Dashie's Inebriated Misadventures

by Twiggles6

Is This what it's Drunk to be Like? *hic*

“Rainbow Dash!” Berry Punch exclaimed when she saw Rainbow walk through the swinging bar doors. “Come in, come in! Have a seat.” She said, motioning to the barstool immediately across from herself.

“Uh, sure. Thanks.” Rainbow Dash said, approaching the barstool and taking a seat, looking nervously around the room at the other patrons. She felt very much like she had walked into a place where she didn’t actually belong.

“What can I get ya, RD?” Berry asked as she placed a coaster in front of Rainbow Dash.

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash sputtered, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. “I- I dunno… What do you have?”

“Well it would probably be easier to list off all the things I don’t have back here.” Berry said. “Take a gander and see what you like. Maybe experiment a little.” She said, motioning to the myriad of bottles behind her.

“Well… I still don’t-”

“If you like, our newest drink is pretty good. Especially if you like apple cider.” Berry said, giving Rainbow Dash a wink.

“Oh yeah! That drink I tried this morning.” Rainbow Dash said, suddenly feeling a little more comfortable at the bar.

“Alrighty then.” Berry Punch said. “The whisky is pre-mixed into the cider, so they absorb each others’ flavors as much as they can.” She explained before taking the neck of a bottle into her mouth and filling an ice-loaded highball glass with it. “Also, we don’t do tabs here. You’ll have to pay for your drink up front.” She said after placing the bottle back where she got it and putting a straw in the full glass.

“Oh, sure.” Rainbow Dash said as she produced four golden bits and put them on the counter. “Will this cover it?”

“Yep.” Berry said as she swiped three of the coins off the counter and into a jar. “The drink is only three bits, so here’s your spare.”

“Nah. You keep it.” Rainbow Dash said. “Bartenders take tips, right?”

“Most certainly.” Berry Punch said as she moved the remaining coin into the jar as well. “Thank you kindly, Rainbow Dash.” She said.

“No problem.” Rainbow Dash said as she took a sip from the straw. The same wonderful taste and accompanying warmth from that morning flowed into her, but it was different somehow. “Wow. This is fantastic.” Rainbow Dash marveled. “Way better than this morning.”

“Well, drinks can taste different out of different types of containers.” Berry Punch explained. “Ever notice how canned sodas are never as good as soda from a glass bottle?”

“Yeah, actually. I have noticed that before.” Rainbow Dash said.

“It’s the same deal with a glass and a beer stein, or a stove and an open flame.” Berry said. “Different tastes for different ponies.” She said as Rainbow Dash finished her drink.

“Well it was really good.” Rainbow Dash said, pushing her glass forward. “I’m still thirsty though, so do you think I could get another?” She asked as she put four more bits on the counter.

“Sure thing, RD.” Berry Punch said as she got set up to make Rainbow another drink. After pouring the drink and taking the money, she turned to Rainbow Dash again. “It’s okay if I call you RD, right?”

“Meh. Doesn’t make any difference to me.” Rainbow Dash said before taking a long sip of her drink. “Ahh. Good stuff.” She said as Berry got to work wiping down the counter.

“Glad you like it so much.” She said. “Just be careful. It’s got a pretty high alcohol count. The stuff can really sneak up on you.”

“Psh.” Rainbow Dash said, waving a hoof dismissively. “Come on. How bad could it be?” She asked, quickly drinking the rest of the glass. “Another one, please.”

“You sure?” Berry asked, raising an eyebrow. “I know you’re kind of new to drinking, so you might wanna take it easy.”

“I know my limits.” Rainbow Dash said. “Come on, one more.” She said, putting five bits on the counter this time.

“Alright.” Berry Punch said, shaking her head a bit before retrieving the bottle of cider. ”She knows her limits? Does she really think I haven’t heard that one before?” She wondered as she finished pouring. “Oh well. As long as she’s good for the price and doesn’t get herself in trouble, I might as well serve her.” “Here you are.” Berry said after putting the bottle back in its place and sliding Rainbow her glass.

“Thanks, Berry.” Rainbow Dash said as she went in for another long sip.

“She’s not gonna last much longer at this rate.” Berry Punch thought with a small giggle as she watched Rainbow Dash power through her third drink.

“Alright.” Rainbow Dash said with a quick hiccup. “S’cuse me. Anyways, I’ll bet I can take down another one in ten seconds flat.”

“I don’t doubt it since you drank the last one in less than eight.” Berry Punch said. “I really think you should slow down a bit.”

“Slow down?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, briefly turning a few heads in the bar. “Do you know who you’re talking to?” She said, wobbling slightly as she talked. “Rainbow Dash! Best flier, and fastest pony in all of Equestria! I don't do anything slow!”

“Okay, I get it.” Berry Punch said, smirking a little bit.

“C’mon! One more drink!” Rainbow Dash said, fumbling slightly as she put three bits down on the counter.

“Alright, alright. Hold your horses.” Berry punch said before turning to the bottle again. “Proof once again that drunker patrons don’t necessarily tip better.” Berry thought as she poured Rainbow Dash her fourth and (Berry Punch hoped) final drink.

“Yeah! Now we’re talkin!” Rainbow Dash slurred a bit as she bent her head over the glass and took the straw into her mouth. For a couple of seconds, she didn’t actually do anything. Finally, after seeming to realize that the straw was between her lips, she sucked down the beverage as quickly as she could. “Ahh! Time!” She called out.

“Wow! You were right!” Berry Punch exclaimed, putting on a false look of amazement. “You took it in ten seconds flat alright.” She said, despite the fact that Rainbow had sucked down the contents of that glass in significantly less time.

“Woo hoo! I’ve still got -hic- it!” She shouted, throwing a hoof in the air. “Hey Berry, can I-”

“Sorry, RD. I can’t get you another one.” Berry Punch said, shaking her head.

“Whaaaaat?” Rainbow Dash whined. “Why not?”

“Well that’s simple.” Berry said, grabbing an empty bottle from under the bar and putting it down on the counter. “It’s all gone! You got the last of it.”

“What?” Rainbow asked, examining the bottle closely. She poked it lightly with a hoof to confirm that it was empty. “Aww man. That’s lame.” She sighed without even realizing that the bottle wasn’t the same color as the one containing the cider, still in plain view on the bar rail.

“Well what can you do?” Berry asked with a shrug. “You’re not only the best flier in Equestria, but I guess you’re the best drinker too.”

“That’s right!” Rainbow Dash said. “I’m awesome! And you all -hic- know it!” She cheered as she spun around on the barstool to address the room. “Aw yeah! Best pony, right here!” She said, pointing both forehooves at herself and almost falling out of her chair in the process.

“That’s great, RD. Congrats.” Berry Punch said, prompting Rainbow Dash to turn back around.

“Huh? When did you get here?” She asked, one of her eyes briefly going out of focus.

“Knows her limits. Sure.” Berry thought, barely managing to stifle a laugh. “Hey, you know what?” She asked. “How about I take you home?”

“Home? Why would I wanna go there?” Rainbow asked, her eyes blinking asynchronously.

“I’ll be blunt with you for a second.” Berry said with a brief sigh. “You just had a lot of booze for a first timer. You quite obviously are feeling the effects.”

“No way! I’m invincibible! I don’t feel a thing.” Rainbow Dash said, pounding her chest hard with a hoof. “Ow! Alright, who’s the wise guy?” She asked, looking around accusingly.

“Dash, focus!” Berry said, knocking the counter with a hoof.

“Huh? Oh hi, Berry. How long have you been here?” Rainbow Dash said, throwing a hoof around Berry Punch.

“Ugh. Look.” Berry said, gently removing Rainbow’s hoof from her shoulders. “With how drunk you are right now, I doubt you’ll be doing anything productive till tomorrow.”

“Whaddya mean tomorrow?” Rainbow Dash asked. “What time is it anyways?”

“It’s about ten at night.” Berry said, pointing to a clock on the wall.

“Whaaaat? No way.” Rainbow said, squinting at the clock. “Hey, can you read that for me?” She asked the stallion sitting next to her. “I can’t read analog right now for some reason.”

“RD.” Berry said. “That’s a digital clock.”

“Oh.” Rainbow Dash said. “So what time is it again?”

Berry Punch facehoofed. “I’m constantly reminded in this place of one important truth.” She thought. “Drunk people are
only funny to other drunk people.” She thought with a sigh. “Come on. I’m taking you home now. Can you at least remember how to get to your house?”

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash said, seeming to think very hard about the question. “I know it’s up…” She said, pointing a hoof at the ceiling.

“Great.” Berry said. “It’s a cloud house, isn’t it?”

“Eeyup!” Rainbow said in a disturbingly accurate impersonation of Big Macintosh.

“Fantastic.” Berry thought bitterly. “Well, we’d better get going.” She said, walking out from behind the bar. “Happy Hour, keep an eye on the place while I’m out.” She called out to the other earth pony bartender.

“You got it, boss.” The light brown earth pony said, briefly tipping the brim of his ball cap to Berry Punch before turning to pour somepony a drink.

“Alright, RD. Lead the way.” Berry Said as she gently helped Rainbow Dash out of her seat.

“Hey? Where we goin?” Rainbow asked, reluctantly leaving her seat behind. “What about the bar, and- and the other ponies?”

“They’ll be fine.” Berry said, holding the swinging doors open for the drunken pegasus. “Now come on. We’ve gotta get you home.”

“Alright, alright. I’m coming.” Rainbow said, taking dangerously wobbly steps out the door.

“I can already tell that this is going to be a fun night.” Berry thought with a sigh as she stepped out as well, beginning to support Rainbow Dash as she walked.

Author's Note:

First off, I just want to let everyone know that I spelled invincible incorrectly as "invincibible" on purpose. Just in case someone tries to correct me on that.

Secondly, drunken dialog is a TON of fun to write. XD

Anyways, same deal as last time. Please let me know what you thought of it. If you like/dislike/fave, I would very much appreciate a comment as well if you have the time. But I also understand if you have nothing in particular to say.

Look forward to the next chapter!

Comments

[UnseenShadow1248]

My psychic powers foresee puking and self loathing before doing it all over again

[Donraj]

Sup, fellow drunken Rainbow Dash writer!

I like this.

[Apple_Crack]

I don't always drink cider. But when I do, I prefer to get wasted in ten seconds flat.

[Nope Not Happening]

I like the story, can't wait for updates