A more or less lighthearted adventure with Twilight Sparkle and OCs. Sort of violent.
Description: Two years after the camps opened up, the Western Territories of the USA are nearly vacant. It is once more a frontier, ripe for exploration and settlement. On bequest of Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle is to experience the human world by joining a family of Pony Settlers on their journey out West. It's Dangerous to go alone however, so in an act of good will, the US government is sending someone to make sure no harm befalls the ponies.
Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot Based on Blaze’s original idea Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic. By: Anonsi (like Anansi the Spider. Get it? I thought it was clever)
Yellowstone Part 1: Out with the Old
Two years have passed since the camps opened up, and in that time more than half the human population in the United States have shed their old skins for a new pony body and the promise of paradise on Earth. Though many have been transformed, the Equestrian ponies and human converts have remained primarily on the East Coast, leaving the mid-west and onwards abandoned, ripe for resettlement. The six remaining Native American tribes have moved into the many of the major cites of the abandoned territories and have formed a new nation in hopes of preserving their culture.
With no one to maintain them, many settlements have become ghost towns ravaged by the elements. Now they lay dormant and empty, save for some that serve as lairs to wild beasts and escaped Equestrian monsters. Nature herself seems to have begun reclaiming some of the land taken from her.
As the dwindling human authorities left more and more territories to fend for themselves, wild outlaws seeking riches and power make this new frontier as dangerous as ever. The only semblance of law are the Agents of the dying human governments, who have denied ponification for one reason or another. Whether it be for honor, duty, or glory, these men and women are the only defense for the now expanding pony populace.
The Western Frontier has been reborn.
***
Twilight Sparkle was reading over some figures in her private office at the New York Conversion Bureau, which was the largest and most efficient one on the planet. A fact that gave her some small feeling of personal pride. She looked at the digital clock that came with the office and saw it read 4:37 AM. She released a sigh that seemed to not only express her weariness, but also her frustration. The figures she was researching were a mix of new lists of human ponification candidates and news reports of violence against ponified individuals by a radical group known as the Human Liberation Front. The numbers we staggering, and were counted in the hundreds. No pony had died yet (thank Celestia), but this was still getting out of hand.
“So many,” she said. “How can a race of creatures as violent as them live and thrive? It just doesn’t make any sense.” She decided now was as good a time as any to go to her room at the bureau, at least there she could think from the comfort of a bed. She promptly stood up and walked towards the door making sure the lights were off, a habit she had needed to get used to, as human light switches tended to not have ponies in mind. As she left, her thoughts returned to the actions of the human species of late.
“I mean, really! They burn and pillage the planet for…Celestia knows what, and then act surprised when they find themselves on the brink of extinction!” She passed the dormitories which were mostly unoccupied. It could easily be refilled, daily even, if not for the mandate to wait for everyone on the hall to be ponified first. This existed to build camaraderie amongst the occupants, and discourage any doubts about the process being completely safe. As she continued, she found a door that read:
“AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.”
“Well, this is me.”
She gave a tired sigh and pushed the door open, revealing yet another hallway. She came to a fork and took a left into the staff dorms wherein was her temporary home. “It’s like they just hate the world...” a slight pause when she came to her room. “…but that’s just absurd. I mean, it’s not like the planet has been trying to kill them or anything.” She pushed open the door and entered her room, and with as much grace as a falling cinder-block, collapsed onto her bed.
***
“TWIIIII-LIIIIIGHT!” rang a voice from outside her room, “Wakey-wakey! Time to rise-y and shiny!”
Twilight rolled over in her bed, looking at the clock on her wall, which showed the time at 9 AM precisely. She could only grimace and groan as she rolled onto her stomach, and prepared to leave the warm comfort of her bed.
“C’mon Twilight! You’re gonna be late for ornamentation, and you are never late so I was worried that you were sick and then I thought that maybe one of the cupcakes I gave you was bad so I...”
It was at this point that Twilight, with little more than an exasperated sigh, magically opened her door to the bouncing pink earth pony that was eagerly waiting to help Twilight welcome the new ponyfication subjects at today’s orientation. She hopped, skipped, and practically jumped next to Twilight’s bed. The pure and infectious grin she always wore was shining particularly bright today.
“Oh golly Twilight, you look awful! Did you get any sleep? I didn’t sleep well once and I was a nappy-napperson ALL DAY! I fell asleep at one of my own parties! I was so embare…”
“Pinkie,” Twilight interrupted.
“Yes Twilight?” replied Pinkie expectantly.
“Could you please be quiet for like…ten minutes,” the unicorn pleaded slightly, her bloodshot eyes barely able to focus on her pinker than pink friend.
“Mmm Hmmm!” agreed the pink pony, making a gesture of zipping her lips together.
Twilight shifted out of bed and telekinetically picked up a comb from her bedside table. She walked over to a mirror that hung on a wall and began brushing her purple-with-a-strand-of-pink mane. It was an absolute mess, with wild locks going every which-way. Twilight concluded on getting a net or something to keep her mane in line.
“MM MMMM!” hummed Pinkie to Twilight.
“What is it Pinkie?” Twilight asked sleepily as she turned to stare at her friend.
Pinkie had her lips clamped shut around a pile of letters, one of which bearing the royal seal of Princess Celestia. A sudden feeling of dread washed over Twilight when she saw the scroll. Usually, she only got missives from the Princess via Spike and those were usually just to check up on her. For one to be hand delivered like this, Twilight couldn’t shake the feeling that some emergency had presented itself. Her thinking immediately turned towards thoughts of Spike being hurt, or worse.
“Pinkie, could you inform Applejack that I won’t be able to do this morning’s orientation?”
“Mmm MMMM MMmmm Mmm!” Pinkie hummed, lips still firmly closed.
“Thank you,” replied Twilight, slightly bemused despite her worried feelings about the letter. When Pinkie bounced merrily out of the room, Twilight opened the letter with her magic and read her mentor’s unquestionably beautiful handwriting,
“My dearest student, Twilight
As you know, we are planning to not only expand into the human world, but begin healing it from the wounds they inflicted upon it. I am most pleased to announce that the first family of settlers is scheduled to leave in two days for Yellowstone, a nature preserve that the family will be at the forefront of maintaining. I am having you accompany them as I am afraid that you have not left the Ponification Center since your arrival, and it’s high time you explored this new world.
The Human President has also warned me of the possible danger to both you and the family however, and informed me that he is sending his best guardian to escort you safely to your destination. The President has assured me that, although unorthodox, this guardian is fiercely loyal and will die to protect those under his care. Please be careful my student, and always remember the human world is not the same as Equestria. It may not have beasts that equal those of your homeland in size or strength, but they more than make up for it in ferocity.
Your eternally proud mentor, Celestia.
P.S. Wish me luck with the debate this week, as the Human Liberation Front will be my opponents. I hope you can see it, if not in body, then perhaps via a television somepony will be kind enough to share with you."
“Oh that wasn’t so bad,” Twilight said to herself. “I thought someone had died, but-” Then she re-read it. ‘Oh no’ thought Twilight. ‘Oh no no no no no no…’
***
Her two days of preparation passed by faster than Twilight had anticipated, and she couldn’t help feel as though she was constantly forgetting some crucial piece of equipment. So while in front of the compound waiting for this human ‘Guardian’ character amongst a field of abandoned cars, she decided to run through her mental list:
‘Okay,’ thought Twilight, ‘checklist. Okay, so friends: Applejack is in charge, Pinkie and Dash are doing reception, Rarity is ponifying, and Fluttershy is…Fluttershying. Right! Good! Now gear: food, money (Dollars and Bits), flashlight with 4 sets of extra batteries, a comb, a blanket and pillow for camping, a canteen and-’
“Hey!”
‘-do I need those apples? AJ said they were good for anything but I-’
“HEY.”
Twilight nearly jumped out of her skin. She was so deep in thought that she hadn’t noticed the tall figure that stood before her. “Oh my goodness I’m sorry!” Twilight tried to rearrange herself to look a bit more graceful in front of her surprise guest, but only aided in making embarrassing movements and silly faces.
“Are you Twilight Sprinkle?” the man asked, his face showing signs of mild amusement.
“It’s Twilight Sparkle, and yes I am.” She replied, finally taking in the man who was to escort her and a Pony family halfway across a continent three times the size of Equestria.
He stood at six feet seven inches (Human measurements were so odd), and wore nothing that resembled a uniform. Instead he sported a wide brim leather hat, no doubt made from the skin of some poor cow, a red plaid over shirt with the sleeves rolled up and chest unbuttoned with a plain white t-shirt underneath, dark blue jeans covering his legs with sturdy looking boots on his feet, fingerless gloves over his hands, and a revolver and knife at either side of his hips. Twilight felt intimidated to say the least, if by nothing else than his height.
“I thought human agents wore fancy suits,” Twilight said with a tinge of curiosity in her voice.
“Yeah,” he replied looking to one side, like some far off thing had caught his interest, “well when the whole world is going to hell in a hand basket, dress codes aren’t as enforced as they used to be.” He paused and looked up thoughtfully for a moment, “I think they said dressing casual would frighten you wee horses less.”
Twilight frowned a bit before letting a forgiving grin cross her face, “We’re ponies, not horses, though you’re not the first one to say that, or call me Twilight Sprinkle for that matter!”
She chuckled weakly hoping to ease the tension she felt from conversing with this human that, she assumed, had probably killed more of his own kind than she had years in her life. He gave only a weak smile back, but soon simply stared at her patiently, like he was determining in what way he should respond or silently judging her. It gave the small unicorn an uncomfortable feeling.
After an awkward minute of silence he finally spoke, “Anyway, we have to get going. The settlers are meeting us at the train station in about two or so hours.” He walked over to one of the parked cars in the lot, reached inside and pulled out a large black duffel bag, its contents clunking and clanking together. Twilight was glad to see that the human at least came prepared for travel, but wondered why he would remove his luggage from his car. She remembered being told by one of her ponified friends that humans normally only owned one vehicle, but she didn’t dwell on it, as he walked to another car and opened it, throwing his luggage in. “C’mon, this one has a near full tank. Pretty good considering it’s a Ford,” he said to Twilight with a light chuckle, who moved awkwardly towards the passenger’s seat.
“Is there a reason you own two cars?” asked Twilight after she deposited her luggage in the back seat and assumed her position within the vehicle.
“I don’t. This car belongs to a…” he rifled through the glove compartment and found a wallet, opened it up and read, “…Jericho Lukowittz. Some name huh? I always liked the name Jericho.” He smiled to himself more than to Twilight, who was less enthused about the news.
“WHAT!?” Twilight shouted. Her shock was almost palpable, “You’re STEALING this thing!?”
“No,” he replied with a stern look, “you can’t steal something someone has abandoned. This car and hundreds of others in this lot are up for grabs as far as the law is concerned.”
“But…” even though he had a point, the idea that she might be stealing did not sit right with Twilight, “well…If you’re sure this is alright. But if a policepony stops us I’m telling the truth! I mean the law is the law after all!”
“I am the law,” he countered, a dumb grin spreading across his face like he was expecting her to pick up on some joke, but Twilight just stared back with a slightly worried expression. With a sigh he continued, “Whatever. You may call me Agent Hawk.” He extended a hand to the young mare. She reached out with a hoof and he gripped it firmly.
“I am…honored Mr. Hawk,” Twilight half lied. Though he seemed like everything Twilight imagined when she thought of wild and lawless humans, she was somewhat flattered that he was there to protect her.
They shook on it. After releasing the mare’s hoof, he then began adjusting the driver’s position to his liking, and from a pocket on his over shirt he extracted sunglasses that covered his vision completely. Twilight couldn’t make out his eyes beneath them, but she decided that was probably for the best, as she would feel rather nervous if she knew he was constantly watching her. This way she could at least pretend he wasn’t. She magically drew forth a book she was reading during the days before this particular experience. It was entitled, ‘An Egghead’s guide to Road Trips.’
“Groovy,” said Hawk as he started the engine and began driving.
To be continued? Probably. I wouldn’t leave a story just hanging there. Unless no one reads it. Then I would abandon it and eat ice cream. Sweet…non-judgmental Ice Cream.
Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot Based on Blaze’s original idea Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic. By: Anonsi (Who loves you, I guess)
Yellowstone Part 2: In with the New
The Ford began moving with a lurch, as if it had not been activated in at least a week. As much as Twilight hated the pollution these things caused, she marveled at the concept. A machine that moved fast enough to make land travel a simple chore, and could carry a load far greater than any pony could. Applejack would no doubt love to have something like this.
Despite herself, Twilight couldn’t help but occasionally glance over at her human ‘partner’ every time he stopped the car to let pedestrians cross the street. She felt the need to converse with him. Even though she had just met him, she just wanted to talk. It could be about anything: the weather, why he carried weapons, what he thought of the mission they were on, or if he HAD killed more people than even she suspected. Anything would be preferably than sitting in silence.
“So Agent Hawk,” she started, “what do you think of this mission? Pretty exciting to be going so far west, right? I hear there are many interesting landmarks and natural wonders to visit!” Twilight smiled up at him and did her best to sound genuine in her excitement.
The sunglasses kept Twilight from reading his eyes for any expression or emotion, but he responded quickly, which led Twilight to believe he had been through this conversation in his mind many times before. “I would sincerely discourage hoping to get any excitement out of this little excursion. Now a days, out west, a little ‘excitement’ can get you killed. And quite frankly Ms. Sparkle, I am in no particular rush to get shot, stabbed, mauled, or eaten alive this week.” Hawk turned to face Twilight, “Not to dampen the mood or anything.”
Twilight looked disheartened, to say the least, and concluded that now was an excellent time to figure out what kind of man she was working with. If the west was as dangerous as they say, she’d at least make friends with her escort. “Sounds…rough out there, you think we’ll be safe enough with just you and me?” unable to hide a small tremble of fear in her voice.
Hawk smiled, picking up on the unsteady tone in her question, “Don’t worry, the train goes directly to Yellowstone, nonstop. It’ll take more than a few marauders and ill-tempered moose to cause us any trouble.” He again glanced at Twilight, “This’ll be over before you know it, and then you can get back to being an awkward shut in, working tirelessly to turn sheep into cattle.”
Twilight’s face darkened at the last comment. “What do you mean by that Agent Hawk?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Do you not like what we ponies are doing here Agent Hawk?” she continued, eyes scrutinizing his features.
“Far from it Ms. Sprinkle, I don’t think the human race has ever been so well off or as free as it is now.” His face and tone were deadpan.
“Then why haven’t you gone to be ponified?”
His smirk returned, “Because I like having these.” His thumbs started to twirl in circles.
Twilight, unconvinced, continued to probe, “That cannot be why you are staying in such a…” what was a nice way of putting it, “…rough state of existence.”
“Are you kidding? Check this out.” He took his hands off the wheel and meshed his fingers together, thumbs facing each other. They then began spinning in opposite directions. “Pretty neat huh?”
Unfortunately, Twilight was distracted from the amazing feat by a concern she was all too pleased to voice, “WHY ARE YOU TAKING YOUR HANDS OFF THE WHEEL!?” She put her front hooves on the dash board, gazing out the window as the car began to swerve.
“Hey are you watching? This was a rare talent when it was just us humans on the earth, and by now I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who can do it.”
Hawk sighed and put his hands on the wheel, taking back control of the vehicle and narrowly avoiding a small stack of empty trash cans. “No one appreciates my talents.”
Twilight decided it would be best to hold off on questions until they were out of the car, and spent the rest of the trip nose deep in her book. ‘Celestia preserve me, I’m under the protection of a maniac.’
They spent the rest of the trip in silence, Twilight only occasionally looking up from her book to make sure there were still driving on road. Eventually she put her book down and closed her eyes. ‘I wish Applejack or Rainbow Dash were here, I’d at least be able to have a laugh or two with them. Not to mention feel safer.’
“We’re here,” said Hawk gesturing out the front window. Twilight gazed on a structure that resembled a large, old, stone building that seemed more to fit as a palace than a simple train station. Hawk parked the car in front of the building’s steps. Twilight noted that no other cars were present.
Hawk reached behind him and grabbed his black duffel bag. Twilight, with a shimmer from her horn, did likewise with her own pack. As the two exited the car, the doors to the train station swung open, and a tanned man with smooth black hair and a well groomed moustache began walking towards them with a wide smile. He wore only black, but not in a way that seemed intimidating, but more stylish and loose. At his side hung what appeared to be a sword.
“Well, look who got here on time for once!” said the man, his accent was unlike anything Twilight had ever heard.
Hawk looked up, and frowned to an almost ridiculous degree, “Zorro,” Hawk said with exaggerated disdain, removing his sunglasses in a slow, dramatic motion.
Moments passed in silence before the two exploded into laughter and embraced into a hug. Twilight felt relieved that this ‘Zorro’ was evidently a friend. After more laughs, Zorro finally acknowledged the small unicorn, “Hola pequeña,” he gave her a swift and fluid bow, adding a small flourish with his hand to boot.
Twilight didn’t know what he said, but it sure sounded nice. “Hello…um…Mr. Zorro, my name is Twilight Sparkle.” She gave a small bow of her own.
“I know who you are Miss Twilight, I was briefed on the mission by the good Agent Hawk, but I enjoy hearing you say you name. You speak with such…grace. I am looking forward to working together with you, and listening to whatever other sounds may dance from your mouth.”
Twilight couldn’t help but blush. She had never thought humans could be charming.
“Neither man nor beast is safe from you…” Hawk said as he walked past them with his bag, eyes rolling in great arcs. He called back to them, “Don’t be too impressed with him Twilight, he’s dropped that line on at least fifty other girls. He’s sort of a one trick pony!” Hawk laughed deeply as he continued up the stairs.
Zorro merely grinned, and turned to follow. Twilight, after wiping away a dumb grin that had somehow gotten onto her face, she trotted after the two. About halfway up the stairs, she finally gathered the nerve to ask, “Are you coming with us Mr. Zorro? I was under the impression that the human government was only sending one of their Agents.”
Zorro had arrived at the door to the station and held it open for her. “The government is indeed only sending one agent, niña. I however am here on request of my old friend,” he paused to look at Agent Hawk, “I owe him that much.” Twilight moved through with an appreciative nod to Zorro for the small courtesy.
“Yeah, thanks for that by the way. But regardless Z, why are you carrying around that antique? I mean come on,” Hawk replied from inside the station.
Zorro looked hurt, “An antique? My poor, deluded friend,” he chided, “bullets are becoming more and more of a rarity than humans every passing day,” he looked to his hip, and then back to Hawk, “Fencing is making a comeback my friend. Soon it will be that revolver that is the ‘antique.’”
With a grunt, Hawk turned towards Twilight, “Come on Sprinkles, the train awaits, and from what I hear, she’s a beauty.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, “If you’re calling me that to be funny, I’ll have you know it lost its luster when I was in kinder garden.”
Zorro chuckled to himself as all three of them proceeded towards into the station. The building was empty save for the three of them, and the echoing of their footsteps left Twilight with a curious thought, ‘What was this place like in its prime? It seems like such a waste not to use it.’
They all passed through two large double doors, which opened up into a great hall, with two sets of tracks. On the one closest to them, a gleaming four sectioned train sat waiting. It was not at all like the ones in Equestria, far from them in fact. This train was sleek, smooth, and hovered a foot above the rails. Twilight’s eyes widened, and stood somewhat flabbergasted. “How is it floating? I thought humans didn’t have magic!” She stared at Hawk expecting some sort of explanation.
Hawk looked down to her, pride obviously fueling his grin. “Very true my erstwhile equine escort, we do not possess magic in the way you Equestians do, we use something I think is far more powerful. Science.” He paused to read her expression, which showed an obvious desire to debate the previous statement, but before she could Hawk continued, “The Magna Rail is suspended by a magnetic field that allows it to hover, as you can clearly see, but it can only do so above metal. So we will be limited to keeping it on the train tracks.”
“Is it fast?” inquired Twilight.
“Is cruising at two hundred and fifty miles per hour fast?”
“Is it?”
Hawk looked down, “Yes Twilight. It’s fast. It’ll get us to Yellowstone in about eight hours.”
“Eight hours?! But according to my map, Yellowstone is in…,” Twilight took out her map of the United States and looked for the territory that she marked with an ‘X’, “Why-Om-ing, and the distance from there to here is nearly the length of Equestria twice over!”
“And that’s why we’re taking the Magna-Rail, which if my report read right, comes with a lounge, sleeping quarters, and a five star kitchen.”
“And something special for you my friend, that the President installed himself,” added Zorro.
Hawk looked like a foal on Hearths Warming Eve, but before he could ask what it was a young feminine voice shouted, “Look Mama! Humans!”
Twilight, Zorro, and Hawk each turned, and saw a family of four Earth Ponies, each standing with their mouths agape and eyes wide. Other than the mother, a yellow coated mare with a forest green mane with a blooming flower as her cutie mark, and the father, a brown stallion with green mane, with a single tree as his mark, were two fillies. The younger of which was cowering behind her father while the older seemed to be fidgeting with excitement.
The mother addressed Twilight first, “Hello there darlin’, you must be our escort!” Her smile was almost as infectious as Pinkie’s. “We are just honored to meet y’all!”
The older of the two fillies, a spry little thing with a yellow coat and unkempt brown mane and an open book for a cutie mark, pranced towards Hawk. “Woooooooooow! You’re so tall! I heard humans were tall, but wow!” she said, her face giddy with obvious excitement.
“Busy Bee!” the mother called, “Get back here young filly!” Twilight detected a small twinge of fear and panic in her voice. She understood though, considering all the rumors about the brutal and savage humans that were probably circling around the towns and cities of Equestria.
“But Mama, I wanna see if he has fangs like Scootaloo said they did!” pouted Busy Bee.
The mother gave the filly a glare that only mothers could. “Right now Bee.”
As she trotted back to her mother’s side, the father stepped forward, “Sorry ‘bout the youngin’, she follows gossip and rumors like a fish follows a river, but she means well enough,” said the stallion with a big smile, “. I’m Tall Leaf, and this here is the rest of the Garden family.”
“The missus,” he said gesturing towards his wife, “is Morning Dew, you’ve met Busy Bee, and this little darlin,” he looked at the meek looking filly behind him, “is Merry Gold. Come on and say hello to the nice unicorn honey.”
A meek little pony with a white coat and golden mane, but no cutie mark, stepped out from behind Tall Leaf. With a nervous glance towards the humans, Merry Gold trotted towards Twilight, “Hello Ma’am.” She quickly retreated back behind her father and looked out from between his legs.
Twilight giggled a little, ‘She is just adorable!’ she said to herself. “Well then Garden Family, welcome to the human lands, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and these two men,” she made sure not to use the ‘gentle’ prefix for honesty’s sake, “are Agent Hawk, and his friend Zorro.” Hawk gave a tip of his hat and Zorro did a small, respectful bow. “They will be our protection against any unforeseen complications.”
“Like cannibals? Scootaloo told me that humans sometimes eat each other when they can’t find anything else to chomp into!” Busy Bee exclaimed.
Merry Gold scrunched up her face in disgust, “Ewww! Bee that’s gross!”
“Busy Bee! That’s morbid!” cried the mother, dragging the filly next to her, as a similar look of disdain as Merry Gold’s crossed her face.
“Let’s hope we avoid such unpleasantries,” continued Twilight, who was also feeling a bit queasy after that last comment. ‘How did Scootaloo get THAT thought running through her head? Maybe I should tell AJ about this when I get back.’
“All right,” Hawk finally spoke, “Let’s get this circus on the train already. Zorro, if you could please show the horses to their stables I’ll go get the train ready to go.”
“Horses?” said Morning Dew raising an eyebrow. Turning her head towards Twilight she asked, “He does know we are ponies right? Not hor-“
“He knows,” interrupted Twilight, a cold stare watching Hawk enter the Magna Rail.
Zorro clapped his hands together and with a big friendly smile said, “Now, my little ponies, let us board the train, please watch your step.” His voice was calm and friendly, and the Garden family followed him in with Twilight bringing up the rear.
The entrance led directly into the lounge area, which seemed to have two halves. One housed an elegant arrangement of chairs and couches around a coffee table, with a luscious rug on the floor, what seemed to be a wooden wardrobe with marvelous carvings depicting the sun over a lion on the wall, and from the ceiling hung a wide-screen television. The other half had two long couches that went along the walls, and between them was another rug, which was more coarse than the other one.
Zorro pointed to a door at the end of the section saying, “The beds are through there my friends. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must make sure Hawk doesn’t harm any of the controls.” Zorro then went through the door at the head of the section, which he closed behind him. The ponies pushed through the door in the rear of the section, which read “Beds” over it. The sleeping cart had four alcoves on each wall, and each alcove had a bunk and a window, plus a little light bulb for late night reading.
Tall Leaf approached the closest bed, his eyes widening in amazement, “Mercy! Lookit the size of these beds! We could fit half the extended family in one of these!”
“Ooh!” cried Busy Bee, “Dibs on this one! C’mon Merry we can share this one!”
“Okay!” replied Merry Gold, who seemed much more at ease away from the human agents.
“You can share my bed handsome,” Morning Dew cooed to Tall Leaf.
A blissful smile appeared on his face, “Yes Ma’am!” The two fillies made grossed out faces, and then proceeded to suffer from a giggle fit.
Twilight picked out a bed for herself and began to organize it to her liking. Then she delicately climbed onto it, taking in its cave like atmosphere. The beds were soft, like the kind of soft Twilight always imagined cloud beds would feel. ‘Amazing how such savage beings can make something so comfy.’ Twilight’s sudden, and rather judgemental, thoughts surprised her, ‘Well that wasn’t a nice thing to say.’ She shook her head to clear her mind of such thoughts. She noticed the rest of the family was finished settling in, and were beginning to move into the lounge.
Following suit, Twilight entered the lounge section and found a spot on an equally comfy couch next to Morning Dew, who was admiring the furniture’s comfort as much as Twilight.
The door to the outside slid shut by itself with a hiss, and a green light above the door to the front of the train lit up.
“This is your captain speaking,” Hawk’s voice came, seemingly from nowhere, “I hope you’re ready, because here we go!” The train lurched forward.
“Hold on to your butts!” Busy Bee exclaimed, far more excited than any other pony present.
And with that, the Magna Rail shot out of the station at sixty miles per hour, and climbing.
Continue? Hell yeah! When? Who knows? Next chapter’s title? Journey to the West. Ballin’.
Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot Based on Blaze’s original idea Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic. By: Anonsi (Why am I still doing this? Oh right, cowboys and Zorro.)
Yellowstone Part 3: Journey to the West
Within minutes, the Magna Rail was well away from the city outskirts and moving gracefully at nearly two hundred and fifty six miles per hour. As Twilight stared out the window, she could hardly believe that something could move this fast. Well, other than Rainbow Dash of course.
It was then that Agent Hawk came through the door that led to the cockpit, grumbling about something while carrying his large black duffel bag. He moved through the lounge and past the ponies with little regard, but making sure not to step on any hooves. The Garden Family made sure not to make eye contact. He entered the sleeping cart, threw his bag into the alcove above the one the two fillies were to be sharing and returned to the lounge.
He moved towards the wardrobe and opened it up, revealing rows of books. Twilight eyes lit up and she immediately trotted over next to him.
“How marvelous!” She looked over at Hawk, “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to read another culture’s literature!” She gazed at the books longingly, practically mesmerized by them.
“Can you can even read it?” Hawk asked. “And if you can, are you sure you want to?”
“Oh yes, I’ve had to become quite familiar with the human alphabet. Reports and things demand it.” She gave Hawk a smile, “And I’ve heard quite a few good things about human books from the people that came through the ponification camps.”
“Well alright,” Hawk faced the small library, “Take your pick.” Hawk pulled out a book with a green cover and gold inlay from the shelf bearing the title ‘Unforgiven. By: Clint Eastwood.’ Hawk then went to the half of the lounge that was barren of any ponies, laid down on one of the couches that lined the walls, and began reading.
Twilight was more excited than she thought she should have been. She now had access to new books, exotic books, books that she could never get in Equestria. She scanned the rows reading each title with delight.
‘The Song of Roland.’ ‘100 Mystery Stories.’ ‘The Three Musketeers.’ ‘King James Holy Bible.’ ‘The Maltese Falcon.’ ‘Fahrenheit 451.’
The list went on and on of possible choices, Twilight could barely decide which one to take first. Eventually she saw one that caught her eye. It was a rather large book that looked like the kind of heavy reading Twilight so enjoyed: ‘Tales of The Round Table.’ She trotted back to where the other ponies were relaxing and talking to each other. She sat down next to Morning Dew, who was busy nuzzling her husband and talking about their new lives in Yellowstone. Twilight shifted in place until she had a comfy little space and began reading as Morning Dew began singing softly to her enamoured husband.
“I’m gonna do it Merry Gold,” whispered Busy Bee to her sister, making sure her mother didn’t hear.
Merry Gold gave a concerned look, “But Mama doesn’t want you talkin to ‘em! She says they’re dangerous!”
“I know,” replied the elder sister with a smile, “but I’m not afraid to ask ‘em questions! And Mama always told us to never be afraid of asking questions didn’t she?”
“Well yeah,” Merry Gold couldn’t argue with logic like that, and just gave a plaintive look that seemed to beg her sister to reconsider.
Making sure her mother was distracted, Busy Bee hopped off the spot on the couch she had been sharing with her sister and trotted over to where Agent Hawk was as silently as she could. He was laying down with his back resting against a corner, reading quietly. Busy Bee leapt onto the couch and sat at his feet. Hawk lowered his book enough to peer at her over the edge of the cover, only to see the smiling face of the young filly.
“Can I ask you a question Mr. Hawk?”
The man rolled his eyes and closed his book on one of his fingers, sighing heavily through his nose.
Busy Bee looked elated, “Do humans have fangs?”
Hawk took a free index finger and lifted his top lip, showing off his canines. The young filly’s eyes narrowed her eyes in an attempt to see them. Seeing the young pony unable to make out his teeth, Hawk changed position and leaned forward, making sure she could see everything.
“Huh…They’re smaller than Scootaloo said they were. Whatever. Can I ask another question?”
Hawk leaned back into his previous position and grunted.
“Is it true humans can crush each other’s skulls with one hand?” she asked as she leaned forward with an eager curiosity.
Hawk looked at his free hand and made it into an open, claw like shape. He shook his head, “A man’s? No.” He reached over to Busy Bee and put his hand on her head. She was shaking, and her smile was replaced with a nervous, upward stare. “Maybe a filly’s.” Hawk smiled and ruffled her mane a little. Afterwards he returned his hand back to his lap. Busy Bee’s smile also returned, with a slight giggle to accompany it.
“I thought you humans were supposed to be scary! Scootaloo is such a fibber.” She changed her face to show mock anger and softly stomped her hooves near Hawk’s feet.
Hawk once more leveled his book in between their faces. “We are scary. Especially when we’re angry.”
“Do your eyes turn red and your faces get all messed up?” she asked, once again giving a curious stare.
“Nah, we keep our same old faces, but they look different.”
“What’s that mean?”
“If you ever see an angry human, you’ll know.”
Morning Dew looked up from her husband, who had fallen asleep while she had sung to him, and noticed that both the fillies were no longer in sight.
“Busy Bee?” she asked, panic quickly entering her voice, “Merry Gold?”
She trotted off the couch and saw Busy Bee sitting by Agent Hawk’s feet, asking question after question about this and that. Merry Gold was curled up on the floor next to where the couch met the floor, out of sight of both the human and older sister, listening intently but to afraid to reveal herself. But when Merry Gold saw her mother seeing them, she gave a small squeak.
Morning Dew, fear obvious in her features, slowly walked towards the still unaware Busy Bee. Hawk shot her a glance from behind his book, stopping her dead in her tracks. It wasn’t a mean look, just one that took notice of her, but all the same it made the mother’s heart skip a beat.
Hawk smiled at Morning Dew and then spoke to Busy Bee, “Your Mom is standing behind you, looking like she’s seen a monster or something.”
Busy Bee’s face looked like she’d been caught doing some foul crime. She slowly turned around, “Heeeeeey Mom…what’s up?”
After regaining her composure, and giving Hawk a weak smile back, she addressed both her children, “Girls, please, don’t sneak off like that again, and stop bothering Agent Hawk by askin him all the questions in the whole world.”
“Oh he doesn’t mind Mama! I think he likes answering questions,” the elder sister countered, “Don’t ya Mr. Hawk?”
Hawk gave a neutral kind of shrug. He reached into his pocket and removed an engraved silver pocket watch and gave a sigh. They’d only been traveling for thirty minutes.
“Who wants to watch some great ol’ human cinema?” he asked loud enough for even Twilight to notice. He got up, avoided stepping on Merry Gold, and walked towards the wardrobe as the fretful mother pony gave him a wide berth. Busy Bee hopped down after him, and Merry Gold followed her sister with Morning Dew giving them very relieved, but mildly disappointed, looks.
Twilight had been thoroughly enjoying the beginning of the book she was reading, but she was most interested in reading about the five knightly virtues that were the central theme of the whole piece:
‘A knight must speak nothing but the truth.’
‘A knight must defend the weak and helpless from evil, even at the cost of his own life.’
‘A knight must be loyal, not only to his king and his homeland, but must keep sacred his vows lest they lead to evil.’
‘A knightmust be humble before God and his fellows, be they man or woman, and generous to those in need.’
‘A knight must show mercy to those who he has defeated and shun acts of cruelty, even in times of war and battle.’
Twilight was amazed that these ancient words from, not only a time of darkness and death in human history but also a culture completely separate from her own, resembled the Elements of Harmony so closely. Sure there was nothing that blatantly resembled the Element of Laughter, but ‘defending the weak from evil’ is something that laughing can do, as her friend Pinkie Pie can certainly attest to. ‘It’s like humanity had all the ingredients to be just like Equestria...but they were missing something.’ Twilight pondered the innumerable possibilities.
But when she was interrupted by Hawk’s suggestion of a film, she grew excited and put a magical bookmark on the current page before closing the tome. She had once made friends with a ponified human, Kurt she thought his name was, who had told her that a series of films known as ‘Star Wars’ was a masterpiece of science fiction. Although war was not her favorite subject matter, she had been wanting to look into human film craft. Hawk bent down in front of the wardrobe and opened a small, hard to notice, drawer.
“Okay, what are you all in the mood for?” He asked his charges, facing them with a grin.
“I’ve heard very good things about Star Wars,” said Twilight. Then she remembered more of her conversation with Kurt and added, “…but only the originals.” She smiled, priding herself on remembering what seemed like an important detail.
Hawk nodded in approval, “Good, but is there anything else you heard about these films?” he added.
Twilight strained he memory, “Uhhhh…”
‘There was something else important to mention…Think Twilight…THINK!’
“Han shot first?” She recalled Kurt saying that often.
Hawk gave an approving nod and a big smile, “You’ve learned much young Twilight, and as such we shall begin where all should. A New Hope.” And with that he gestured for the rest of the ponies to take spots on the comfy couch. The parents of the garden family looked at each other in confusion, while the fillies could barely contain themselves in their excitement. He then began the movie, which appeared on the large flat screen television which hung from the ceiling.
“Twilight,” he said, “if you would be so kind as to read them the opening crawl, I’ll go prepare some popcorn.” Twilight nodded and Hawk disappeared into the sleeping cart. The movie began and Twilight read the words in a particularly dramatic voice, much to the amusement of the little ones. Hawk came back just as the crawl was finishing and placed a large bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of the ponies. He then walked towards the cockpit.
“Aren’t you gonna watch it with us?” asked Busy Bee.
“Nah, I’ve gotta keep Zorro company,” Hawk replied, “he can get terribly lonesome.”
With that, Hawk disappeared and the movie began, lowering the camera on a dusty orange planet…
* * *
After four hours, the ponies had finally finished ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ and were taking the time in between movie changes to take care of certain bodily functions, while also using the opportunity to stretch their legs. Twilight was enamored with the films. Sure it was weird at first, watching non-pony actors on screen, but by the time the films had introduced the character of Obi-Wan, she was over it. Of course her favorite character was Yoda, if only for his surprising amount of wisdom.
It was fascinating how many parallels she could draw between ‘The Force’ and the nature of magic that she herself had seen. For instance, the ‘Dark Side’ was based on anger, fear, and aggression, the exact things that had turned Princess Luna into Nightmare Moon so long ago. Everything the little green creature said about The Force seemed to factor into some aspect of magic, from its use in day to day life and what times to use it against something that might be threatening her.
Of course the fillies loved it, and were busy pretending to fight with those laser sword things they had. Though the parents were a bit concerned about all the violence and death, they gasped right along with every other pony when Vader revealed the truth about him and Luke. All in all, Twilight couldn’t wait for the conclusion and eagerly waited in her spot on the couch.
Hawk was busy putting the next film into the player, getting an earful from the fillies about the parts they liked the most. All Hawk could do was smile. Twilight was extremely pleased that everything was going better than she expected, but also a little ashamed that she had judged humans so harshly before. She kept her mentor’s warning in mind of course, that humans were savage compared to Ponies, ‘But maybe,’ thought Twilight, ‘maybe the Princess just got a bad first impression?’
Suddenly Zorro’s voiced blared from unseen speakers, “Sorry to interrupt the marathon Hawk, but you need to see something up here.”
Hawk grimaced. Twilight knew that probably meant something bad. Fortunately she didn’t have to ask to come along as Zorro added, “You’d best come up here too Miss Sparkle.” With a concerned look from Tall Leaf, which was mirrored by Morning Dew, Twilight simply nodded and trotted towards the cockpit.
Once within, she was joined by Hawk, who wore a concerned expression. “Is it bad Z?” he asked.
“Very,” replied Zorro, not looking away from a glowing monitor. “Satellites are picking up a massive pressure drop about fifty miles ahead of us, and the Six Tribes Weather Service has issued a Watch notice.” Zorro looked over his shoulder, “The Super Cell is dropping it down within fifty meters of the tracks, and it is going to be very, very big.”
Twilight spoke up, confused, “Wait, so what is the problem? What’s going on Hawk?” She looked to Hawk, who looked at her in disbelief.
“You can’t seriously tell me you don’t have tornadoes in Equestria.” His tone almost sounded astonished.
“Well, we have twisters, but they aren’t that big of a problem. They’re mostly out in the desert, and don’t get that big.” Twilight felt like she wasn’t completely understanding why the two, allegedly ferocious killers, were giving her such astonished looks.
“Twilight,” said Hawk, his tone harsh, “Tornadoes in the human world, are like the wrath of God ripping and tearing the very Earth apart. The one that could be forming right now could very easily level an entire city.” He looked to Zorro, “Get this tin can in reverse and to a safe distance, and if you spot a cave or something tell me. If that thing comes for us we need shelter that’s a bit more stable than this thing.” He moved to leave the cockpit before adding, “Let’s hope we’re all still alive when that thing dissipates. I’d hate to not finish that marathon.” As he left to inform the Garden Family about the potential disaster, Twilight had a hurt expression on her face, which Zorro immediately addressed while pulling a lever that slowed the train to a crawl. Rain began pattering the windshield.
“You look like someone just broke your heart dear niña.” Zorro chuckled a bit, trying to lighten the mood.
Twilight composed herself, “Is it really as bad as Hawk said? It can’t be that terrible, can it?” She was convinced that something like Hawk had described had to be made up.
Zorro looked for the right words before stating in an all too honest tone, “Hawk is not wrong to be worried. Even if it avoids us and the Magna Rail, the tracks will more than likely be destroyed, unless, by some miracle, they are too well engraved into the earth to move.” He looked at Twilight, a smile breaking his serious face. “Do not worry though, soon we will be far from harm’s way. We’ll just have to trek a thousand or so miles to Yellowstone on foot. No problem.” He returned to the controls and pulled the lever back even further, moving the train into reverse.
“Yeah,” said Twilight, “No problem for a pegasus maybe.” She wasn’t looking forward to the prospect of walking half the way to a place that was already far enough away that no pony would believe her if she told them that she had traversed it in a day. She began trotting back into the lounge, where worried voices were talking. The sky had grown dark.
‘How far away had Zorro said it was? Fifty miles? Whatever this thing is it can’t be that big.’ Twilight tried to imagine the human’s measurements, and compared it to a what she imagined a ‘Human Tornado’ would look like. The image she conceived was as big as Canterlot, and was a swirling funnel of dust, like she’d seen that one time she went to Appleloosa. She grew concerned when she imagined Princess Celestia being sucked up and blown away by the enormous cloud.
Before Twilight could continue thinking, she noticed that the Garden Family had moved into the sleeping area and were being shown the emergency straps hidden under the mattresses that could buckle together to restrain a man, or pony, from flying off of it. Hawk was doing a good job of explaining how to adjust and loosen the straps, and made sure to say, “Just in case,” about three times. Morning Dew was giving him her full attention, and Tall Leaf was busy comforting his daughters who were curled together in their bed, looks of fear staining all their faces.
The Magna Rail made a sudden stop, making the world inside the vehicle very quiet, so that now the rain hitting the roof of the train was the only audible sound. The pitter-patter of the rain only heightened the atmosphere of tension that had formed. No one spoke, and hardly anyone could be heard breathing. Even Hawk looked wary of the unexpected stop, but eventually resumed his instruction to the passengers. Twilight moved into the sleeping cart and climbed into her alcove, locating the straps that Hawk had been going over. She brought out the straps with little effort thanks to her magic, and then she listened to the sound of the rain.
‘Thunk?’ Twilight looked at Hawk. Hawk looked at Twilight. Something heavy had hit the roof of the train. The unicorn looked out the window. It wasn’t yet evening, but it was so dark, she could barely see anything.
Thunk.
Everypony was looking at the roof now. What was making that noise? Then, whatever was on the roof fell off and passed by Twilight’s view. It was what appeared to be a cow. It wasn’t moving. She felt a sudden sickness come over her, and rolled down the curtain for her window.
Zorro was making his way towards the sleeping cart. As he entered he pushed a button on the wall that closed the door which made a hissing sound as it closed. They were now sealed in a pressurized space.
“Better strap yourselves down. It’s coming for us,” Twilight could see the fear in his face, but he kept his tone confident for the sake of the others present.
“Damn that thing is fast! Son of a gun must really want one of us dead,” said Hawk, turning to Zorro, “You didn’t sleep with its daughter did you?” Hawk paused for effect.
The lewd comment sent both men into tizzy of giggles and laughs, while Tall Leaf and Morning Dew grew concerned that they were in the care of two men who thought dying might be funny.
Hawk began strapping in the other ponies, while Zorro began locking down luggage and equipment. Twilight herself started going through spells in her head that could protect them if need be, which seemed all the more likely as a noise arose outside that sounded like the very air was screaming. It was a scream that was getting louder by the second.
Hawk and Zorro dove into bunks for themselves after making sure everypony else was secure, and quickly strapped themselves.
The screaming was now at an almost deafening level. The fillies began to cry. The parents were trying to shout comforting phrases at them. Twilight clenched her eyes shut unable to stop herself from thinking she’d never see her friends again.
“Hey Sprinkles!” called Hawk over the din.
Momentarily surprised, Twilight called back. It wasn’t any real word. She was too terrified think of one when she felt the train begin to shudder around her. What came out resembled an, “EH?” only it had more terror in it.
“Ever rolled down a hill in a barrel before?”
An odd question for a time like this. Her response was as much a question as an answer, “No!?”
Hawk began to chuckle, “Well then, this should offer some ‘excitement’ for you!” He began to laugh maniacally. Zorro was whispering something in that language of his.
‘Celestia preserve me.’
The Magna Rail came free of the rails and was lifted up into the swirling funnel cloud.
Tornadoes?! Oh shit! Next up: Where the Wild things are. I’ll keep going until I reach the End