Chapter 1: Where am I
Jack had finally awoken from his alcohol fueled nap and decided to get more to drink. When he looked around the cave though, not a single bottle was in sight. "Why is the rum always gone?" He asked to no one in particular as he then decided to stand up and began to feel dizzy "Oh, that's why" He slowly moved toward the exit.
As he exited the cave he noticed he was no longer on the island, but was surrounded by cartoonish trees "I must be more drunk than I thought" stated Jack as he approached a nearby river.
He had splashed water on himself to counteract the halucinations but when he looked around he was still in the forest. As he reached down to get a drink he saw that he no longer had hands, but had instead hooves. He looked at the rest of him. He saw that his body had been replaced with that of a cartoon horse. He had instead of his usual skin color a yellow coat of fur.
Jack then began to panic as he approached the water. He looked into the river and saw just as he feared that his usual charming looks had been replaced with the muzzle of a horse. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Jack as many birds had flown away from the noise.
Meanwhile at Fluttershy's cottage
Fluttershy had just finished feeding the animals their breakfast when she heard a distant scream in the Everfree Forest.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she jumped at the noise as she then saw many birds flee from the direction of the scream. "Somepony must be hurt" she thought. Being the kind-hearted mare that she is, Fluttershy then headed in the direction of the scream to help the endangered pony.
Meanwhile with Jack
"This isn't real" Jack was talking to himself "This is just part of the dream. It must be from all of that rum. I swear I will never touch the stuff again after this" realizing what he had just said he began to laugh "Yea that'll happen"
Just then he heard some rustling in the bushes. He reached for his belt when he realized it wasn't there nor was his pistol. "Oh right" he stated as the rustling became louder as the unknown creature approached. Jack took a fighting stance in his new form and shouted "Come on out and face me like a man ye foul beast"
As soon as the words left Jack's mouth a yellow horse with wings had popped out from behind the bush . It looked different from Jack, "It's probably a female" thought Jack. Just then the mare started to cry.
"Stop that noise, lass?" ordered Jack obviously irritated, but this only made the mare cry harder.
"You *sniff* called me *sniff* a foul beast!" said the mare between breaths.
Jack was in trouble. He had to make the noise stop. Combined with the hangover he was having his headache was reaching a new level of pain. Just then he thought of a way to make her feel better. "Well that was before I got a look at you" He said as he gained the mare's attention "Now that I've a look at you, you are simply ravishing"
The mare began to blush "You *sniff* think I'm beautiful?" asked the mare wiping away the last of her tears.
"Who wouldn't?" said Jack. He had her now and was ready for the night that would soon follow. Even though this was really messed up where he came from, here it seemed natural since he was also a horse.
The mare then got up and asked Jack. "S-so what's your name?"
Jack stood proudly as he stated "I am Captain Jack Sparrow, greatest pirate to sail the Carribean and rightful Captain of the Black Pearl."
Fluttershy was confused, "What's a Carribean?"
Jack was shocked. How could she not have heard of the Carribean? He spent much time explaining to her where he was from and all about his world.
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Lovely story but when is there sex?
3064191patience my fellow writer for it will come in due time. Plus I put that tag on because of the puns and sexual references in it.
The base idea was interresting ( Jake Sparrow in Equestria ), but you totally fucked up the story.
The chapters are way too short to allow any usefull descriptions, characters personnalisation or interractions.
The chapters are just wall of text without space or paragraphs.
And you add a bunch of villains where they're not even needed or make sense lore-wise.
And I don't see Jake, but just a bland character with his name in this story. Jake is way more colorfull, flamboyant, manipulative, crazy and selfish than what you depict. And that's why it's a really likeable character.
3064572 you've a point there, but I always found it hard to explain jack but when you put it that way I can see it.How about this I start the most recent chapter over and make him more like jack sparrow and if I get something wrong, you point it out and I will fix it to the best of my abilities. Sound good to you?
3064421already then srry
3066099it OK. I actually support negative comments, it reminds me that I'm not perfect and that there are people actually paying attention. All I ask is that you help me our from time to time.
3066914
You should go back and rewrite Jack he seems a bit too off he needs to be more ... Weird or how he normally is.
3096011 I'll do that as soon as I finish my other story. It's just to difficult to work on two at once.
i am CAPTAIN jack sparrow ... man i never get tired of hearing or reading that line ... now he is a pony without rum ... that okay .... wait ... no rum ??
Where to start...
You need punctuation inside your dialogue. These chapters are WAY too short (an OK size is 2000 words). Your characters need more depth and accuracy. The "sex" tag, as well as the "gore" tag, can be taken off (it's okay to have a sexual pun and keep clear of the "sex" tag; use it when sexual things happen, but you don't describe them). And, to be honest, this could use a lot of work.
But I was, and still am, in the same predicament you're in, so I feel for you. I can't like or favorite this story for now, but if I see some progress I'll be sure to give it a thumbs up.
THIS IS THE TALE OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW A PIRATE SO BRAVE ON EQUESTRIA'S SEAS