Torn Between Two Worlds

by Alex Barkhorn

Chapter 8

"Who're you callin' a chump, chump?!" Dashie growled, stepping forward, now at my right side.

"What're you losers doin' here? Especially that one. Didn't think he got out much," Jake said, cackling afterwards and ignoring Dash. I clenched my teeth and almost gave him a low growl.

"Alex, who are they..?" AJ asked from behind me. I didn't get a chance to respond when Aaron interrupted me.

"And who're these chicks? And why are they hangin' out with you?" He asked with a cocky smirk, swaying his head to clear hair our of his eyes. "Seem to hot for your standards."

"Nice Bieber hair-flip..." I quipped, crossing my arms. "Don't you guys have something better to do? Some hair products to buy?" I spat, narrowing my eyes.

"Or some girl pants to buy?" Gray added, stepping up to my left. I smirked, and even Dashie and AJ laughed at that one. Jake growled and furrowed his brow.

"Oh, you two are hilarious," He said sarcastically.

"I try. I really do," I retorted, my tone completely deadpan.

"Whatever. Why don't you go back home and cut yourself, loner," Jake said with a chuckle. That was the clincher, and I took a step towards him.

"Say that again!" I barked, being pulled into a hold by Grayson and Applejack.

"You heard him. And maybe your jock friend can help you out, if he isn't too busy admiring himself in the mirror." Aaron chimed in, crossing his arms and grinning.

"Alex, please, calm down," Fluttershy said worriedly, taking a small step towards me.

"Shut up, you!" Jake growled. I stopped dead in Gray and AJ's hold.

"Hey!" I yelled, breaking out of their grasp. "You can say whatever the hell you want to me, and even Gray, but you do not badmouth these girls!" I barked, nearing Jake, who only pushed me away. I tried to take him down, but Gray, AJ and Dashie all pulled me back.

"Feh, what are these girls, your groupies?! Funny, wasn't aware you could actually get a girl to talk to you, let alone hang out with you. Maybe the jock helped," Aaron taunted. I growled, knowing full well that I was just giving these creeps exactly what they wanted - the satisfaction of pissing me off.

"Alex, please, he isn't worth it. Let's just go home," Twilight said calmly. I stopped struggling, and the three let go of me hesitantly. Aaron and Jake looked at me with satisfied smirks, and I narrowed my eyes at them.

"You'd better watch yourselves," I threatened.

"Ooh, I'm quaking in my shoes." Aaron mocked.

"You better. Need I remind you of freshman year?" I retorted. Aaron and Jake narrowed their eyes, and it was my time to smirk.

"You two got lucky." Jake hissed.

"Really? The video on the Internet made it clear concerning who's ass got kicked," Gray piped up.

"Whatever. Go home, loner. You and your loser girlfriends," Jake huffed, turning to walk away with Aaron. I growled and used my right hand to clench my left wrist, which was thankfully covered by my flannel shirt.

"Alex, don't even listen to them. They're just being jerks," Gray said calmly. I tried to calm my breathing, and looked down at my wrist in anger.

"What'd he mean by cutting?" I heard Rarity whisper to Twilight.

"Self mutilation...I read about it on the Internet this morning..." She whispered in reply. I shut my eyes tight, refusing to let old memories and habits flood my thoughts. When I opened my eyes, there was a noticeable dullness to them, and I sighed.

"Alright, let's go home..." I said tiredly, turning and digging my hands in my pockets. The girls were hesitant, and looked at Grayson, who nodded and followed me to the van.

"Alex...You gonna be alright, man?" Gray asked from the driver's seat. I was resting my head lazily against my clenched fist, looking outside the passenger window. Though, I took a moment to turn my head and glance at Gray, giving a nod.

"I'm fine," I replied dryly.

"Alex, do you...Do you wanna talk about what happened?" Twilight asked from the backseat. I shook my head without verbally responding, looking back outside.

"Are you sure? I just want to make sure you're alright... What that guy said really got to you..." She pressed on, and her voice sounded more and more concerned.

"I'm fine." I replied through clenched teeth.

"Are you sure? You never know, talking could help! Whenever I'm sad, I make sure to let it all out, and-"

"Look, it was a really dark and depressing time for me, okay?! I did stupid crap I'm not proud of, and I regret every second of it! So I'm sure you can understand why I don't want to talk about it!" I barked, looking over my shoulder at them. I blinked in surprise when I saw their shocked faces...Well, shock and fear. They winced as if they'd all been slapped. I cleared my throat, then sighed, closing my eyes."I...I'm sorry girls..." I said, fighting a growing lump in my throat.

"It's fine, Alex...We shouldn't have persisted knowing you didn't want to speak about it," Rarity replied, trying to force a smile, but failing.

"No, it's alright. You were only trying to help." I insisted, sighing again. I turned to get a better look at them all, and rolled up my sleeves, revealing old and healed scars on my wrists. Some small, some large. They all looked at me in shock.

"I've read about this...Self mutilation for those trying to cope...Alex, why would you...?" Twilight trailed off. Her voice wasn't judgmental, but more concerned. They all observed my wrists, save for Rarity, who gently grabbed my arms and ran her hands down my forearm and wrist. I fought off what I assumed was an ashamed blush, and cleared my throat.

"About three years ago...Something really bad happened. Something that really messed with me and my way of thinking. My mind became blurred, reality became distorted. I escaped into my own little world, staying secluded in my room. My only friend was my journal, and...And a pocket knife I had gotten as a gift. I was so stupid...I used to think it helped the pain. Replacing anguish and emotional pain with mere physical pain...I must have looked so stupid..." I said, berating myself. I glanced over at Gray, noticing him sniff a bit, a good indicator that the conversation was getting to him as well.

"Then, one day...I made a huge mistake. This one," I paused, motioning to the largest and most noticeable scar that Rarity was already touching. "This one...I almost...This one went bad. I couldn't stop the bleeding...Grayson, he...He came over, just in time...He had just gotten his license, so he took me to the hospital. I stayed there for 'testing', and...It spread like wildfire. Wild rumors of me being crazy, suicidal, depressed..."

"Oh, you poor dear..." Rarity whispered, sniffling a bit.

"I didn't go back to school for weeks. It took Gray and a couple of other friends a lot of convincing to get me to go back to school...I tried hard to ignore the looks, the whispers...The insults..." I growled the last part, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Alex, it's alright...You're better now. You know better," Applejack said soothingly, rubbing the top of my arm.

"Yeah...As long as you're alright now..." Dash added, trying to be nice.

"As long as you're here, now, that's all that matters. We all do things in our past we aren't proud of. It's up to us to embrace them, and look to the future," Twilight said with a smile.

"Everything's alright now, dear." Rarity finished. I wiped a lone tear from my eye, as I refused to let it fall, and nodded.

"Thanks, girls. It means a lot, knowing I don't have to worry about you all judging me because of this crap," I said with a smile.

"Any time, Alex." Rarity said with a smile of her own. We felt the car stop, and I noticed we were already at my house. Gray simply brought a hand down on my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"C'mon, man. It's already going into the afternoon. Let's get you something to eat." He said with a friendly smile. I nodded in reply, and got out, letting the girls out as well. On the way out, each girl gave me a smile, that I returned. Rarity was second to last to exit, and quickly, yet a bit awkwardly, hugged me.

"I'm glad to know you're safe, now." She said quietly, pulling away and following the others. I was then caught off guard when I felt someone bump right into me, and looked down to see Fluttershy latched onto me. She was trembling a bit, and squeezing my shirt. Whether she had nearly stumbled over, or intentionally embraced me, I still don't know. But I'll never forget that scared look in her eyes when she looked up at me.

"You don't...You don't do it anymore, do you...?" She asked in a whisper.

I'll admit, at the time, the thought of breaking out that stained knife still crossed my mind, but I couldn't. Not after the hour long lecture Grayson gave me at the hospital. I could still hear his voice clearly.

'"What the hell is wrong with you, man?! What about your mother, what about your friends?! What would Nick say?!"'

I looked down at Fluttershy after a moment of silence, and gave her a confident smile. "No. No, I don't. And I never will again." I replied, giving her a pat on the head. She gave me a hesitant smile and nodded, heading to the house with the others. I heard Gray approach my side, and I glanced over at him.

"You know, I still remember that day way too clearly..." He said quietly. I nodded, feeling a warm breeze come on, that made my unbuttoned shirt and hair flow in the wind.

"Myself as well..." I muttered in reply. "...You know, I don't think I ever thanked you," I spoke up.

"Of course you did," He replied quickly. I shook my head, and sighed.

"No...At least, not enough." I said sadly, looking at the ground.

"Hey, man...Forget about it. All I care about is that you're alive now." He replied with a sad smile, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I closed my eyes and nodded.

"Right...You're right. Thanks, Grayson."

"Any time. Let's get inside now," He said, walking towards my front door, where the girls were patiently waiting. I looked on at them all with a smile, letting a few thoughts cross my mind. Gray, the girls, they took it all as if there was nothing wrong with me, when clearly, something was. It only made me grateful that I had friends like them in my life.

Friendship really is a magical thing.

( A/N
I think I can do author's notes here...Anyway! Thank you all for your support, it really means a lot! Anywho, I'll be updating this frequently, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd check out my tumblr account! On it you'll find out what I'm up to, how "Brave New World" is coming along, and other projects I'm planning!
alexbarkhorn.tumblr.com
That's the link, just FYI :P Anyway, thanks for reading! See ya! )

Comments

[Spiffers]

Ok, story's still good. But that formatting is HORRID! You really need to bring the spaces between the paragraphs down, it just makes it ridiculously difficult to read, and there's no reason for you to be slowing the pace by doing that either (not from what I can tell anyways)

[Alex Barkhorn]

377122

Fixed, thanks for pointing that out. I had it saved in a notepad and didn't notice it was so spaced out.

[Silver Sea]

Nice.

[Dragon_brony]

really great always looking forward to it

[Dashie McCourty]

Good stuff. Gonna read more of this when I get home from a study session.

[BlackPowder]

... Okay, before I go on, I know that it's a bit late, but if this is a Rarity ship then I approve.

[The Crystal king]

The feels!!