Becoming a Monster

by Telgin

Chapter 7: Careful what you do... and say.

Unfortunately, as it turned out I saw very little of Antic in the coming weeks. That was largely my fault, for one reason or another. First, I guess if I hadn't snapped about the book that was currently in my hands, he wouldn't have wanted to avoid me. Second, I was spending a lot of my own time away with Fealty. Between the two, I only caught glimpses of him coming or going. I even stayed up one night to try to catch him coming home late but he never showed. How was I supposed to apologize to him if I never saw him?

Talking with Revelry and Zeal about it hadn't gotten me very far. Zeal hadn't seen him much more than me, despite going out to look for him on more than one occasion. Revelry claimed to have talked with him a few times, and even told him I was sorry, but she stayed mostly quiet about what they spoke about. All she'd tell me was that he was depressed, and that he wouldn't say much else.

I flipped the page in the spell book and blew out my breath. It was very difficult to read through it without thinking about who brought it to me. For a few days after I scared him off, I felt increasingly bad about it. After a week or so had passed, it drifted to the back of my mind, which scared me even more. How could I just forget about my brother? I had no intention to. The previous night the thought occurred to me that Antic might have been around more than I realized. He was an absolute master with illusion magic after all, and I knew he could stay invisible for hours. As far as I knew he could have been in the room with me right then. “Antic, I'm sorry,” I muttered again, on the off chance he'd hear and believe me. As before, there was no response.

More than likely, it was just wishful thinking on my part that I could just sit around and expect things to get better. It was my fault and I was the only one who could do anything about it. Doing something about it meant actually doing something, not just telling my siblings to pass the word along. Somehow, I had to find him and make things right in person. I had a lot of magic at my command, surely I could find him if I put my mind to it.

Yet, there was one big reason that I hadn't tried that yet. I set the book down and ran a hand over the lightly speckled eggs in the improvised leaf litter nest next to me. Five, just like there were five minutes ago. A mix of emotions bubbled under the surface as I looked at them, each so similar yet different enough to identify as individuals even before hatching. Maybe Revelry hadn't been so wrong about Fealty and me after all. Did that make me a bad person?

No. Ignoring my brother, who I had hurt, made me a bad person. Fortunately, it wasn't too late to do something about that. The new spell book might have continued to be almost entirely impenetrable to me, but as much as it made me nervous to do so, I'd worked out a way to make it safe to leave my eggs. Or, they'd survive without me there to incubate them anyway. We had a supply of infinite mana just trickling through the ceiling right behind me, and it would be trivial to use that to keep my eggs at the perfect temperature. If I was feeling more enthusiastic I could probably even use it to project a shield over them or reinforce their shells. There were a lot of possibilities.

After things went back to normal, I'd spend a while on that. I wasn't going to lose these eggs, no matter what.

---

Falling asleep that night had proven easier than for the entire prior week. For the first time in recent memory I even dreamed, and amazingly about something other than ponies or griffons chasing me or of crushed eggs or anything else terrible. For some reason I dreamed Revelry had laid a clutch of eggs too, and that Zeal and Antic had eggs from somewhere, although I never met their mates. I was constantly grabbing eggs that spilled out of their nests and tucking them away safely only to repeat the process moments later, but it wasn't annoying me for some reason. Dreams were strange after all. I suppose that's why I barely paid it a second thought when one of the eggs started shouting something in gibberish. Then another started, and another.

The shouting got louder and I cracked my eyes. A few moments of profound confusion followed as I tried to puzzle out how or why my eggs were shouting at me, but sense quickly reasserted itself and I rolled onto my back to relieve the ache in my side from sleeping on bare stone again. Who was making so much noise anyway? I was trying to sleep! I was-

“Zeal! Cantrip! Help, please!”

Revelry! I bolted up and flexed my hip to pop the sore joint. Where was she? What was going on? I fought off more of the mental fog and jumped to my hooves. A lot of agitated talking echoed from the main chamber and I bolted in its direction.

“He-he's out there! I-I-I tried to help, b-but there were too many! I-I-I-I-” Revelry was in hysterics by the time I got there. Her wings were flared out and the hair on her head and the tip of her tail stood on end. She grabbed Zeal's arm and started tugging him toward the center of the room.

He was out there? Who, Antic? Fealty? “What happened?” I asked, dreading the answer.

Revelry released Zeal to spin and face me. Her eyes were red from crying and her cheeks were still damp. “It-it's Antic!” she screamed. “We-we r-ran into ponies! I-I-I got sepa-separated from him!”

“What? Where?”

She shook her head furiously and lifted into the air. “J-just follow me! Hurry!” Without waiting to see if we were following, she flew up and disappeared into the morning sunlight.

I exchanged horrified glances with Zeal. He said nothing before snatching the bits of scavenged armor and his sword, then followed her out. I stood in stunned silence. Was I still dreaming? Was this a nightmare? The nauseating feeling welling up in my stomach told me that it wasn't. I swallowed bile and launched up after them. My entire body felt shaky and dead as my heart thundered.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

---

Every moment we were airborne twisted my guts tighter and tighter into a knot. If Antic was in trouble, I knew we weren't going to be able to help. It had been at least fifteen full minutes since Revelry last saw him, and probably a lot longer. Whatever was going to happen had surely unfolded long before then. I just hoped against all the odds that Antic was alright. He was extremely gifted with illusion magic. He could just slip away, right? He was smart. That's what he'd do. He was probably already long gone and hiding somewhere, or even better, heading back home.

Trees whipped by us just out of reach below. Up ahead, Revelry was leading the pack as fast as her wings could carry her. It was difficult to hear anything with the wind in my ears, but even still I could hear her panicked whimpers and cries. Once or twice I felt something wet spatter against my face. Tears? She hadn't told us what she saw exactly, but if it had her that terrified I knew it had to be bad. A nervous whine left my own mouth as the last of the now sparse trees disappeared behind us, leaving thinning grass leading up to the mountains ahead. What was Antic doing out here?

Revelry took an abrupt turn and headed straight into the valley, which started to bring back a few unpleasant memories. I found myself subconsciously scanning the sky and horizon for griffons, and every muscle in my body tensed at the thought of an arrow ripping through my wing again. Yet, I saw nothing. No griffons, no pegasi, nor any other ponies of any variety on the ground. I did see what looked like wagon tracks winding through the valley, but it was impossible to tell how fresh they were. Antic couldn't possibly have been here hoping to loot a merchant caravan.

We took a sharp dive and landed in the center of the valley atop a patch of yellowed grasses. Revelry whipped her head around and squeaked nervously. “Th-they were right here,” she said, pointing a trembling claw at the dusty ground a few paces over.

Zeal trotted over and knelt down. “Looks like ponies were here,” he confirmed.

I joined him and saw the scuffs of hooves too large to be any of our own. There might have been griffon paw prints and talon scratches too, but it was hard to make out. I couldn't make out any indication of what any of them were doing. They could have just been walking along as far as I could tell. I didn't see any evidence of violence of any sort, and allowed a tiny bit of hope to surface. Antic must have gotten away.

Zeal swore. He stood, tore something from the mountainside and held it up. An arrow. “I don't see any blood.” He looked about and snapped the arrow's shaft. “Where is he? What were you doing out here anyway?”

Revelry sniffled and wrung her hands. “We... we were, um... um, he was uh...” She pointed off. “Living in our old cave.”

“What?” Zeal and I asked in unison. Dread washed over me. “Why?” Revelry descended into another stream of 'ums' and stammering, so I shut her up with a raised palm and jumped into the air. “Come on, he might still be there!”

Our old cave was some distance away, hidden behind several turns that obscured the valley for long stretches. I was afraid we'd blunder into the caravan if we proceeded too quickly, but when we rounded the first bend something a dozen times more horrifying caught my sight. I halted in the air, breathless. Down below, lying in a pool of blood large enough to run off the nearby ledge was a dark serpentine figure. A flutter of motion caught my eye. We weren't too late! He was still alive, and I could heal him. If I could just get to him, he'd survive long enough to get him to Fealty. Fealty could-

Revelry screamed. A long, shrill screech of disbelief that lingered and died off in a tapering whine as she dove downward. Her descent frightened away the buzzards.

Buzzards? Wait... that's what was moving...

“No, no, no!” Zeal shouted, diving after her. He lashed out at the birds as they flew off, severing a few feathers but nothing more. He screamed something primal and furious and threw his sword at the closest of the two, but the only indication I got that it hit anything was the clang of metal on stone. I was too busy staring at Antic... lying motionless...

Revelry landed and immediately screamed again. She fell to her knees next to him and reached out. “Antic! No, pleeeease!” she wailed, withdrawing her hand to cover her mouth. Zeal crouched next to him and stretched out a trembling hand of his own. He flinched and let go when Revelry threw up.

The horror could no longer hold me back. I wove my hands around to prepare the healing spell and poured every bit of energy I could into it. Even then I knew it was pointless, but I had to try. Tears welled up in my eyes as I touched down and I fired the spell off before I even stopped moving.

Nothing happened. I tried again and again, feeling all of my energy drain away fruitlessly as the magic washed over Antic to no avail. No... not Antic. His body. His corpse. When I had no more strength to give, I collapsed backward onto my hands and finally looked at it. I gave it a good, thorough appraisal. There was never any saving him. He was dead. Blood... so much blood... everywhere. Three arrows had speared his chest, leaving bloodied fletchings protruding from his back. Streams ran from his mouth and nostrils onto the ground, pooling in reddened mud. He was curled up, holding a limp hand over a long gash covering his underside that reached from his hip up to his chest. Two of the arrow heads had been severed... had they cut him after shooting him? And... his wings... my stomach rebelled and I nearly vomited myself when I saw there was nothing but profusely bleeding stumps left of them.

His eyes were almost closed, but through the cracks I could see they were fixed down at the ground. Even in death... he wouldn't look me in the eyes.

I placed my face in my hands. I just couldn't look at him anymore. My brother was dead. I probably should have been crying. Or screaming. Or wailing in despair. I should have been, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. All I could do was sit there, face in hands, listening to Revelry weep and cry enough for all of us. She gasped and spluttered something indecipherable, then threw up again.

There are many things I've done over my life that I regret. Some of them I regret so bitterly that if I was given the chance, I'd happily strangle myself to prevent them from coming to pass. None of those things compare to how much I regret what I did next.

I lowered my hands and cast an accusing glare at Revelry. “You knew he was out here. Why didn't you tell me?” I demanded. Caught completely off guard, she choked and fell backward. I leaned forward. “Why!?”

“Cantrip...” Zeal said.

I balled up my fists, grabbing handfuls of dusty grass. “You knew the ponies were out here! They knew where the cave was! He knew! What was he doing out here!?”

She curled up into a ball and hid her face. Between desperate sniffles she uttered, “He-he-he-he s-said...”

“Cantrip.”

“He said what!?” I stood and stepped around Antic's body to approach her. “What!?” They... they weren't going to be happy until one of us was killed. Well, here it was! Antic was dead now!

Revelry whined and curled up tighter. “I-I-I-don't-he s-s-said...”

“Cantrip!”

“What!?” I leered over her. “Why did you keep this from us? Why were you and Antic always keeping things from us!?”

Revelry couldn't say anything anymore. She just went back to crying.

“This is how it always is...” I stamped a hoof, finally feeling tears dripping down my cheeks. “You two always do reckless things like this! And you never think about the consequences!”

“Cantrip, that is enough!”

“Are you happy now!?” I screamed. “He's dead, Revelry! Dead! What was so important that it was worth-”

“Cantrip, shut up!”

Zeal grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away from our cowering sister. So caught up in the rage as I was, I wheeled on him and lashed out with my claws. Talons caught flesh, and both of us stared in stunned silence. Blood welled up within three deep lacerations on his cheek, and he stared in disbelief at his hand after wiping some away. I was halfway to trying to apologize when he sneered and slammed an open palm into my chest. The air was driven from my lungs and I tumbled backward into a heap. He pushed me! He... no, I... hit him!

Fury flickered in his eyes as he towered over me. He thrust a claw at Revelry and yelled, “This is not her fault! The only one to blame is whoever killed Antic!”

My jaw worked wordlessly as blood dripped from his face onto mine. I scrabbled backward, fighting to put distance between us as I tried to come to terms with what I'd just done. I'd hit him... and said that to Revelry...

Right then, she uncovered her face and shrieked, “Antic said he wasn't going to hurt you anymore!” She hacked and choked, and said, “He said he'd live out here where he wouldn't put you or your eggs in danger anymore!”

A heavy silence fell.

“There, are you happy?” Zeal growled at last.

No! My eyes darted from Zeal to Revelry to Antic's corpse, then back again. There wasn't anything to say. I'd gotten one of my brothers killed and probably destroyed what was left of my relationship with the rest of my family. There wasn't anything to say, so I dragged myself to my hooves, turned away and jumped into the air.

I expected Zeal to yell for me to come back, to shout that I was going to get myself killed out here alone. He didn't. I just flew higher and higher and away from them, never looking back. I had no idea where I was going or why. Maybe I would run into ponies that would end my miserable existence. Things would have turned out better for everyone if they had.

---

As I've mentioned before, I'm a creature of habit, and it hadn't taken me very long at all to settle on a destination. It took me over an hour to fly to Fealty's cave, which was much faster than I should have been able to manage after wasting so much stamina in my desperate but doomed attempts to save Antic's life. The entire time I was airborne I never looked back to where I'd just up and abandoned my surviving siblings with my brother's body. Every moment that passed cemented more and more firmly in my mind that there was nothing I'd ever do to make up for that. Maybe... maybe I'd finally have to accept Fealty's offers and pleads for him to move in with him. I'd go home long enough to get my eggs and leave Zeal and Revelry before I made things even worse. I had to think of what I'd say to them all, or Fealty. What was I going to say to him?

Even after an hour or more of questioning that, I never came to a good answer. I'd probably just break down into a sobbing heap in his arms as usual and wait for him to make it better. At that point, I didn't even care if he used his new magic to make the pain go away. Words really can't convey what it felt like to have the image of Antic's dead eyes staring into the ground burned into my mind, haunting me every time I clenched them shut to contain tears. At least that stopped long before I got to his cave. I went through the motions, coughing and choking and covering my eyes, but I was long out of tears to cry. I just wanted it all to stop.

By the time I was on the final approach to his cave I had managed to calm down enough that I could probably at least talk to him. It was still early in the morning, but overcast, and that meant the entrance was pitch blank. That didn't slow me at all as I slammed down into the stone walkway, tumbled from my hooves, scrabbled back up and darted inside. I kicked over that same whatever-it-was on the way through the darkness.

“Fealty!” No response. I stumbled to a halt in what I guessed was the center of the main chamber and repeated the call. “Fealty! Please, are you here?” Still no response. My entire body felt ready to give out at the mere thought that he'd suffered the same fate as Antic, but as before there was no evidence of violence on the way in.

A flickering ball of light coalesced in my palm, but collapsed in a wisp of mana an instant later. I was too tired to even conjure light. “Fealty!” Still nothing.

Why I bothered trying to feel my way through the blackness I don't know, but I rapidly gave up after I kicked over something else and spilled some water on the floor. At least I hoped it was just water. “Fealty...” I whimpered before giving the ground a hard stamp. Then another and another.

This had to be a nightmare. I sank to the floor, ignoring that it was now wet with something odorless, and curled up to place my face in my hands again. It just had to be a nightmare. Any second now, Revelry would wake me up and tell me that Antic had come home, and that everything was alright. Everything...

...would never be alright ever again. I flopped onto my side, winding tighter into a ball as the enormity of the previous hour and a half slammed down on me again. That was it. Antic was dead. After eight years of getting by on our own... eight years... it finally happened. We'd had so many close calls in the early years that I'd lost count. I got complacent. I figured we'd always outsmart the ponies and griffons and they'd never actually catch us, but in a month we'd gone from blissful ignorance to being kicked out of our home and having everything taken from us to Antic being killed.

How old were we, anyway? How long had we been with mom before she disappeared? I'd guessed maybe five or six years. That meant Antic was fourteen at most when the ponies killed him. Some still considered themselves foals at that age. They-they murdered a child.

For what? He was the one who wanted to be friends with them! Of all of us, he was the last one who deserved what happened to him. He was probably trying to talk to them again... if I wasn't there to yell at him for it, why wouldn't he? He'd obviously talked with that mare, Scarlet Swirl. He'd proven he could interact with them. Was that it? Had he tried to pretend to be a pony again, and they killed him when they found out? Because he was a draconequus? Because he didn't have four hooves like them and had scales? Why did they hate us so much?

I shuddered and sniffled. What would mom think if she was there? Sorry, mom. I screwed up. I screwed up bad and now Antic's dead. I screwed up and lost my eggs. I screwed up and now Zeal and Revelry would hate me forever. Everything... everything was falling apart. She'd know what to do. She'd been through this... right? If only I could speak with her again... she'd make everything better. I wasn't Zeal, Revelry or Antic's mother. I couldn't be... I was their sister, who didn't know what she was doing half of the time and lost her temper and got her brother killed because she couldn't keep her stupid mouth shut! Maybe Zeal and Revelry really would be better off without me leading them astray or into danger. Zeal was strong and brave... I'd seen the way he stood up to ponies and tried to protect us. He was smarter than he let on too. Revelry would be safe with him.

He'd never turn on her like I did. He'd never scare her away and drive her to her death like I drove Antic. Even now, he was keeping her safe from me. He let me leave rather than try to keep me near her. Even if it meant the ponies or griffons got me.

Somehow... that hurt almost as much as losing Antic...

...not really. I clenched my fists, digging the claws into my face and palms deep enough to draw blood. If it hurt, I didn't notice.

Nothing could compare to the hurt deep down inside. I felt fresh tears somehow welling up inside me, as if I could just let it all out like that.

Whatever.

I didn't fight it. I tried to just let it all come out, to scream and wail like Revelry. Instead I just sniffled and trembled. Why couldn't I be more like her? More forgiving and more reasonable?

Why couldn't I be a better person?

...why couldn't Antic still be alive?

---

Fealty never showed up. I even stayed all night, slipping once or twice into shallow and fitful sleep that did nothing to make me feel better, but he never showed up. By the time the sun was rising outside, the panic and dread at the thought of him lying dead in a crevasse somewhere had come and gone to be replaced by a persistent gnawing in my gut. Somehow, I couldn't descend into the levels of despair from the day before. I was too tired.

I think I spent at least an hour sitting in the entrance to the cave, staring dumbly in the direction of our new cave and wondering what to do. Fealty was probably never coming home. He was probably dead too. What was I supposed to do? Take over his home and pick up the pieces of his life too? I was too tired. Even after all that had happened, there was a deep longing and emptiness inside me. Part of it, Antic's part, would never be filled again, but there were two other parts I could try to fill again. Even if I doubted they would forgive me, I had to try. I'd already never forgive myself, but I'd forgive myself even less if I didn't even try to apologize to them.

When I had finally mustered the courage, I hefted myself to my hooves and lazily drifted into the air with my magic. With a weak beat of my wings I set off for home. Should I go back to where Antic had been killed? Had they... taken care... of him yet? Surely they had. By now, I knew they had. Zeal wouldn't leave him there. Going back by would do nothing but make me doubt if I was doing the right thing, so I didn't. I just took the straight path back, taking no measures to conceal myself or hurry. I didn't really care if a griffon saw me at that point. If I saw a griffon or pony right then, I'd die, but I'd see to it that they paid dearly for what they'd done to Antic. I wasn't a fighter, but I knew enough magic to make the last few moments of their life agonizing... I'd give them a reason to fear me and want me dead. That's what they wanted, right? Let them come to me, I'd give it to them.

Smoldering anger filled me for most of the way home, which was a distraction from before at least. Yet, when I saw the unmistakable hole in the ground just off of the stream ahead, worry resurfaced in my gut. I had no idea what to say to Zeal and Revelry. An hour of musing over torturing griffons and ponies hadn't given me much time to think about that. Not that thinking about it would have made much difference.

I set down near the stream and took the opportunity to quench my thirst and waste a few moments trying to rehearse an apology, but it amounted to nothing. At length, I turned toward the cave and plodded along, wondering who I'd see first. When I got close enough that I could make out the irregularities of the stone shaft descending into the depths, I stopped. This was madness... I shouldn't be trying to apologize for the unforgivable. I should just leave before-

“I was starting to wonder if you were going to come back,” Zeal said to my side.

I let out a small startled cry and spun to face him. He'd been sitting between two trees, facing such that he could watch the entrance. He'd been watching me the whole time. No emotion was evident on his face as his exhausted eyes bored holes through me. Badly healing gashes were on his face though. “I... I...”

“Where were you? With Fealty?”

I hung my head. “He wasn't home. After... after I... I mean, I didn't... couldn't...” This was going fantastically already. I never managed to meet eyes with him, even as I said, “Zeal... I-I'm sorry. Y-you d-don't know how sorry I am.”

His tail twitched, but he said nothing.

“Please... I-I just wanted to come and tell you I was sorry.” I half turned away. “I... I'll just go.”

“I'm not the one you need to apologize to.” He pointed at the cave mouth.

At least he wasn't running me off. I didn't really expect him to, of course, but in a way I wished he had. Right then, being told to go away would have been easier than what I had to do instead. Revelry got upset easily, but she got over things easily too. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She'd still be upset about Antic, but that might deflect some away from me. I sighed and dragged my hooves on the way over. I was rationalizing this over whether she'd be more upset about me yelling at her or our brother's death. What was wrong with me?

My guts knotted tighter as I descended and plodded along toward her chamber. Even from there I could hear her, but if what she was muttering was even words I had no hope of decrypting them from the echoes and low moans. Something else struck me as I drew close, prompting me to stop in the hallway. A peculiar odor... vomit? Another whimper... then another moan. Oh, I did not want to step around the corner. I fidgeted and second guessed myself a half dozen times, but with a final run of my hands through my hair I found the courage and rounded the corner.

She was facing away from me, curled up in a ball and whimpering softly. Worse, she didn't even notice or care that anyone was standing there. I scanned her chamber and immediately found the source of the smell, which was indeed old vomit in a few places. Two empty bottles, no doubt from our old cave, were lying on their sides in a corner. Mixed in the scent was something fruity and sharp. I had a very good idea of what was in the bottles not long ago.

With another sigh I stepped inside. “Rev?” Her ear swiveled back to face me. “Revelry?”

“Wh...at?” she slurred. She propped up on an elbow, dislodging another empty bottle that rolled off to join its friends, and moaned. Her eyes floated across me and settled somewhere around my hooves. “Wh... Cantrip?!” She tried to jump backward, but slammed into the wall amidst her drunken flailings and fell back to the ground.

“Wait, wait!” I held my hands up, trying to look unassuming. “Revelry, hold on, I... I just wanted to say I was sorry about yesterday.”

She huddled up in the corner with the bottles and looked aside. “Go away...” She covered her face and whimpered again.

“Please, Revelry, I'm not going to yell or anything... I'm very sorry,” I said, taking a step further inside.

“I said go away!” she shrieked. She glared at me through bloodshot eyes and threw one of the bottles at me. The bottle shattered against the the wall to my side, showering me with glass fragments and dust and a fine spray of leftover wine. I nearly fell backward in my attempts to put distance between us. In all of our years together, she'd never done anything like that. Completely shocked by the display, I staggered down the hall back into the main chamber, looking back once or twice for no real reason. She wasn't following me.

I stood silently in the faint shaft of sunlight from above, stunned. There are some things that sorry doesn't fix. No matter how earnest and truthful I was... sorry just didn't fix this. I whimpered and fluttered upward back to the surface. I'd just tell Zeal goodbye and be on my way. He and Revelry shouldn't have to put up with such a messed up and hateful sister.

Fortunately, he hadn't moved an inch. I dragged my hooves in the grass as I strolled past him. “Bye.”

“Where are you going?”

“I don't know,” I answered honestly. “Fealty's probably dead. I don't know.”

“When will you be back?”

“I'm not coming back.”

“Aren't you forgetting something then?” I slowed to a halt. “Five eggs?”

“Oh...” I looked back at the hole in the ground. How could I have forgotten about them? Could I carry them with me? All the way to Fealty's cave? Could I keep them warm the whole way? I took a step... and stopped. I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't take care of them and myself alone, and if something happened to me like Fealty... I didn't know what to do. So I did something useless and placed my face in my hands. And I cried. Again.

Grass rustled and hooves fell next to me. “Cantrip.”

“I-I don't know what to do!” I blurted out. “E-everything's falling apart, a-and I don't know what to do.”

“Sit.” What? I wiped my eyes and looked up at Zeal. “Go on,” he insisted, so I complied. He joined me, and leaned back against a bare patch of a mossy tree. “Good.”

“Zeal, I really am sorry about yesterday... I just... Antic... and-and Revelry and-and-”

He placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know. I know. Cantrip... just listen for a second. What happened to Antic, that wasn't any of our faults. Not Revelry's, and not yours. It was the ponies' fault.”

“I know...”

“Revelry's going to be alright. It's going to take time, but she'll be alright. None of us are going to get over this overnight.”

He sure seemed to be dealing with it well. “I know...”

Zeal looked out over the stream. He didn't say anything for a while as the gently churning water flowed and kept it from being totally silent. “It's just us now. Just... the three of us. We're going to need each other. All of us are going to need all of our help. Not just two, and not alone.” I sniffled and stared down into my lap silently, so he asked, “Understand?”

“I-I know...”

“Good.” He withdrew his hand and let out a breath. “Just stay up here with me for now. Give Revelry a little more time.”

I nodded wordlessly. “Zeal... where is he now? I mean, what did you do?”

There was another long silence before he nodded toward the stream. “I burned his body. Scattered the ashes in the water. Had to get Revelry to read one of your books to get the spell.”

Another nod. That... was something at least. Not much... but something. “Okay,” I whispered. I fell back against the tree Zeal was leaning against and shut my eyes. Antic's face kept popping up in the darkness. Happy, carefree... innocent. I'd never see it again. Maybe I started crying again, or sniffled, or something. Whatever I did, I felt Zeal's hand wrap around me... and pull me into a hug.

In that instant, no matter the horrors I'd faced in the previous day, everything was kind of okay. I knew then, that no matter what I'd done, or what had happened, there was someone who still cared.

Sometimes, that's all it takes to get you through the darkest hours of your life.