I like where this is going...

yay raripie!! its good but i wouldent ask if i sould continue or not it needs to be continued (plus its very good)

3146377 Thanks so much for that feedback! I'll change it when I've got time. Would you mind if I used the suggestion you made to the run-on sentence? And yes, I did use word. I'll fix that too and add more detail.

Thanks everyone!

3150101 By all means use my suggestion. That's why i suggested it Good to hear you're going to fix the things i pointed out, this story's already shaping up to be something special. I use Word also, i was a bit peeved when the entire 12,000 word first chapter of my story turned out not to have any spaces when i carried it across to Fimifiction, had to go through and manually re-space everything, i was like this - - by the end of it.