Oh dear...why is it that the bad guy is always winning throughout the entire story? And in more ways than one no less. Damn, Sombra must have some form of super swag to make Twilight give him the Element just so she can mounted by him. However, I am not getting the naming scheme of your chapters.
I sure hope that Kage can stop Sombra. He's the only stallion who is aware of what is going on.
Deluxe is now here for a full fledged review. Now, I'll be brutally honest here, okay?
I can see the structure of the story, but I feel that there's many holes in it. There's mistakes of grammar and spelling. Also, you switch from present to the past and vice versa. Kind of becomes a hassle.
Other than that, I like this. A lot. Have a favorite.
"With pleasure my 'princess'." smiled Kage, playing along. They both left the chambers, with Twilight making sure Kage doesn't get spotted. (New paragraph) “Maybe it'll be better if we just teleported there." stated the lavender alicorn upon seeing the hallway guarded by guards. Kage silently agreed.
Twilight tried to run away, but Sombra used his magic to close the vault door shut. "No...it can't be!"
Twilight looked into his eyes to see that he is being sincere and honest, everything he told her was true. "W-what do you want me to do?"
Sombra then backed away from Twilight before bowing down before her.
Sombra gave an evil grin, not believing his luck, Twilight is now putty in her hooves and he didn't have to hypnotize her to do so.
Sorry for the decreasing amount of updates. I was busy this month.
3662024
Repeat that sentence again. Don't understand what you're saying.
3662052 that sombra has her but need to take good care of her.
P.s. I'm writing on i pad
Oh dear...why is it that the bad guy is always winning throughout the entire story? And in more ways than one no less. Damn, Sombra must have some form of super swag to make Twilight give him the Element just so she can mounted by him. However, I am not getting the naming scheme of your chapters.
I sure hope that Kage can stop Sombra. He's the only stallion who is aware of what is going on.
Can twilight like. I don't know. Stop sombra from becoming evil and stuff. Free Luna. Etc. Cuz that'd be cool
3662340
SuperSwag.
Seems Legit.
Deluxe is now here for a full fledged review. Now, I'll be brutally honest here, okay?
I can see the structure of the story, but I feel that there's many holes in it. There's mistakes of grammar and spelling. Also, you switch from present to the past and vice versa. Kind of becomes a hassle.
Other than that, I like this. A lot.
Have a favorite.
(c)Un†