The Conversion Bureau: Yellowstone

by Anonsi

Yellowstone: Part 7

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (It’s almost over!)

Yellowstone
Part 7:
Judgment Day

When night fell, two armed men came into the jail where Twilight, Morning Dew, and Tall Leaf were being kept under the watchful eye of Diamondback. Their warden had not moved since morning and had not spoken except when he confronted Boa. If not for the fact that he blinked once every hour or so, Twilight would have believed him to be made out of wax.

A bandit walked over to him and said, “Boss is back sir, and he wants the unicorn in his office.”

Without a sound, Diamondback reached around behind himself and withdrew old iron keys as he moved towards Twilight’s cage. With a loud clatter he unlocked the cell door, and in a voice that seemed to be dripping with venom, simply said, “Move.”

Twilight shuffled out with her head lowered, and took a long glance at the parents of the Garden family. Their expressions showcased a certain hopelessness that gave her a sense of unease. Twilight was then escorted outside by the two unnamed bandits, one in front and one behind, while Diamondback went back to his previous position at the desk.

Outside it was cold and dark, with oil lanterns signifying the few buildings that were inhabited. The buildings themselves reminded Twilight of Appleloosa, except older, and much less friendly. Scanning all she could in her march, she discovered that the layout of this town was remarkably similar to the Equestrian frontier village.

There was a large building with swinging doors and a lot of noise within, ‘That must be the saloon,’ thought Twilight, squinting in the darkness for any other obvious landmarks she could use later. ‘Bell tower, the jail of course...’ The convoy approached a building at the end of the main street which seemed larger than the other buildings, except for the saloon. ‘Mayor’s office perhaps? Why are all these buildings so far apart? It makes my whole plan a bit more complicated than it needs to be.’

As the trio approached the front door, it opened to reveal Boa , who stood grinning at Twilight. She experienced a very uncomfortable shiver down her spine, with the simultaneous urge to puke.

“Well howdy doo,” said Boa swaying a pistol about as he spoke, “I’ll take her from here boys.”

The guard in back hit Twilight’s flank with the butt of his gun, “Go on. Get moving.”

Twilight’s hooves felt like lead. ‘This is it Twilight. Let’s hope Boa is as stupid as he is ugly and wicked.’ She moved forward, her head slightly higher than previously. As she passed Boa, she heard him lick his lips, and used every ounce of her willpower not to cringe.

The interior of what was indeed the mayor’s office and home was lavishly decorated with fine rugs, oil lanterns and Twilight could hear music being played from somewhere in the house. The lobby was large, and had four possible escape routes. The front door, the huge stairway that led to the second floor, and hallways on either side of the lobby.

Boa closed the front door and moved behind Twilight, “This way honey pot.” He pointed his gun to the door on the left of the room. He then gestured for Twilight to go first saying, “Go on sweetie, don’t be scared, I’ll be right behind you.”

‘Oh Celestia, I am going to have nightmares over this.’ Twilight gulped down her fear and enacted step one of her plan. “Thank you Mr. Boa. I feel much better in the presence of a Big, Strong, man like you.” Twilight tried to coat every word of that sentence with whatever feminine charm she had picked up from Rarity. ‘Now to see if my guess was right.’

Boa leaned his head in close to Twilight’s, while placing his free hand on Twilight’s flank. “Well ain’t that the nicest thing I heard all day.” His breath was awful, but the mare was able to give a shaky smile.

“Why, Morning Dew thinks that you should be the one giving that Diamondback orders. You’re obviously stronger than him, and she thinks you have so much more…” Twilight gulped down some vomit, “…charisma.”

After a small silence, he looked down slightly, mumbling to himself, “…I won’t need to be stronger than him if I put a bullet in him…” The hand on Twilight’s hindquarters gave a slap to her flank, eliciting a surprised noise from the unicorn. “Can’t keep the boss man waiting any longer darlin’. But don’t you fret, we’ll be together real soon.” He pointed at the door again with his gun hand, and Twilight moved towards it with as much swiftness as she could without breaking into a gallop.

‘I am never doing that again.’

The door opened slowly, revealing a fully equipped chemistry lab with boxes on the far wall. There was even a large cauldron in the center of the room. Cottonmouth was sitting in a comfortable looking chair, where he sat fiddling with the snake skull of his necklace.

“Come into my den Miss Twilight. I got you your materials, now you make me my potion. Then you and your friends all get to leave.”

He was obviously lying, and Twilight gave a slight grunt as she moved towards the materials these bandits had no doubt killed for. “I still don’t see why you want me to do this for you. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Cottonmouth let out a small laugh under his breath, “Tell you what. You get done fast enough, and I might tell you what all this is about.”

Not the answer she was hoping for, but it was enough to get her curious. Twilight set her mind to the task at hand. In reality, making the potion wouldn’t take long at all, but Cottonmouth didn’t know that. And every second she could stall this crook would be worth it. She knew Hawk would be coming for her, and he would need the time to prepare.

* * *

Zorro sat at the front of a wagon steering the stallion, Buttercup. Zorro never knew why Megan named the poor boy that, but despite his name, the horse was fierce and powerful. The three coffins in the back of the wagon weren’t top quality, but they would serve their purpose in Hawk’s plan. Zorro just hoped it worked.

Megan rode up next to Zorro on T.J. who also carried two saddle bags, with a sleeping filly in each.

“We should be there by sunrise. Hopefully Cottonmouth lets his boys sleep in,” Megan said, eying the coffins with worry.

Zorro smirked at the thought, “And I hope you are a good shot with that new toy Hawk gave you.” Zorro pointed at the sniper rifle holstered on the side of T.J.

Megan returned the comment with a smile, “And I hope you can still use that sword of yours. It might be embarrassing if it turned out you were all talk.”

They both allowed themselves a small laugh in order to quiet their nerves. They were walking into a bad situation and they knew it. The fillies were a great help squashing the fear Zorro and Megan had felt. They had the unwavering belief that everything would be fine, just like in the cartoons, and despite it all, Zorro believed it right along with them.

* * *

Twilight had stalled for about four hours. ‘Long enough,’ she thought. “There. Now we let it sit overnight, and it’ll be ready for the enchantment.Then you can let me and my friends go.” The large cauldron next to her bubbled with boiling water and tea leaves. Twilight considered taking a sip of possibly the most delicious brew of Sweet Honey Apple tea she had ever made, but decided against it.

Cottonmouth let out a tired sigh, “Only if it does what I want. And why don’t you just cast the enchantment now?”

Twilight gave a neutral look, “The ritual dictates that the enchantment must be cast when the brew is hit by the first rays of morning.” It didn’t of course, but it should buy enough time for her plan to go through.

Cottonmouth frowned, “But why?”

“It’s magic. That’s just how it works.” Twilight retorted, ‘I don’t have to explain manure, especially to him.’

With a scowl Cottonmouth snapped his fingers twice, and Boa entered the room. “Escort the unicorn to her cell.”

“With absolute pleasure sir!” Boa gave a bowed slightly, gesturing for Twilight to come to him while he pointed his gun at her with his other hand. How could she refuse that charm?

When they left the manor, Boa slowed his pace and got behind Twilight. She kept walking, trying to quicken her pace without it being too noticeable. She could only guess at what Boa was doing behind her, but everything she thought of made her sick.

To her great amazement, Twilight was actually relieved when she caught sight of Diamondback, standing on the porch of the jail. At least Boa couldn’t touch her now, but she still needed to proceed to step two of her plan.

“Oh Mr. Boa,” Twilight cooed softly, “Would you be so kind to bring breakfast to us early? For the sake of Morning Dew? She’d be so grateful, that I’d bet she’d be liable to do anything to thank you for it.” ‘I hate this plan. I really, really, hate this plan.’

Boa didn’t respond, but she did hear him give a hum that sounded like he accepted. As they approached, Diamondback stood to the side of the door. Boa was about to give Twilight a spank on her rump, but Diamondback’s glare reminded him of Cottonmouth’s orders. With that, Diamondback led Twilight to her cell across from the couple, who were asleep. Twilight also had to get some rest, so she found a comfy enough place on the floor to lay down.

If everything went according to plan tomorrow morning, Boa and Diamondback would get into a fight, and Twilight would teleport herself and the other two ponies to safety. True she didn’t have a plan to live out on the plains and prairies, but she knew Hawk would be along soon. He was the best after all.

‘Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day,’ she thought as sleep overtook her.

* * *

It was before sunrise when Twilight was nudged awake by a boot. Her bleary eyes focused on Diamondback’s scowl.

“Move,” he said, his tone as venomous as ever.

As much as Twilight was disgusted to admit, she really wanted Boa to show up right now. ‘Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Show up you monster!’ Twilight dragged her hooves as she walked out of the cage, ‘C’mon! Where are you? Did he see through the lie? Was it not convincing?’

Twilight’s slowness earned her a kick to the rump from Diamondback, “Move faster.”

Twilight quickened her pace slightly, gazing at Morning Dew. She and her husband were watching her go, their eyes full of fear and concern. Twilight could only respond with a pained look of her own towards Morning Dew. ‘This is not good. Not good at all.’

The main street was deserted except for a few patrolling guards. Diamondback seemed to be the one escorting her to the mansion today, which bothered Twilight immensely. If he wasn’t in the jail, then Twilight had practically thrown Morning Dew into the lion’s mouth. Her mind raced at possible ways to fix this problem. She was drawing a blank as she and her captor grew nearer to the mansion.

Boa opened the front door, arms gesturing for the pair to enter, “Come on Diamondback. Cottonmouth is getting antsy.” Boa blew a kiss towards Twilight as she passed.

Twilight entered the mansion followed by Diamondback. The unicorn breathed a sigh of relief when Boa closed the door and pursued them. At least the fat man would be with her instead of alone with Morning Dew. Twilight was brought into Cottonmouth’s den, where he and three other goons stood waiting. Cottonmouth had a box on his chair that was making tweeting noises.

Cottonmouth stepped forward, looking tired and frustrated, “Almost sunrise little one. Better hope you made this elixir right, or you and your friends are gonna suffer like never before.”

‘I won’t let that happen. I can’t let that happen. I just hope Hawk is on his way…’ thought Twilight, her mind focusing onto the present task. She approached the cauldron and regarded it with tired eyes. The water was boiling, and the tea leaves she had put into it had long since sank to the bottom.

The contents didn’t matter of course. The water they handed out at the ponification camps was just water with grape flavoring and a powerful sleeping drug in it. The actual work came from the enchantment that was placed on the water. The reason the subject needed to be asleep was because the transformation process from human to pony was not a painless one.

Twilight’s thoughts drifted to the first day a human was turned into a pony. She was there, in the lab with the human doctors and pony magicians. Even the Princesses were there. The human’s name was Cathy Barnes, or something similar. Twilight heard that she had a condition known among humans as ‘battle fatigue.’

Twilight remembered that Cathy had come to, ‘get rid of the nightmares,’ and to stop the pain. When the test started, and the transformation began, Twilight remembered closing her eyes as Cathy’s body started to rearrange itself. She remembered Cathy’s screams, and the sound of bones snapping to fit the new body. By the end though, Cathy was fine. She was weak from the experience, but she had become happy, and couldn’t stop saying ‘thank you’ to every pony there. No pony was pleased with what had happened, but that was how the spell worked. All they could do was offer a remission from the pain.

“Here it comes,” Cottonmouth’s words interrupted Twilight’s trip down memory lane.

As she prepared to cast the enchantment, she considered throwing in a sleep spell out of habit, but eventually came to the conclusion, ‘Nah.’

The tip of her horn glowed with violet light as the sun peeked out from behind distant hills, and its rays cascaded down the main street and in through the windows. Twilight released the spell, and the water sparkled for a few seconds, like fireflies were caught inside the boiling waters, before dissipating completely.

Twilight felt that her time had run out, and now would be the moment to get out of town. “There’s your ponification potion, and I hope you’re satisfied. Now can you please release me and my friends?”

Cottonmouth regarded the brew, then looked at Twilight and gave a cold glare, “When we know it works. That was the deal. Anaconda, you’re up.” One of the goons stepped forward and grabbed a small glass from a cabinet.

Anaconda dunked the cup into the cauldron and took a drink. After two seconds of nothing, he dropped the glass onto the floor. It bounced off the wood and rolled towards the door. The man gripped his sides and moaned in agony as one of his legs bent at an odd angle with a snap, sending him to the ground.

Twilight couldn’t look, but all the humans seemed to be watching intently. Cottonmouth even seemed to be smiling. Anaconda was beginning to shrink in size and began to grow gray fur from his skin as his hair color turned into a deep shade of black. His hands balled up into fists, and skin grew over his fingers and knuckles which began cracked and broke into what would soon be hooves.

After a minute of screams and crunching noises, Anaconda now stood at Twilight’s height with a gray coat, black mane, and a storm cloud as his cutie-mark. Cottonmouth stepped forward, “Can you move?” he asked. Anaconda took a few practice steps and nodded.

Cottonmouth reached for the box on his chair that had tweeting noises coming from it. He opened it up to reveal three newborn chicks. He dumped them on the floor with a simple instruction to Anaconda, “Kill them.”

“What?!” screamed Twilight, “Why? They’re just chicks! Please don’t-!” Tears were already forming in her eyes, but when she looked at Cottonmouth, he just gave her a cruel smile.

Twilight shouted something as Anaconda hoofed one into the fire that kept the pot boiling, and proceeded to crush the other two underneath his front hooves. All that was left was a mess of feathers and red.

Cottonmouth nodded his approval, “Good work Miss Twilight. It seems your spell has left Anaconda with his love of killing small animals. You’ve kept your end of the bargain, so I guess I should reward you for your hard work while my boys clean up this little…” he glanced at the red and yellow stains, “…mess.” With a few quick gestures he motioned for the pot of tainted ponification water to be moved elsewhere, and for all but Boa and Diamondback to leave.

Cottonmouth sat in his chair, looking at Twilight who stood silent, tears running down her cheeks. “You must be thinking, ‘why’?” he said, “Am I right? Why go to such trouble?” His wicked smile returned, “Power, pure and simple. You see it’s hard for an outlaw like myself to make a living in the civilized world, with all these U.S. Marshals and ponies running around. Things are getting to orderly for me to run a business.” He gazed out the window, squinting, “You see I need there to be a certain amount of misery and chaos to operate to sell my fine wares. I was making a killing before you four legged freaks showed up. The cities were teeming with people ready to buy the poison I peddled, but that damn princess of yours showed up and ruined everything.”

He again faced Twilight, looking her in the eye with malice, “So I went out west. Less people. Less police. Less hassle. Less money too. But then I heard about those potions that turned men into abominations like you, and I thought to myself, ‘Would that change anything into a pony?’” Cottonmouth’s gaze turned darker, and his words colder, “So I snuck into one of those camps, and stole some of that potion. I gave it to my dog, and sure enough, he turned into a pony.” He began to laugh to himself while he spoke, “Most retarded one I ever saw too. Damn thing thought it was still a dog. But it gave me an idea.”

Cottonmouth looked at to the two stains on the floor, smiling, “You see, this potion of yours seems to only turn things into one of three things: your normal freaks, like those two I’ve got in the jail right now, horned ones like you, and those winged ones. I figure that anything that isn’t one of those three is vulnerable to this potion. So I would use it to turn that Immortal Sun Goddess of yours into a mere mortal, and fill her veins with so much poison that she’d bleed green.” Twilight reeled at the thought, that one human could be so insane as to want to kill the mare that wanted nothing more than to save humanity from itself.

“Of course I couldn’t get close to her,” Cottonmouth continued, “And if I took the form of one of you things via the potion at one of your camps, I would not want to kill her. So I needed an assassin that was pony in shape, but a killer at heart.” He pointed at Twilight and gave her a big smile, “An assassin you provided. Tomorrow, during the debate between the…” Cottonmouth rolled his eyes, “…Human Liberation Front and your beloved princess, Anaconda will slip her the poisoned drink and turn into a simple pony. Then my very best poison will kill her in front of millions worldwide. When that sister of hers sees her sibling’s corpse fall on that stage, why I suspect she will blame the HLF and cause an inter species incident.” Cottonmouth clapped his hands together, “A war will start in all of its glory, and all of its horror.”

Twilight was flabbergasted. “You’re completely insane. What makes you think they won’t find out it was you who did this?”

Cottonmouth gave a thoughtful stare at the unicorn, “Because I know that the young princess Luna has some,” he twirled his hand in the air, “Baggage. Baggage that makes her into a monster of vengeance and hate. A monster that will blindly kill hundreds of thousands of humans for what they did to her sister. But thanks to you, in the chaos of this coming war, not only will I not be human. I’ll be a four legged freak like you, but still be able to gget rich from selling arms and drugs to the inevitable human resistance.” He smirked to his lieutenants, “Though I wonder if ponies can get off on cocaine?”

“But that’s hardly your problem,” he said as he pulled his pistol from its holster and pointing it towards Twilight, “My sources tell me that you are that divine bitch’s star student, so in case things go south you are going to stay with me as my star hostage.”

Twilight knew that nothing she could say would help her situation, and talking about the other two might get them killed. Or worse. So Twilight remained silent, and gave Cottonmouth the most hate filled glare she could muster.

“Boss!” came a voice from outside, “BOSS!”

“Diamondback, go see what that idiot’s up to.” Diamondback left the room without a word, leaving the door open.

Twilight was left with nothing but her thoughts, ‘This is insane. Why are they like this? What happened to make them like this? Oh Celestia I couldn’t save Morning Dew or Tall Leaf. I can’t save you.’ Her head lowered as she began to sob, ‘I can’t save myself.’

“A wagon just showed up. Says he’s an arms dealer that just got some good swag from an abandoned military depot. Says he can get us more, if the money is right. I put him in the barn under guard.” Diamondback looked at Cottonmouth through the door, who nodded. Diamondback then proceeded out to the barn.

Cottonmouth chuckled, saying, “Sometimes I think I’m just too lucky. By the way Boa,” he said to the fat man, “We won’t be needing those other two. Go have fun with them.” Boa’s face spread into a devious smile as he nearly skipped out the room towards the jail, leaving Cottonmouth alone with Twilight. She just looked at the two stains on the floor, sobbing every so often. “Might as well get comfy,” said her captor, “Won’t be long now until the world as you know it changes.”

* * *

Boa entered the jail, key in hand to the cell with the two ponies. His excitement was extraordinary, and his patience was thin as is. The two ponies looked up, and Tall Leaf stood above his wife to defend her. He seemed to know what was coming.

“Hey there sweet stuff, I don’t think me an’ you have been acquainted quite yet.” He licked his lips as he fumbled with the lock. As he opened the door, Tall Leaf charged him, but Boa gave him a backhand to the face with enough force to send the stallion down to the floor stunned. Morning Dew screamed as the fat man grabbed her mane and dragged her out of the cell. Boa merely giggled to himself “Yes! That’s it! I like it more when they struggle!”

He shut the cell door, locking Tall Leaf inside and unable to help. Boa brought Morning Dew over to the desk and threw her onto of it, keeping her head pinned so she couldn’t raise it or look away from the wall. His grip prevented her from bucking at him, leaving her with the grim realization that all she could do was scream.

“That’s what I want to hear! Shout it out for that husband of yours to hear!” Boa began to chortle as he began to slide off his overalls, making Morning Dew cry even louder. “Oh darlin’,” moaned Boa, “when I’m through with you, your ass is gonna be red and bloody!”

*click* “So will that wall when I’m through with you.”

Boa turned to see the business end of a double barreled sawed-off shotgun. All he could get out was, “FU-” before Hawk pulled the trigger for both barrels.

* * *

Zorro stood behind four of the bandits, his hand on his cleverly concealed sword, waiting for Hawk’s signal. So far the plan was going well enough: Hawk had snuck out of his coffin while Zorro distracted the guards with the dog and pony show that was his introduction as a weapon salesman. The guards were currently browsing the fine selection of ammo and equipment that were held in the other two coffins, and all Zorro had to do was make sure to be behind them when the shots started going off.

The man known as Diamondback entered the barn and gave Zorro the once over. Zorro did much the same. After a second or two, Diamondback moved through the four goons and began looking at the equipment.

There was a boom from somewhere in the town. ‘And that must be Hawk,’ Thought Zorro. He drew his sword, and cut down three of the five unsuspecting bandits before they even thought to look up. The Fourth looked at Zorro with surprise while reaching for his gun, but Zorro gave him a quick stab through the heart before his hand touched his pistol.

Diamondback was not as unprepared as Zorro had hoped. Without hesitation, Diamondback rolled away from him, and at some point and from somewhere, drew not only a Bowie knife, but a curved cavalry sword with a snake’s rattle tied to the hilt.

Zorro threw the front of his poncho over his shoulder, taking a defensive stance and cocking an eyebrow. “Huh,” he said, “two swords.” Diamondback began to circle, rattling the hilt. “This will be exciting.”

* * *

Morning Dew was shuttering terribly as she watched little pieces of Boa’s skull slide down the wall in a mix of blood and brains. She was currently experiencing a few emotions, chief among them was relief, shock, and heart pounding terror.

“Dear Celestia! Morning Dew! Morning Dew are you alright?!” Tall Leaf called in a panic. Hawk had crouched over the now headless body of Boa and retrieved the keys. After releasing Tall Leaf from his cell, the colt dashed to his still shaking wife and immediately began comforting her. Hawk moved to the door and threw a brick of some sort of putty out of it.

“Don’t worry darling. Shh, shhhh…” cooed Tall Leaf, avoiding stepping on Boa.

“H-he was going t-to…” stuttered Morning Dew looking at the bits of Boa in her mane.

Hawk extracted a remote from a pocket of his coat and clicked a button. A very loud explosion came from outside accompanied by the several screams. Hawk dashed next to the ponies, “Morning Dew, Tall Leaf, we have a small window of time where I can get you to safety. Your children are waiting for you.”

Morning Dew’s head turned quickly and she locked eyes with Hawk, “My fillies? They’re here? Where?!”

Hawk glanced out the door and pulled out his revolver, “They are with Megan.” A shot rang out from outside and a bandit flew to the ground from a sudden impact to his chest. One of the others called out “SNIPER!”

Hawk turned back to Morning Dew, “They’re safe. Now come away from the wall.” He pulled a small cube of putty out of his coat, placed pins in it, and stuck it to the wall of the jail. The three of them moved away from the wall as Hawk pressed another button, causing the wall to explode. After letting the ringing in their ears go away, Hawk pointed at a far hill, “Run to there and do not stop or turn around!”

Tall Leaf nudged Morning Dew up and they pair ran through the new hole in the wall, and before he left, he gave Hawk a grateful nod. Hawk returned it with a tip of the hat.

* * *

Twilight’s ears perked up as she thought she heard thunder.

Cottonmouth’s face flashed with worry, “That sounded like a shotgun. You six!” he yelled at the men in the lobby, “Go to the barn and make sure nobody’s being stupid.”

They all replied with a nod and dashed out the door with rifles and shotguns. Twilight stopped crying as a smile somehow spread over her face. Hawk was here to save them. She knew he would come. Cottonmouth looked out the window, his revolver drawn, and ignoring Twilight.

‘Now’s my chance!’ Twilight focused on the tree she had seen outside her cell window, the one where she saw the hawk. Magic danced up her horn as she felt the familiar surge of power. With a flash of light, she was outside the jail’s back wall next to the tree. No sooner had she appeared, a giant explosion rocked the earth and made her tumble to the ground.

‘That must be Hawk.’ She dashed into the alley between the jail and another rundown house, and beheld a small crater as well as three of those six men that were sent out.

The other three were beginning to stand and recuperate their senses. The first one to do so began charging towards the jail, but a loud bang sent him down to the ground. One of the others shouted, “SNIPER!” and took cover inside a nearby building. Twilight spotted Diamondback running into the saloon. More masked bandits were breaking the windows and sticking the barrels of their guns out of them.

Another explosion came from behind her. Curious, Twilight ran back behind the jail and saw Morning Dew and Tall Leaf making a mad dash for a far hill. She decided to investigate the smoking hole they came from, and there stood Hawk, his back turned to her.

Her face beamed with excitement, “HAWK!”

He looked at her with a face of mild surprise which changed to the biggest smile Twilight had ever seen on a human. Before she could say how much she missed him, he already had his arms around her in a solid hug.

“Thank God your safe,” he said burying his head against Twilight’s neck. Twilight was beginning to blush as her eyes watered, but Hawk pulled away, his face serious, “Run to that hill and stay with Megan. Me and Zorro have this under control.”

Shots started to sound out from the saloon, and another couple came from the hill.

Twilight looked Hawk in his eyes, and saw that they weren’t the same as when he had just seen her. They were more menacing. They looked like they were full of hate and fury. But Twilight was not deterred.

“No Hawk,” she put her hoof down, “I have to stop Cottonmouth. He’s planning to kill Princess Celestia and if he succeeds it’ll be my fault. I need to help stop him.”

Hawk made a face. “Fine. Just keep your head down.”

Twilight beamed up at him, and gave a determined grin, “Don’t worry Hawk, you have the Element of Magic by your side!”

Hawk chuckled, and for a moment Twilight saw his eyes go back to the way they were before. “And you have a force of nature by yours.”

* * *

Diamondback and Zorro were still sizing each other up and circling in the middle of the barn. Diamondback kept rattling the hilt of his sword, and it was making Zorro anxious. It was distracting to say the least, but he assumed that was the point. Zorro took notice of his and his opponent’s positions.

“I hate to point this out, but you have given me an opening,” said Zorro, a grin spreading over his face. Diamondback’s eyebrow twitched. “The front door.” Zorro dashed out into the street towards the saloon as fast as he could.

Zorro could tell just by looking that he couldn’t take Diamondback on in a level playing field, so he would need to get creative. Diamondback threw his bowie knife at the retreating man, and sent it flying straight for Zorro’s back.

Fortunately an explosion to Zorro’s left shook the earth beneath his feet and caused him to trip, sending the knife flying far above him. Zorro got up quickly and saw the tower of dust rising from the street. “That must be Hawk.” Rattling was coming from behind him, and Zorro didn’t need to look to know who it was, so he continued running into the saloon.

Bursting through the doors Zorro only had a second to take in his surroundings. It was almost like a set from a movie: there was the bar to his left, an open area filled with tables, a stage to the right, stairs on the far wall that led to a balcony above the bar, and a chandelier above the tables. The sound of breaking glass could be heard from upstairs.

Wasting no more time as the rattling drew near, Zorro jump-stepped onto one of the tables and turned to face his attacker. Diamondback had picked up his knife and entered the saloon, blood lust in his eyes.

Zorro just gave a wave of his sword, “I have the high ground. Maybe you should surrender?”

Diamondback answered with a slash from his sword towards Zorro’s ankles. Zorro jumped to the next table and readied himself. Diamondback hopped onto the table Zorro just left. Both tables were shaky, making it difficult to get solid footing. Just what Zorro was hoping for.

Diamondback continued with his offense with a slash from above, which Zorro deflected and countered with a stab to the chest. But Diamondback blocked with his knife and sent Zorro’s attack away at an awkward angle, sending his own sword for Zorro’s neck.

Zorro wouldn’t have been able to get his sword up in time, so he ducked the swing and jumped to another table, getting a little closer to the stairs. He stood, adjusted his hat, and renewed his defensive stance.

This time it was Diamond back who smiled, shaking his rattle, “Having fun amigo?”

Zorro looked at him in the eye, and he saw the wanton lust for murder in them. Zorro smiled anyway and said, “Si.”

Diamondback jumped to a closer table and sent a wild swings to Zorro’s left side. More quick deflections from Zorro sent Diamondback’s sword out of his hand. It soared over the bar and landed with a rattle.

“Y tú amigo?”

Diamondback sneered, and the two swordsmen stood at a standstill. Someone outside called out, “SNIPER!”

Zorro lunged his sword towards Diamondback’s heart, but a knife smacked the tip away, and Diamondback’s free hand gripped Zorro’s arm and pulled him off of his table. Shots began to ring out from upstairs.

Zorro hit the floor hard with his back, but was able to keep his sword in his hand. Diamondback jumped off his table and landed on the bar. He jumped down and retrieved his rattling cavalry sword. In these precious few seconds, Zorro had rolled to his feet and was making his way to the staircase.

Diamondback leapt over the bar and began to pursue, reaching Zorro just as he got to the stairs. Zorro turned and began to back up the staircase while Diamondback stalked closer, rattling his sword the entire time. Zorro eyed around for anything that could help, something that could help even things up weapon wise. On the wall he spotted something: a coiled leather bull whip hanging from a nail.

“This’ll do.” Zorro plucked it from the wall with his free hand, but kept it coiled. It wouldn’t do him much good on the stairs.

Diamondback sent two more slashes at Zorro in rapid succession, and were easily blocked by Zorro’s own sword. But every time Zorro sent a stab or slash to counter, Diamondback blocked it with his knife. Diamondback charged up the few stairs between him and his enemy, trying to get in close enough for his knife. Apparently he was getting tired of Zorro blocking all his attacks too.

Zorro wouldn’t be able to cut him down in time to avoid getting a stab himself, so he leapt over the guard rail, choosing instead to cling to the banister of the stairs. Diamondback ran past him and when he stopped, he looked around in mild confusion before seeing where his opponent had gotten.

With a sick smile, he approached Zorro, “Well, maybe I should use that whip to hang you while we’re up here.” He raised his sword to slash at Zorro’s hands, “Or maybe I should just watch you fall.”

Zorro did some quick measurements, “I think I’ll fall.” Zorro jumped off from the railing and lashed out the whip towards the chandelier. It wrapped around the ceiling ornament beautifully, and Zorro used it to swing onto the balcony above the bar. When he landed, Diamondback looked confused and angry. Zorro just blew him a kiss and ran into a nearby room, where four goons had taken up firing positions.

When they noticed Zorro, they turned and fired, but Zorro jumped into a roll towards them, and the bullets went high blasting out the wooden door frame. Zorro rolled to his feet and slashed one of them across the chest and another he stabbed in the heart. The other two tried to reposition their shots, but were cut short as their heads gained new holes in their foreheads; a gift from Megan, which Zorro needed to thank her for later. Diamondback soon appeared in the doorway and was bearing down on Zorro fast.

Without missing a beat, Zorro jumped out the window and landed on the roof of the saloon’s porch. Keeping his momentum he ran for the lower building to his right which, thankfully, was close enough to jump to. He leapt the alley between the buildings and made a very ungraceful landing on the slanted roof, causing him to slip and slide down. Before he went over the edge completely, Zorro stuck out his legs and braced himself against the wall of the saloon. He ended up with everything below the shoulders perilously hanging above they alley, while supporting himself with his legs and shoulders.

Diamondback was hot on his heels and landed his jump, keeping his footing. Turning around, once again having a gloating expression cover his face, walked slowly down the incline, once again rattling his sword. Zorro’s heart was pounding as certain death approached, while beneath him lay almost certain death.

‘Maybe we should fall. We’d survive the fall right? Yes, but we might get our legs broken wouldn’t we? Hijo de tu puta madre!’

Zorro looked below where his legs were on the saloon wall, seeing a window between his feet. In its reflection was another window. Above him stood Diamondback, who was laughing as he sent a downward slash at him. With a great deal of effort, Zorro raised his sword up and the blocked the attack. Diamondback was playing with him, but Zorro didn’t mind as it meant he wasn’t paying as much attention.

Zorro twisted around onto his stomach and released his feet from the saloon wall. He slid over the edge and gripped onto it firmly with his hands, swinging into the building below him through the window and leaving Diamondback on the roof.

“That’ll buy me some time to think of something,” Zorro breathed out, and finally acknowledged the sound of gunfire going off everywhere. “Why did Hawk get to save the ponies? I wanted to save the ponies, not fight Mr. Sword Guy.” He left the bedroom he had recently arrived in and made sure to prop something against the door as he shut it. “I thought I was the only sword guy.”

Zorro looked around his current building, and saw that it was in fact, as small church. He currently stood on a balcony overlooking the pews. Plenty of hiding spots.

It wasn’t long before Diamondback kicked the door open from the room Zorro had entered through. Both blades stood at the ready, and Diamondback looked around warily. He had never been in this building and wasn’t familiar with the layout or all the little nooks and crannies that came with it.

The orange light of the early morning streamed through the windows giving poor illumination to the dusty hall of the church. A squeak of floorboards came from downstairs, and Diamondback moved swiftly.

He descended the nearby spiraling staircase down to the ground floor, where he stood in front of the double doors of the entrance. There was no sign that anyone had been in this place for years. Diamondback proceeded to walk up the aisle, glancing down each row of pews. There was a creak of wood from behind the large wooden crucifix.

“Think God will save you from me?” called Diamondback as he began shaking his rattle. “Maybe you haven’t noticed, but the only gods around these days are those two sisters…” he drew closer to the cross, which emitted more sounds of creaking floorboards the nearer he got. “…except that soon there’s only going to one of those little freaks flying around. But I wouldn’t to worry about it too much if I were you...” Diamondback arrived at the cross not noticing that the creaking had stopped, “...you’re not going to see anything past today anyway.” He swung his sword around to strike at whatever was behind the crucifix, but hit only air.

There was a whistling sound before Diamondback felt something sink into his back and stick out of his chest. Staggering, he turned slowly, dropping his knife and sword, and saw Zorro a dozen feet away. It looked like he had just thrown something. Diamondback’s vision went dark and he fell to the floor with a gasp.

Zorro walked over to Diamondback’s body and withdrew his sword from it. Zorro made the sign of the cross saying, “Vaya con dios.”

* * *

Hawk and Twilight stepped out onto the street, Hawk with his revolver drawn and Twilight preparing her magic. The bandits in the upper floor of the saloon began to open fire on them, but Twilight had something ready for them. A magic shield formed a dome around her and Hawk, causing the bullets that hit it to bounce off harmlessly.

The two bandits on street level peeked from their cover and took shots at her and Hawk, much to the same effect. Before they ducked back into cover however, two loud shots from the hill dropped both of them. Twilight grimaced. She still wasn’t used to seeing such wanton death.

“Twilight, where is Cottonmouth?” asked Hawk as he eyed at the windows of the saloon.

Twilight looked to the mayor’s mansion, “He was in there when I teleported out.” Hawk began running to the doors of the mansion, revolver ready, and Twilight charged alongside him. “When I get my hooves on that man I’m going to...” ‘Do what? Kill him?’

They arrived at the doors of the mansion as the shield spell began to fade away. Hawk kicked in the doors. On the other side were two bandits and a gray pony who held a knife in his mouth. The bandits opened fire with sub-machine guns, sending a deadly spray of bullets at Hawk and Twilight. Both unicorn and man ducked out of the doorway and took cover.

“I think I can blind them with a spell!” Twilight shouted over the noise.

Hawk remained silent, listening. After a few moments, the noise stopped and was replaced with tiny clicks. Hawk reentered the doorway and shot both men in the head, sending the contents of their skulls all over the place. Anaconda charged with the knife in his mouth, but Hawk quickly took it from him, spun it around, and stabbed the dark pony in his neck.

“If you wanted to be a killer,” Hawk said into his ear, “You should have stayed a human.” Hawk kicked Anaconda’s body across the floor where he landed in a bloody heap.

Twilight finally entered, surveying the carnage Hawk had left. More gunshots echoed from outside, but the mansion was far too quiet. Twilight pointed to the door that led to Cottonmouth’s den with her hoof, “That way.”

Hawk stepped in first, this time with a degree of caution. It was dark inside, and there were no signs of life. Only the two red and yellow stains on the carpet were clearly visible, illuminated by a thin ray of light entering through the heavy curtains. Twilight gagged upon seeing them again as Hawk began looking for a light switch.

Another bandit came at Hawk from the side with a knife drawn, stabbing Hawk in the side forcing him to drop his revolver. Hawk let go a cry of pain as he grabbed his attacker and threw him into the window, ripping the old curtains and filling the room with daylight. The bandit bounced back slashing at Hawk’s face, but he swung to wide and Hawk gave him a head butt to the face. With no hesitation, Hawk placed his thumbs into the attacker’s eyes and began to squeeze.

Twilight cast a bolt of force into the attacker’s hand and sent the knife flying to the far side of the room thinking that would be enough to stop the fight, but Hawk continued. She looked on in horror as blood leaked from where the bandit’s eyes used to be.

“Hawk!” screamed Twilight. She didn’t want to see Hawk be this savage. She didn’t want him to be like them. “HAWK!”

Hawk blinked, and registered what he was doing. He placed his hands on the bandit’s chin and the back of his head, giving a sharp twist. The resulting snap of the bandit’s neck and thud of his body hitting the ground made the pit in Twilight’s stomach grow deeper. She would never get used to this, and by Celestia she hoped she never would.

Hawk put his hand on his side. It was still bleeding profusely. He recovered his revolver and made his way towards Cottonmouth’s chair. His hands were covered with blood and he began coughing. His stride was becoming weaker. For the first time since this entire thing began, Twilight believed Hawk would die.

She hardened her face, ‘Not while I’m here.’

Twilight ran to his side and inspected the wound, “Don’t move, this looks really bad, I’m going to have to fix it up.” Hawk grunted his disapproval, but Twilight would have none of it, “It won’t take long, my friend Rarity taught me how heal wounds with magic, and while I might not be able to sew wounds together like she can, I can at least stop you from dying.”

Either because of blood loss or acceptance, Hawk sat in Cottonmouth’s chair and let Twilight work. Her horn glowed violet, and a thousand tiny pinpricks of light shot out onto the gaping wound. The lights left tiny threads behind them, and as they passed over Hawk’s wound, they started pulling it closed. After a few moments of this, several of them landed over the currently sealed wound and made threads that resembled stitches in a doll.

“There,” said Twilight, “It will still hurt. But it won’t bleed.”

“Good enough,” replied Hawk, standing up with a loud groan. “You weren’t kidding about the whole hurting thing.”

Twilight remained serious, “No time for complaining Hawk. We need to stop Cottonmouth before he gets away with that corrupted ponification potion.”

Hawk gave a nod, “Now if I was a dirty, rotten, snake, I would be…”

“Let me handle this,” interrupted Twilight. She had just the spell for this.

Twilight’s horn glowed as she cast a locate spell, something Spike had told her a thousand times that she needed. Twilight knew it wouldn’t work on living creatures, as it was usually reserved for books or keys and other inanimate objects, but she was looking for the Cottonmouth’s revolver. There was no doubt that he would hold onto that thing like it was gold. The spell went off and Twilight’s irises began to shimmer.

She closed her eyes and saw the world much differently than before. It was black and the objects around her, like the floor and walls and Hawk, were nothing but outlines drawn with thin, glowing, white lines. She looked around this new world, and seeing nothing to the left or right or above, she looked down. Below her, in what could only be a basement, a marvelous rainbow of colors shined in the shape of a gun. It was moving quickly into a tunnel. Twilight concentrated, trying to see what the gun saw, and was rewarded with a vision of the entire escape tunnel.

“Hawk,” Twilight said finally, “He’s moving through an escape tunnel, and it will lead him down to the other end of the main street.” She looked up at him with a wide smile, “We can catch him.”

Hawk returned her smile with one of his own. “Then we had better not keep his judgment waiting.”

The two moved out the door as fast as Hawk could manage and proceeded down the street. As they passed by an old church, the doors swung open and Zorro walked out, a bit surprised to see them. Zorro gave them a grin and looked them over.

“Still standing amigo?” said Zorro, eyeing Hawk’s side.

“Barely,” replied Hawk, “How’d things go on your end?”

Zorro looked back into the church, Twilight noticed a body slumped over inside, “About as well as you could expect.” Zorro turned his gaze to Twilight, “And you niña, are you all right?”

Twilight had to think about it. She was physically fine, but some of the images from the last few days were all blurred together, and a lot of them she would rather forget. Eventually she settled on an answer, “About as fine as one can be after traveling with you two.”

Zorro let out a laugh, but Hawk’s face remained neutral as he stated, “Come on you two. This isn’t over yet.” Hawk began to walk down the street, the sun’s light illuminating his face. Twilight and Zorro both grew serious, and walked on either side of Hawk. The swordsman on his left, and the unicorn on his right. Together, they walked down the street, side by side, approaching an old withered tree.

A large rock that was laying among the tree’s roots moved, revealing a hole. From the hole crawled Cottonmouth, who carried on his back a metal thermos.

“Cottonmouth,” called Hawk, “stand and face justice.”

Cottonmouth spun on his heels, and glared at Hawk, his eyes burning with hate. He hovered his hand over his revolver, “Why Hawk, you just won’t stay dead. Apparently I should have aimed for the head.”

“There are a lot of things people should do Cottonmouth,” Hawk replied, his hand hovering over his own gun, “You should start praying.” Twilight was getting ready to blast Cottonmouth with a bolt of energy before Hawk spoke again, “Twilight. Zorro. Step away.” Twilight was about to protest, but Zorro gave her a look that seemed to say it had to be this way, like it was some ancient rite. She hesitated, but complied with the request.

The two gunslingers spent a long time staring at each other. The sun beat down, the wind blew, and they waited. They waited for something that Twilight could not detect, like some kind of sign that she just didn’t see. It was unbearable, like the world was just holding its breath. She looked at Hawk, the human who she now saw as one of her dearest friends, standing bloody and barely breathing, about to face off against a human she had come to associate with all that was wrong in the world. The cruelty and malice that Twilight had seen in Nightmare Moon seemed so petty now compared to what Cottonmouth did, as if the Mare of Darkness was just throwing a temper tantrum. Now all Twilight could think of was going home, and getting away from all this death.

The wind stopped and it was over in an instant.

The unicorn jumped in surprise as dirt from the bullet’s impact splashed next to her. Hawk had shot first and struck Cottonmouth in the arm, sending the bandit to the ground and his shot an bit down from its intended target. Cottonmouth grunted in pain and rolled on the ground, reaching for his gun. Hawk placed his boot on top of the hand, making sure the bandit wouldn’t reach his weapon. This act gained him a scornful glare from Cottonmouth’s hate filled eyes. Hawk pointed his gun at the downed man’s head.

“You wanna kill me law-man?!” Cottonmouth shouted, “Go ahead! I know how much you like killing! I know that you’re a murdering son of bitch, just like me! I know who are behind that damn name of yours! You have no place in the new society those freaks are building for themselves!” Cottonmouth began to wheeze as Hawk pulled back the hammer on his revolver, “You…you won’t have a purpose in this world after they’re done with it…won’t be no one left…to kill...” Cottonmouth began hacking and coughing as blood entered the back of his throat.

“That’s where you’re wrong Cottonmouth,” Hawk said, his voice cold and sharp, “As long as there’s scum like you, my place will be putting a gun to their head and pulling the trigger.” Cottonmouth spat at Hawk. Hawk pulled down the trigger. Twilight winced.

Bang.

Cottonmouth didn’t move anymore, and Hawk holstered his revolver. He turned around and looked at Twilight and Zorro. “I think it’s time we got to Yellowstone. We are really late.” With that, Hawk collapsed onto the ground.

* * *

Twilight sat next to the coffin that held Hawk’s body as the wagon moved ahead in its steady pace. The coffin’s lid was closed so the sun wouldn’t hit him. Their entire group sat in silence, either not wanting to speak, or just being to tired to be able to talk. Twilight surveyed her traveling companions, looking at each one for a long time.

Zorro was driving the wagon, which was being pulled by Buttercup, the stallion that looked strong enough to move a mountain. T.J. was walking next to the massive stallion, making sure to stay close. Megan was leaning against the back of the driver’s chair. She was dirty, wounded, and looked exhausted, a feeling that Twilight shared all too much.

Tall Leaf was on the left of Hawk’s coffin, resting his head on it, and had Morning Dew wrapped in his hooves. Morning Dew had gotten over the red specks that now dotted her all over, and began singing “Day by Day,” the song she’d only heard once, yet committed to memory. She sang so softly and beautifully that it was like a lullaby, and Twilight wanted nothing more than to rest, but couldn’t bring herself to. The two fillies lay curled against their mother. Megan said that when they saw their parents running from the jail, she had to restrain them they were so excited. Merry Gold was fast asleep, but Busy Bee wasn’t taking her eyes off of Hawk’s coffin.

“Miss Twilight?” asked Busy Bee, eyes not leaving the large box.

Twilight responded as calmly as she could, “Yes?”

“Is Hawk going to be okay?” her tone was quivering slightly.

Twilight hesitated and looked at the coffin, “Yes Busy Bee. He’s just…sleeping.”

Busy Bee stood up and Morning Dew stopped singing. “May-Maybe we can wake him up with a kiss. Just like in those old mare’s tales.” The filly pushed open the lid of the coffin, and before anyone could protest, gave Hawk a kiss on his lips.

Twilight swore her heart stopped, and it took a few more seconds of watching her daughter kissing Hawk before Morning Dew screamed, “Busy Bee! Get away from him!”

“But Mom! Hawk has to get up!” Busy Bee cried back.

A groan came from the coffin. “Well, service has certainly improved since the last time I rode in this thing,” came Hawk’s groggy voice. “And, do I taste…honey on my lips?”

Busy Bee’s face blushed immensely, and proceeded to have a giggle fit. Morning Dew was feeling rather embarrassed at her daughter’s behavior, where as Tall Leaf was mortified.

“I’m so sorry for my daughter Mr. Hawk,” said Morning Dew, “She was just very worried and…well she’s very affectionate.”

“No need to apologize ma’am. Usually it’s Zorro getting kissed by lovely young girls. I’ll take whatever I can get.” Hawk gave as big a smile as he could. Megan just shook her head, failing to repress a smile of her own. Zorro couldn’t stop laughing. “Hey Sprinkles,” called Hawk.

Twilight looked over the edge of the coffin at Hawk, his hat was covering all but his lips. “Yes Casanova?” she said in a bemused way.

Hawk’s face grew serious under the brim of his hat, and he shifted his weight around anxiously, “This may seem like a wired request, but… I was wondering if you could do something for me.” Hawk moved his hat and looked at Twilight, scanning her features.

Twilight’s cheeks began to blush. ‘Oh my. Does he want me to kiss him? I mean I wouldn’t mind if he asked me to. I mean I like him, but not like that. Or do I? Oh my, oh my, oh my...’ Twilight calmed her mind and cleared her throat, “S-sure Hawk! Ask anything.”

Hawk took a big gulp, “Who’s Big Mac, and what did you mean by you want him to ‘buck your apples?’” Hawk’s grin widened and Twilight’s face turned deep red.

In a surprise that caught everyone off guard, Twilight didn’t close the coffin lid on Hawk’s face, but instead began, “W-well, Big Mac is the brother of one of my best friends, Applejack. As his name implies, he’s big and, well, he’s also red. He works on his family’s apple farm. As for that second part…” Twilight lowered her head next to Hawk’s ear, and whispered something to him. Morning Dew put her hooves over Busy Bee’s ears. After Twilight was done, she moved her head back and smiled at Hawk. “Satisfied?” she asked.

Hawk sat up, and looked at Twilight, “Yes, and by the way you describe it, Big Mac will be too.”

Twilight blushed again, but nodded in acceptance of Hawk’s comment. “Good,” she said, “I’m glad I was able to answer your question.”

Zorro finally interjected, “All right all right, this isn’t the Love Boat. We’ll reach Yellowstone in an hour, so make sure everyone has everything.”

“Finally,” said Tall Leaf, letting out a long kept huff. Busy Bee was already asking Hawk what Twilight whispered to him and if he’d like another kiss. Tall Leaf just shook his head and wished to get to Yellowstone as soon as possible.

* * *

The cabin was rather nice. It was large for a family of ponies, had a fantastic view of the mountain range, the trees around it were filled with birds that sang lovely songs, and there was a stream just down the hill.

The inside was sparsely decorated, but that just meant that the family had more places to put old mementos and future memories. There were only two bedrooms with human sized beds, which was frankly more than necessary, and the living room came equipped with a couch, T.V., and DVD player.

The fillies were the first to explore the place, as they rushed in like a spring wind as soon as the door opened. The Garden family fell in love with it instantly, and invited the humans to spend the night as their guests, in an impromptu house warming party. Naturally, being tired, bloody, and yearning for showers, they accepted.

After everyone and everypony was bathed, refreshed, and free of the grime of the past two days, Hawk made a phone call.

“Hello, this is Agent Hawk. Is Joseph there?” the reply was mumbled, “Okay I’ll hold.” Hawk looked at the group he had traveled with over the past week while he waited. They were assembling on or around the couch, for tonight they were going to finish the original trilogy of Star Wars. All the ponies were extremely excited. Hawk saw Twilight pull out a note pad and quill from her saddle bags.

“This is the President. Hawk? Is that really you?” the phone said.

“Who else calls themselves ‘Hawk’ Joey? Anyway, I’ve arrived at Yellowstone, and the ponies are safe.”

“You know you’re about five days behind schedule right?”

Hawk let out a sigh, “We got delayed by a tornado, wild dogs, and get this: Cottonmouth’s gang of vipers.”

The man on the other side of the phone spat out whatever he was drinking, “WHAT? How are you still alive?!”

“I’m charmed remember? But anyway, if you could send a transport or something to this location tomorrow, that would be swell.”

The phone sighed, “Yeah yeah yeah. Oh, before I forget, you didn’t cuss in front of them did you?”

“No sir.”

“Good.”

“And sir? Make sure that transport can hold two full grown horses please.”

Another sigh came from the phone, “Why?”

Hawk gave a smug reply, “Doing a favor for a friend. Thanks Joe, have a good night.” Hawk hung up the phone and took a seat on the couch next to Megan and Morning Dew, who was lying on Tall Leaf. Twilight was on the carpet, and was ready with her quill and paper, to take notes for her paper on human-equestrian similarities. Zorro had claimed the recliner in the room, and was not moving for anyone. As soon as Hawk got comfortable, the two fillies just ran in from their bedroom and lept onto the couch. Busy Bee was getting as close to him as possible, while Merry Gold decided to curl up next to Megan.

Hawk picked up the remote and pushed “Play.”

To be wrapped up in the Epilogue!
Holy hell! Could I cram more one liners in there?
Signs point to yes.
But it’s almost over, and soon I’ll be free to do other stuff!
Epilogue soon fellow Bronies!

Comments

[Zervziel]

“Good work Miss Twilight. It seems your spell has left Anaconda with his love of killing small animals.

Implication that this story keeps the mind-raping properties.

Twilight reeled at the thought, that one human could be so insane as to want to kill the mare that wanted nothing more than to save humanity from itself.

Perfect, one of the lovely lines that makes me feel bad that I can't slip into the story verse to commit omnicide. Of course why is never explored because it gets in the way of Western shootey fun.

Don't know why I ever thought this story was any better than the rest of the CB drek. Maybe because the heroes are fun and nicely characterized, but then you have Agent Sue who's pretty much borderline psychopath. Asshat almost murders a bound man. Behold! The hero! And yes he is a sue since he bravely shrugs off a wound that should be severely limiting his movements, and instead goes and gets into a fucking huge gun fight. Speaking of which the amount of weapons he's carrying is goddamn retarded.

Of course having three handguns, two magnums, three rifles, one high powered sniper rifle, a collapsible RPG launcher, a couple pounds of C-4, a fold-up crossbow, a hundred feet of rope with grappling hook, twelve sticks of dynamite, an assault rifle, an auto shotgun, a double barreled sawed-off shotgun, and a enough ammo to keep each weapon well fed for an entire minute of non-stop firing. And a flamethrower

Where the hell did he get all that, out of his ass?! And no, do not tell me it was in his bag. The only way that shit would fit is if he was a damn Time Lord. Let's not forget that would be ungodly heavy, because not only are you including the guns, you included the ammo as well. Enough for a full-minute of non-stop firing!

Let's not forget all this is unneeded, it's just there as basically gun porn. Which would also explain why Twilight earlier was able to know a shotgun on sight as well as an AK-47. First time I hand-waved it as Twilight just researching, but no it's not very consistant with her character, considering she was disdainfully dismissing humans as savages earlier. Seems it bit odd she'd know their savage weapons on sight considering she's been sitting on her ass, safely in the New York Bureau.

Then we have some of the most unsympathetic villains of all time. Sure unsympathetic villains can work, but when you add a creepy rapist just to make it obvious these guys are the bad guys it gets rather stupid. I mean really? What, these guys not evil enough to stand up on their own, so you had to add him? Oh no, killing, kidnapping and murder aren't bad enough, let's add Mr. creepy interspecies rapist to the mix.

Oh and the constant hammering in that humans are savage. Yeah, no difference. Also noone is pointing out the ponies are basically fucking invading, only this time they're bringing smiles as they slow annihilate the dominant species while adding to their own numbers.