The World-Jumper

by NightmareDash

A Chaotic New World Pt. 5

Well, this was breakpoint. No more fancy gadgetry, no more witty banter, no more beating around the bush. If the pattern kept up, Discord was targeting Rainbow Dash next. And that meant the kiddy gloves were coming off; time to get serious. Regardless of whether Twilight Sparkle was still out there, regardless of getting the Elements back together, Jack was going to protect the best friend he had. Either he was walking away from this, or Discord was. The paths in the maze all began to merge together, into a single trail ending at a clearing. In the open he saw both Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle, standing motionlessly. Between them, at the opposite end of the clearing, sat Discord on a throne stolen (or copied) from Canterlot.

"Ahh, you finally showed up. Hoop-dee-doo, we can get this over with."

"What have you done to them?"

"Oh, I believe the term is torture by chagrin. Simply put, they are both in trances. Each is being forced to relive particularly painful memories. I'm forcing Rainbow Dash to remember every time her friends have fought, every time she's had conflicted interests, every time her loyalties have been divided. Twilight is reliving all the occasions where the magic of friendship failed to save her, her friends, Equestria... It's not causing physical pain, but I'm hoping by the time they've completed therapy, they'll be completely rid of such bothersome character traits."

"Release them. Now!"

"Or what? Please, Jack, we've been over this a few times now. I have the powers of a god of chaos; what few toys I left you with, albeit unintentionally, you've already expended. If you actually wanted to pose a physical threat to me, you would've been much wiser to go get them on your own path; I had an entire deathtrap just waiting for you. But you didn't, so you don't."

Jack took a second to a calm himself.

"Then I suppose we are at an impasse."

"How so?"

"I can't compete physically with your god-like powers, even if I had all my tech, but you're still no match for my intellect."

"I beg to differ," Discord replied haughtily.

"Well then, I challenge you to a battle of wits."

"Life-or-death stakes?"

"Not quite death, but unconsciousness. And let's play for an even higher prize: these two. Whoever wins gains control of Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and the Elements of Loyalty and Magic."

"Well, a chance to not only eliminate my new worst enemy, prove my intellectual superiority and cement my rule over all Equestria, but also do it all in a classic movie reference? I accept!"

Discord snapped into existence a polished-wood table between them and similar chair behind Jack, then floated himself to the table. With another snap, two glasses of wine materialized before them. Jack took a sip hesitantly.

"Bollinger '59, you were expecting me."

"Be warned, I am immune to iocane poisoning. So what are the terms of your challenge?"

"First, I'll need a few things. My gun..."

Discord placed Jack's Walther P99 on the table and slid it across to him. Jack picked it up and released the magazine. To his irritation, it was empty.

"...and some bullets."

With a tap on the table, Discord (for lack of a better word) grew three 9mm bullets from the polished surface, which became metal as soon as they were done.

"Is three enough?"

"Perfect. And lastly, I'll need Twilight."

"What for? This is between you and me, no outside help."

"Of course, but once I've laid down the rules, I want a magically-binding contract to keep either of us from breaking them. Hence, I need a magician."

"Fine..."

Twilight instantly snapped out of her trance, and noticing the two of them at the table, ran to Jack's side.

"Jack! What are you..."

"Not now, Twilight. Discord and I are about to start a battle of wits, and I need you to make up a magically binding contract."

"Well, umm... sure."

"Good. Take down everything I say. Here are the rules to our battle of wits. This is a Walther P99 9mm handgun. It is a semiautomatic weapon, firing one bullet per trigger squeeze. Bullets are a special concussive-head variety; non-lethal, but effectively painful nonetheless. I've disabled the fingerprint-scan in the grip, so both of us can use it. Here's the way it works."

Jack once again released the magazine and held it up in his left hand to show Discord.

"This magazine holds up to 16 bullets. As you can see, it is empty, and..."

Raising and pointing his gun to the sky, Jack pulled the trigger, but only produced a hollow clicking of the action.

"...there are no rounds in the chamber. So, I'm going to load one of the rounds now, for you to see that it's normal and I haven't tampered with it."

Jack did so, then removed the bullet head from one of the other two rounds.

"Now, as you can see, I have two rounds left to load. But one is a blank; if fired, no projectile will come out the front. Here is the bullet head I removed."

Flicking it at Discord, Jack turned his back to him, hiding from his sight the gun, magazine, and rounds. Loading the remaining two, he clicked the magazine back closed and turned back, placing it back on the table.

"Now I've loaded both the regular and blank bullets into the gun. One is the first round, the other second. Here is where our game becomes much like Russian Roulette. You will take the gun, point it at your head, and shoot. However, beforehand, you may fire one shot into the air, effectively removing the first bullet from play and firing the second at yourself. If you guess right and shoot the blank at yourself, you may then fire the remaining live round at me. Otherwise, you'll be too concussed to stand, let alone shoot me."

He slid the gun back across the table to Discord.

"You cannot use your chaos magic, nor can I use any technology, to affect the fairness of the contest. Twilight, is that contract ready?"

Twilight, using her horn like a pen, had crafted a contract in the air, wording made of pure energy.

"And....finished! One magically-binding contract spell. Both of you sign there."

She blasted the 'document' with another spell, and copies of it instantly transcribed themselves in front of the two, printed on the table with indigo energy.

"Sign with your finger, please."

They each did so, and as soon as Discord's claw left the wood, a violet aura of magic surrounded them both, then disappeared in a small flash.

"The contract is now signed and magically binding."

"Thank you, Twilight. The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you either keep or throw out the first bullet, and one of us wins, and the other is dead."

"But it's simple! All I must do is use what I know about you to decide whether you would put the blank in first or second. Now, if you were clever, you would put the blank in first, because you'd realize that only a complete idiot would shoot himself in the head with a gun he was given and expect to get a blank. I am not a complete idiot, therefore I cannot shoot myself with the second bullet."

"Is that your decision?"

"Of course not! See, you would expect I am not a complete idiot, so you would expect me to come up with that line of reasoning and planned accordingly. Therefore, I cannot shoot myself with the first bullet. But, perhaps you expected that, and expected me to realize that you would expect me not to be a complete idiot. So you would put the blank in on top, and thereby I cannot shoot myself with the second bullet."

"Maybe I expected that."

"Dammit! How many levels of reverse psychology did you use on me? There's no safe way to know, is there? So I must use my other knowledge of you. Well, your first friend in Equestria was Rainbow Dash, so you no doubt trust her to help you when you need her. Thus, you would've put the blank on the bottom, since I would thereby have to shoot the gun twice to survive. You would be counting on the sound of gunshots to snap Rainbow Dash out of her trance and realize you were in danger, so that she could then attack me before I could shoot you, and therefore I cannot shoot myself with the first bullet."

"Your intellect is truly dizzying."

"I'm not even warmed up yet! You got Twilight Sparkle to make a magical contract binding us to obey the rules of this battle, even though you'd know I would never cheat at something like this because doing so would only prove your intellectual superiority. Therefore, you do not trust me; you would've put the blank on top so that if I double-crossed you and shot at you first, you would have more time to react before I shot a real bullet at you, so I clearly cannot shoot myself with the second bullet. But since you do not trust me, you would've expected an immediate physical confrontation if I did not agree to your terms, so you would've put the blank in first, so that you would have a live round on top to use on me if you needed to, and therefore clearly I cannot shoot myself with the first bullet."

"You're stalling."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?! You like Bollinger champagne, which means you are cultured. And you use nonlethal ammunition, so I can tell you are not ruthless. Furthermore, because you made sure this contest involved a fair chance for either of us to win, you are a sporting man. From you being cultured, not ruthless, and sporting, I deduce you would've subconsciously wished to reward me for taking the bold option of shooting myself with the first bullet. Thus you would've loaded the blank on top, and therefore I cannot shoot myself with the second bullet. But as everypony knows, Walther is a German brand, and Germans are known for their efficiency. Seeking to be efficient with bullets, you would've put a live bullet on top so that I'd kill myself on the first shot and not waste the other two, so I can clearly not shoot myself with the first bullet."

"You're getting fuzzier by the minute."

"You mean I'm getting even closer to the truth! You're losing and you know it! Now, I know you are well-educated, meaning you must've studied. And in studying, you would've learned that man is mortal, and thus put the live bullet as far away from being fired as possible, so I clearly cannot shoot myself with the second bullet. But I also know you are physically strong. You would've put the blank bullet on the bottom, knowing that if I discarded the first one by shooting into the air, you would have a cue to be ready to jump away when I survived the second shot and attempted to shoot you. Thus, with no bullets left in the gun, you would be free to attack me, so I cannot shoot myself with the first bullet."

"You're trying to trick me into giving something away. It won't work."

"It already has worked! You've given away everything, I know where the blank is! I choose to. . . Oh my Celestia, what is that?"

Discord pointed over Jack's shoulder towards Rainbow Dash. He turned to see what could be afflicting her in her trance, but found no change.

"I see nothing."

"Oh well, could've sworn I saw something. No matter, I choose to shoot now and not fire into the air."

Discord raised the gun to his head and tensed his claw.

"You chose wrong."

"Ha! You only think that! I tricked you; I shot into the ground when your back was turned! You've committed one of the classic blunders! The most well-known is never get involved in a game of charades against a changeling, but only slightly less well-known is never go up against a draconequus when the Elements of Harmony are on the line! Haha!"

Discord closed his eyes, smiled contently, and pulled the trigger. A loud gunshot rang out in the maze, and a large puff of smoke seeped out from the space between the barrel and his head. Face frozen in place, Discord then fell headlong to the ground, dropping the gun and toppling his own throne. Twilight ran over to investigate what seemed to be a corpse.

"Jack, did you...?"

"Based on the shape of his skull, I'd say only a temporary concussion. But it's going to be one hell of a migraine to wake up to."

"Which bullet did he..."

"Discord guessed right. The blank was second in the clip. But at point-blank range, even a blank round expels enough heated gas from the barrel when fired to cause serious impact damage. I think an actor died from it once. Either way, when Discord put the gun right up to his head, he was doomed."

"Isn't that cheating?"

"Not at all; Discord always had a choice between the two bullets. I never told him the blank was just as dangerous as the live one. I just used a little science and wordplay to lure him into a lose-lose situation. Just like in the movie."

Hedges began to fall around them, and the polished-wood table sank back into the ground. The microverse, entirely a creation of Discord, was crumbling without his consciousness to sustain it. Rainbow Dash, her trance having lost the power behind it, slumped to the ground. Jack slid to his knees to catch her, and held her head up to his.

"Rainbow Dash, snap out of it! Wake up! Discord's beat, we won!"

"Eh...eh...Jack? Am I still dreaming?"

"No, Dash, this is real! You're in the real world now!"

She stumbled to her hooves, the daze in her mind clearing.

"Damn, I just had the worst dream..."

"Yes, I know. But we can sort through that later. Right now we have this guy to deal with it."

Discord was beginning to come to. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy made their way out from the hedge maze, each bearing their Element. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle had found theirs beneath the table; the entire 6 were suited up and ready to go.

"Oy vey, what just happened?"

"Simple. When you made this pocket dimension, you used normal reality as a template to adjust. In adjusting, you failed to manipulate the basic laws of physics. And those laws of physics conspired against you. I'll give you that by logic or dumb luck, you picked the blank. But by shooting it point-blank at yourself, you subjected yourself to the expulsion of heated gas. The force of that heated gas was enough to knock you out."

"You cheater."

"Call it what you want. Girls, charge me up."

The six of them, in a hexagon formation, each focused their Elements, and released a blast of colorful energy towards Jack. He absorbed them one by one, feeling a wave of power wash over him. Maybe there was something to this 'magic of friendship' stuff. It was pure invigoration, like he had so much raw energy to dispose of at a whim. But this was still a new experience; he would keep it simple. A prismatic sword formed in his right hand, gleaming with polychromatic light.

"I guess this is where it ends for you, Discord. Too bad, you were the best opponent I've had to match wits with since God knows when... But it doesn't have to."

"What are you talking about?"

He kneeled down to speak privately to his foe.

"Search my memories. You have the power. See where I've come from."

Discord closed his eyes, probing Jack's mind for stories and events. What he found shocked him.

"Tehran. . . the London Riots. . .Deepwater Horizon. . .what have you done?"

"I've been walking through shadows, and I'm trying to find the light."

Jack tipped his sword to the ground, and extended his left hand to Discord.

"Care to join me?"

"You mean that after all I've done, all the hell I've put you through, you want to offer me forgiveness?"

"More than forgiveness. Redemption. I've found life isn't so bad being a good guy."

"I don't suppose I ever considered the possibility."

"Based on what I've seen, you have plenty of potential."

Discord reached up and grabbed Jack's hand with his paw, and Jack pulled him to his feet.

"Then I'll give it a shot."

All around the eight of them, the sky and ground depixelated into black. The last pieces of Discord's pocket dimension were coming undone. Eventually, there was nothing remaining but them, and in a flash of light they vanished, as the microverse folded in on itself and imploded into nonexistance.

Sprawled out on the ground, the first thing Jack noticed was that he felt like he weighed more than before. But reaching up to feel at the pockets of his jacket, he realized it was simply because his weapons had been returned to him. He groggily picked himself up to his feet, trying to discern anything from his new surroundings. After a second, he realized he was back in Ponyville. The Mane 6 and Discord, in various states of alertness, were scattered at his feet. But immediately, Jack noticed a white figure racing towards them, horn lowered. Sensory acuity slowly returned to him, and he realized that it was Princess Celestia. She stopped short of him, but kept her horn lowered, pointed towards Discord. Jack's ears strained to make out what followed.

"Discord! I knew you'd escaped, so I wasn't surprised that you targeted the Elements. But imprisoning you doesn't seem to work anymore."

The draconequus was only now beginning to realize the gravity of his situation, and was in no position for a coherent response, much less a signature witty retort.

"Wha...?"

"I'm afraid that leaves me no choice but to destroy you, for the safety of Equestria."

"Whoa, whoa! Just, just hang on a second!"

Jack stumbled over to get between the two of them. His mind was still throbbing from the leap home, and what he could say, he was only able to stammer out.

"Celestia, we just jumped dimensions, and honestly, it wasn't a pleasant trip. Now, I don't blame you for not knowing, but Discord here has reformed! He and I are gonna walk the straight and narrow together. So, yeah, don't kill him, because he's a good guy now."

Celestia was visibly surprised at this.

"Jack, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, well, I decided to visit, and right around then, Discord sucked us all into a pocket dimension. But I talked him into switching sides and letting us out."

"Is this true?"

"Oh, yes. I want to repent from my sins and bask in the magic of friendship. Please don't kill me."

There was a suspenseful pause as Celestia made her judgement.

"I may come to remember this as a foalish mistake, but I'll err on the side of good faith for now. I grant you royal pardon from all past crimes, on the condition you turn from your malicious ways and use your chaotic powers for good."

"I accept, with gratitude."

The Mane 6 were up and awake now, and Jack had managed to shake off any weariness. Celestia backed away from them, and free from the tip of her horn, Discord was able to stand.

"So, what will you do with your new freedom and purpose, Discord?"

"Well, Tia, I actually thought I'd travel a bit. See the world, meet new faces, right wrongs where I can. Don't worry, I'll check in once and a while. Next time some great menace rears its ugly head in Equestria, I promise it won't be me."

"That sounds like an excellent plan. Jack, are you going to stay?"

"Of course. In fact, before this little adventure, I was bringing in a sufficient amount of supplies to build a home here. I think I'll get to work on that, then come back to town. I've got plenty of technology I think Equestria could benefit from, so I'd like to use Ponyville as sort of a test-bed for it. With your permission, of course."

"Granted. I look forward to seeing what you do with it. But I suppose the time had come for the parting of ways. I must return to Canterlot, now that this situation has resolved itself. I bid all of you good luck in the your future ventures."

With that, she took to the skies, flying westward with the setting sun. Waving goodbye, Discord snapped, and before them a motorcycle appeared. He donned a helmet and goggles, and mounted his new ride.

"Time for me to go, too. It was fun, everypony; take care!"

He hunched over the handlebars, revved his engines, then turned back to them.

"And remember, if there's one thing I learned from this, it's that with Jack West, nothing's incon..."

The roar of his engines drowned him out as he rode out of town.

"What was that last word?" Rainbow Dash asked of nopony in particular.

"Well," Jack answered, "I think it's the same word we could use to describe every detail of this entire escapade. Inconceivable."

Comments

[Beyond the Horizon]

So much Princess Bride. . .