Life Struggles

by hillbilly_andy

Questions

Chapter 2- Questions
“AAHHH!!” the purple mare screamed in terror, “AAHHH!!”, as I matched her scream to perfection, “Who are you…What are you? Stay back!” she yelled fearfully.
“ME?! You...Talking purple horse…AHH DEMON!!” I replied equally terrified, I turned to run but the last thing I saw was my half naked grandpa running towards the noise, before I ran straight into the door frame, and was knocked out cold.
“I...I think he is waking up.” Said an unfamiliar female voice.
“I aint never seen that boy scared of anything, let alone knock himself out… HA! Funniest shit I ever saw. That was funnier than a retard eatin hotwings.” I recognized that gruff, old voice and wheezy laughter. My grandpa, Rod. My memories where a blur as if having to much to drink, getting really fucked up, and waking up the next morning trying to remember what had happened. Then suddenly, almost painfully, my memories came rushing back like someone broke open a dam and everything flooded in at once. I shot upright, my medium long black hair rushing into view, and realized, that was a bad idea. As I clutched my forehead and groaned, my vision was begging to come to, It was my grandfather sitting in a chair near the kitchen table, and a worried looking purple…Unicorn? She was sitting staring down at me. My grandfather, a smaller heavy set man with a long bushy white beard with equally long white hair. His large hands and pop-eye forearms holding his coffee cup while his bold, tired eyes were magnified behind his large wire framed glasses looking quizzically at me. He reminds me a bit of Santa clause, that is if Santa clause wore a fishnet ball cap, overalls, and had fingers the size of sausages. All I could do was sit and stare at the purple unicorn, as my mind tried to fill it with an explanation. My mouth moved but no words were coming out. “I knew it...” I finally was able to choke out, my mind still half retarded.
“Huh?” my grandpa said looking at me funny.
“I knew it, I finally went crazy, just like they said… no way that’s real, there’s a talking purple unicorn in our fucking kitchen.” I said pointing accusingly to the colored mare.
“No, you aint crazy boy. But she does have one hell of a story, you need to sit, listen and be respectful boy. Ya hear?” He said in a tone that almost made me feel in trouble. I merely nodded and slowly got to my feet, never taking my eyes off the purple pony. I sat in the chair next to me, across from my grandfather and tried blinking a few times as if this were just some dream, and I wasn’t waking up. Seconds, which felt like minutes resumed in silence before I finally broke it, surprising myself. “Grandpa, you don’t look at least one bit surprised about this whole thing. How are you not freaking out right now?” I asked, my grandpa just shrugged his shoulders at me and replied calmly. “Eh, I’ve seen weirder things. I tend not to question or be surprised by things. I just make whisky, play cards and let the answers come by themselves… everything happens for a reason boy.”
“Right...” I replied in an almost sarcastic tone. 'Yep,...that's it, my brain stopped.' I thought as i watched him. He just sat, stared out the window and sipped his coffee. “So how long have I been out?” I asked worriedly. My grandpa gave I slight chuckle and replied. “Oh, maybe an half an hour…tops.” I just nodded and continued to stare at the purple unicorn. She then began to move towards me, startling me. Not knowing what to do I looked at my grandfather with a pleading look for help. All he did was return it with an amused smile and took another sip of his coffee. I sighed, and looked back down to the mare in front of me as she spoke.
“Uh..Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle.” She said with shakiness in her voice.
“Hey, I’m Andy, nice to meet ya.” I replied as I held out my hand. She put her small hoof in my hand and I gave it a light shake.
“I…uh…talked with your grandfather for a bit, and he answered a lot of my questions. He is very nice.”
“Ya, he is.” I said with a slight chuckle.
“Ya, just think it’s strange havin a horse...err...unicorn in the house. Then again I should be used to it, with all the damn animals you bring home from the woods.” My grandpa said almost mockingly. All I could do was crack a small grin. Twilights eyes perked up. “Oh! You like animals?” She asked
“Ya, seems I get along better with critters then I do people.”
“Ya, that’s no shit,” my grandpa said sarcastically. The mare looked at me with a smile, “Now I know two ponies that you would get along with.”
“Wait, two? There’s more of you?” I asked surprised.
“Yep, what I tell ya. Hell of a story.” He replied. The mare simply looked at me, I gave a long, low sigh and said, “ok, so… what’s your story?”
“Well...” she began grimacing. “It’s kind of a long story.”
“I got nothing but time, so let hear it.” I replied sternly.
“Ok.” She perked up, stood up straight, and took a deep breath. I could tell that this was going to take a while. I got up to go grab a cup of coffee. As I stood up, I realized just how small she was. Standing on all fours, she barely came up to the bottom of my waist, bout the normal size of a mini horse...Then again I was 6'3... I grabbed a cup and poured me some coffee. No sugar, black, just how I like it. I walked back to a seat at the table near my grandfather, and I could see the mare starring at me with a confused look on her face. Trying to imagine what she was thinking, I just shrugged and said with a slight smirk, pointing at myself. “It’s instant human, just add coffee.”
My grandpa gave a slight chuckle and replied, “Don’t drink his coffee, when he makes it, it’s so strong it wakes up the neighbors.” The mare just smiled and took another deep breath and began her story…
ONE HOUR AND MANY QUESTIONS LATER…
“…so the princesses and I put our magic together to cast a spell from my ‘Starswrill the Bearded’ book to see what the effect of the spell would be. There was a bright flash and the next thing I remember is waking up in your living room.” She finished with a nervous grin. I just sat there in stunned silence, stroking my medium sized beard trying to find something to say. Finally, “So, let me get this straight; make sure I got this right.” I paused a moment thinking of how to sum my thoughts up.
“You’re a magical unicorn, from a land called Equestria that inhabits pegasus, regular talking ponies and other magical unicorns and beings. All ruled by two queens who are sisters?”
“Princesses.” She corrected. “But yes, that would be the sum of it.”
“Well…” I replied calmly. “Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!! You’re right that is one hell of a story!!” I said wide eyed, staring at the purple unicorn trying to absorb everything that she told me. “Well, excuse me, I’m ganna run to the little boys room.” I said as I got out of my chair and headed to the restroom. Twilight looked like she was going to ask something, but decided not to.
“Hey,” my grandpa said, barely above a whisper once I was out of the room. Twilight looked up.
My grandfather continued, “Now, I really don’t know what you are, why you’re here, or what’s really going on, but…thank you.” Twilight just looked at him with a confused look on her face. “He hasn’t been this talkative in years. He’s a good buck; ya just got to give him time. He’ll warm up to ya eventually. He gets along better with animals I noticed and I don’t know why. He’ll sit and talk to animals for hours as if they were people. The animals love him. People….not so much…You being a talkin…pony, and what not, he’ll find it easier to talk to you. He’s been through a lot in a very short time, some of the things he’s been through I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. A lot people just think he’s crazy…maybe he is, but I still love him none the less. I know our ways and land must seem weird to you, but give it time and you’ll realize that were more alike than you think.” My grandpa finished, patted her on her head and began to get up out of his chair. The old man always did have a way with words. Twilight just smiled at him. I came back into the room and all eyes were on me, as if they had been talking about me just moments before.
“Alright,” my grandpa said breaking the silence. “It’s Wednesday, so I gots to go into town to pick up feed for the animals. You two stay here and get acquainted. Why don’t you show her around the farm a bit if she’s up fer it.”
“Yes please!” Twilight replied cheerfully. “I would love to see the differences that our worlds have and meet some of the creatures here. I would also like to know more about you, we don’t have humans where I come from. There just a myth from folk lore. It would make a great report paper” She replied smiling and clapping her hooves together
“well, I thought unicorns didn’t exist either, and yet here we are… sure I can do that.” I said, still somewhat stunned that I was talking to a purple unicorn.
“Ok.” My grandfather said butting into my train of thought, “I’ll see ya’ll here in a bit, OH!! And don’t forget about them fence posts. We need to get em fixed before the snow comes, if we don’t, were ganna be fubared.” He said waving a finger at me accusingly.
“Alright, I won’t forget, just be careful.”
“I will, I should be back by dinner.” He waved with a grin as he turned to leave out the door. I matched his grin and looked back towards Twilight. She walked up to me and looked at me with a hard look on her face.
“What is FUBAR?” she asked, saying the word as if it were deadly.
“Oh…that. It uh… Just means Fuck Up Beyond All Reason.” I said with a grin.
“Oh… well, what does fuck mean?” She asked confused with a cock of her head. I let out a deep sigh and covered my face with a hand and stared at her a moment, as my hand slid of my face I replied, “Today, is going to be a long day.”
After explaining what felt like humanity’s entire dictionary and several questions that fallowed, I heard a noise coming from outside. Suddenly, I realized aloud, jumping out of my chair. “FUCK!! I forgot to feed horses!”
“Your grandpa said he already feed them.” She said before I could reach the door. I let out a quick sigh of relief.
“Oh, ok. I’ll have to thank him when…” my thoughts were cut short as an idea struck me. “Hey, Twilight, would you like to go see what our ponies look like?” I asked with mile wide grin. Her ears perked up.
“Oh, yes please.”
“Alright, then I can show you around the farm a little bit, my own slice of heaven.” She just smiled at me, her face beaming with excitement. We headed for the door as we both walked out to the front porch. She simply stood there and gaped in wonder, mouth wide open.
“I have seen farms before, but this…this is very pretty and diverse, only one I have ever seen is an apple farm.” I just looked at her and chuckled.
“Ya, its pretty sweet, one thing’s for sure is that you’ll never NOT have anything to do around here.” She just giggled slightly as we began to walk to the barn.
“So,” I said, trying to strike up a conversation, “Ya said you’ve seen a farm before, you ever worked one before?”
“Yes, one of my best friends Applejack, she and her family own an apple farm. I helped her once with a harvest.” She answered confidently.
“Apple farm huh?” I said thinking deeply, “Don’t think I’ve ever seen one of them.”
“Yes, it’s quite pretty as well… you know, your accent reminds me a lot of hers, but yours is more…defined.” She said trying not sound insulting. “no offence.” She quickly added.
“Oh, none taken.” Trying to assure the young mare.
“So, do you like working on your farm?” she asked curiously.
“Does a bear shit in the woods?” I said with a grin. She looked at me as if I had smacked her. As if reading her mind. “It just means yes.” My grin fading.
“Well, why not just say ‘yes’ then?” I just shrugged, “I don’t know, habit I guess, makes for fun talkin.” Trying to find something else to change the topic, “Oh, hey,” I said excitedly. “Were here. You ready to see an earth...pony?” she nodded and I opened the barn doors to reveal the corrals and the gentle giants that took home in them. She stood in shock at the sheer size of the large equines.
“They’re…so big!” she replied stuttering as if trying to process what she was seeing. “They are even bigger than Celestia!” she said in awe. I raised an eyebrow trying to imagine this ‘Celestia’.
“Do they talk? I would love to do an interview.” She wondered excitedly. “Not to my knowledge, but I’ve gotten pretty good watchin em and reading em to figure out what they want.” She just stood silently and watched the giant as it lowered its head to sniff the young strange looking mare. Twilight gave me a worried look as if she wasn’t sure. I just stood there and grinned. As the large horse was eye level with twilight, it gave a deep sniff, and sneezed.
The large horse simply shook his head and trotted to the other end of the stall. I was cought up in hysterical laughter, to the point of tears, I almost couldn’t hear Twilight. “Ewww. Gross, alien pony snot.” She said grossed out and whipping off her face. That just made me laugh even harder. After my laughing fit, I saw a glaring Twilight, trying to compose myself, “ha,..That there is Toomee, name means ‘free spirit’ and he can be an asshole sometimes but he’s a good horse.” I replied the best I could, whipping tears away. The mare just stood and glared at me, realizing the joke was over I tried to change the subject. “Why don’t I show you around the rest of the farm?” she brightened up and we began to walk out. I was still snickering at the thought of her and the look on her face. She caught on and spiraled on me in an embarrassed tone.
“It wasn’t that funny.” I started to laugh again. I couldn’t stop, soon I heard twilight starting to laugh from a small chuckle into full out laughter. After our fit, we just smiled to one another and continued the tour.
After a long tour around the ranch and another laughing fit because of a rooster chasing Twilight, we were on our way back to the house. But something in the back of my mind was bothering me.
“Hey Twilight, I was wondering, when I found you and carried you home, you felt unusually light. Like near a newborn foul for my planet. I’m wondering, is that cuz of your magic?” I asked curiously.
“You know, I’m not really sure, I have noticed that I feel quite heavy here and slower moving.” She replied deep in thought. “I would think it might be because the gravity on your planet is much stronger than that on my planet. Yes, I think that might be it, I’ll have to run a few tests.”
“Huh…” I replied acknowledging. Deep in thought and paying no attention, I tripped over a stump and feel flat on my face. I got my feet back under me and chuckled. “Guess I should watch were I’m goin, not were I’ve been huh? HA.” Twilight looked…worried, scared even. Seeing this I asked, “What’s wrong Twilight?”
“I…I tried to catch you, but..” She gasped “Does my magic still work? Why couldn’t I catch you? Oh no..oh no…”
“What?... Slow down, maybe you couldn’t catch me cause I aint from your planet?” I asked, trying my best to calm her down, even though I knew nothing about magical unicorns. “Hey! I got an idea, if you want you could help me with those fence posts, that way you can use your magic and be sure it’s still in working order.” Twilights face perked up at the idea.
“Sure, sounds great, just one problem…. I really don’t know how.” She said her cheeks a burning crimson. I just chuckled.
“Come on, I’ll show ya.” She nodded and we headed to the shed for supplies.
The fence didn’t take long at all, and twilight was sure her magic was fine. She came to the conclusion that since I’m not from her planet and haven’t been around magic is why she cant use it on me. She even tried a few spells on me, nothing. Twilight freaked out once because the barb wire rolled back and cut me up pretty good and drew some blood. I guess healing spells work though, we found that out, leaving only a long scar down my arm, We took a step back to admire our handy work.
“Holy shit, we got that done faster than a jack rabbit on moonshine. I’ll make a farmer out you yet.” I said as I chuckled a bit.
“Ya, but I think I’ll just stick to my books…no offence.” She said looking exhausted. I heard the sound of growling and bubbling. I looked to Twilight who seemed a bit embarrassed, and gave me a nervous grin. I just smiled.
“Hungry huh? Ya, Im so hungry i could eat the balls off a low flying duck.” I replied grabbing my stomach. “We don’t have much for veggies except the stuff we just harvested. I assume you don’t eat meat.” She looked at me appalled. “Of course not! I don’t know any pony that does.”
“Well, I do.” I replied calmly. Yep, that got the reaction I was expecting. Twilight just stood there shocked, staring at me. “I thought you loved animals?” she asked looking a bit upset. I sighed.
“I do love animals, but meat is just good. I don’t kill for fun, I kill to survive. That’s the only way you’ll survive up here. When the snow comes, you can’t get down from the mountain or up it, and crops don’t grow year round…least not here.” I explained my own agitation showing in my voice. Twilight eased up a bit, “I guess I can understand that.” I smiled, “Come on, let’s go get some grub.” She just smiled up at me as we walked back to the house. The second we entered, I unhooked my bibs and tore off my sweat ridden shirt.
Twilight looked at me with a confused look on her face. “What are all those markings on your body? Are they your cutie mark?” Now, it was my turn to look confused.
“Cutie what?...No, there tattoos. People put em on themselves to show individuality, or remember something, or just because they look cool, like this one…” I said point to the one on my right shoulder. It looked like a cowboy hat resting on a pair of boots with a coffee cup next to it. “This one is for my brother who passed away, it’s a memorial tattoo. Most of the ones I have are memorials. Except this tribal one…” I said pointing to my right arm. It started as a half sleeve and made its way to my collar bone and wrapped around my peck. Then I proceeded to show her all of my tattoos from my dog tags from the military, to the tribal, skulls, flames, and animals that litter my arms and body. She asked about, my POW MIA tattoo and asked what it meant and quickly put my shirt back on.
After explaining all my tattoos and what they meant, she told me what cutie marks are. I understood them as a kind of tattoo that shows your destiny. She explained hers was magic. After that we ate up until we were stuffed. We then just talked for a long while. We talked about everything from her friends and family, all the way to my planet and the differences between. I looked down at my watch and realized, ‘wow 4:00, grandpa should have been home a couple of hours ago.’ Twilight must have seen the worry on my face and asked. “Is everything ok Andy?”
“Ya, just my grandpa has been gone fer a while, he should of been home by now.”
“Well, you said yourself, it takes a while to get to the town and back up the mountain. I’m sure he is fine.” She said with a reassuring smile.
“Ya, you’re probably right, Hey! What do ya say we go outside and you can use your magic and see if we can’t figure a way for you to get ya home.” I said with a grin, trying to change the subject. I was never good at the touchy feely stuff. She just nodded and matched my grin as we headed back outside.
Well, no luck. I guess Twilight tried every spell she knows but nothing. She disappeared once and then to my surprise reappeared back in the kitchen. We must have been out there for hours because when I looked at the sky, I saw the sun getting ready to set. I remembered my grandpa and began to worry again, it was damn near dusk, where is he? Twilight was exhausted from the exertion of using so much magic for a long period of time. I saw her tired figure and I gestured towards the house. She merely nodded and we walked back in and sat down near the kitchen table, I sat in my chair and Twilight just flopped down on the floor. I was just getting ready to get up to make some coffee when the phone rang. It startled Twilight and made me jump, I looked for the noise and saw it. Darkness swept over me as I thought, ‘that phone never rings, nobody knows this number. The last time that phone rang was when…. No, not now, just push it back like I don with everything else that has happened.’
I started to dread as the phone continued to ring. Twilight looked at me with confusion, watching me. I shook my head and walked over to the phone, dusted it off and answered it.
“Hello?” I said with nervousness creeping into my voice.
“Yes, is this Andy?” the unfamiliar male voice said.
“Yes,.. Who’s this, and how do you know this number?” I said slightly agitated.
There was a pause on the other side of the line. “…this is Sheriff Ralph Nile of the Pinedale police department. Your grandfather…. You need to come to the station, there’s been an accident.”
“……..”

Author's Note:

Hey guys, got the new chapter up, let me know if i did better or worse. if you got advice or critisism, let me hear it, its the only way i can get better. thanks.

Comments

[hillbilly_andy]

hey guys, let yall know, it might be another week to week ad a half till the next chapter, me abd my family taged out on elk and deer. so between cuttin meat and workin the ranch, it becomes a little difficult. ill do my best!! let me know waht u guys think that the catagories should be. im not real sure wat this would fall under. thanks.

[New Lunar]

Told ya your grammer would improve. Every thing was great from what I read.

What would I do for some fresh deer to.

[Feelsbadbro1337]

I see there's a new chapter up in dis hood lel

Lol dat mare be screamin'. I can only imagine how amazing that would sound. Mmm.. I like how our first reaction is to scream at everything though.

Aw hell yeah we got dat half-naked grandpa showin off his smezzyness

Mmm yes I'm sure your grandpa has quite the rod.

Lol if that's what happens if you become crazy I'd loooove to become crazy lel.

Of course old people aren't going to be surprised. They've seen so much shit in their lives their surprisement function or organ or whatever doesn't even work anymore. Imagine if everyone had that mentality tho

Lol I'd think Andy would be the nervous one and Twilight be all chill and shizz. Unless maybe it's earlier Twilight or something I dunno

God hooves are so cute. ;~;

I like this old man lel

Dayum she's one small motherfucker. Just imagine how small the fillies would be. Srsly that's fuckin small nigga

Instant human? Loldafuq

dem caps

Lol so apparently the princesses were bored as fuck and didn't care about any possible scenarios and decided to dick around with magic with their student. yaaaaaa

Now all I can think of with Andy's appearance is some half-woman half-man looking guy with long, dirty black treads for hair and a fucking double if not triple chin where he has his fucking spaghetti beard. Fabulous.

Don't forget to mention that both the princesses are also lesbians that are in a massively incestuous relationship.

OHGODHERECOMESTHERELGIOUSFIGHTSDON'TEVERSAYJESUS'SNAMEWITHOUTEXPECTINGRAMPANTCHRISTAINNIGGERSTORAGEANDHATE

Yeah Andy piss in that fucking toilet. Make it so fucking loud man prove your god damn dominance.

Ha Twilight has watersports fetish I just know it

A good buck? I'm gonna use dat shit mayne..

Because Grandpan Roddy knows everything and everything he says it automatically right no-matter what. That's a good old person achievement. If he was wiser though he'd whisper in Andy's ear "Use a condom"

Yeah you better be stunned you little shit Andy. I know people who would kill you for their chance with Twilight. Huehuehuehue

All this fucking reminds me of Cartman.

THEY AREN'T PONIES YOU DUMB SHIT ANDY. REAL LIFE PONIES ARE A DISGRACE AND ARE FOREVER TO BE CALLED HORSES, BECAUSE HORSES IS AN UGLY ASS NAME!!

I remember one time I tried jacking off in-front of my cat to see what he would do. He didn't really pay that much attention to it.. I had to like shove it in his face to get him to look at it. I mean sure he might not be gay but c'mon an erect dick is fuckin hot. Just saying..

No bears don't shit in the woods. They shit on the ground you stupid tard

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww earth horses. Nothing is attractive about them. .-.

Yeah you better imagine that Celestia Andy. Imagine that huge fuckin flank you just wanna slap so fucking hard. Ohhhh yeah imagine that shit and be happy

Legend says that horse isn't around anymore

This has so many signs of a romance story it's not even penisy. Maybe it's all in my head lol.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH LETS TAKE DAT TRIPLE-CHIN DOWN TO A DOUBLE-CHIN NOW! THAT'S GOTTA HURT

For a second I legitly thought Twilight was shocked at his now double-chin. xD

Ohgod she might end up being stuck there. Good.... good..... now all I have to do is find where this 'Andy' lives and take her.... yes.. yes..... maybe be nice and leave him with a Woody as well.

I'd think Twilight would keep stressing over the fact she can't use magic. She'd pretty much be fucked there forever and if I was her I'd.. well if I was her I'd end up getting a crush on myself but yeah I'd be pretty freaking concerned and scared.

Oh so magic does work. Lucky little shat.

Aww exhausted mares are so fucking cute.. all covered in sweat and sexy as fuck. <3

...I, actually wouldn't mind eating a pair of balls... only if it was from Braeburn though. Lel

Lol. Applejack eats meat fool. Her brother's meat, that is. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

She sure understanded real quick

egh I hate people who say Grub. It's just so nasty mayneee meh

Lol Twilight be lookin at dat sexy body. I wouldn't mind tattooing my asscheeks to make it look like tits tho. I'd show ass cleavage like a damn boss.

I think yer grandpa finally found the titty bar Andy. Don't sweat it
But then again at that age you can get heart attacks from that shit. I swear if he actually ends up being dead I'm gonna be so damn pissed

God fucking damn though Twilight would look so hot at that moment. Fuck...

Oh you mother fucking little nigger nagger. Damnit your grandpa just had to find the fucking titty bar didn't he. God damnit

Well good story so far. Damn this turned out to be really long but that just means more crap for you to read. And yes I know there's excessive cursing but I guess that's just the mood I'm in right now lol. If Roddy is actually dead though then it's basically just him and Twilight. Aside from obvious sex in the future, it would technically just be him left. Damnnn if he was alone I wouldn't be surprised if he suicided.