mouth!

"I-I-I do not!" She protested hastily.

"Oh, you totally do! Ahahahaha!"

"Guys, please, they're having a class right now-"

"I do not, stink breath!"

"Hey! I brush my teeth 3 times a day! Do you brush yours even once?!"

"Girls..." Cheerilee's voice was little more than a whisper.

"Ahem! If you're quite finished..." The gravely voice of Mr. Autumn was like ice water down their spines, "I would suggest you three kindly wait for class to finish before you go about your two-pony comedy act."

"S-Sorry, sir!" The three fillies hastily apologized in unison. Out of the corner of Berry's eye, she met Blue's gaze. She half-heartedly smiled and expected the colt's blank stare to turn into a smile as well.

Instead, all he said was: "...Now there's two of them..." And that was the day she met Noteworthy aka Blues.

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"I've met ponies under worse circumstances."
Suddenly the music stopped before Berry could continue her inner monologue or take another trip down memory lane.
“Hm?” She heard the sound of a new set of hoof steps, something falling on the ground, and then…nothing? Maybe this time it really WAS zombie ponies. Or maybe it wasn't? Actually, any smart pony would come to the conclusion that it was not a case of zombies.
. . . . . . . .
Berry was not one of those smart ponies. “Agh!” She kicked the doors wide open. “Zombies!” She came bursting out and suddenly felt a telekinetic field wrap around her body and lift her off the ground. “Aaaahhh! Put me down, put me down, put me down!”

“It’s okay, she owns the place!” Colgate frantically exclaimed.

“Oh...I apologize profusely.” She heard the apologetic tone of a voice that seemed…very familiar.

Before Berry could take a look at the pony that had lifted her up, she was suddenly subject to the laws of gravity once again. “Owwww.” Gravity really had it out for her today.

“Are you unharmed, bartender?”

“Well I prefer to call it a diner but-” Berry stopped when she looked up to see the tall dark mare she was talking to. “P-P-Princess Luna!” Berry bowed down low, accidentally smacking her muzzle to the hardwood floor. Ignore the pain; Berry was in the presence of royalty, “What brings you here?” She asked, not looking up at the princess of the night. Feeling that she was unworthy to look upon her grace.

“…” The sound of Luna’s hoof steps got closer, then walked away from her…towards the bar counter?

Berry looked up from the floor, seeing Luna sitting at the counter. On the customer side. Was she really…

“I am here for the annual nightmare night celebration; I’m…a bit early. I was very much hoping to sample your wares and mingle with the citizens of Ponyville. Unless, I am imposing?”

“N-No! Not at all! Please, make yourself at home!” Berry rushed over to the other side of the counter, ‘Bartender persona. Bartender persona.’ Berry tried to get in the zone, shaking her legs all about and blinking. It must’ve looked strange to anyone else. She was ready. “Ahem.” She cleared her throat and put on a warm smile, “What can I get you, princess?”

Luna looked at the various bottles behind Berry; her face displayed a look of confusion. She seemed very uncomfortable for some reason. This made Berry a little anxious, had she already messed something up? Was she about to be escorted to a dungeon? Oh dear…

“W-Would you like me to recommend something?” Berry squeaked with a wavering voice, her cool bartender persona breaking with each word.

At this, Luna’s expression seemed to soften; “Yes, that would be most helpful. Thank you.”

“Okay then!” A drink fit for a princess, a drink fit for a princess, a drink fit for a princess…which of her terrible concoctions could be fit to grace the lips of the princess of the night? Maybe some whiskey? Nah, no alcohol. She was definitely not gonna be responsible for the princess getting drunk and making a fool of herself on a day that is supposed to be ABOUT her. Well, technically Nightmare Moon but lets not nitpick. Maybe some water? Heck no, too boring. Maybe some of the stronger stuff? Again, no. Not getting the princess super drunk. Not tonight at least.
“Um…” Berry’s mind was in complete chaos. Where, under normal circumstances she would already have the drink ready to go. Now, it was like the labels on the various bottles were written in another, made up language! It was almost like the bottles were...LAUGHING at her! So many choices, all of them could convey any number of messages to Princess Luna!

“Is…there a problem?”

“No, no, no problem!” Oh screw it. Berry grabbed a bunch of random drinks, poured them into a mug, stirred them up and done. “Aaand here you are.” Berry said while sliding the mug over to Princess Luna. ‘Please don’t be poison. Please don’t be poison. Please don’t be poison.’

As Luna took an elegant sip, the room was quiet. As if waiting for something big to happen!
. . . . . .
Luna lowered the mug from her lips, her expression neutral. She was silent, why was she silent? Oh no, Berry must’ve screwed up. The princess must’ve hated it. Berry made a mental note to beg the princess to at least let her say goodbye to Pinchy before she was carted off to a dungeon deep below Equestria where no pony will ever hear from her again. “It’s good.” Luna suddenly spoke up.

Berry let that sink in for a bit; “It’s good.” Berry let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding all this time. ‘Thank goodness.’ She scrapped that mental note for now at least.

“What do you call this beverage?”

“…” Aaand there’s the wall, hm...Berry had been a frequent visitor to this imaginary mental wall today. Was there some kind of punch card that could give her a reward if she-
FOCUS!
“Umm…”

“Starry Night.” Blues suddenly spoke up from the nearby table.

She could KISS him and his quick wit right about now! “Yes! Starry Night, it’s something that I’ve been experimenting with recently. How’s it taste?”

“I have lived for over a thousand years, unfortunately I must ask forgiveness. It’s...very hard to describe the taste.” Luna said while taking another sip. “It is quite good though.” She stretched her wings and took a deep breath, “I hear barkeeps make for excellent conversation. Would you…care to grace me with conversation, fair barkeep?”

The mood in Thunderbutt started to relax just a bit while Luna drank. ‘Alright. Cool bartender, cool bartender.’ Berry put on a wide smile and said, maybe a little too eagerly. “Of course! I’m Berry Punch.” She introduced herself, “I’m not that interesting of a pony. I prefer to listen rather than talk about myself. You…must have some interesting stories, I mean you've been around for so long and-” Too late. Berry must have stepped on a faux paus landmine. Luna might take it that Berry was calling her old. Or pointing out the 1000-year imprisonment. Or even something else that Berry hadn‘t considered.

“I have…many stories.” Luna didn’t seem to notice the faux paus, thankfully. Probably due to being gone for a thousand years, “If you would allow it, I would certainly tell you one from long ago. It's about a guard I once knew before my imprisonment, you may remember her as Radiant Gem.”

Berry wasn’t really into history all that much, but she’d be stupid to turn down Luna’s story (for more reasons than one).
“I’m all ears, your highness.”