"Okay Rainbow, where shall we go next?" Twilight asked.
"I say we go somewhere safe for now. Like a town or something..."
"Well, is there any place on the map?"
"Yeah, its called Kakariko Village."
"Wheres that?"
"Well, we're here." Dash said as she pointed to the map. "So this place is over...... Here."
To their disappointment, it was all the way across the map.
"Alright mares, I'll show ya the quickest way there." Night Shade decided to lead the way to the village, as he had been there many times as a young colt.
All Dash did was stare at him as he walked, but Twilight didn't like the look of her face, especially her smile, so she slapped her in the back of the head to get her back into reality. Soon enough, they found themselves in a peaceful little village.
"Oh, hello there. Welcome to Kakariko Village." The three turned around to see a mare earth-pony with light yellow fur and a auburn mane.
"Hi, I'm guessing your a native of this village aren't you?" Twilight questioned the filly.
"Why yes, I am. I'm the chicken herder here but sadly, I'm allergic to chickens."
Rainbow was trying to comprehend why that mare is a chicken herder if she is allergic to chicken, until she heard screams coming from her friend Twilight. She watched the lavender unicorn get chased by a chicken. She picked up the chicken and started to yell at it.
"THATS A BAD SCOOTALOO!!!!! We don't chase Twilight and try to eat her! Now go back to the filly that’s allergic to you." When she heard Night Shade chuckle at her, she blushed a felt like an idiot.
The herder stood up on her hind hooves, put on rubber gloves, picked up the chicken and put it in the pen.
"Ya know what, you look very familiar."
"From where?"
"You look like someone from one of my story books."
"So, wait a sec... Some guy wrote a story about me?"
"I don't really know, but when I was a little filly my mother told me a story about how a pegasus mare and her friend saved Equestria. I'm guessing you are her since the character ended up going to a village like this so she could play an instrument with a mystical song in the graveyard to retrieve an element."
Dash thought she was crazy, but Night Shade believed her.
"So, where may be the village graveyard?" Night Shade asked.
"Its just up that path over there. There’s a giant tombstone that belongs to the royal family, I thinks that’s where you need to play the song."
Night Shade thanked her and started to head up the path, in which Rainbow and Twilight followed.
"Ha, do you really think this is gonna work?" RD asked Night Shade. "I mean come on, me playing some dumb song with supposed magical powers isn't gonna do anything."
The rainbow-maned pegasus took out the element and started to play, nothing happened. "Ha, ya see I knew it wasn't gonna wor-... AAAAAHHHHH!!!!" The ground opened below Dash's hooves, NS and Twilight jumped in. Shade tried his best not to fall on Rainbow, but ended up doing so.
"Sorry...." Night Shade tried to put on his best smile while apologizing, all Dash did was scowl at him and turned around headed for the door at the end of the room.
'Why do I like him?' Dash wondered to herself.
Rainbow tried her best to open the door. "Hey, why won't this stupid thing open?!"
"Well, you'll listen to me, I'd tell you tha-." The tan pegasus answer was ignored by the rainbow filly.
"CHARGE!!!!" Dash ramed herself into the door, only for it to not open.
Night rolled his eyes and began to help her again. "Look, just kill the bats and the door will open."
"Jeez, why didn't you just tell me that before. I was listening the entire time and ya didn't answer me."
Shade had the thoughts as Rainbow did earlier; 'Why do I like her?'
Dash went on and destroyed the creatures until the door finally opened. RD grabbed Night Shade's hoof and ran out the door. Dash was stopped dead in her tracks by a zombie.
"What the hay?!" That’s all Rainbow could do as the dead pony slowly approached her, she couldn't even move.
Rainbow Dash knew she had a bad feeling about that place, but she didn't listen to herself. She closed her eyes and let fate decide what was going to happen. She heard a screech come from the zombie, she opened her eyes to find out Night Shade cleared the entire room. Rainbow got up and hugged him, he thought to himself; 'And she's supposedly the fate of Equestria.'
The went strait to the next room. When they got in there, the found a grave that said; "Here lies the composers of the royal family. May this tune be used after the passing Princess Celestia."
Rainbow was a little confused about what its for, but after her first discovery, she may need to keep this one in mind too. For some reason, there was no element to be found.
"Well, maybe since this is called the 'Sun Song', maybe you gotta play it on there." Twilight pointed tho the Element of Sun that was in Dash's hooves.
Rainbow put it up to her mouth and started to play. All of a sudden, they were transported outside. What didn't make sense to them was that it was daylight when the went in there, it was now about 10:30 at night. They headed back to the village.
"So Rainbow, where should we stay tonight?" Night Shade asked.
There was no answer. He looked down at the ground to find the cyan filly already passed out on the ground. He smiled to himself and picked her up. The chicken herder told the three they could stay there for the night. Night Shade put Rainbow Dash to bed, Twilight watched from the corner as Shade looked down at Dash with a smile. Twilight eventually smiled to herself as she could tell Night had feelings for Rainbow. Before Shade put himself to bed, he slowly kissed Rainbow Dash on the cheek, knowing Dash would never know.
If you do make the story, then I commend you, since making something like this is going to take ALOT of effort and thinking.
Although I'd say at the start of every chapter atleast give us a description of the area that they are in, you know.. like:
"It was a beautiful day in [insert name of area here] and so [insert character here] started to [insert action here]"
You know what I mean? giving us a little description about what is going on or the area that the characters are in will help the story quite alot, I'd say extend the stories a little and run them over with the spell checker and make sure you polish them before you release them onto the site.
I don't really want to nit-pick.. but I might aswell. (since it's Constructive Criticism) make sure if you are going to make the story into a tradegy, then atleast make it serious, I can't imagine something really bad happening and me not wanting to or having to not make it feel serious.
19359 Okay, I know this is really going to take me ALOT of time, effort, and thinking. I agree with mainly describing where they are at the begging since from my memory of Ocarina of Time, there are so many places in the game you have to visit. Which means I have to search up the name of the place where they are, which is exactly what I did with Chapter 3. The way I kinda do the chapters practically like how you would play the game;
"Princess Zelda told you to go [insert place name here] to retrive [insert object name here] to save [insert person's name here]."
I just try my best to refrain my self from going into the next chapter too much. Like (I'll just give away this; it won't efect the story too much.) in chapter 4 it suppose to begin with Dashie waking up in the chicken herder's house and reciving a letter from a chicken. Also yes, I do run it through the whole spell check thing, though I use the method my 8th grade Language Arts teacher told me to do for story writing; type it first, forget about it over the next few days, and then check over it.
My problem is right now that there is something wrong with my computer right now, so I end up using my Wii (like I am right now) and you should know that the dictionary on there doesn't work out too well like you would want it to.
Now I really don't know if I'm going to keep tragedy, it does efect the story a little bit, but not where you go "Woah, what the f#*% just happened. It just efects how some of the charaters will think of each other, since Rainbow Dash is the most efected. So I may just throw tragedy out the window.
19731 Wow.... That is exactly what I was going to do... So I really need to either go back and play the game again or just look at some walkthroughs of the game because I know I missed most of the action in chapter 2.
bad scootaloo
good story
Rainbow Dash is suppose to save Equestria. So far she has done nothing. I want to see where this goes.