The Inconveniencing Adventures of a Washout Kicker

by IC1s5

14

When the book of Thunder’s life was written, bringing Spray along would not be among the top decisions of his life. His nephew was flying just a wingspan away from Thunder, gasping as he lurched lower a notch.

“Careful!” Thunder called.

“I’m trying,” Spray grunted. He flapped with his wings once, and regretted it. It stung like nothing else. He bit his lip, trying not to yelp. Each time they moved it was hard: soft, slow movements just dragged out the torment, forcing him to flap them in one aggressive motion.

Below them spread the Silver nation. Spray was reminded of foalhood games, darting from pillow to pillow, pretending the floor was lava. It felt like if his hooves touched the sand they would burn right off. So like the desert terrain on Equestria’s side of the beam, yet so alien, so dreaded.

The tracks were easy to follow from above. They had been moving slowly; not as much time had been wasted as Thunder had feared. They were in their homeland: no time to rush. Hopefully that would confer the advantage onto the Equestrian squadron flying deep into Silver territory. Equestria rarely penetrated as far deeply as they were. Their small, but vital, trump card.

Spray wobbled in flight again. He was wrestling with a question that was gnawing at his mind. He was afraid of how it would reflect on him if he asked it. He sighed and just decided to get it over with.

“Uncle?” Spray called.

“Yes?”

“It’s been awhile,” Spray said, “what’s the difference between thrust and parry?”

Two guard ponies to Thunder’s right looked at their commander with burning, confused looks. Thunder weakly smiled back.

“Thrust is thrust, and parry...sharp end goes in bad guy, okay?”

Spray nodded. Simple enough.

“Just circle above us. Let us do the dirty work.”

“Understood.”

He really, really wasn’t cut out for this. Thunder was beginning to feel glad about Spray not making it out of West Hoof.

“Just gain altitude, and do your best to keep it! It’s crucial we have the element of surprise on this.”

“Okay!”

“Sir!” one of the pegasus ponies barked. “There!”

An encampment loomed up ahead. A small fire, and Thunder believed he could see Velvet, even at this distance and altitude. White and purple, contrasting with the grey of the Silver nation ponies.

Six ponies. Shouldn’t be too hard. Then again, I’ve been saying that all day.

“Follow my lead!” Thunder called. He swung into a high dive formation. Spray, gasping, struggled to keep up. The pain was building. Spray prayed that this would be over with, fast.

Mace almost howled in terror from where he was suspended. “Do I have to be used as a missile again?”

In a past historical era, I am more that certain you would have been used as a burnt offering, Thunder thought. Only reason you haven’t been is that I’m certain no higher power would take you!

“Hit the ground hard,” Thundered ordered. “Rescue mission, take three!”

#

“So, I was thinking,” Corona said.

“Yes,” Velvet croaked. There’s a first. Save this moment for posterity!

Eight ponies were standing around, bored. She and Corona were hunched over a small fire, the only source of light and heat. Corona had seized paper and a quill. Now they were working, apparently. Corona had been fiercely scribbling.

He had gone through a few pages, a couple of which had been crumpled up and added to the fire. He held a page back, studying it, and nodded.

“For a title: the Insidious Tyranny of Celestia: An Account of the Horrible Terrors of the False Princess of Equestria.”

Velvet had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing. “That...needs work.”

“Yeah,” Corona sounded a little dejected, “we can work on that last.”

He wrote some more on his parchment. He scratched out in anger a couple of paragraphs. This wasn’t going as easy as he had planned. He growled in frustration. Corona was deeply hoping Velvet could shape his thoughts away from aimless doggerel and towards something higher.

“Yeah. That’s laying it on a little thick. How about....’What does Equestria have that the Silver nation doesn't? Answer: Nothing!’ Rhetorical! What do you think?”

“Better.”

“Great!” Corona tried to mumble to himself as he wrote, difficult to do with the quill in his mouth. She could hear the paper bruise from the onslaught of purple prose from where she sat.

No doubt that this was going to impact Shining’s career when it was inevitably published. To say nothing of her reputation---bestselling author turned traitor! Innocuous remarks became damning accusations in some corners of Equestria’s press. Velvet knew that all too well. Even if she made it back, her name would be little more than mud.

It felt like her hoof was being dragged over the paper against her will. All she had was doggerel. What you could hear from certain eccentric sections of Equestria’s universities, and cranks in the paper. It felt unnatural, so base, so thoughtless, so unlike her. Even if it was propaganda she should have written something more compelling.

“What’s wrong?” Corona asked. He noticed his favourite author’s expression vanish from her face, and for her head to hang low on her neck. Not what he wanted her to feel right now.

“Well,” Velvet said, “I need to get some understanding as to why Celestia is personally responsible for the Silver nation’s problems. I know the basics, just not the difference in perspectives.”

Corona brightened. An opportunity to be the teacher, not just the learner!

“She is responsible for the Hostile Intentions Rampart, which has had a detrimental effect on efforts to reunify Equestria and the Silver nation.”

“How so?” Velvet asked. Oh, this is going to be good.

“The Hostile Intentions Rampart blocks ponies from reuniting with the Silver Nation,” Corona beamed.

“Ponies don’t want to join the Silver nation because you keep antagonizing Equestria!” Velvet protested.

“Because the Hostile Intentions Rampart exists,” Corona replied, proud of himself.

Don’t think, Velvet. Learn from the master.

“Celestia might be too much to start with,” Velvet said. “Maybe we should try somepony a little more...deserving.”

“What do you suggest?” Corona asked.

“Let’s start with Prince Blueblood,” Velvet said, “since there’s so much wrong with him.”

That way I can be seen as a patriotic citizen and not a patsy.

“Who?”

“One of Celestia’s many nephews,” Velvet explained.

“Is he bad?”

Apparently the Silver nation wasn’t up to speed on Canterlot gossip, which dominated the papers to a mournful degree. “Pretty much,” she said.

Inspired, Velvet put quill to paper. It didn’t take long for her to have something.

UNDER the iron hoof of a pampered, privileged princeling pony, Equestria has groaned under the DURESS of the indolent nobility. UnHELPfully possessed of a ‘ME first’ attitude....

Velvet just had to smile at herself.

“Not a lot, but enough for a start.”

“Can I see?”

She passed it over to Corona. His eyes widened in amazement.

“Wow,” he said, “nothing I ever could do...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Velvet said, “it will come to you.”

Corona smiled. Such praise he would treasure for the rest of his life. He barely held the shouts of his fellow ponies.

“Under attack!”

“Incoming!”

“Corona! Get your plot in gear! Pegasus ponies inbound!”

Velvet’s heart leapt in her chest. She hadn’t expected that Equestria would have sent a rescue mission solely for her. Equestria rarely got aggressive with the Silver nation. It was a surprise, a sudden but delightful surprise.

A flock of pegasus ponies was descending upon the campsite. Apparently one pony had the crossbow, and he had disappeared. The others grabbed their spears. Eleven to eight, terrible odds.

Before the pegasus ponies even hit the ground they were upon the Silver ponies. Something whizzed through the air, striking a pony. Velvet heard a sudden gasp, then gurgling, then nothing. She was getting comfortable with being around fighting and death.

The others were scrambling to respond. Pegasus ponies, and one unicorn she had hoped she would never see again in her life, landed. Metal clanged against metal. Cries and shouts of anger and pain followed.

Thunder was going through them like a wild animal. With incredible precision he tore through the Silver ponies, taking on two at a time and triumphing.

“Spray!’ Thunder yelled. “Circle! Keep circling!”

“Yes, Uncle!” Spray yelled from above.

“Just remember Young Fliers! Circle, circle, circle!”

Corona fumbled for his weapon and the elements of his armour that he had shed. “Delta formation! Stand ready! Damn the torpedos!”

He tripped over his helmet as he ran to join the others. He cursed, trying to rejoin the fight before it was over. It didn’t sound like it was going well for his side.

Spray thudded to the ground. The pain was just too much to take. He tried to shake it out of his wings. He found himself standing before a Silver nation pony clutching a spear. Both of them looked stunned to be seeing each other.

“Stop!” Corona yelled.

Spray knocked it out of his hooves with one flick of his wings. Corona stood there, surprised, confused. Realization was dawning that he was no longer in control of the situation.

“Uh...” he said.

He grimaced, standing ready to bare-hoovedly repel the pegasus. Spray managed to pull off a convincing pose of a dedicated guard pony. He leveled his wing blades at the Silver pony’s eyes. Whatever had brought Corona out to the desert left him and bolted back home. It dawned on him that he was out of his league. Far, far out of his league.

Corona attempted to flee, tripping over his helmet again. He shouted in fear as Spray gently approached him. Corona closed his eyes, pulling his legs close to his body in anticipation of the harm to come. Spray just stood there.

What was he going to do now? Kill the poor thing?

He isn’t meant to be out here. You can tell. You really think he wanted to be out there? Can you, of all the ponies in the world, can you be the one to make him pay for his poor judgment?

Corona whimpered something about his mother.

I couldn’t. Even if I lived to be a hundred thousand.

“Get up,” Spray ordered Corona. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Spray kicked the spear away. Corona continued to tremble. After a moment he began to untangle himself from the ball he had curled himself into. He looked at Spray with wide eyes of disbelief.

Corona stood on weak hooves. He studied the pony who had spared him.

“You okay?” he asked Velvet.

She nodded. She got up, shaking the dust off.

“I’ve been better. But thank you, dear.”

“Uncle!” he called. “I’ve got the last one! All six are down!”

“Great!” Thunder replied. Five pony corpses, none of them Equestrian, lay at his hooves. Exactly how it should be: swift and overwhelming. Thunder felt like a Kicker again.

“I’ve taken a prisoner!”

“Have you know?” Thunder called back. “Maybe you missed out on a military career after all!”

“Well, I’d like somepony to take him off of my hooves. He looks like he’s about ready to cry.”

“Swift Wing, relieve Spray,” Thunder ordered. “At least there’s only one: I’d hate to think what would have happened if we got all six of them.”

“Six?” Velvet asked. “There were eight of them.”

Something struck her, hard, sharp. Spray yelped and went down.

#

Shining Armour removed his helmet to wipe his brow. The bottom portions of the picture of Cadence affixed to the inside brim were beginning to look warped from water damage. It had been a hard fight. They had won.

Several lines of stone faced Silver nation captives were being moved past. Ponies scurried past, orders were barked. Equestrian guards crawled along the near side of the beam. Pegasus ponies circled overhead.

The fight had been hard. The Silver nation ponies would not be dislodged easily. The casualties had been moved away, back to the fort. Several condolences letters awaited his signature.

To Shining’s surprise, the Long Patrol hadn’t needed much incentive to fight. Olive Branch, for all his faults, was capable at least of squeezing that much out of the ponies under his command. If he wasn’t just a little on the dense side, Shining would not have to have worried about recruitment for the Patrol. For the enlisted, anyways.

Everypony’s fears were realized at the sight of the West Desert Beam. Almost fully dry, eroding in the desert wind. Soon it would offer all the protection of a sand dune. Which meant Shining would have to have ponies stationed here to keep the Silver nation from getting ideas for the foreseeable future.

Maybe I can argue that it’s successor should be made of something more formidable, Shining thought. Like fudge.

His mother had still not turned up. That gnawed at his mind. The more objectives he accomplished the more time he could afford to the horrible notion, almost screaming at him now. A shame that the fight had wrapped up reasonably quickly: it had been a most excellent distraction for his worried mind.

Purpose would direct his thoughts. What did he need to do, and what was not being done? Re-establish the security of the beam first. His mother, unfortunately, could, and had to, wait until that was done.

“I want the provisional fence finished in fifteen!” He gestured at a pony not pulling his weight. “Move your plot!”

“Sir!” It grabbed a roll of barbed wire and began to join the line going up the top of the beam. The fence was thin, fine, but appearances mattered. Equestria would not surrender the Dusty River basin.

It had already lost two of it’s citizens. Hopefully that will be enough for one day.

Getting Spray and his mother back, Shining was certain, would require his resignation. It would get too political otherwise. He hadn’t been guard captain for long, and already his tenure was ending in disgrace. His second choice of being a West Hoof instructor looked less likely---good luck getting cadets to follow him!

Cadene won’t care. She’s so lovely, but...there would be gossip. Not enough, Shining hoped, to wreck his relationship. He hoped so anyway: Canterlot tongues loved to wag.

“Chariot inbound!”

“Where?”

It was approaching quickly, unit banner furious fluttering in the wind. It landed just a few paces from Shining. Lieutenant Cherry Beach leapt off, followed by another pony, who tumbled head over hooves onto the ground.

“Sir!” Cherry Beach barked, quickly snapping a salute. “We have a pony from Thunder Kicker’s response force!”

“Good. Where is he?”

Cherry Beach had to all but nudge the pony over. He hadn’t stopped panting and gasping, not since he had run up to Cherry and his ponies, babbled something, and collapsed in a heap.

“Right here, sir!”

Shining strode over to the pony. “Report!” he ordered.

“Pinion...reporting...”

“Where is the rest of your unit?”

‘Thunder...others...beam...over...”

“Breathe,” Shining ordered. Dear Celestia, this one is going to be a hooffull.

Pinion slowed his breathing, gaining a modicum of control over his breathing.

“Thunder went over...get the civilians...heading back at our rendezvous...”

Shining felt a surge of hope. He hadn’t authorized an expedition, and felt a little disappointed at the unauthorized initiative. Not very much, mind. Even as guard captain he found it hard to suppress completely his relief.

“Where?” Shining asked. He tugged out a map. Pinion hammered his sector of the map.

“Here...”

“Have they returned?”

“No,” Pinion wheezed. “Getting closer...left, not long...”

“Dull Blade!” Shining yelled.

A unicorn pony bolted up to Shining and saluted.

“Sir!”

“I want a force of ponies...here....we’ve got ponies inbound, ours and theirs! I want us to be ready for them!”

“Sir!” Dull Blade ran off, shouting for ponies to follow him.

Hope blazed in Shining’s mind. Things were not so dire...at least, there was still a fighting chance to keep them from becoming dire. All up to him now.

“Come on,” he ordered Pinion, seizing him with telekinesis. “We need to be on the other side, ready for them.”

Pinion, digging his hooves as deep into the sand as he strength could muster, moaned as he was hauled back onto the chariot.

Comments

[Web of Hope]

Dun dun dunnnnn! Spray been shot!

[FanOfMostEverything]

They just can't catch a break, can they? Looking forward to the resolution of this cliffhanger.