Haunted: The Story of Slen

by Lance Skyes

Part 1: The Train

The young unicorn colt sat in the train, dozing off in his seat as the moon rose and Princess Luna’s night slowly fell upon Equestria. The colt had a grey coat, green eyes, and a green mane and tail. His cutie mark was the one thing he wished he never had to see in his life, but there it was. The Eye of Slender, a red circle with two lines going through it, creating an X shape. Life would have been so much easier for Slen, the colt, if it didn’t even exist, but there it was, permanently marking him as a target for the faceless demon... Slendermane.

The poor colt had been running all his life from Slendermane, but the demon always chased him, always found him, always burned everything around him. No matter where Slen had hidden, Slendermane would just burn everything around the colt. Not a single thing would survive if Slen tried to hide, and Slendermane made sure of it. He made sure Slen suffered as long as the colt lived, but nothing would stop Slen. He was determined to find some way to stop Slendermane without giving into his dark secret...

Slen was just dozing off when a noise woke him up. He looked around the train car, but it was suddenly deserted. “Hello?” Slen called. “Is anypony there?” Just then, he heard a faint noise from outside the train, but it was getting closer. Was that... hoofsteps? And were they at the pace of a gallop? And how could he hear them over the sound of the train? Slen quickly turned to the window and looked at the landscape rushing by. He looked as carefully as he could, but couldn’t find the source of the noise in the dark of night. Just then, he heard four hooves impact onto the roof of the train car.

“Slen...” a voice whispered. The voice sounded so close, even though the hoofsteps were slowly making their way to the other end of the train car. “You can’t hide, Slen...”

“Maybe not, but I can still run,” Slen shouted back, not really focusing what he said on anypony or anything. Just then, there was a clanging on the far door of the train car. The one the hoofsteps on the roof were headed towards.

“Nopony can run forever, Slen...” The clanging on the door got louder and louder over time. “I will find you...” Just then, several black tendrils bursted through the wall around the door, grabbed the door, and yanked it right out of the wall. Standing against the backdrop of a black void in the opening created by the absence of the door was the very demon Slen was running from. Slendermane. He was a tall, skinny (literally slender) pony in a black suit and red tie. His head was white and faceless. He had several shadowy black tendrils extending from his back, and his cutie mark was similar to Slen’s, except Slendermane’s was white rather than red.

“No!” Slen shouted, doing his best to back away from Slendermane. (Somehow, he had fallen out of his seat and was standing in the middle of the aisle. Probably through Slendermane’s magic.) “You can’t have found me already!”

“On the contrary...” Slendermane replied, advancing upon Slen. “You’re the one who has found me, this time.”

“I... I don’t understand...” Slen said, hitting the door on the other end of the train car. Thinking quickly, Slen opened the door and got ready to gallop for his life. However, on the other side of the door was a dark void at the bottom of which was an endless sea of fire. Before Slen could even question what was going on, the train car around him crumbled and fell into the fire, leaving only the center aisle, himself, and Slendermane. “This isn’t happening! It’s more of your magic!”

“Guilty as charged,” Slendermane said, holding one of his hooves in the air. “I just figured I’d lay down the welcome mat for you since you’re headed straight towards me for once.”

“Heading towards you?”

“Isn’t it obvious? The town you’re headed for has a dark forest next to it, and it just so happens that that is the very forest I call home.”

“But how could you have known where I was at all?” At this point, Slen was doing his best to stay as far away from Slendermane as possible, but he was completely out of floor and Slendermane continued to advance.

“I’ve gotten very good at tracking you down, Slen,” Slendermane replied. “And I won’t stop until you are in my hooves.” Slen looked down at the eternal fire below. “It’s no use running, Slen. I won’t stop until I have you. You will fulfill your true destiny by my side!”

“You’re going to keep chasing me until you have me, huh, Slendermane?” Slen stood up tall with a serious expression on his face. “Then I hope you’re ready for a real chase.” Slen then jumped backwards and fell to the eternal fire below. He closed his eyes so he didn’t have to see the fall, as well as to shield his eyes from the light of the fire. He felt the heat intensify slowly, but never felt any impact. He opened his eyes quickly to find that he hadn’t fallen at all. He was barely a foot away from where he had jumped from. He turned around to find that Slendermane had used one of his tendrils to grab Slen’s left rear hoof before the colt could fall.

“Don’t think I’m letting you go that easily,” Slendermane said, slowly reeling Slen in. The colt struggled to break free, but was entirely unsuccessful. After a while, he found himself staring right at Slendermane’s faceless head. “I’ll be waiting for you...” Slendermane then dropped Slen, allowing the colt to fall into the eternal flames below and burn.

Slen woke with a start, jumping right out of his seat on the train and falling muzzle-first on the floor. He got up quickly to find that he was back in the train car from before the dream. Yes, that’s all it was. A dream. There was no way Slendermane could have actually lived near where Slen was going this time, and the demon sure as hay couldn’t tell if Slen was headed that way.

Could he?

Slen was thinking about this for a while when he finally looked around and realized that he was the only pony in the train car. When he looked out the window, he could see the sun just beginning to rise. “I stayed in here the entire night?” Slen asked himself. He rubbed his eyes drowsily. “Guess that uncomfortable seat explains the dream.” Slen got back in his seat and just stared out the window as the sun rose for the rest of the train ride, which only lasted about another hour.

After a while, the train came to a stop and the train whistle blew, signifying that the train had came to a stop. However, Slen just continued to sit there, staring at the train station and all the ponies passing through while at the same time thinking about the dream he had the previous night. After a few minutes, the conductor walked over and nudged Slen. “Hay, kid,” he said. “You need to get off the train.”

“Oh, right,” Slen said, shaking his head, jumping off his seat, and galloping off the train car and onto the platform. He took a deep breath and smelled the peaceful air. He was in a new place with a new air of peace and calm. He still remembered what Slendermane had said in his dream, but he was able to ignore that for a while to enjoy the fact that he was in a new town...

Ponyville.

Author's Note:

Yeah, I decided to make another Slender fic. What's so wrong with that? Anyway, positive feedback and/or constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated this time around. Also, that's a working title for the story, so any suggestions are welcome.

Comments

[Lord Erhswin Wholewheat]

Erm. this isn't really the way Slenderman/mane operates.

[Umachan]

All complaints that I have about Slendermane stories aside, I'm really not feeling this one.

I'll admit that I'm not familiar with the Slendermane mythos but I have followed the Slenderman story quite closely when I learned about it and Marble Hornets several years back. If there's any differences between them, then I do apologize. But this is not how Slendy works.

First of all, the pony in question has the unfortunate name of "Slen". And his cutie mark are Slenderman's mark. Already we're off to a bad start. You would have been better off calling him something different and making his cutie mark something more interesting. A marble hornet would have been a clever example.

So Slendermane chases this pony all over Equestria, kills and burns everypony around him but never actually does anything to this colt. Why? You can't tell me that he's somehow special and he's been evading Slendermane his whole life. That just doesn't work. Slenderman catches you after a while and usually drives you insane before this happens. Little Slen seems very rational for somepony being chased by Slendy.

Then we have him speak. Oh, this is bad. Slenderman doesn't have a mouth. He doesn't speak. You've changed him from a spooky and creepy being to a villain who monologues. And why bother to tell Slen that he's heading towards his home? There's no reason to tell your prey that they themselves are coming closer. Those are the times you shut up so they can literally walk into your trap.

And of course he winds up in Ponyville. Cue the meeting with the mane 6. Elements of Harmony and we're done.

You could have done more with this, but it's really pretty lazy.

[Lance Skyes]

2828977 First off, Slendermane is trying to get Slen to give in to his own secret by driving the colt insane with the guilt of leading all these ponies to their doom. Next, I know Slendermane doesn't have a mouth, but he is still capable of communication. (Telepathic would be my guess, but even I'm not entirely sure. ) After that, I figured this would be Slendy's way of saying he has Slen cornered and that it's time to finally give up. Regarding the Elements of Harmony, it won't exactly be "bang, pow, done." Slen will have to a little bit of research and explaining for Twilight before they can do anything. And besides, if it were "bang, pow, done," I couldn't do things like have the Eight Pages appear around Ponyville overnight or some ponies going missing.

Also, I don't really follow the Slender mythos, myself, so you can see where my first problem was.

All in all, thanks for the feedback. I'll try to improve in the next chapter.

[Umachan]

2832611
So really what you're telling me is that this isn't Slendermane so much as it's your interpretation of Slenderman and the accompanying mythos.

That might not carry well with people that have followed Marble Hornets since almost the beginning. It feels a little like riding the coattails of something popular at the moment for the single minded purpose of cashing in on it's success.

You're obviously free to write whatever you want but my suggestion is instead of messing with the Slenderman mythos and by extension Slendermane, choose a completely different demon. Unless Slendermane specifically is necessary for this story, there's no reason to use him in particular.

A good test of this is to change the name of the character. If the story doesn't suffer for it, then that character doesn't have the same impact as you thought he might. And I don't think this is just my opinion judging from the 8 dislikes you have so far and not one like.

But as I said, it's your story and if you want to do a Slendermane story where he talks and is able to get inside a person's head then do so. You might just find however that your story might not get any love.

[Lance Skyes]

2833031 I suppose you're right, but let's face it. This story isn't nearly as bad as my previous Slender fic. Also, I could probably use a different monster. It might not flow as smoothly as I had originally planned, but it couldn't hurt.

[Umachan]

2833096
For me at least, there's a certain flavor to a good Slenderman story. He's always there, always following you and eventually drives you insane before claiming you permanently. To show him actually communicating with his prey and for lack of a better term telling him plot points kinda spoils that. He's gone from being eerie and creepy to generic movie monster or slasher.

This is why the colt's name, his cutie mark and Slendermane as you've made him just don't work for me. Call him something else, change the story slightly and you potentially have a grimdark story that will get some better press. That's not a guarantee, but what in this world is?

[Lance Skyes]

2837277 Okay... I was really trying to avoid this, but I'm going to have to explain things, now.

First, Slen is just a nickname he gave himself because he doesn't want to use his real name. (His real name is his secret.)
Next, I'm going to incorporate another of my OCs as a friend of Slen's and a victim of Slendermane. This will be where the "stalks his prey" thing will come into play, driving Slen insane as he races against time to save his friend from Slender Sickness.
Finally, and I know you're going to hate me for this, the ending will take place on Earth. (EQG Earth)

That's it. No more spoilers for anypony!