Twilight's Journal Day 2 Entry 1:
It has been a day since I've left Ponyville. It came to me as no surprise that during this day I could not stop thinking about Ponyville and my friends. This is only the beginning of my journey. I have no idea where it will take me, or if I will even like it. It's weird, really. I'm going to die in a month, but walking to who-knows-where has just made me feel more alive than I ever have.
The day was very cloudy, with a pleasant, tranquil breeze that caressed her face. Twilight Sparkle didn't know where she was going, and she didn't care. This journey wasn't led by a map and a compass, but by her instincts and curiosity.
There was a feeling inside her, a great feeling which she had not experienced for far too long now. Freedom.
There were no to do lists and no worries. All Twilight Sparkle had to do was keep walking, and that was what she did.
In one day Twilight crossed a beautiful meadow full of lovely critters, a raging river, the crossing of which presented no problem thanks to her magical skills and at last she stopped in the deep forest.
The Sun was dipping over the horizion as Twilight Sparkle's feet ached.
Stopping under a large tree, she went into her pack and pulled out a small tent, designed to be light enough to stow into a bag and carried miles at a time. It wasn't as comfortable as other tents, but it was much less of a pain to haul.
Once the tent was erected, Twilight Sparkle took out a slice of apple pie, Applejack's going away gift to her. She attacked the pie ravenously as the moist sweetness filled her mouth. Before she knew it, she had already finsihed the pie slice and reached out for another, but decided better of it, already feeling full after just one slice.
Twilight Sparkle spent most of the night she had left observing the moonlit meadow and the tranquil forest beyond it, simply enjoying the peace and quiet that came with having nothing to do.
Twilight's Journal Day 2 Entry 3:
The first day has passed a lot better than I expected. Already, I spotted about five different kinds of birds that I have never seen before. It's amazing how many beautiful things I have seen today. The peaceful meadow was so plain, but at the same time so staggering.
The forest could get a little scary at night but there are not many things that can scare me now. About an hour before I fell a little squirrel entered my tent, and it looks like I have made my first friend on this journey. His fur felt really good on my hoof when he allowed me to pet him.
I shared some apple pie with him, and I think Applejack just got herself a new fan. Thanks to Fluttershy, I know how to treat animals right and not scare them off. I starting to get why Fluttershy loves them so much.
It was always a breeze to be around you, Fluttershy. No matter what I have done, you were always there to support me. Thank you, Fluttershy. I know it is silly because you can't even hear me, but still thank you. You always had time for me.
Whenever I needed you, Fluttershy, you were there to cheer me up and to share your kindness with me. You always accepted me for who I am. I wish you only the best. If this diary ever gets back to you, Fluttershy, and everpony else, then just know that right now as I'm writing this, I'm happy.
Twilight Sparkle closed the diary, stowed it away neatly with her quill and ink, and fell asleep with a smile on her face.
Finally Twilight fell asleep with a smile on her face.
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard.
Sir, you have many errors in this story, fix them.
2906991 You mean grammar errors?
@Zelos797...
1. You have a solid Sad story premise, but are heavily brought down by glaring technical errors.
2. Right off the bat, you have glaring spelling, typing, and grammar errors in your Title (Journey, not Journy) and your story Description, that alone loses you readers. This is compounded by the many, many spelling & typo errors in the story itself. You definitively need to find an editor &/or proofreader(s).
3. When a character thinks to herself, it is not in "quotations" as if speaking, but italics.
4. You need a spacing break for journal entries, or use a [.quote] section to separate from the story text.
for example, with some corrections...
These were the last words that Twilight has heard from her friends before departing from Ponyville. Strangely it was not a goodbye and not something touching or maybe even special. But for Twilight every word of her friends was special. She came to appreciate her friends more than ever before.
Twilight's Journal Day 2 Entry 2:
I never thought of how beautiful and peaceful these meadows can be. I bet Spike could see me from the library using the telescope. Today when I was on a High Hill I turned to Ponyville and waved my hoof in the direction of library for five minutes. It might have been dull and no one has probably saw it but it just makes me feel warm inside knowing that probably right there was my dear friend Spike watching and waving too and maybe even my other friends joined him too.
OR...
.
5. The quotations at the end of each are a good idea, just be careful in their use, careless/sloppy use of quotations can either confuse the readers or kill their interest.
6. I have to Down-vote you on the technicals, but if you manage to overhaul and fix things up, that may or may not change.
2907005 Hi. I really want to thank you for spending some time telling me your opinion. I really appreciate your words and they helped me greately. I want to thank you for stopping and not just disliking but telling me what exactly is wrong.
I honestly was too eager to poblish the story and had problems with my WORD so i decided not to edit this two chapters. It was silly of me. I have done some editing and followed your advices. I would REALLY REALLY aprecciate if you could read it again and tell me your opinion once more.
Thank you kindly, Zelos797
2912752 I am quite new to this so even if you didn't like anything I would like to know exactly what...please
Thank you kindly.
ok, here are some errors i spotted:
did you meant "quite"?
idem?
this one is all but sure (not being english and all), but the time used doen't feel right, maybe "fell" would be better?
this sentence (and the next two) doesn't seem to make sense. after, maybe i'm jsut stupid, but it has no logical link
though i said all this, i love your work so far
I reccomend that you read over Ezn's guide to grammer. It's slightly dull, but it should be required reading for this site. Link: http://eznguide.rogerdodger.me/
As for the story itself, it has potential just after reading the first two chapters. I enjoy the Doctor Seuss quotes, and how Twilight tries to hide her illness from her friends as she gives them a subtle goodbye. This could be an excellent sad fic with a proof reader and an editor to help make the dialogue go slightly smoother. If you want, PM me and I can try to be your proof reader/editor if you feel that you need help.