Two Background Ponies Go On An Adventure

by Piccolo Sky

Chapter 3 - Two Background Ponies Commit a Felony

Luckily, things ended up going fairly well afterward.

The manager of the bakery signed under the printed name provided, the crate was unloaded, and the two made tracks rushing back to the highway and the branch office. The slip was submitted, no questions asked, to the slip handler, and the two, shaken up and nervous, went back to their seats and waited for either their lie to catch up to them, or for the foo dogs to somehow find them and break down the door. However, neither happened. Fairly quickly, they began to believe they had gotten away from them. And as time went on, they slowly began to believe they might have gotten away with the phony slip…at least for that night. Hopefully it would all get “mixed in with the system” and no one would ever check it out…at least not until they were gone. Sam didn’t really believe that on his part.

The next morning, as soon as the early staff came in, the two went back to Carl’s wagon and began to head “home”, both very tired, groggy, and worrying about when the fateful letter would come in which they would be called on the sprinkle delivery and have to start making up their story. Still, the fact that no foo dogs were out for their blood and it was daylight again made them feel a bit better as they went back to their bad neighborhood. Luckily, it was so early that most of the addicts and prostitutes were still in bed, and it was a rather quiet walk back to their condo.

On arrival, naturally, there was a hobo at the door. He watched them as they approached it, and shook his head. “Oh, don’t bother. Some damn fool locked the door.”

“Please go away.” Sam muttered as he unlocked it and led himself and Carl inside. Once in, they readily shut it and locked it.

A letter and a paper was lying under the slot, and Sam sighed as he took the former and went over to the nearest table. As for Carl, he snatched up the paper, stretched a bit and began to walk over to his sleeping bag. “After I make sure that thing is cockroach free, I’m sleeping for the rest of the day until we need to get some food before going into work…”

“Assuming we even get to work tonight…” Sam grumbled as he moved over to the portable table and slumped in a chair. “Those sprinkles, for whatever reason, were rush delivery. The bakery has to wonder where they are at this point. They’ll call up the branch office, they’ll look at the slip, and then they’ll figure out they should have signed for it before they call us in. Then we’ll have to try and make up some dumb story and swear they signed for it…and pray they don’t send anyone down to confirm signatures.”

“…Is there any more doom and gloom you want to add to that, Sam?” Carl grumbled as he began to pull off his work clothes. He looked at the front headline as he did so, and snorted. “’Princess Celestia Mysteriously Vanishes’. Well, there’s a big surprise. Maybe they should mention the sky is still blue in the byline… Honestly, that goddess of ours is like a set of keys…”

Sam sighed as he looked at the letter. Suddenly, his eyes widened. A moment later, he used his teeth to quickly tear it open and look it over. His eyes enlarged even more and filled with fear.

“…Yes, actually.” He stated, answering Carl’s last question to him.

Carl sighed and looked to him. “What now?”

“We are dead, dude.” He held the letter up. “It’s from Dawn.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Carl…she tried to go to work to greet me as my first day as a supervisor.”

Carl paused on hearing that.

“They told her they had fired me a couple days ago and now she’s wondering why I didn’t tell her about this or where the hell I am. And dude…you know Stonewall has only been going on and on about how this is ‘typical’ of somepony like me…”

Carl stared a moment, and then exhaled. “Alright…Sam, there’s only one thing you can do. You’ve got to write her back and tell her where to find you, and we can explain this whole thing.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Are you out of your mind?! I’m not sending her the address! Assuming that wouldn’t be like telling her to walk into a flaming furnace, which it is in this demilitarized-zone-neighborhood, if Stonewall finds out about it he’ll send every veteran in the area after us to mount our heads on stakes!”

“Well you can’t very well tell her the story over the mail either, dude!” Carl maintained. “You know Stonewall will read it and then he’ll turn your skull into a trophy! Your only shot is to get her to come here alone so you can explain things to her and she can help out in lying to her dad!”

“Carl, what if she doesn’t buy it? She sounds mad in this letter that I lied to her in the first place! What if she lets her dad rip me a new asshole?”

Carl merely frowned. “…You’re going to marry this filly and you don’t trust her enough to not let her dad kick your ass?”

Sam flustered for a moment at that. However, as he was about to say more, a loud knock suddenly rang out from the door. Immediately, he spun to it and glared. With a growl, he got out of his chair. “I’m sick to death of these damn hobos constantly treating this condo like a hotel… If I have to turn away one more of them, I think I’m going to scream.”

A louder knock rang out before he reached the door.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming you crazy bum!” He answered as he reached it, undid the lock, and nearly ripped the door open. “For the last time, you crap-smeared idiot, this is…not…”

Sam trailed off.

He found himself looking at a tall, formidable, and badge-wearing policepony. Obviously one of higher rank since he wasn’t wearing the standard uniform. He raised an eyebrow at Sam from under his fedora hat as he opened the door. As for the blue stallion, the sound in his throat died and he slowly shut his hanging jaw.

Carl, meanwhile, called out. “Is that another one of those smelly dipsh’ts? Here, keep him busy and I’ll get a bucket of the rusty water in this place to throw at him…”

Sam paled on hearing that. The policepony, on his part, frowned a bit. “…You two make it a habit of assaulting officers?"

Carl went rigid, and, with a clatter of hooves, immediately ran up to the door with a sheepish grin. He sweat a bit as he looked out at him nervously, seeming to shrink under his shadow much as Sam did. “Oh…heh…sorry about that, sir. It’s just we’ve had some trouble with a lot of hobos treating this place like a ‘hotel’ since we moved in a couple days ago...”

“…Moved in.” The policepony answered. He looked around the door and bit, and inside. “…Seem to have a lot of ‘temporary’ furniture pieces for a couple of guys settling into a new place. Like you’re ready to get on the move in a hurry…”

Sam didn’t know what the policepony meant by that, but he didn’t really want to find out. He swallowed a bit and looked up to him. “…Um, is there something we can help you with, officer?”

The pony continued to stare. “As a matter of fact, there is. My name is Lt. Gum Shoe. I’d like you two boys to come down with me to the station…help me out with a few questions I have. You can either tag along with me and my wagon right now…”

His jaw creased.

“…Or you can wait until I come back with a warrant for your arrests.”

Both Sam and Carl felt their eyes enlarge at that, a mixture of confusion and anxiety flowing into them.

---

Neither Sam nor Carl knew what to expect as they found themselves sitting in Gum Shoe’s office. Both of them, however, were very nervous at this point. They realized they had committed an act of fraud last night…maybe a few crimes in the name of self-defense…but what exactly had they done to land them in hot water with the police of Manehattan? Neither of them knew, and neither wanted to find out. They were both still tired and distraught from last night, and this was only confusing and frightening them more.

The office was one of those with glass windows all around, nestled in a block of other small offices in a busy station. Most of the officers were bustling and running about, carrying out errands or pursuing other cases. The two could see them through the windows. All of them had dark and stern looks about them that made the two ponies all the more anxious. However, naturally, the darkest look was from Gum Shoe himself on the other side of his desk.

The lieutenant pulled off his hat and threw it on a wall rack, then moved over to his side of the room, the desk and chair set considerably higher than that of the two, and then sat down and looked at them both darkly. The two stared back silently for a few moments. However, as Gum Shoe continued to glare at both of them, they both swallowed a bit, and finally Sam spoke up.

“Um…sir…I’m…not exactly sure why we’re here…but I can assure you we haven’t done anything illegal intentionally…”

The lieutenant raised his eyebrow again “…’Intentionally’?”

“I mean, nothing illegal!” Sam quickly corrected.

Gum Shoe said nothing in response, and then looked down over a file on his desk. “I got this from your place of business. Incarlsistency…age 29, coat color green, cutie mark a find-the-difference picture… Listens-to-Carl’s-Problems, Sam…age 29, coat color blue, cutie mark a cancerous lesion…”

“Actually it’s a human ear…”

Gum Shoe looked up with a stare that could peel paint. “…What in Celestia’s name is a ‘human’?”

Sam swallowed a bit at the look, not really having the courage to explain.

Gum Shoe looked back down to the file. “Says you two just started work in Manehattan recently. In fact…you just moved here a couple days ago. Seems you had no trouble finding a place to live, though…and in some of the worst high crime areas in the city…”

“It’s his family’s condo, lieutenant.” Carl interjected. “We just moved into something that his great uncle left-”

“I’m sorry, I have something of a bad memory in my old age…” Gum Shoe suddenly spoke up, cutting off. “At what point did I say ‘interrupt me whenever you two damn well feel like it’ to either of you?”

Carl immediately went silent. “Uh…you didn’t.”

“Oh, really? In that case, keep your mouth shut until I ask you a question.” The lieutenant snapped back.

Both Carl and Sam shifted a bit at this. As for the policepony, he looked back over the file.

“…You sign up for a high-risk job that takes you in the middle of night to the bad part of town…” Gum Shoe went on. “And you make one delivery all night long on your first day.” After that, he shut his file and looked up to him. “You see, I did a bit of digging before I came to call on you two. I guess I just missed you leaving work. Tell me, boys…does anything about that little story seem kind of ‘suspicious’ to you?”

Sam was silent. As for Carl, he gave a shrug. “Well, maybe a little.”

Gum Shoe gave him a dark look.

“…We got a wise-ass in here? How’d you like to head into the shower area and get introduced to a half dozen batons?”

“I was serious!” Carl immediately retorted, putting his hooves up defensively. “That’s my thing, finding inconsistencies!”

“Look, officer…” Sam put in. “We really have no idea why we’re here or what you’re getting at.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t. You aren’t the first two dumbf***s to use that excuse, you know.” Gum Shoe retorted. “I just figured you out-of-towners would have enough intelligence to know when to start talking. But as you seem to be like the same morons that litter the streets, I’m going to spell it out for you…”

He leaned forward a bit.

“We’ve been working the beat at your place of business ever since the day Solar Cycle Express opened that office. Turns out small start-up companies like that make great places for illegal trafficking. Hell, they even do a great bit of money laundering on the side. This one small business in Fillydelphia did over 5 million bits worth of drug trafficking in and out of Equestria over a span of three years. That one got shut down, but delivery companies aren’t exactly high on the ‘warning flag list’ yet, which means lots of other bastards try to open them up from time to time. As far as I’m concerned, anypony who tries in my town is as good as dead. And I will nail anypony who is involved to the wall like a damn mounted butterfly.”

He leaned in more here, enough to glare at both of them. “That means if you two nags want to save your asses, you better come clean right this minute about what you knew. You do that, and it’ll end up better for you in the long run.”

The two trembled quite a bit here, beginning to realize what this all meant. Carl looked to Sam with a nervous expression. “I knew that deal was too good to be true.”

“Carl, shut up.” Sam muttered, then looked to Gum. “Dude…I mean, sir…look…we don’t know anything. We’re just two guys who were looking for a job to make a lot of money.”

“Well, I’d say ‘drug trafficking’ would fit the bill nicely, wouldn’t you?” The policepony retorted.

“No, dude! I mean…no sir!” Sam answered. “Look…we didn’t even apply to Solar Cycle Express directly! We did it through a placement agency! It was either that or a zoo or an adult theater! We didn’t know a thing!”

“Besides, man…how do you know that Solar Cycle Express is even the place you’re looking for?” Carl answered. “You could be hoof-tapping at the wrong patch of clover, you know.”

Gum Shoe looked at both of them for a moment, expressionlessly. After a moment, he looked around to either side of him, as if making sure no one was looking in, and then leaned over the desk, keeping his head low. He held out a hoof and motioned for them both to come closer. Carl and Sam exchanged a look, but then shrugged and did as indicated.

He motioned them closer afterward. They did. He motioned even closer. They leaned in until their heads were nearly touching. At that, he motioned for both of them to turn their ears so he could whisper. The two hesitated, but then did so. Gum Shoe slowly leaned up to their ears…and then shot out and seized them in his hooves and bellowed:

“Don’t f*** with me you out-of-town pieces of sh’t!”

Both ponies screamed in pain before he released, and slammed back into their chairs They both writhed as Gum Shoe leaned back.

“You asshole!” Sam griped.

“How the Hell did you even grab our ears when you only have hooves?!” Carl moaned.

“You two morons think I was born yesterday?” Gum Shoe went on. “I checked out your slip on the way to your condo! You got a crate the size of a bathtub marked ‘sprinkles’ and tried to run it out in the middle of the night to a 24/7 bakery? What? Do you think ‘city folks’ buy all their donuts at 3 in the morning?! You mean to tell me that you idiots just delivered that crate without ever thinking for a moment where it came from or how unusual it was?”

“Well, I thought it was plenty unusual…” Carl answered as he shook his one ear.

“Carl, for the love of Celestia, shut up!” Sam snapped back before looking at Gum Shoe. “Dude, that was our first night on the job! They pretty much told us to sink-or-swim! Besides, we’re just low level ponies! Upper management tells us to do something and we do it!”

“Cogs in a machine, man!” Carl threw in. “Nails in a horseshoe! Straw wrappers on…a straw!”

Gum Shoe looked at both of them momentarily. He was silent for a few moments. At last, he gave them a glare before he reached over his desk and took up a small trophy with a marble base on his desk and held it in front of him.

“You two jackasses see this? It’s an award for 20 years of excellent service to the Manehattan Police Department. I got it because I can smell out pieces of sh’t better than anyone else. And I know when someone is yanking my reins. That’s how I got this.”

Carl rolled his eyes. “Well, maybe they should consider taking it back, because I don't think being able to find piles of sh't is too good of a talent...”

Gum Shoe’s eyes narrowed before he flung the award across the desk so hard that it smashed into Carl’s head, sending him falling back and knocking him to the floor. He cried out and issued a stream of curses. Sam was shocked and looked at him.

“Dude, are you on meth or something?!”

Immediately, Gum Shoe’s hooves slammed down on the desk as he stood to fall height, towering over both ponies. It made Sam go silent and Carl look up a bit anxiously.

“You two aren’t fooling anypony. I gave you a chance to come clean about this to hopefully devote my energy to the real bastard here. But since you thought you’d jerk me around, I’m going to start the investigation on you two. From now on, I’m going to be riding your asses so hard you’re going to think you deserve a Triple Crown before I’m done, and I’m starting with this slip. And believe you me, if I so much as find a ‘t’ that wasn’t crossed, I’m going to haul your asses back in here and leave you in 24 hour solitary confinement with the suspected rapists.”

Both Sam and Carl swallowed on hearing that, both looking rather afraid at this point.

“Now get your asses out of here before I find my taser and use you two studs for target practice.”

---

A few minutes later, a sore-looking Sam and Carl both left through the front doors of the station and began to walk down to the street. Carl was holding a tissue to his head.

“Damnit…the police in this town are d*cks…” Sam muttered.

“I guess it sucks to live some place where the police actually do something.” Carl said with a wince. “The police back in Ponyville just let a bunch of teenage girls come up with a plan… Like remember the time we had to do safety inspections all over town just because the mayor said that some girl told her there was going to be a disaster next Tuesday?”

Sam groaned. “…You could have kept your mouth shut back there, or at least only said stuff that didn’t leave any ‘wiggle room’ to be considered admissions of guilt.”

“Yeah, just keep blaming me for everything…” Carl grumbled. “Where exactly do we stand right now after that meeting with ‘the Bad Lieutenant’?”

“Well, by my count, our jobs are on the line, my relationship with Dawn is on the line, and we’re looking at prison sentences for drug trafficking or, at minimum, being used for stud breeding in the worst way… We’re dead, man. The second he checks in on that signature he’s going to find we never even took the crate where it needed to go. That will make him absolve our new boss from any blame, who might, in fact, have been trafficking drugs after all…and pin it all on us.”

“On the bright side, I don’t think things can get any worse…” Carl responded.

That was all he got out before a pair of foo dogs came up behind Sam and Carl as they turned a corner to another street, and proceeded to club both ponies in the back of the head, knocking them out.

---

Some time later, when Sam began to come to with a groan and a throbbing pain in the back of his head, he slowly opened his eyes…only to see more darkness. He took this in for a moment, before he realized what had happened. He had a cloth bag over his head. He tried to move…only to feel the pain of ropes restraining his arns and legs, tying him to a chair. As his senses came fully aware, he began to move a bit…but found himself stuck fast. Immediately, he started to jerk his head around and try to break free, but other than shaking up the chair a bit, he couldn’t move.

“Oh man… Oh sh’t…” Sam moaned from beneath the hood. “We are in such deep sh’t right now…” He paused. “Carl? Carl, you out there?”

After a moment, he heard another groan. “Ugh…”

“Carl! Talk to me!”

“Urk…how could two bastards knock us out and drag us away…only a block away from the police station…?”

“Carl, forget about that! What’s happening on your end?”

“Huh?” There was a sound of movement. “…Sam, I’m hooded and tied to a chair…”

“Are you alright?”

“…Aside from the fact that I’m hooded, tied to a chair, and my head is pounding? Sure, Sam…”

“Dude, start testing your bonds! Move the chair around! Let’s see if we can’t twist loose or break the seats!”

There was a sound of some groaning and rattling. Sam soon did the same. As they both worked a bit, Carl called out again. “Sam…I think I caught a glimpse of those foo dogs doing it to us.”

Sam groaned. “Great…how the Hell did they find us?”

“Who cares? Let’s just get out of here before they come back if we can…and be glad they didn’t kill us on sight…”

“Yeah…I’ll drink to that… I wonder how far away they are? We may need to keep our voices down.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that at this point.” A third voice with a Pacesian accent suddenly rang out.

Both ponies immediately froze.

“…Carl, I don’t suppose you just decided to speak in a Pacesian accent for no real reason, did you?”

The sound of a fist smashing into a face rang out loudly, followed by a curse and some shaking of a chair.

“Ugh…not unless you got a hoof free just to punch me in the face, Sam…” Carl moaned in pain.

“This is getting annoying.” The third voice rang out. “Off with the hoods.”

Immediately, something grabbed the hoods on the heads of the two ponies, and pulled them off. Instantly, the two saw where they were…a dimly lit Pacesian room of some sort. Heavy on ornamentation and older style, with paper lanterns hung to provide illumination, and lots of terra cotta works, fine pottery, and other indications of being a rather expensive setup. It was also windowless and with a few sticks of incense burning, and had no visible doors in front of them. Of course…most of their vision was framed by a rather irate and angry-looking foo dog who seemed to be in a bit of pain.

Both looked up to him with a gulp.

“Er…hello there.” Sam muttered.

“Hi.” His deep, resounding voice answered. “Oh…look at that. I was hoping to smash which one of you two squirted my ass with that pie filling last night so now it feels like I’m trying to rip out my o-ring every time I take a dump...” He looked to both of them. “But my mistake…it looks like I got the wrong one. My apologies.”

Immediately, he smashed Sam in the face as well, causing him to snap his head back and forward again. Blood was now trickling out of his nostrils as he grunted.

“…Think nothing of it…”

“That’s enough.” The sharp Pacesian voice stated. “I don’t want them dead, after all. Once they’ve told me what I want to know…then I’ll let you kill them.”

The foo dog snorted and then turned and walked away. Well…”walk” was probably a strong word. More like painfully shuffled. A set of foo dogs, two for each pony, stepped in and took positions at their sides as he walked off. Both Sam and Carl looked forward as their view ahead was cleared, immediately seeing what looked like several figures dressed in Pacesian garb, except for the ones toward the center, who wore nice suits and had teapots in front of them. However…one thing immediately stood out. They only had long “bands” coming up from their necks.

“Holy sh’t, these guys have no heads!” Sam exclaimed.

“…Up here, you Equestrian imbecile.” The Pacesian voice rang out.

Both Sam and Carl blinked, then looked up at that.

At the end of very long necks, longer than the bodies themselves, were horse-like heads with single horns that branched like an elk or deer’s might. Most of the faces were stern, but the one in the middle, which the two ponies looked down for quickly and then back up again to confirm it was the one in the middle and apparently “the boss”, looked unfriendly and cold, not to mention aged, as he eyed both of them.

Carl blinked a few times. “…I didn’t know giraffes were from Pacesia…”

On hearing the word “giraffe”…the one in the middle seemed to quiver and flush a shade red momentarily. His lips curled into a sneer. “…It appears, Equestrian, that you need a lesson in species of the world.” He looked up to the foo dogs. “Mahiu.”

Sam and Carl both blinked, as the foo dogs proceeded to pull out rubber gloves, pull them over their paws, and then reach down to the side. Both tried to see what they were reaching for, but only made out a bucket. “What…what the hell does that word mean?” Carl asked, his voice sounding nervous.

“I don’t think anything good…” Sam grimaced.

A moment later, the foo dogs came back with what looked like live eels, writhing about and letting out sounds of “crackles” and “zaps”, indicating they were the electric variety. Both Carl and Sam paled.

“What…what are you…going to do with-”

Sam was cut off as the eels were jammed down into their crotch regions and began letting out the sounds of several thousand volts. Both ponies went rigid, yet had enough motor control to immediately scream in agony and writhe in their bonds. After a few moments, the eels were pulled off, but both were rigid and still in considerable pain.

“Dear Celestia…I thought that having internal genitalia would have protected me from crap like that!” Carl shouted.

“We are kirins, you ignorant Easterners.” The one in the lead snapped at this point. “Far Eastern unicorns. Not giraffes. You are fortunate that I have adopted many Equestrian customs. In my native Pacesia, I would have simply had your hooves and tongues removed.”

He folded his hooves in front of him at this point…not that either pony noticed because their eyes were focused on his head. “Now…I suppose you two are both too stupid to know who I am, assuming you didn’t try to, how do you say...'screw me' last night out of bravery. But for the sake of argument, I don’t suppose you have any idea who I am, do you?”

Sam swallowed, finally getting down his pain, and shaking his head. “No, sir…we have no idea.”

“I am the boss of the Vices for this end of Manehattan.” The kirin responded. “I go by the title: ‘Nek Tuu Long’.”

On hearing this, Carl sputtered a moment, grimaced, and finally let out a chuckle and a snicker. “…You’re kidding me, right? I mean, even if your parents didn’t speak a word of Equestrian, that’s like something out of a 60s comic book…”

The kirin’s eyes narrowed. “Maihu.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Oh sh’t, there’s that word ag-AAAAAH!”

His screaming soon joined in with Carl’s as both of them received an even longer electric shock to the nether regions before they were released. Both of them were struggling desperately to protectively pinch their tops of their legs together after that.

“I should have expected no less stupidity from earth ponies.” Long spat. “‘Nek Tuu Long’ is ancient Pacesian for ‘One Who Feeds Testicles of Enemies to Piranhas’. If you would like me to demonstrate, I have a tank in the back…”

“That…won’t be necessary…Mr. Long…” Sam managed to choke out in between winces of pain.

Long shifted a bit and glared at them both. “You two were very foolish thinking you could rub me the wrong way and get away with it. Even without my shi…and yes, they are shi, not ‘foo dogs’, you uncultured mustangs…I could easily have, how do they say in Equestria, ‘your nuts in a vice’? My legitimate business is ‘Rising Sun Food Services’…leading supplier of Pacesian bulk food items in this half of Equestria. Take a good look around you, earth ponies. Look at this city. Every block has a Pacesian restaurant. None of them ever have more than three customers at a time. Yet all of them always stay open. Doesn’t matter if the restaurant is a rat trap. Still stays in business. That’s the sort of power a Pacesian like myself wields in Equestria. And who do you think all of those Pacesians are indebted to? Who collects a cut from every single block in this town and every town in Equestria? Did you really think you could stay away from a kirin with that kind of power?”

Carl’s head dropped, and he looked to the ground. Long looked to him.

“…I say something to make you feel embarrassed, earth pony?”

Carl’s head lifted a bit, but didn’t look up.

“No…it’s just my head got tired from being held up toward the ceiling for so long.”

“…Maihu.”

Sam’s eyes widened before he gave his friend a furious look. “Carl, you son-of-a-BAAAAAAH!”

This latest round of electrocution was the longest yet. And when it was done, both Carl and Sam were smoldering and letting up small clouds of smoke. Both of them let out small whines and twitches, although Sam managed to glare at Carl with a look that indicated a desire to commit murder.

That done, Long snapped his fingers. “Shayu.”

The sounds of foo dogs turning and moving away became audible. Both ponies were a bit too fried to really look around, although both of them nervously tried to turn and find out. However, their attention was soon directed ahead again as the neck bent and Long’s face was lowered down to eye level to glare at both of them.

“Now that I have your full attention…answer me one question: where is my money?”

Both looked to him for a moment in puzzlement, before Sam shook his head and gave a shrug. “…What money?” Immediately, he winced. “And please don’t shock us again because we really don’t know!”

“I didn’t even know you were behind the Pacesian restaurants in town and I’m usually up on these things!” Carl insisted as well, three shockings having broken his desire to be a smartass.

Long looked over both of them for a moment. He seemed to be studying them for a bit. Finally, he leaned back again, although his head stayed low.

“For about nine months now I’ve been using small delivery companies such as Solar Cycle Express to bring in opium to Manehattan. Equestrian climate is all wrong and has too many laws to do it here. Instead, I bring large shipments into dummy warehouses here and ship it nationwide using delivery companies. Small ones don’t ask many questions and don’t care about contents of packages.

“Last night I planned to purchase a large amount of rough product from overseas. I prepare it here and sell it at a markup for a tidy profit. System needs to be quiet and discrete. So I work out a ‘switching’ program. Delivery company on my payroll gets orders for a late night delivery. They end up transporting product without ever knowing what exactly is in the crate, so can deny it later. They bring the product to warehouse owned by me. My boys switch crate on truck with identical crate that has money while delivery men have stepped out. They come back, ship money to dummy business owned by associates who take the money as payment.

“However, you two earth ponies broke my system last night, and caused me to lose sleep this morning. You come in after the crate is loaded and assault my boys before driving off. Not only does my associate call me saying they never got the money, which strains my relationship with a good partner who I have learned to trust and depend on over many years, and making me pay for the shipment out of my own pocket, 50,000 bits extra of my money, but my own boys misplace the crate with the rough opium in it, so now I can’t even get a return to break even. That made me very angry. Equestrians…do you know what spell a kirin does to calm down when they are angry?”

Both earth ponies hesitated a moment, both looking rather nervous.

“Uh…no?”

Long reached under his desk and came back with a small terra-cotta foo dog that had herbs growing on the back of it…a ‘chia pet’, in other words. However, both Sam and Carl turned white when they saw the face of it appeared to have been burned in the eye region.

“Decoration.”

“Oh my Celestia!” Carl shouted as he began to scoot back.

Sam did much the same, but they didn’t get far as the foo dogs seized their chairs. However, they didn’t let go. And as they didn’t, a dragging sound was heard. Both Sam and Carl looked behind them, and saw a large tank of water was being pushed forward to behind them.

“Ah.” Long stated. “The shayu. You see…even if I lost the drugs…I want the money. So that brings me to you two.”

Sam and Carl looked a moment…before they saw fins poke out of the water randomly and circle around.

“Oh sh’t…” Carl muttered.

The foo dogs soon made him panic more than that, however, as they began to lean the chairs back, bringing their heads closer to the water. Both grimaced and began to pull up…even as the sharks inside the water began to circle closer to their heads.

“They love the taste of pony. I raise them on it. I find earth ponies like you who cross me from time to time and slice them up wafer thin on a nice deli cutter in the back, so I can feed them for months.” Long stated. “Once they latch onto your head, it doesn’t matter if they don’t kill you from bite. They’ll take off your scalp before they let go. You see…they like the taste of the brain.”

“I think I can write off a visit to Pacesia before I die, Sam…” Carl swallowed.

“That might be a bit sooner than either of us want, Carl…” Sam gulped as he tried to keep his head up. “Look…Mr. Long…you’ve got the wrong guys, I swear! We’re just temp workers for Solar Cycle Express! No one told us we needed to stop at that warehouse! We just did to go in for a bite to eat! This is all a huge misunderstanding and coincidence! You had to have a different delivery group!”

The foo dogs continued to lower their heads toward the tank as Sam said this, the sharks getting more feisty and snapping out of the water as they neared. However, at this point, Long suddenly held out a hand. Immediately, the foo dogs ceased. A moment later, he gave a cutting motion. With a clatter, both ponies were released to slam back into their previous positions, both looking rather nervous now.

“I’ll admit that fat earth pony who runs your branch office is not the most trustworthy of individuals. Even a simple matter as telling new employees to stop at a warehouse may be beyond him. But there’s still the simple matter of what happened to the crate containing my money. Before I decide whether or not I’d prefer you without your heads, you had better tell me why it did not arrive at its destination.”

Both Sam and Carl hesitated. They swallowed and looked to each other, and then back to Long. They gulped again.

“Well…er…”

“Um…it’s like this…”

“Uh…”

“Well…”

“There was a…bit of a delay…”

Long began to raise his hand. “Sha-”

“Look, dude! Your thugs scared the hell out of us last night, ok?” Carl suddenly shouted to cut him off. “We thought we were dead! So we lost the crate at the first 24/7 bakery we could find!”

“We didn’t know it was filled with drug money! Come on!” Sam added. “Do you think we’re stupid enough to steal from drug dealers?”

Long’s gaze remained flat. “…I don’t believe I mentioned stealing my money yet.”

Sam paled and quivered as he realized what he said.

Carl frowned and looked to him. “…That one is all on you, man.”

“…Mr. Long, I swear to Celestia, we did not try to rip you off last night. That money was just delivered to the wrong bakery is all.” Sam continued. “And it’s probably still there. I don’t think the guy opened it yet.”

The kirin paused momentarily, and then held up a hoof to them. “…And you two know where this bakery that you did supposedly deliver my money to is?”

Both Sam and Carl froze momentarily. They looked to each other, then back to Long.

“No.”

“Yes.”

They looked to each other again, then back to him.

“Yes.”

“No.”

Again, they looked to each other, and then looked back.

“Well, you see, we kind of got turned-”

“We kind of have a pretty good idea of-“

Long began to raise his hoof again.

“Yes, yes! We know where your money is!” Sam screamed.

“What he said!” Carl shouted.

The hoof held a moment, and then lowered. Long looked at both of them momentarily, then folded his hooves in front of him.

“Very well. You two have 48 hours to come up with 100,000 bits.”

Both ponies, in spite of their fear, both looked confused.

“Er…100,000? I thought you said that crate only had 50 grand…”

“As it stands, you both cost me my money that I spent on a shipment I never collected on, plus an extra payment to reimburse my partner. Ergo…you owe me 100,000 bits, and if you dispute the price again I’ll have you taken to my nearest processing plant and thrown into the wonton friers. Once again…that is 100,000 bits…48 hours. Starting right now. I will contact you with where you can give me the money, so you better stay in that condo you own and wait for instruction. And if you value your lives, I wouldn’t try to skip town. Rest assured, I’m already looking into your families to see who would make good fodder to threaten.”

“Oh, my nephews!” Carl immediately stated.

Both Sam and Long gave him a look.

He blinked. “I mean…" His tone went flat and obviously fake. "Oh please, whatever you do, don’t harm my nephews! Losing them would be a thousand times worse than whatever torture you could give me! And please don’t do it in front of me so I can watch and laugh…I mean…cry in anguish at-”

“…Shut up.”

“Ok, I can do that.”

“In that case, we have nothing further to discuss at the moment.” The kirin stated. “My boys will untie you and take you home.”

Both Sam and Carl sighed in relief…before they noticed the floor shaking a bit. They both looked down, and noticed it was shaking more, and the foo dogs were parting. Long formed a dark smile.

“After, of course, I share with you some Pacesian hospitality and let you get a complimentary, genuine, Pacesian deep-tissue massage…courtesy of my two lovely assistants: Shiong and Mao.”

Abruptly, the massive paws of a pair of panda bears clapped down on the shoulders of Sam and Carl and gave squeezes so strong both of them twisted in pain.

---

About an hour later, in the same ruined, disgusting neighborhood where Sam’s condo was located, a large and elaborate Far East wagon pulled in front of the complex. A few of the gang members and prostitutes gave it a curious look, but most paid no mind. The wagon didn’t stop long…only long enough to pop open the side door and toss two bruised, battered, and limp earth ponies out and onto the pavement. Both of them landed hard and sprawled out before the wagon shut and sped off.

Sam and Carl both groaned and looked about groggily, none of them seeming to have any functional muscles at the moment. They only slowly began to writhe and tried to move. At first, they let out indecipherable moans to one another. Gradually, however, after a few minutes, they started to form words.

“And that’s why I never waste good money on a massage…”

“I feel like a set of cooked ribs that had all the meat pulled off the bones and then put back on them…”

“I feel like I just got eaten by a very large creature with broad teeth that ground me up in them, digested me, processed me into crap, and then left me in a pile in the woods somewhere…”

“I can’t feel my skin. My entire body just feels like 20-year-old beef jerky…”

“You know what would pick me up right now? A Marble Creamery shake…”

“Damnit…shut up, Carl…”

Both ponies writhed a bit, trying to get up, but only really succeeded in dragging themselves a few feet.

“…That does it, Carl…we’re totally screwed…” Sam moaned as he did so.

“Think positive, Sam…”

“I’m positive we’re screwed… This damn job was a fricking mob-affiliated drug trafficking ring. Gum Shoe was right to suspect us…and once he checks out where that crate was supposed to go, he’ll know the mob is involved… So either he throws our asses in prison or Nek Tuu Long kills us to keep us from talking when he finds out the cops know about us. And even if the police don’t nail us for this, we still need to come up with 100 grand. Even if we find that crate and get the money out of it, we’re 50 grand short, Carl…”

“Look…one thing at a time, Sam…” Carl grunted as he drug a hoof underneath him. “Let me just…try to relearn how to manipulate and balance on my skeleton…then get to my feet…then let’s get back to the condo and get the wagon out to Solar Cycle Express. Right now, after screwing us over on this whole setup and getting sat on by those damn pandas, they can take their 60 bits an hour and shove them up their pie holes…”

“Tell me about it…” Sam answered. “I tell you one thing, at least…if Gum Shoe comes looking for us again, I’m nailing that Package Deal and his whole crooked setup to the wall…”

“After we get that slip…” Carl responded, beginning to slowly get on two hooves. “It may not tell us where the stuff is exactly, but if we can even get close to it, we’ll be in business…”

---

Luckily, Carl’s wagon was still intact and at the condo. After all, Gum Shoe had brought them to the station on his own wagon. On returning, both ponies hitched themselves up and immediately went out for work. However, along the way they passed by a Rich’s Barnyard Bargains, and Carl quickly moved them into a parking spot. A bit afterward, he came out with a plastic bag filled with various items and tossed them in the back before they got moving again.

Sam looked a bit puzzled as Carl led them back down the road. “…What’s in the bag?”

“Just a few odds and ends.”

“Like what?”

“Dude…we’re in with the Vices now. This whole situation is getting desperate. We need some form of protection. So I got us some stuff.”

Sam looked to the bag, then back to him. “You didn’t get a fire projector or a rifle, did you?”

“Oh no. I’d have to wait a week for that. Luckily I know how to make some useful stuff from household chemicals and foods. Didn’t you ever read ‘Colt’s Life’ when you were a foal?”

“…Not really. I was always the hazing target on camping trips.”

“Yeah…and they kicked me out for eating a brownie.”

Sam gave Carl a shocked look, but Carl merely shook his head as he kept going onward. “They get so anal about you eating anything that’s fattening during snack time. That’s like the stupidest rule.”

Sam sighed in reply and looked forward again. They passed a newsstand with the evening editions, all of the headlines reading: “Princess Celestia Still Missing” and the byline: “New Princess Twilight Sparkle Being Called In”. A few ponies were snatching it up, but Sam merely looked to the road crossing, then back to Carl. “We’re nearly there. Just a couple more blocks.”

Carl, however, had already spotted something else on the horizon, and was looking rather nervous.

“…That’s what I’m afraid of, Sam. Look at the skyline.”

Sam paused, then looked up as Carl directed. He soon saw a rather thick cloud of smoke in the air, and it was rising up from only a short distance ahead. Considering the amount, there was little question of what it could be.

“Is that…from a fire?” Sam asked.

“And is it coming from just two blocks away?” Carl added.

The two hesitated a moment, but then immediately took off into a gallop, pulling the wagon behind them. Both of their faces tensed up quite a bit as they went along, for with each new step, the position of the rising smoke seemed to indicate that it was indeed at their destination… They progressively began to notice more shocked and awed ponies along the way, many of whom were looking at the same direction they were going. It only made Sam all the more anxious as they went forward. Finally, the road became familiar to where they pulled in yesterday, and as they looked to the same lot where they had went last night, they were in for a rather rude shock.

Just as they had feared…the building was mostly engulfed in flames, and was quickly spreading to the few parts that weren’t already on fire. Both Sam and Carl gaped as they neared, seeing fires angrily lapping at the walls and through the ceiling, deforming the paint and turning the Solar Cycle logo into a deformed piece of ashy rubbish. Every so often, as they looked at it, the flames had to hit something like a bottle of whiteout or another flammable source, for a minor flaming eruption would suddenly burst from a window or out a burning wall, all the while as the rest of it was consumed.

“Holy crap!” Sam shouted as they ran up to it.

Here, however, Carl immediately planted his hooves, forcing their cart to stop. Sam tried to keep going, and pulled them almost to the sidewalk around the building, but his friend would go no closer, and looked to him in shock. “Sam, what are you doing?”

“Get in the back! We can still get to the slip area!”

“Are you nuts?! The whole place is going up in flames, dude! It’s a lost cause!”

“But-”

“I’m not getting roasted for it, man!”

“We have no choice, Carl! We’re in deep trouble!”

“I’d rather be in deep sh’t than buried under it, man! Just let it go!”

Sam tried to pull a bit more, but then scowled and released. “Celestiadamnit!” He said as he pounded a hoof on the ground.

As Sam fumed, Carl looked over the burning building for a moment. He blinked, and then looked around. He also looked into the sky.

“…Smoke is still spreading out…fire hasn’t fully moved over the building…and we look like we were the first ponies here…” He said this last part as he saw the ponies they passed earlier coming into the start gawking. Only now did the sounds of fire sirens way in the distance go off. Carl looked to Sam after that. “This couldn’t have happened too long ago, Sam. Maybe the employees are still around… Maybe they got out of the building…”

Sam looked up a bit at that, and started to look around. However, he saw no signs of life or any other ponies. If anyone had gone out, they had to have run for it. “…I don’t see anypony, though. But that doesn’t make sense… This is the middle of the day at a 24 hour delivery service! And they wouldn’t have fled! What could have even caused the fire?”

Carl paused a moment, before his eyes widened a bit, and he looked to Sam again. “Sam…you don’t think someone set the fire, do you?”

Sam hesitated, but then shook his head. “No…no, of course not. Why would you say that?”

“It’s just…this seems a bit too unlucky, even for us. I mean…we needed to get that slip from here or at least shake down Package Deal…and this building just bursts into flame right now…with no other ponies around… You know…like the fire was on purpose so no one was there…” He began to tense up. “…Or like even if someone was inside they couldn’t get out anyway…”

The blue stallion thought about that a moment, but then shook his head. “No…no way, Carl. Not this time. That’s just you thinking too hard about this again. I mean…why would that be the case?”

Even as he said this, however…a bit of smoke seemed to peel off from the rest of the smoke coming from the fire. It wisped and moved through the air, shifting toward the two ponies, and gradually went from a black color to a light-colored one. The two continued to stare as it circled forward, and finally came for in between them. Right at that moment, they realized it was a “message smoke”…a moment before it suddenly “poofed” and revealed itself to be a paper note.

As it fluttered to the ground, the two earth ponies noticed that the lettering was made from magazine clippings and was one single phrase:

I WANT THE CRATE.

Both Sam and Carl went a bit pale at that.

“Ok…maybe it was arson…”

“And the sh’t we’re in rises closer to covering our heads…” Carl grimaced.

Sam looked to him. “What the hell have we gotten ourselves into, man? They said they’d give us 48 hours to get their money! Why burn down where we worked?”

“Well…we did say we already knew where the crate was…” The green stallion muttered. “And this is the Pacesian mob… I think they’re covering their bases, dude…making sure we can’t go to anyone about this operation…”

“Covering their bases is something they do on a ball field, Carl! This is ‘rubbing out the loose ends’! If they burned down this office just to keep us from bringing in the police, then even if we somehow come up with their money, they’re never going to let us walk away!”

Carl looked progressively more uncomfortable on hearing this. “…Damnit, I wish I had a Marble Creamery shake right now. It would really clear my-”

“Shut up about the damn shakes!” Sam snapped, before letting out a sigh. “Well, I don’t think things can get much worse…”

“Mommy, mommy, look! Those two ponies burned down that building!”

Both Sam and Carl went rigid on hearing that, and immediately snapped their heads to the side. There was a growing crowd now, but they were still keeping their distance. Sam and Carl, by comparison, were very close. A foal was pointing at them and shouting to their mom. Both looked rather nervous, before Sam shook his head.

“Uh, no we didn’t kid. We were coming to work to check on something and-”

“Hey!” Another pony shouted. “That kid said those two started the fire!”

“Look, those are the two guys who set the place on fire!”

“Whoa…I’ve never seen two arsonists before!”

By now, the sounds of the sirens were becoming audible over the noise. Both Sam and Carl paled, before the green one looked to the blue one.

“Sam…we need to get out of here right now.”

“Carl, if we run off from the scene of the crime, they’re definitely going to think we did it!”

“Not unless they can identify us, dude! And by the way…how suspicious do you think we’re going to look to that lieutenant if he finds us at the scene of the crime? We’ll get thrown right into a cell with ‘Bubba’ at the station and, after he’s done having his way with us, the Vices are going to get word of it and then they’re going to think we spilled our guts to the cops! I’m not about to spread the rest of my life as a curiosity on some Pacesian dude’s shelf!”

Sam only hesitated a moment, but then groaned and rolled his eyes. “…We have to think of something, dude. This crap keeps getting worse…”

“Then let’s think back at the apartment! We can at least get our stuff out of it before the police come looking there!”

“…Alright, fine! Let’s go!”

The two immediately took off down the street at full gallop once again. The building, by now, was fully burning. Only moments after Sam and Carl turned the corner did a gang of pegasi in red hats and helmets drag a conspicuously large cloud over the top of it and began to all kick it at once…moments before the police showed up.

Sam and Carl were already gone by the time the police unhitched their own wagons…but one of the first individuals out was a cross-looking Gum Shoe, who stared at the building with a critical look.

---

After riding around for about an hour, making sure no police were following them…and with Carl occasionally pausing to look around for a Marble Creamery that was still open, which Sam was fine with so long as it kept them moving around randomly, the two ponies began to head back to the condo again. They made sure to keep an eye open on the newsstands as they went along, and an ear open on the radios. To be honest…they were a bit afraid that someone at that site might have gotten a good enough look at them to name them as suspects. Yet their fears were unfounded. The headlines were all talking about the missing Princess Celestia and how the investigation was expanding to Manehattan, as the police thought that she may have disappeared en route to an upcoming meeting at the United Neightions branch there. So much the better. So long as the cops were focused on finding her, that kept them from trying to track Sam and Carl for something as petty as arson.

Finally, however, they made their way back to their urban blight neighborhood. To be honest, they felt a bit more at ease there. After all, no one there was going to report them when most of the ponies were wanted for something else themselves. Once more, they pulled the wagon up in front of the condo building, unhitched, dismounted, and made their way upstairs.

As they turned the corner into the hall, Sam spoke to Carl again. “Alright…you didn’t see any cop cars outside coming in, did you?”

“Nope, not a one.”

“Good. Let’s get any things we may need for the next 48 hours and then get out before any show up.”

“You sure that’s smart, Sam? I mean…what if they think we skipped town?”

“Well, let’s just stay away long enough for things to calm down a bit…” Sam finally answered. “At the bare minimum, I need to get a letter out to Dawn. For all I know, it’s going to be the last letter I ever…”

Sam trailed off as they neared the door. Now that he was this close, he could look ahead…and see the door was ajar. Immediately, he groaned.

“Damnit, I didn’t forget to lock that thing, did I?”

Carl looked out, and saw the same thing. He moaned. “I figured it was too good to be true that there weren’t any hobos waiting for us…”

The blue stallion merely sighed in response, and walked up to the entrance. As soon as he reached it, he put out a hoof to push open the door and started to walk inside. “Alright, everyone. Clear out. The Bed and Breakfast is undergoing permanent...”

Again, Sam found himself trailing off. Carl soon came up behind him, and he stared as well. As best as had been able, what few things they had brought to the condo were torn up, broken, tossed about, and smashed. The rest of the room had been defaced through vandalism, breaking the windows, tearing up the flooring and whatever intact wallpaper was left, and generally making the entire place a wreck.

Aside from that, there was only a small piece of paper in the one clean spot on the floor, along with a conch shell.

Sam stared blankly for a moment. Carl did much the same, and then sighed. “…By now I guess I should have been expecting this.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me, dude… Everything about this day just keeps getting worse… I had that minifridge for years…” Sam groaned as he walked into the room, making sure to slowly pace his way around the debris and junk. He headed straight for the note on the floor.

Carl, on his part, moved inside as well. He frowned. “So much for wanting to get some sleep… Between last night and the constant beatings, I’m kind of running on fumes…” He looked around a bit, then stopped. “Hey, our sleeping bags weren’t ripped to shreds. Got to give them that…” He moved over to his, cleared off a bit of the debris, then pulled back the flap. He soon frowned. “Oh…they decided to leave us a ‘present’ instead. And it ain’t a chocolate on a pillow…”

Sam, on his part, had reached the piece of paper and the conch shell. He picked it up and looked it over a moment, before Carl looked to him. “What’s it say?”

“It’s cut out magazines like the one back at the delivery company… It says: ‘I want the crate. You had better have it when I call.’” He looked to the conch shell. “This is one of those magic transmitters like they have back at work… But it’s only a one-way one. We can’t make any calls with it. They just contact us.”

Carl groaned. “It’s not enough for them to kick the crap out of us and have us turned into string cheese by those damn pandas…they got to trash everything they can get their hooves on that belongs to us too?”

Sam sighed and shook his head…then suddenly went rigid.

“Carl…start looking for that can of dragon fire and some decent ink and paper in here.”

The green stallion looked to him. “Huh? Why?”

“Just do it!” Sam answered before he began to root through the mess himself. “These guys are psycho about that crate! Apparently they didn’t think we got the message from our little ‘pow-wow’, so they’re out to ruin anything we’re connected to!”

“So?” Carl asked as he began to move things around.

“What about our families, man? What about Dawn?”

Carl paused momentarily on hearing that. “…I didn’t think about that, dude. I mean…I think I’d be happier if something finally made Farrah move out…but yeah, I forgot about Dawn.”

“Now I need to get her a letter more than ever…” Sam answered as he pulled a good quill off of the floor. After setting it to one side, he looked to Sam. “…No one knows we went to Manehattan, right?”

Carl had just finished pulling out an ink well, when he thought for a moment. He soon shook his head. “No, man. We didn’t let anyone know. I mean…I told that one guy I knew back at work to keep me posted if they decided to relocate the Marble Creamery…but Dawn doesn’t even know the guy.”

“Good…I’ll just write her a letter making up some crud about how I’ll be back in town in three days. Then we’re heading out until we can find where that damn bakery we dropped that thing off at was by memory.”

The green stallion looked up. “Whoa, hang on…three days? You’re wanting to head back to Ponyville?”

“Carl…” Sam said with a sigh, slowing down. “Look, it’s over. After all the crap that’s happened to us in just a couple days of being here, I don’t want to stick in this cesspool of a city any longer.”

“Dude, your father-in-law is still going to kill you if you don’t pay for that wedding.”

“Yeah, well…I think I can deal with one pony trying to kill me versus a ton of them.” Sam retorted. “Now come on, let’s hurry up.”

---

The letter sent off, the two ponies quickly did a rough cleanup before heading back out to the wagon, hitching themselves up, and taking off. Unfortunately, between the sleep deprivation, the hunger, and the lateness of the hour, none of them really remembered much. About the closest they could come was getting on the highway then getting off at the right exit…but at that point the two were at a loss. They were soon wandering aimlessly through the streets trying to find something they remembered.

Now, both ponies, tired, exhausted, and yawning, were slowly going down the road, looking about every which way. Neither of them even felt good getting coffee at this point, so, naturally, they were nodding off at the wagon.

Carl sighed and looked around a bit. “This neighborhood doesn’t look familiar…”

“Of course it doesn’t. It was dark when we went through it last night.”

“No, dude…look at this place. No graffiti. Kids playing. Even trees planted. This neighborhood is nicer than anything we went through last night so it has to be the wrong one. We need to go to a bad neighborhood…”

“Carl…half of this town is a bad neighborhood…”

The green pony sighed. “Even if I had the slightest idea where to find the place, I’m too tired to think about it. Can we at least stop somewhere for some sugar or something?”

“No.” Sam managed to sharply respond. “Stopping for food is what got us into this crap in the first place. Come on man…you’ve pulled all nighters before, haven’t you? Well we’re dead in less than 48 hours unless we can find this spot so even if we have to go through every last street in this town, let’s keep looking. We don’t have time to stop to look for your damn shakes…”

Carl frowned and looked to him. “How do you know for sure I was going to ask that we look for a Marble Creamery?”

Sam gave him a dark look.

Carl was quiet. He finally looked away and muttered. “…Lucky guess on your part.”

Sam shook his head and looked forward again. “I’d be happy if we could just get some cookies to nosh on…” He shook his own head and slapped himself in the face with a hoof. “Come on, Carl…for once we really need your attention to detail. You got to remember something about last night?”

“I’m sorry, man…I can’t think of anything but those shakes lately…”

“Well, try, dude!” Sam retorted. “Our asses are on the line!”

The green stallion winced a bit, and looked up and around more. As he looked about, however…he paused. His eyes were fixed on something.

“…I don’t know about the bakery, but I found something else.”

“Like what?”

“Like these dudes following us.”

Sam paused on hearing that. He looked up to the window.

A bit behind them, about half a block, was another wagon…this one more of the “muscle” type with two dark-looking ponies with grim looks on their faces pulling it. They seemed to be on the muscular side and also had scars and tattoos. Both of their eyes were focused forward on their wagon.

Sam stared a moment before swallowing a bit, then looked back to Carl. “…Maybe it's just a coincidence."

“Oh yeah? Turn here.”

Sam hesitated, but then made the turn as indicated. As he went on ahead…soon he saw the car followed them. He paused, but then made the next turn. The other wagon kept following them. He tried a third…and still following. By now, he swallowed.

“Let’s…pick up the pace, Carl. Let’s make this a trot.”

The green stallion nodded, and then began to do so, picking up the speed. Unfortunately, the two ponies pulling the muscle wagon did the same. Sam, getting a bit nervous, turned them down another way. However, the wagon still stayed on their toes. Not only that, but it began to pick up speed at that point.

“…Alright, they’re following us.” Sam admitted.

“Correction…they found out that we found out that they’re following us.” Carl responded as he gazed at the mirror with an increasingly nervous look. “Look what they’re doing!”

Sam looked out again…just in time to see one of the ponies, as they picked up speed to catch up with the others, reach behind into the muscle wagon…and come out with a fire projector large enough to fit across a shoulder and engraved to look like an especially large and fearsome dragon.

“Holy sh’t!” Sam exclaimed.

“Full gallop! Full gallop!” Carl shouted back.

A moment later, both ponies immediately took off, tearing down the road as fast as possible. They yanked away from the pursuing ponies just as they got their weapon out, leaving them in the dust momentarily. Both reacted in surprise, but then flew into a rage before taking off them at full speed themselves.

In moments, the two were in a chase. Sam and Carl ran as hard as they could…but between the food deprivation, the sleep deprivation, and the earlier beatings, neither were hardly in “race condition”. They ended up running as fast and as hard as they could, but the larger and more powerful ponies soon began to rapidly close the distance to them. When that happened, Carl suddenly yanked them one way around a sharp corner. Although it nearly made Sam stumble, he went with, and they managed to whip their wagon down a street. The two heard an audible curse from behind them as the pursuing ponies were forced to slow down before their larger wagon could make the turn.

As the two struggled to gain some distance, they looked to each other in panic. “Who are those ponies?!”

“I don’t know! Maybe they thought we were trying to cut town when we left the apartment! Or maybe they’re undercover cops!”

“We got to ditch them!”

“I know, but…ACK!”

Carl was cut off as their entire wagon rattled. The pursuing ponies had caught up again and run forward to drive the bar between their yoke into the wagon Sam and Carl were driving. It caused a rather violent tremor to go through the vehicle, and made both of them snap their heads. The trunk on their car suddenly snapped open, letting the gremlin poke its head out.

“What’s with all the noise?!”

However, on taking one look at the pursuing ponies, he let out a whistle, went back in, and locked up again.

As Sam and Carl tried to look for another turn, the larger wagon pulled up alongside them, using the extra speed as an advantage. At that, it began to run into the side of them, trying to drive them off the road and into a building or sidewalk. Sam and Carl, in turn, tried to shove them back, but with little success. Finally, the chasing wagon drove hard into them and shoved them to the point where they ground one side of the wagon into a wall on the side street, struggling to run them into a light pole up ahead by keeping them pinned. Both Sam and Carl tensed up. They struggled to push free, but no success. If that wasn’t all, the pony with the fire projector raised it up even as he pushed into them and took aim.

“Brakes!” Sam shouted.

Immediately, both ponies snapped around, seized handles on the sides of the wagon, and gave them a yank…throwing brakes down on both wheels. With a loud squeal and some sparks, the wagon slowed to a near stop...causing the other wagon to shoot by. A shot went off...obliterating a brick wall on the side of the road, but both ponies were too out of control to stop themselves before they whipped around the pole and drove right into a stand of pallets and other garbage on the side of the road just ahead. To the sound of a resounding calamity, both vanished inside to the tune of an eruption of wood debris.

Both Sam and Carl took a moment to pause and catch their breath. They swallowed, thinking they had avoided this danger for the time being. However, their looks soon turned to fear again as the vehicle abruptly yanked itself out of the garbage and did a sharp rear U-turn to reposition their muscle wagon forward again. The two ponies now looked dirty, sore, and very angry.

“Oh Celestia…” Sam muttered.

“Don’t just stand there gawking at them! Let’s get out of here!”

Immediately, both released their brakes, ran backward to whip their own wagon back and around, and shot down the nearest street opening, running harder than ever before the muscle wagon went after them.

“What are we going to do?!” Sam outburst.

“We got to find a cop!” Carl shouted back. “I mean…they’ve got to try to arrest ponies for trying to kill us whether we’re suspects or not, right?!”

Abruptly, a ball of fire shot by them an blew out a storefront on their side. As they rushed past, bits of flaming debris and glass smacked over them.

“Sh’t! They’re really trying to kill us!”

“We can’t keep running forever, dude! What do we do?”

“I got it!” Sam responded. “Keep heading down this way! This leads back to one of the big business districts in Manehattan!”

“So?”

“So?! There’s going to be hundreds of ponies in that spot! They can’t just snuff us there without everypony seeing them!”

“You really think they care if they get seen?”

Another fireball shot out, this time hitting a wreck of an abandoned wagon on the side of the road and instantly igniting it. Both ponies ducked and winced as they charged past, before Sam snapped again.

“Just do it, Carl!”

Having no better options, Carl groaned and immediately ran as fast as he possibly could. Sam did much the same, and soon they were struggling for all they were worth to avoid their pursuers and get to the “better” part of the city.

The whole way, the ponies with the muscle wagon tried to run up to them to bump them off again and again, forcing Sam and Carl to hang corners frequently, as that was the only way to get a burst of speed. It also avoided the wrath of their weapon, as every time an opening occurred, they would fire off another blast of flame at them. Yet the two continued to run for all they were worth, forgetting their earlier exhaustion and hunger. As they ran forward, more wagons began to appear, forcing them to weave through the traffic and quickly snap one way and other other…but the ponies in the muscle wagon always just knocked the wagon aside as well as its driver. Over time, the two began to fear that this plan wouldn’t work. Even when pedestrians and other vehicles came near, they were still not giving up the chase… Sam was wondering what would happen first…that they’d find a cop or they’d give out in terms of strength…

Then, finally, they got a break. As they ran forward a bit more, suddenly the buildings began to look “slanted”, slightly, and the wagon got lighter…

The two ran on ahead a bit more, but soon began to look around. “Hey…” Carl said. “Did we lose some weight back there?”

Sam looked around as well as they kept running as their wagon grew lighter and lighter…until finally they felt nothing at all. Both ponies looked behind them as they continued to run…and saw their wagon slowly pulling off their attachments and coming in behind them…going faster than they were. Sam blinked, then looked out to the road again. He was just in time to see a sign go by that had a giant X over a picture of a pony with a wagon. He turned to Carl afterward.

“Dude, this is a steep grade downhill!”

“Perfect!” Carl retorted…before he suddenly leapt up and grabbed the strut on his side.

“Carl! What are you doing?!”

“Just grab on, dude! We can’t outrun these bastards on hoof!”

“We’ll go out of control, man!”

Suddenly, a fireball shot by and singed the tip of Sam’s ear, making him recoil a bit. Carl looked intently at him and continued to hold on. Muttering, Sam finally grabbed onto his own side and held on tight. And with neither pony providing any more resistance, the wagon continued to pick up speed.

Before long, the other ponies on the sides of the streets or going up the hill began to cry out and run out of the way as Carl’s wagon careened out of control at breakneck pace. Soon screams were running out about a “loose wagon”. Carl and Sam merely held on for dear life. As they did, the ponies in the muscle wagon charged after them…but first they slowed down their ability to gain a lead…then they began to fall behind. Not only that, but as they tried to push themselves harder and faster to chase after the two, it only propelled their own wagon more and more out of control. As they continued to charge, eventually their own wagon slipped loose and ran forward into the two ponies. They felt it touch them, and looked back in surprise…before trying to run harder. Finally, however, they couldn’t run any longer…and the wagon overtook them and knocked them both into it.

Carl managed to look back and see this, and realized their wagon was out of control too. At that, he looked back into his own wagon. Licking his lips, he reached out and managed to grab something out of it with his rear hoof…his coffee cup. Holding it in front of him, he gave it a kiss.

“You were truth in advertising, good buddy. You never spilled once. Celestiaspeed.”

With that, he flung the coffee cup out behind them. It twisted in mid-air on its side, hit the road…and provided a surface to roll on right as the wagon wheel of the muscle wagon struck it. The second it hit it at that speed, the wagon tilted up and wild, rolling out of control and snapping to one side before running into a gaslight post. The two muscular ponies cried out in shock as their wagon hit it, sending both flying through the air and into second floor windows of the surrounding buildings…moments before their wagon ignited into a ball of flame from smashing the gas line, along with their own weapon.

As a resounding flaming boom went up behind them, both Sam and Carl winced momentarily, but then looked up and behind them, seeing what was left. They turned to each other, their faces slowly breaking into smiles.

“I can’t believe that crap worked!” Carl exclaimed.

“You did it, man! You saved our lives!” Sam cheered.

Carl let out a mild laugh. “Yeah…cost me a coffee cup though…and I think I left a couple muffins on the road back there…”

Sam shook his head. “Whatever dude. Let’s just put on the brakes now before it’s too late. We go much faster and we’ll never stop without flipping…”

Carl nodded. Both ponies immediately put their hands on the handles and began to pull back slowly. For a moment, there was a loud squealing, and smell of burning wood and the look of smoke pulling out from the wheels. For a moment, Sam feared they might catch the wagon on fire…

When, suddenly, the brakes snapped all together on both sides, at once.

Both Sam and Carl glared at the now severed brakes in their hooves with eyes the size of dinner plates. They looked up to each other a moment later, before Sam grit his teeth. “Carl, you told me you go your brakes inspected before we went on this trip!”

“Dude! All he did was move the levers!” Carl shot back. Immediately, he gave a kick to the main wagon with his rear hoof. “Hey! Emergency blinkers!”

The pair of fireflies in the back lanterns began to blink…but only for a moment. On seeing how fast the wagon was moving, they suddenly retreated back inside and emerged with hats and suitcases before opening up the lanterns and flying off.

“…I’ll see you in Hell, you little bastards!” Carl screamed at them as they vanished.

“Dude, we’re screwed! At this speed we’ll rip our hooves off if we try to stop!” Sam cried.

“Don’t panic!” Carl shot back. “We just have to hold on until it levels off!”

As if on cue, shortly after saying this, the road began to flatten out again. It was only gradual, but it was enough to as they leveled back onto flat ground again, the wagon, while still going very fast and out of control, was in fact slowing down. Carl risked a small smile at that, and turned to Sam again.

“See? We’ll be fine!”

Sam swallowed a bit and looked around, before looking up. Immediately, he gave a yell. Carl looked up in response…and soon joined in.

The road was aborting in a t-intersection, and in front of them was one of Manehattan’s train stations…complete with a large crowd of ponies gathered outside of it. Neither Sam nor Carl had much chance to see what was happening and why they were there. They were too busy screaming and covering their eyes with their hooves as they ran into it and certain destruction. As for the ponies in the crowd, they turned and began to look to them, and soon screamed and bolted like water over a wedge as the out-of-control wagon careened right into them. Ponies nearly had limbs and heads taken off as they leapt for cover, and the wagon hit the sidewalk, immediately rippling and going unstable as it went clear off the road, past the walkway, onto the grounds around the station, and continued to shoot through the crowd. Neither Carl nor Sam said it, but as soon as the crowd parted…the two ponies and their wagon found themselves faced with a magazine stand. The proprietor barely had time to flee for it before the wagon smashed into it, ripping the entire stand off of its bearings, flinging magazines and papers bearing the headlines of “Princess Still Missing” everywhere, and finally collapsing in a heap…stopping the wagon and the ponies inside of it.

The large crowd of ponies was stunned. The few that had fled for it paused to catch their breath and heartbeats. Everyone else looked at the wreckage now, which was nearly to the front gates of the train station. For a moment, all was still. A few bits of paper fell. Some debris settled. Bolder ponies began to tentatively venture closer.

Suddenly, however, a sharp kick rang out from inside the wreckage of the stand, and the wagon was knocked loose and rolled back slightly. Giving a mixture of grunts, winces, and whines, Sam and Carl, bruised, dazzled, and dirty, with a newspaper lodged in Carl’s ears and two magazines stuffed in Sam’s eye sockets, picked their way out of the wreckage and stood up. Both looked like they had just had heart attacks, and kept their balance a moment, trying to get their bearings. Finally, Sam turned to Carl’s direction.

“Carl…I can’t see!”

“What?!”

“I can’t see Carl! I think I blinded myself!”

“You brightened your shelf?! Speak up!! You’re mumbling!!”

“Carl! Where are you?”

“Hardware Artoo?! What the hell are you talking about, Sam?!”

“I think there’s something in my eyes! Get it out!”

“Grout?! Sam, what do you want with grout at a time like this?!”

Sam groaned and grabbed for the magazines with his hooves, and soon yanked them out one after another. He blinked a few times, but soon blinked even more as lots of flashbulbs suddenly went off around them. Carl, naturally, did the same. Both of them looked around, and saw a number of the ponies were forming a half-circle around them, using advanced cameras to take their pictures. It was enough to make both wince.

Sam grit his teeth for a moment and raised a hoof to his eyes. “Dude, what’s with you ponies?”

As if to answer his question, Sam began to hear some of them talking.

“Whoa…and here I thought this beat would be boring…”

“Hey, here’s your headline for page 2! Crazed would-be assassins jump the gun!”

“These two look like the suspects in that arson case, too!”

Sam began to look around a bit more incredulously at that…before it dawned on him. They were surrounded by the press. As he looked a bit more, he saw some of them had badges for affiliates and periodicals, including one for Equestria Daily. It immediately made him swallow and tremble. As for Carl, he gave them all angry looks.

“Hey!! You want to say something to me, speak up, you bastards!! Don’t do that whispering crap!!”

Sam turned to Carl. “Dude…this is the news! Cover your face up, already!”

“What?! Come on, Sam!! Don’t tell me you’re in on this whisper joke too!!”

Groaning, Sam snapped his teeth out, seized the paper, and ripped it out of Carl’s ears. After spitting it to one side, he looked to him. “Dude! They’re taking our pictures and thinking we just tried to kill someone with your wagon! We need to get out of here!”

“What?!”

Sam groaned. “I said…!”

Carl suddenly burst into a grin and snickered. “No dude, I heard you. I just always wanted to do that gag.”

The blue stallion’s face fell and he gave Carl a long look. Then, he groaned and began to push himself out the rest of the way from the rubbish to get on all four hooves and start moving. “Just get back to your truck and get ready to-”

“Uh…what just happened here?”

Immediately, Sam froze and went rigid. Carl did much the same. Both of them slowly turned to see who had spoken…and found themselves looking at the entrance to the train station.

With a few assigned envoys on either side of her, who were dressed in Royal Canterlot armor, a young alicorn with a purple coat and a pink streak through her mane was currently frozen just on the bottom step of the train station entrance, giving both Sam and Carl a puzzled look. Near her side was a baby dragon with purple and green scales, hauling along some bags and boxes behind him and scratching his head at the sight.

“I heard the wagon drivers were bad in Manehattan, Twilight…but this is a bit ridiculous…”

Both Sam and Carl stared blankly.

“…Carl?”

“…Yeah, Sam?”

“…Tell me the lizard didn’t just call that purple alicorn ‘Twilight’.”

“…Ok, Sam…he didn’t just call that purple alicorn ‘Twilight’…although I know for a fact since we actually went to the coronation that we’re currently looking at Princess Twilight Sparkle, latest addition to the pantheon of gods of Equestria.”

“Yeah…and the press just thinks we tried to kill her, don’t they?”

“Pretty much, Sam.”

Even as he said this, the sound of police sirens began to become audible over the sound of flashbulbs, and they were a lot closer than either pony liked. Princess Twilight Sparkle, on the other hand, just stared at them in confusion while the dragon frowned at being called a ‘lizard’.

Immediately, the two shot to their feet, and began to head for the cart. Carl went straight for it, while Sam gave a sheepish grin and a curt bow.

“Uh-very-lovely-to-meet-you-your-highness-worshipfulness-but-we-need-to-get-out-of-here-Suffice-to-say-this-was-all-a-big-accident-we-weren’t-out-to-kill-or-hurt-anypony-it’s-a-long-story-and-we-got-to-”

“Hold it!” A stallion’s voice rang out through the crowd. “Hold it! Stop them! Don't let them get away!”

Sam turned to the crowd in fear…just in time to see a dozen policeponies suddenly come out and immediately start to deploy around him. As they did, the sirens grew worse and worse, and soon police wagons began to pull up all around the area. This caused the press, Sam, Twilight, and almost everypony else to snap up and look around in confusion. However, the policeponies continued to look at Sam and Carl sternly. Carl, on his part, had just managed to drag the bag from earlier out of the wagon before the policeponies came up to him, holding up magic firing gauntlets to keep him from escaping. Immediately, he gulped and backpedaled toward Sam. The blue stallion, however, didn’t notice. He only paled as he gazed about in fear.

As soon as the policeponies had them surrounded…the crowd parted one more time. With a dark yet smug look on his face, a new pony emerged from it: Lt. Gum Shoe. He came to a halt at a distance and flashed Sam a grin.

Sam blinked in astonishment. “Uh…hello, lieutenant. I understand this looks pretty bad, but…”

“Save it for the lawyers, asshole.” Gum Shoe answered. “I’ve got your ass, every last square inch of the amoebaed thing, and your puzzle-solving friend’s ass too. Real stupid of you…trying to burn down your own place of business to get rid of the evidence when I had a copy of your slip already.”

Sam immediately held up his hooves. “Now…wait a second…that wasn’t us. We-”

“Shut up.” Gum snorted. “Don’t bother trying to talk your way out of this one. There’s no way I can’t nail your ass to a wall after this. As I said…I had a copy, and I checked in on the other end. They never saw you and this isn’t their signature. That makes you a liar…and, in my book, that also makes you a drug runner.”

“We told you, it was a misunderstanding!”

Gum chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Don’t insult my intelligence, you jackass.”

“Hey!” A donkey called from the crowd.

“It’s an expression!” Both Sam and Gum yelled to him, before they looked back to each other.

“There’s 20 ponies who swear they saw two ponies that look just like you two along with a wagon that looks just like that one, give or take a few dents, fleeing the scene of the crime. Now I get a report you were on the run from a couple thugs and you crash right into the Manehattan Train Station right as Princess Twilight Sparkle herself arrives. You’re up to some serious sh’t, boys…and I’m not letting you out from under my hoof until you’ve spilled it plus the rest of your guts. After you’ve spent a night in isolation with other ‘guests’ of ours, of course.” Gum looked around to the other policeponies and motioned forward. “Tag ‘em and bag ‘em, boys.”

The officers began to advance. Sam swallowed and began to step back.

“Hang on a second! This has been a really big misunderstanding! Look…it wasn’t our fault!”

Gum merely chuckled. “Go ahead, wise guy…break for it. Run. Give me an excuse to have you shot in the back. You’ll make my day. Hell, just resist arrest and I can have you get a nice beating…”

The policeponies continued to close in as the crowd watched. Sam swallowed. This was it… Even if he somehow got out of jail, this would seal any attempt at getting the money from the Vices or ever finding the crate. They were dead…

Then, he saw something.

Abruptly, the policeponies paused. They looked to the side…and went wide-eyed before freezing completely. Other crowd members began to look as well, and soon they were gasping at what they saw. Sam, realizing that it wasn’t him, paused as well…before he heard Carl in his most dangerous voice possible call out.

“Ok everypony…everypony be very cool…put your magic gauntlets down…slowly back away…and nopony will end up getting hurt.”

Almost dreading what he would see after hearing that, Sam looked to the side, and his blue color turned white as a sheet.

Carl, looking strained and crazy…had the princess in a headlock, and had what looked like an oral syringe filled with yellow liquid pressed against her lips. The princess herself had gone perfectly rigid and was looking to him in panic. Obviously, she had not noticed him sneaking up on her. Neither had the guards, who had focused mostly on Sam and Gum. The dragon looked to them in panic. As for everyone else, their attention soon turned fully to this, and soon there were gasps and cries.

“Oh my Celestia!”

“He’s got the princess!”

“Somepony do something!”

“Twilight!” The dragon cried, nearly surging forward.

Carl, looking wild, yelled out again, jiggling the needle in Twilight’s mouth. “I told you all to be cool! START BEING COOL!”

Twilight winced in response to the feeling, but soon developed a tired look, letting out a sigh and a mutter that Sam could hear from this distance.

“’No, girls…it’s just a routine trip to Manehattan… No, you don’t need to come… No, I’m sure nothing bad will happen…’ I’m making sure one of the girls walks with me to the mailbox from now on…”

At any rate, the Royal Guards grabbed the dragon before he could run forward and spur Carl to do anything crazy, and the rest of the crowd went silent. The police stared.

Sam remained white. He moistened his lips, and then spoke softly. “Carl…” He said in a very even, mild tone. “…What the flying f*** are you doing right now?”

“Weapons. Remember, Sam?” Carl said quietly back to him as sweat rolled down his brow. “I took one of the old syringes lying around in the neighborhood and filled it with that industrial grade cleanser.” He immediately went bold again and shouted out. “You hear that, ponies?! I’ve got an oral syringe filled with industrial cleanser! One pump of this and I’ll rot her insides out in ten seconds!”

Twilight, however, went wide-eyed before that. “Wait…you’re shoving a used syringe in my mouth?!”

“Shut up, bitch!”

“Carl!” Sam immediately snapped back, before wincing and looking to Twilight apologetically. “Heh…I’m sorry, princess. He didn’t really mean to call you that. He’s just off his saltlick at the moment… We both love you very much.” Immediately he looked back up to Carl furiously. “Carl, let the princess go right this instant before you get us killed!”

“No can do, Sam. She’s our ticket out of here.”

“…What?!”

“Are you going to drop those weapons or do I have to drop the princess?!” Carl suddenly outburst to the crowd.

The policeponies hesitated. They turned and looked to Gum Shoe. He glared at them darkly, his smugness gone and replaced with quiet rage and anger. He held for a bit, but finally exhaled. Raising a hoof, he made a gesture. The policeponies turned back and slowly lowered their weapons to the ground.

Carl nodded, getting a weak, demented smile on his face. “Good, good…very good… See? This is going great. Everyone’s safe and happy… Now…all of you back away nice and slow.” With that, he began to move Twilight over, pushing her toward the wagon. “We’re going for a nice little road trip, just the three of us. Princess Twilight Sparkle, Sam Listens-to-Carl’s-Problems, and good ol’ Uncle Incarlsistency…who may or may not be a homicidal maniac so don’t test him.”

Sam gave him a glare. “…Why the hell did you just give them our names, dude?!”

“Sam…shut up and follow me…”

“No! Carl, let her go right now or we’re going to be in a world of sh’t!”

Carl continued to move Twilight. “Uh, news flash, Sam! We’re already in deep sh’t! We’ve got the mob and the police out for our blood now! The only way we can keep one of those guys off our ass is like this! We still need to get that money in less than 48 hours…less than 40 now…or we’re dead! Unless you’d like that ass-raping prison cell Officer Krupke over there is going to throw us into to be a death row cell block, then come on!”

“Twilight!” The dragon shouted again. He struggled against the guards holding her. “Let her go, you crazy jerks!”

“Good Celestia, isn’t anyone going to help her?!” A panicking bystander yelled.

“Somepony shut that kid up!” Carl suddenly screamed. “My hoof is getting itchy! I get nervous when I hear kids screaming and I do stupid sh’t like murder royalty!”

Everyone went quiet, and the police backed off. As a result, Carl quickly began to move Twilight over to the wagon. Sam, muttering a bit, began to follow after them, looking rather timid and nervous. “We’re really sorry about this… I swear we have a good reason for all this. Oh…and…thank you for stopping Nightmare Moon two years back. We’re all really happy about that.”

“No we’re not! We’re deranged lunatics who went out looking for someone to kill this morning!” Carl immediately shot back.

Sam grimaced. “Carl…they already think we’re totally insane…we don’t have to reinforce it…”

The three reached the wagon. Immediately, Carl reached out and smacked the back of the wagon with his hoof…causing the trunk to pop open.

Sam’s jaw nearly hit the ground. “Carl…you are not about to throw her in the trunk, are you?!”

“You two are starting to seem pretty crazy to me at this point!” Twilight suddenly outburst. “If this is an act, then it’s one of the better ones I’ve seen!”

“Shut up and get in the trunk, bitch!” Carl snapped.

“Carl, for the love of Celestia, you don’t have to keep calling her a bitch!” Sam screamed back.

Abruptly, the gremlin poked his head out and looked around a bit, and soon spotted Carl and Twilight.

“…Oh no, you are not about to throw that pony into my ho-”

He was cut off as Carl quickly shoved Twilight inside, surprising the princess as she went in, and then slammed the trunk door on her stunned and bewildered face. He quickly snapped to Sam. “Trust me on this.” He looked out to the others. “You all stay away from those weapons! Or my buddy in the trunk puts that princess in a meat grinder and starts slipping her out of the trunk a piece at a time!” He smacked Sam afterward with a hoof, indicating to get back in the front. “You’ll thank me for this later.”

“…I may kill you for this later, Carl.” Sam retorted as he quickly rushed to the front.

“…You ought to listen to your friend, city slicker.” Gum Shoe suddenly stated. He held back, but he glared at both of them darkly. “I’ll admit…I took you two for just cash-strapped junkies doing odd jobs. Looks like you’re a bit higher up on the totem pole than that. If you think your asses are in a vise right now, you just wait… You just called down the proverbial ‘Wrath of Luna’ on yourselves. There won’t even be enough of you left for the morgue to identify.”

Sam heard all of this as he strapped in, looking progressively whiter and sicker to his stomach. As for Carl, however, he merely locked himself in and then turned back to everyone else.

“And on that note…all of you count to 10,000 after we leave before you make a move, or I throw a cockatrice into the trunk with the princess!”

With that, he took off, forcing the nearly apoplectic Sam to ride off with him. The crowd didn’t dare move as they ran off away from the front of the train station, back onto the road, past the forming police barricade, and then rushed off down the street as fast as they could.

Sam, as he ran, felt like he was pulling his own hearse.

To be continued...

Author's Note:

In regards to Carl's reference to the famous "future Twilight" episodes...no, Carl isn't observant enough in that regard to realize Princess Twilight Sparkle is the same pony.

"Mahiu" is supposed to sound similar to the Chinese word for "eels", similar to how "shayu" sounds like "sharks". And yes...what Westerners call 'foo dogs' are 'shi' in Chinese, or 'lions'. 'Shiong Mao' is Chinese for 'panda'.