• Published 14th Aug 2013
  • 1,998 Views, 62 Comments

I Couldn't Save You - SolRadiante

Rainbow Dash is wrecked. A simple autumn morning became the worst day of her life. Now she is obliged to face the most dangerous foe so far: herself. Will she be able to overcome her depression?

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I Couldn’t Save You



How many times have you wondered how a single mistake you made in the past... a single false move… can ruin the lives of everypony you deeply care about? How it could cause you so much hurting, as you live everyday with a guilt that you simply can’t forgive, or forget... and realize that it is too late to erase the damage you’ve done?


Too many, and it only took one fateful autumn sunrise for me to see that. It was supposed to be an amazing day, a truly memorable experience for both of us, a priceless moment to be treasured for the rest of our lives.

Unfortunately, not everything can go the way you expect it to be...

There was nothing left for me but the depressing five years to come. No peacefulness. No reasons to continue. No will to stay among the living. Nothing but eternal remorse, like a blade that kept cutting deep into my soul, leaving a gushing wound that no pardon could heal.

To make everything worse, the merciless tide of time had washed away everything I loved as days went by. My actions after the accident weren’t only bringing harm to myself, but everypony I held dear to me.

The mares whom I’d preserved strong ties with since the day we met no longer cared about me. The powerful bonds that had helped us in numerous adventures when Equestria was in danger were all but shattered. But above all, the most important element in a pony’s life had vanished from ours: friendship.

I was the only one to blame for all the agony I had suffered.

To close my eyes and never open them again... that’s what I desired the most. Because over the years, I was unable to find solace for the horrible things I did. Ever so slowly but with devastating force... the stone of guilt crushed my entire being to pieces. I wanted to believe that it was a bad dream, an illusion only, but no nightmare lasts for five years. It felt like forever.

And now, this journey... this anguish has finally come to its end. It was only proper. There is nothing left for me.


“What should we do? She’s barely breathing!”


“Help! My friend’s life is in danger! If anypony can hear me... PLEASE HELP!”

Voices of familiar ponies calling for me...

I had chosen to forget everything. What I did to Scootaloo, my friends, and everything I’ve gone through. Except for the names of those two young mares who were dear friends with Scoots. Despite the hardships I’d inflicted to their lives, they brought comfort to my troubled soul. I couldn’t remember exactly the words. But I was certain it had to do with forgiveness of my actions.

I didn’t want to forget what they did for me.

But due to my rashness, the only thing I achieved was to bring them even more agony. I took a reckless decision which can’t be reversed. I truly am the worst pegasus ever.

Their frantic voices resounded in my mind one last time before the darkness swallowed in.

“Come on, h—hang in there! Just a little bit more! You’ll be ok, I promise.”

“Don’t you dare close your eyes, ya hear me? Stay with us! Stay with us!”


I awoke from what it seemed a long nap. It would’ve been pleasant, except for the fact that my head was throbbing. My eyelids were awfully tired and heavy. It was hard work to even half-open them. But eventually, I did it, only to find myself in mass confusion.

Nghh, what a headache... shouldn’t have had that much ciderwait, is somepony talking to me? I think I heard my name just now... but where the heck am I? I thought, clueless.

I felt a dull roar emanating from my head like a burning fire. Given the evidence so far, the only thing that came to my mind was cider... I must have drank too much. Yet, even through my almost sober condition, I could hear voices. My name, even. But where was I?

My mind felt fuzzy, kind of like I was swimming in nothingness. I couldn’t remember what I had done to be like this. I could see shapes around the corners of my eyes, branches? Maybe. Had I collapsed in a forest? Still, my mind was drawing a blank.

The only thing I could recall, just a few moments ago, something really weird happened to me. Unlike anything I’ve experienced before.

“I—I don’t know! Sweetie Belle and I were just talking to her a few minutes ago, then... she was struggling to breathe, and then... oh gosh, you’ve got to help her... please!”

I must’ve heard somepony talk just now, but I couldn’t quite make out what it said. My ears were ringing to a deafening point. I felt weak, helpless, even.

Alright, calm down, Rainbow Dash. You’ve gone through obstacles far worse than this. You just have to keep your head cool and everything will be fine. Nothing to worry about, really. Now if I could just... stand up... agh! It’s no use.

My body refused to respond to any kind of movement. I tried to move my limbs to pull myself up, but they betrayed me. Exactly like I did to my best friends. I turned my back on them, and my body became the traitor now. That’s just how it worked, I suppose. It was only fair. My forelegs and hooves laid utterly still at my sides. They almost felt dead.

Not broken bones or anything of the sort. Dead. I could feel my entire body slowly going numb.

“Ain’t no time for that, sugarcube. If we want to save Rainbow Dash, we’ll both have to take her.”

For that matter, those voices... who are they? They seem familiar, but I can’t remember who they are. Is it somepony I know? Hmm, I’m not sure. The ringing in my ears was finally wearing off. But my hearing was still acting funny. The voices I heard sounded distant, like they were echoing in my ears. I knew they were right beside me, but they seemed so far away.

Aside from everything that had occurred this evening, it was a disturbing scene for me. Because of their desperate and terrified tone, I could tell something really bad was happening, like somepony was seriously hurt.

That’s when I realized... that pony was me.

What else could it be? They all seemed to be yelling my own name.

My head was like a blank sheet of paper. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember the crucial elements that held the answers to my questions. Who are those voices? Where am I? And more importantly...

...What is happening to me?

As I was thinking about it, I felt my body being lifted off the ground. I was then placed gently on a rough and hard platform; it felt like wood. The place where I was put suddenly began moving, and I could hear faint echoes of galloping hooves thudding on a trail. I wondered where I was being carried to.

“The hospital is just up ahead sugar! Just hold on a little more, you’re doing it just fine. Please don’t leave us, Rainbow Dash!”

I... I think I’m hearing better now! Applejack, is that you? Oh thank Celestia. Finally something good happens. That does it! No more cider for me... wha—what’s this feeling? I’m getting warmer... agh! The pain, it’s getting... worse! It hurts! It hurts! Make it stop!

It wasn’t long before I began to experience the most painful physical torture. The seconds seemed like minutes. It was a pain far beyond worse than anything I had ever felt. My left foreleg stung as if a knife had been plunged right into it. My chest burned with great intensity, like a fire raging out of control. I wanted to scream so badly, and I believe I did, but my lungs grew weaker and weaker. I choked, desperately gasping for air.

It was unbearable. The only thing I wished for was a cease of this terrible pain. Thankfully, my prayers were answered.

The pain had faded away, leaving nothing but a cold and empty sensation within me. I was haunted with a spine-chilling question.

Is this how it feels to die?

This reminded me of something. Daring Do had faced many ‘life or death’ situations in her adventures along the series. The narrator described how her whole life flashed through her mind when the grim-reaper knocked on her doorstep. In other words, when she was about to die.

It was exactly what happened to me. Everything around me had frozen, like time itself suddenly stopped. I didn’t know what was happening, but it was the best explanation I could think of.

What awaited me was the remembrance of my woeful life in a vivid manifestation. The starting point of that flashback would ironically be my last day alive, but the events that occurred today did a good job of filling in the holes in my memories.

How did I end up in this mess?

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