It was a perfect day. One of those ones that seemed as if there was nothing to be done, and every pony was perfectly fine with that. Warm summery breezes flitted among the trees. All was well in the world.
Smiling up at the sunlight a mare did all she could to take in all she could of this beautiful free world.
Just a little longer, I wish I had more time...
She had been dreading this day for as long as she could remember. While her extended family found it to be a time of celebration she found it to be a nightmare. She had argued with her parents and grandparents about it for years, claiming the right to be her own mare. That she should have her own ability to fall in love with whoever she wanted, but like always she was denied what her heart desired.
she looked over the small town where the pegasi were all wandering, majority of them happy, not knowing of the bride to be who was wishing she could break this promise. Being the element of loyalty she was bound to keep every promise she made, whether it be little or small.
What if I don't love him? What if he'll just use me and keep me away? A thousand questions rushed through her mind as tear drops threatened to fall from her eyes. she was afraid. Would he love her or would he be cruel and just use her to try to produce an heir to his name? More drops fell as each question burned in her mind.
"Rainy?" a soft voice seemed to echo from nowhere. Turning she looked into the eyes of her older brother snowfall. Eldest brother to be exact. He was the oldest of seven boys and one little sister. "Mom needs you to start getting ready. Rarity’s not happy about it but she finally finished the dress." she looked away from him.
He had not expected this. His sister was the one mare her always knew would be the one to yell out her opinions and not care as long as she got heard. Growing up as the youngest of eight had given her a strong voice and strong sense of opinion. But this sad mare? She was a stranger to him.
"Rain I’m sorry." he said sitting next to her. While his face might not have shown it he was in pain. All his life he had worked up until the day she moved to keep his baby sister safe and happy, and now he couldn't protect her from her future. The moment his father gave her away he would lose his baby sister. He and all of his brothers would. She was a major facet of their lives, the one thing that brought them all together no matter where they went.
"I’m fine." she whispered and stood up. "No time like the present to lose everything that matters to you, right?" she was trying to be upbeat. Trying to cover up the sadness of losing her freedom. Knowing these types of arrangements she wouldn’t see her friends for a long time. The first year was always the make it or break it year. 6 months living in his life style and with his familiars and then 6 months back where the mare lived.
Spreading her wings she took off before her older brother could try to talk about it. She hated having to talk about the marriage. Taking a deep breath of the apple scented air she moved about, trying to take in all she could from where she was.
It was a picture perfect scene. She could make out the small town glittering with candle light as day moved to dusk, young ponies moving about, attempting to prepare for the next day. It was all too perfect, and it was wrenching her apart to have to leave it all behind.
Taking a deep breath in she glided down to where the church was and where she could see her friends in the window, awaiting her arrival. Blowing a kiss to snowfall she stepped inside immediately attacked with various makeup supplies, letting the girls chatter drown out the thoughts echoing about in her mind.
Rarity had outdone herself. In an attempt to follow both rainbow's style and the traditional dress style that was technically required, she had made the most beautiful dress rainbow had ever seen. It was a shimmering white dress, little diamonds hidden here and there, that refracted little rainbows into the air, with a v neck line that emphasized her lean figure. Upon her hooves were delicate crystal slippers, with small rubies rimming the edges.
For her hair, rarity and Fluttershy had pulled it into a high up bun and used a ruby studded crown to hold it in place along with a veil that covered her eyes and her face. For a second she thought, I look like a bride. And was happy until she reminded herself that this was not her choice.
She looked over to where her mom and dad were watching her get all dressed up. She knew that they hated the idea of the marriage but they wanted her to be happy and spend her life with someone. Sure someone she didn't know but still someone. Pinkie was ecstatic over the idea of a wedding where the others were solemn. She knew pinkie would look to the upside of anything no matter how horrible the situation was.
"Rainy sweet heart." her father's voice cut across the taut silence, "it's almost time for it to start."
She sighed and turned towards the doors to the hall from where she would exit to meet the one who took away the rest of her life. "No time like the present." she whispered. She looked back to her friends and turned back to looking forward. It was easier than having to see the tears fall from their eyes. She was supposed to be the tough one, not the cry baby.
Taking a deep breath, she waited for not the sound of a bridal march but of a song of sentence.
OK, I'm just going to be brutally honest here.
I have not read this and probably won't. Why? Mostly because it is romance and I'm not a huge fan of that.
However, I also will not read this due to your painful lack of capitalization. I would like to advise you to get an editor. It will help you greatly.
I'm not going to dislike this, although there will be those who will due to the lack of capitals.
I wish you the best of luck in finding an editor.
3465676
i appreciate your honesty for this, i'm still new to story writing for the world to see, it actually took me awhile to get the nerve to add this offically to the site, i'm also in the process of looking for an editor. the capitalazation thing? i have no idea what's going on there. i attemped to fix it but i guess i goofed up.
i thank you for your honesty. i would much rather prefer a voice of truth than a sugar coated lie.
thanks for the feed back :0)
3465695
No problem.
Until you find an editor, my I suggest typing in a Word document? It catches many mistakes and can even auto-capitalize some words for you. I'd offer to be your editor, but I'm really busy.
Best of luck and I hope you have a nice.
3465727
again thanks for honesty and info. i tried the word document thing but i guess it missed a few things, looking through i'm going to guess it was mainly names. and a few other things. i'll get to it and see if there is anything else
thanks again :0)
great start!
Potential. I'm a weird one and like these kind of stories. Interested to see where it goes.
I don't get it,why is Rainbow getting married and hasn't even
met the stallion she's marrying.
3609351 i know right! But it still a good start. i like it
Just saying, if it was me i'd be like.... (Excuse the cokourful language....)
FUCK IT- AMMA BE MAH OWN GIRL! NO ONE TELLS ME SHiT AS TO WHAT TO FUCKING DO IN MY LIFE!
Sorry again, i dont see myself in a white dress... now and never.
Whether it be little or small
Shouldn't it be big or small?