Part 1 - An Unexpected Return
The early morning fog was light on the Southern road. The first rays of the sun had just broken over the horizon, rousing several woodland creatures from their sleep. But their rustling and bustling where not the first sounds to greet the new celestial day. Slowly heading North, a lone soul trudged forward, hooves clacking on the rocks on the road, wagon softly creaking behind him. A thick brown cloak covering most of his body and face, but from the bit of muzzle and hooves that was visible, he was a deep crimson red.
As he reached the crest of a hill, he paused and looked down at the village below. Well, this is new, he thought. It had been a very long time since he had travelled these paths, but he was not expecting to see another town until he had reached his ending destination of Canterlot. Still, this find would be fortuitous, giving him an opportunity to reacquaint himself with Equestria before heading on.
With a tap of his hoof, he set off again. By now the sun was completely in the sky. The traveler took in the scenery, marveling at how so little had seemed to change in his absence, at least outwardly. Up ahead, where a smaller path joined the main road, he saw another wagon overloaded with apples. He quickened his pace to catch up. “Blessed morning to you, fellow traveler!” he said.
The other wagon stopped and an orange mare with blonde hair and a cowboy hat glanced behind it. “Big Mac? I thought I told ya’ll to check on the cider machines before comin’ into town with the second cart.”
The stallion pushed the thick and worn hood off his head, revealing a flowing mane of an almost blood-red with tips as vibrant yellow as the sun at high noon. Beneath these straight locks protruded the long, sharp horn of a unicorn. “I am afraid you have mistaken me for another pony.”
“Aw, yeah, sorry about that. I shoulda figured, but I saw your red coat and the cart and just assumed. Heck, ya’ll don’t even sound like ma brother.”
“That is quite alright Miss…?”
“Call me Applejack!”
“Very well. I am Pyros, a wandering merchant, as it were.”
“Glad ta meet cha’!” She extended a friendly hoof, which Pyros shook.
“Would you mind if I kept you company on this road? It seems we are both heading towards that village.”
“Ya’ll ain’t from around these parts, are ya? That there’s Ponyville.”
“Ah! Well, yes, I am not from here.”
“So, what’s a unicorn merchant doin’ wanderin’ around here anyway? Looking to buy up some vittles for them Filly Delphia or Baltimare ponies?” she inquired, batting her eyelashes between him and the apples behind her.
“Oh, I buy a little of this, a little of that. Really, anything that gets me by on my journey to Canterlot.”
“Hee, ya’ll unicorns sure do love Canterlot. Ma friend Rarity can’t get enough of that place!”
“I was born there.”
“Really? Wow, ya’ll have ta meet!”
“I look forward to it. I will no doubt stay here for some time before continuing. What of yourself? An apple farmer, I presume?”
“Sure am! Ma family runs Sweet Apple Acres!”
They continued their conversation all the way to the city square, Applejack talking all about the locals and her friends while Pyros listened intensely. Applejack started setting up her apple stand while Pyros checked with Mayor Mare to set up his own stand. As she set out her signs, a white unicorn with styled purple mane and tail and three diamonds on her flank came trotting up. “Hi Applejack.”
“Howdy Rarity! What ya’ll up to?”
“You wouldn’t happen to have seen Spike anywhere around here, would you? I need to get some more gemstones for my latest, greatest masterpiece of a dress and was going to ask him to help me. But he’s not at the library and Twilight doesn’t know where he went off to.”
“Can’t say that I’ve seen him. If he ain’t with you or Twi, I guess he might be at Sugarcube Corner.”
“No, I already checked there as well.”
“Um, pardon me, ma’am,” interjected Pyros who had just returned, “but did I hear that you were in the market for gemstones?”
Rarity looked over at the stallion. “Why, yes, I suppose so.”
“Ah, right. Rarity, this is Pyros. He’s from Canterlot!”
Rarity’s eyes sparkled. “Oh really?! Then you know all about the glamor, the sophistication, the pure majesty of the greatest city in the world?!”
He chuckled. “I have travelled far across the world and seen many things; and yes, Canterlot is among the greatest.”
“Ooooh! How captivating! You say you have some gems?”
“Well, I happen to have some of the finest gemstones throughout the world, including several varieties that I know for a fact cannot be found in Equestria.”
“Really?” replied Rarity, intrigued. “Well, that might work. May I take a look at your wares?”
Grinning, Pyros pulled his cart alongside Applejack’s and opened the sides. Inside was a menagerie of trinkets and goods. Intricate sculptures from distant continents, thick, leather-bound books mostly in foreign languages, seeds of exotic plants, shimmering luminescents captured on delicate rope chains. Rarity’s eyes beamed and she gasped at the splendor while he dug through one of the drawers. “Let us see, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, blue topaz, amethyst… what is this dress you are making anyway?”
“Oh, it’s a modern take on the classic Victo-rein Era Tempest dress.”
“If I recall correctly, those were very slim on the croup, with a high collar and enough trim to be fashionable and elegant but not flashy and garish, right?”
“I’m quite impressed! You know you seem to know your fashion, though that plain cape of yours seems a little old. I need some nice stones to highlight a line down the chest and give it a little extra something, but not something so shiny that it distracts from the rest of the dress.”
“Hmmmm… and what colors are you using?”
“Why, earth tones are in this season! I’m using a nice rustic red.”
Pyros came up from his work. “Then I think I have the perfect stones for you.” He opened a small box with numerous turquois gems. “These beauties come from the Badlands to the far South. They will provide a nice contrast to the rust color, I believe; eye catching, but not distracting from the rest of the dress; gives off a refined taste, but is not boastful about it…”
Rarity grinned widely, blue eyes sparkling. “OH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM!!!” Then she became coy. “Oh, but they must be so expensive, coming from so far away…”
“Not at all! I can assure you that I have the best prices for my wares.”
“How much are you asking?”
Pyros thought for a moment. “What is the price of a sandwich around here?”
“Oh, I’m sure such a smart and handsome unicorn like yourself… wait, what?”
“Applejack, how much does a sandwich cost?”
“Uh… four bits?”
“Right then; four bits for the lot, Miss Rarity.”
Applejack and Rarity’s jaws dropped. “What in the hay are ya’ll trying to pull on us?”
“I must say, that price does seem quite low for such fine pieces.”
“Ladies, I can assure you that this is no trick. I have acquired many, many objects in my long travels, some of great value and some of insignificant worth. And now that I near the end of my journey, I see no need to keep holding onto most of these things. So, why not apply those skills to help somepony acquire what they seek?”
“Well… I supposed I can’t pass up such a good deal…” Rarity took out four bits and handed them over to Pyros.
“Thank you so very much!”
“Oh, it is nothing,” he said, smiling at her.
The morning passed and several ponies visited Pyro’s stand, marveling at the remarkable pieces and often even more remarkable stories behind them. Everyone left with something. The higher traffic improved Applejack’s sales too, her cart being emptied well before noon. At that time, a black and white striped pony had wandered into the square, making her monthly run for potion ingredients.
Applejack nudged Pyros. “Hey, ya’ll might want ta take a look over to your left.”
He glanced over. “A zebra in Equestria? Wow, I did not know any had left the Zevanna for here.”
“Yep! She lives in the Everfree Forest. I recon ya’ll otta meet!” She waved. “Zecora! Hey, Zecora!”
Zecora glanced over at Applejack and the red stallion. “Good afternoon to you Applejack; and of your neighbor, knowledge I lack.”
“Hujambo, Zecora-bi; habari ya mchana? Jina langu ni Pyros.”
“You know the language of my homeland? You must have travelled far across the sand!”
“Indeed I have. I spent many years wandering the Zevanna, learning the cultures and selling wares.”
Zecora’s eyes wandered over to his cart, stopping when she got to the masks. Of the several colorful varieties with points and exaggerated proportions, a long one made from natural black and white-painted wood struck her. “Do my eyes deceive me? Or is that the face of Grévy?”
“Why, yes! A ceremonial version of the highest patron deity over all of Zebra-kind.”
She bowed before it. “Long have I gone without seeing that mask; in his glory once more, I feel I should bask.”
Pyros remained quiet while Zecora was down. As she got up, he asked her, “Would you like it?”
“To keep such an icon burns in my heart, to protect my hut whenever I depart. But the cost of you bringing a piece so rare… the price you would ask, I could not bare.”
“Kufikiria zawadi.”
Zecora’s eyes grew wide. “A gift, you so generously offer? And you have no desire to add to your coffer?”
“None. It is a religious symbol to you, after all. I cannot stand between you and something like that.”
“Then such a deal I cannot pass up; visit my hut sometime and share a cup.”
“Thank you, Zecora.” Pyros took down the mask and placed it in Zecora’s bag. They bowed to each other and Zecora parted.
“Well, Applejack. You have been pretty quiet. How long until your brother arrives?”
Applejack smirked at him. “Probably not another hour.”
“Then shall we adjourn to a café for lunch?”
“Sure! I’m hungrier than a cow stranded on a rock farm!”
The two went to a restaurant near the square. They sat in silence for a few moments after placing their order. “Soooo… Ya’ll seem to know about zebras. I always wondered an’ been too embarrassed to ask her ma self… why does Zecora speak in rhymes, an’ not more straight-forward like?”
“It is a tradition among Zebras. When they learn a foreign language, they purposely learn though stories and parables to gain the greatest beauty in their speech, and that usually leads to speech patterns consistent with local poetry. They view it as a sign of respect to the different culture.”
“Huh… I hadn’ thought of that…”
“Oh yes. The differences in societies can be quite amazing. For instance, this town,” he added, looking around. “It seems so small, yet it is filled with a bountiful collection of pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies, not to mention all of the other beings.”
“Yeah, we get all kinds ‘round here. We kind of ended up as a central little hub for Equestria.”
Across the street at Sugarcube Corner, a pink pony with curly tail and mane came bouncing out, humming a cheery tune with a big smile on her face. Looking around in half a second, she took in all of her surroundings, noticing the one major difference. With two hops she was on the table between Applejack and Pyros. “HI YA APPLEJACK how you doing who’s the new guy I’ve never seen you around Ponyville before are you two on a date I bet not he’s probably just some colt looking to buy a lot of your apples gotta say I’ve never seen a stallion as big as you isn’t it hot wearing that cape right now…”
Pyros looked around the bouncing ball of pink. “Let me guess… this is Pinkie Pie?”
“Eyep.”
Pinke gave an overly-dramatic gasp of disbelief. “You already know who I am? But I don’t know anything about you!”
“I am Pyros, travelling merchant.”
She sat down next to him. “I’m Pinkie Pie, baker and sweets connoisseur deluxe! But you already knew that. So what brings you to Ponyville? Oh, silly me; you’re selling stuff, aren’t you?”
“Yes, on my way to Canterlot.”
“Oooooooo! Fancypants!”
“I suppose. I was born there and it has been some time since I last laid eyes on it, or even Equestria.”
“Well, I hope you’re not planning on leaving US anytime soon! We’ll have to throw you a party to welcome you back!”
“Oh… well, thank you, but that is unnecessary…”
Pinkie stopped dead and stared deep into his eyes. “What? Are you not big into parties or something? Everypony likes a party.”
Pyros leaned back a bit. “Oh, no, it is not that I dislike parties… it is simply that I do not wish to trouble you with hosting one on my account…”
“Silly, it’s no problem! I’m a master of parties and can whip one up in ten seconds flat, as Dashie would say.”
“Ya best give in. Once Pinkie gets her mind set on a party, there’s no shakin’ her from it.”
“Well… I was planning on staying here for some time anyway…”
Pinkie grabbed him into a big hug. “YAY!!! Oh, we’ll have to invite everyone in Ponyville! I wonder how much cake that will take…”
While she turned around to figure out the math on an abacus she seemed to pull from thin air, two pegasi and a unicorn turned the corner. The unicorn was Rarity. A yellow pegasus with a pink mane walked on the ground next to her while a light blue one with a rainbow mane flew backwards, on her back, a few feet above the rest of the group, front legs crossed behind her head. But the fourth leading this group was the most perplexing of all, a faint purple alicorn with a violet mane that had purple and pink strips.
“Oh! There you are Pinkie and Applejack,” said the alicorn. “We were just coming to get you and see if you wanted to join us for lunch.”
“Howdy! Why don’ ya’ll join us?”
Flipping over, the rainbowed pegasus peered at the crimson stranger. “This that guy you were yapping about, Rarity?”
“Ugh… such an uncouth way of saying it Rainbow Dash. But yes, this is the absolutely charming and generous unicorn I was speaking of.”
The four newcomers all sat at the table. The yellow pegasus slouched a bit, hiding part of her face behind her mane. “H-hi… I’m Fluttershy…”
“A pleasure to meet you, Fluttershy. I have heard a bit about you from Applejack. She mentioned you once stood up to a dragon in his own lair.”
“Oh… well, that was nothing really…”
“Nonsense! I must say, that is an impressive feat. Such powerful and ancient creatures… for anypony to stand up to them shows great strength and resolve!”
She smiled a bit at him as Rainbow Dash flapped her wings. “Well, what about me? I’m sure AJ had more than a few good stories about my awesomeness!”
“Why yes! Something about being shown up by an egghead in a hoof race, destroying a priceless statue in Canterlot Castle, outperformed by some mysterious mare in a purple cape and hat…” He let the words sink in for a minute, soliciting an icy glare from her. “But also much about your loyalty as a friend. And how you can perform a Sonic Rainboom.”
“That’s more like it!”
“Which means,” he turned to the purple alicorn and bowed, “you must be Twilight Sparkle, newly crowned Princess of Equestria and aforementioned egghead.”
Twilight blushed. “Heehee… well, yes.”
“I am curious to hear a few things about your latest spell research.”
“Really? You’d like to hear about my work with transformation spells?”
He tapped his horn. “I have dabbled a bit in the various schools of magic. Comes in handy when you travel as much as I have.”
“Well, right now I’m trying a variant of Nicole Flamare’s Crystal Spells, transmuting soil samples into crystals. I’m starting simple with the isometric ones, but I’m looking forward to the hexagonals.”
“Wow, you are already mastering the works of Flamare? Remarkable for one so young!”
“What can I say? I have a good teacher.”
“And you spend all your time with your nose in those books.”
“Like you’re one to talk, Dash. What were you doing in the Town Hall attic when you were supposed to be setting up an evening shower last week?”
“Hey, Daring Do is exciting stuff!”
“Far be it from me to normally side with Rainbow Dash, but I must agree with her on this one Twilight.”
“Oh, not that there’s anything wrong with staying in and reading a book of any kind, tucked in under a blanket with a bunny at your hooves.”
“My point exactly! Thank you, Fluttershy.”
“Eh, ta each their own, sugarcube.”
“And seven batches of chocolate-chip cookies should do it! Oh, hey girls! When did you get here?”
Pyros chuckled to himself. So long, so different… and yet, all the same. He closed his eyes in contemplation while the others continued their conversation. His ears picked up the faint sounds of shouting coming from behind.
Huffing and puffing, a purple baby dragon ran at full tilt down the road. “TWILIGHT!! TWILIGHT!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!”
Everypony turned to look at him. “Spike? What’s wrong?”
“Trou-trou-trouble… big trouble… massive, major…”
“Spike, calm down. You’re not making any sen-…”
An ear shattering roar came from above. All eyes turned Southeast to see numerous specks growing larger by the second, thrashing and roaring, tongues of flame erupting forth in a display of power.
“Dragons.”
*End of Part 1*
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Hello there! I just saw your ad on the Shameless Self-Promotion Berau and I'm here to post an impromptu review of this chapter here. I'll write this comment as I go along, so I can put my thoughts down while they're still fresh.
It's hooves. That's a common mistake for first-timers, I made it myself in fact. Other than that, the first paragraph was good.
Italics, please. Italics are the best way to show inner thoughts.
Try and not use the same non-noun words twice in one sentence, it breaks the flow of the paragraph.
Well that was a bit of a boring way to describe your protagonist for the first time. Try something like The stallion threw back the raggedy hood, revealing a flowing mane colored with the deepest of reds, like an oak leaf at the peak of the atumun season. These locks of hair were tipped with a similar shade of yellow, like freshly harvested corn. Spiraling from this nameless stallion's forehead was a sharp unicorn horn. See? Use you adjectives man, people love adjectives.
I like the way your protag talks. And you seemed to hit the nail on the head when it comes to AJ's dialog, too.
I also like the way you described his chest full of trinkets. Why couldn't you have done the same with Pyros himself?
Another thing I liked was the way you explained Zecora's talking in ryhmes. Clever.
Don't use the asterisks for that. Instead, say something like The pink party pony gasped rather dramatically "You already know who I am?"
Needs more comma. There should be one between "it" and "or". I believe that Pinkie's next line has the same issue too.
*cough* Abacus *cough*
So that's it for everything I've noticed about this chapter. I can tell that this is your first time writing anything pony related. This chapter wasn't that bad, considering how green you are. I've been at the writing and reading game for around eight months or so, and you're already better than I was at the start. I can see some talent in you, and if you just keep putting pen to paper, you could do great on FIMfic
Neurotically yours,
~CtrlAltDeleteMan