A bit rushed, but it has potential. I would recommend slowing the story down and pacing yourself.

Well that escalated quickly!

When I see AC3 I go HOLY S*** AC3 IN MLP I GOTS TO READ will reply later with criticism, don't take it to hard, u learn from your mistakes

loose is the opposite of tight, lose is the opposite of gain

he fell to the ground after loosing maybe eighty-two percent of all the blood in his body, and started dragging his body towards the homestead thinking that he had very little time left to live.

That is an oddly specific amount of blood to lose.

Also, it is over double what an adult can lose and survive.

So great job. Lost me on the first paragraph.

Great idea, THIS IS GUNNA B SO GUD!

3453021 he is an assassin in a videogame deal with the fucked up logic.

As they were flying, Conner was having a little trouble getting used to flying this high, but in fact he never flue up

he never flue up...

i think the flue is supposed to be flew

5337210
flown actually.