Geoverse: Three Random Things

by GeodesicDragon

Greatodyer: Meat On The Mind

MEAT ON THE MIND

By Greatodyer

"Mmm... ohh... that’s so good..."

"Ya like that, huh?"

"Oh you bet... it tastes so good..."

"Well don’t you worry none, sugarcube, because there’s plenty more where that came from!"

I swear, these apple fritters get better and better every time AJ bakes them. Each one was just full of flavour and one was never enough. Kind of like Jaffa Cakes really... I really miss those.

"Help yerself to whatever ya can find. Ah’ll be back later." AJ said, walking past me with her saddlebags on.

"Where are you off to?"

"Ah gotta pick up some supplies from the market. Ah thought we could make that veggie stew that Twilight recommended to us. Looked like Geo loved it." she replied.

"Oh hell yes." I got up from my seat and knelt down to give AJ a quick kiss. "I’ll see you this evening then?"

"Sure thing." She gave me a quick peck on the cheek before exiting the house. I returned to my food and began to wolf down the remaining fritters – each one better than the last.

After finishing the fritters, certain thoughts circled my mind. Thoughts about what foods I could probably never have again. Once again, Jaffa Cakes. Oh, God, they were so good. And that legendary orange drink... Irn Bru. I tried explaining it to Pinkie once but it ended with her trying to replicate the taste by making cupcakes...with chunks of iron in them.

I sighed to myself and took the used plate to the sink. Turning the tap on, I scrubbed the plate clean and set it on the side to dry. Looking out of the window, I watched the variety of animals graze in their respective pens. The chickens were pecking away at the ground, the cows were eating grass, and the pigs...

"Pigs..." I muttered.

Something clicked within my mind... something awoke. Even though I had been living here for months now and I’ve been around the animals for the same amount of time, these pigs now seemed to remind me of one thing and one thing only — bacon. Sweet, glorious, beautiful bacon.

"Ohh... it’s right there... bacon." My vision began to fog up — it was then I realised that I had my face pressed against the window. I shook my head and walked away from the window.

I collapsed onto the sofa in the living room and got myself comfortable. The thought of bacon was still lingering in my mind so I tried to find something to take my mind off it.

"I don’t need it, because that stew will be great this evening. Geo said it was one of the best things he ever tasted. But even so, it can never beat..." I stopped myself saying that word. "It's a nice day outside, maybe I should go for a walk." I got to my feet and walked towards the door.

*SQUEAL*

That noise. It was the pigs. Just that one noise brought back memories of my Sunday morning ritual. Get up at nine, have a shower and then rush straight into the kitchen for a bacon club sandwich with loads of brown sauce. I slapped myself on the head to regain some form of composure.

"Get a grip, John!" I cursed myself. Putting my hand on the door handle, I heard the pigs squeal again. This time, the noise reverberated within my head and would not die down. The thought of bacon would not leave my mind. I had to have it. I had to have bacon... NOW.

Looking around the room, the sun shone on a certain spot. On that spot lay a tool which would come in most useful. "Thank you, Celestia." I said with a chuckle. Reaching down, I carefully picked up the sharp knife and held it tight. I walked back to the door and opened it up slowly.

Poking my head out of the door, I could see Granny Smith to the left, snoozing peacefully in her rocking chair. I needed to be quiet for this to go off perfectly. I tiptoed across the porch, avoiding the squeaky boards (I had those memorised). Knife in hand, I walked around the back of the house to where the pig pen was located.

Stopping at the fence, I stared down at them whilst they lay in their own filth. The stench from this pen was unbearable. I brought my hand to my face and dragged it down.

"Why does the best food in existence have to come from something that sleeps in its own shit?"

The thought of a well done bacon sandwich soon eradicated these thoughts and I put my hand on the gate.

"John?"

"Ah! Um..." I slowly turned around to see Apple Bloom staring up at me. "Oh hey, Apple Bloom. Shouldn’t you be at school?"

"We’re finished!" She looked at the sharp object in my hand and raised an eyebrow. "Uhh... whatcha doin' with that there knife?"

"Oh... I um... you see..." I couldn’t explain meat to her. AJ knows about it but I never bring it up in conversation. Fortunately, a rather large natural object next to me gave me an idea. "I was going to carve something into this tree! Want to watch?"

"Sure!" she happily responded.

"All right then." I added with a smile. I approached the tree and pointed the knife at it. "Let’s see... what if I do this?" I carved a heart shape into the trunk of the tree about a foot tall. "And now to add two names into it."

*OINK OINK*

The noises got my attention again. I turned my head to look at the pigs who were rolling around in the mud...no doubt their own crap as well. Bacon was within three meters of me...it was so close and I was so near.

"Err...John?"

I turned back to Apple Bloom. "What?"

"What’s bacon?"

How does she know that word?!

"Um...where did you hear that word?" She pointed to the tree which had two names carved into it.

"Something I remembered from home." I replied as I slapped my head and groaned heavily. "Probably best if you didn’t know about it, to be perfectly honest."

"Sure... um... Ah’m gonna go crusadin’. See ya later!" I watched Apple Bloom run off into the orchards towards her clubhouse.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned my attention back to the swine in the pen. I carefully pushed the gate open and walked into the brown mess that they live in.

"So... which one of you is it going to be?" I said to myself, brandishing the knife once again. Walking slowly, I approached one from behind and crouched down.

At that moment, it hit me. The whole gravity of the situation. I looked at the knife and had a hard think about what I was about to do.

"Am I really killing one of AJ’s pigs just for food?" I asked myself.

"Ya better not."

Oh crap...that voice.

I gulped and slowly turned around, only to receive one hell of a glare from my wife.

"AJ... I..." I couldn’t get out of this - she was the Element of Honesty after all. With a sigh, I put the knife on the ground. "Sorry, hon, this is exactly how it looks." I got to my feet and walked out of the pen, closing the gate behind.

"Ah can’t believe you would even think about doin' this, John!" Applejack angrily stated. "These are mah animals!"

"I know, I know. It’s just..." I shook my head. "Look... you don’t know what bacon is like. It’s one of the biggest things I miss about being on Earth. Something just... I don’t know... made me go a little crazy I suppose." I went to put my hand on her shoulder which she accepted. "I was gonna do it... I really was." AJ’s face went from anger to shock. "But I stopped myself before I did it. Seriously... I had an epiphany. I started to think about what would happen if I did it."

"Ya can’t hide nothin’ from me." AJ replied quietly.

"Exactly. I..." I looked back at the tree and laughed at the carving. "I mean look! That’s how much I wanted bacon!"

AJ looked at the carving. She barely managed to hide her giggles but fell to the floor belly laughing shortly after.

"I still can’t believe I did that..."

AJ stopped laughing after a while and got back to her hooves. She reared up on her hind legs and rested her forehooves on my chest.

"Look, sugarcube... Ah know you have urges." She leaned forwards to kiss me on the lips. "So Ah think I can forgive ya... this time." She smiled at me and got back onto four legs before trotting back towards the house.

Wow... she forgave me that quickly?

"Hang on..." I said. "You were quick at the market."

She entered the house, leaving the door open for me to follow through. "Ah forgot my bits. Brain’s not workin’ today."

"I know that feeling..." I went to the refrigerator and picked out a bottle of chilled apple juice. It was then that a thought came to me. "Wait a second. I don’t think I ever asked, but... why do we have pigs in the first place?"

She giggled softly. "We buy piglets, raise 'em into fully grown pigs and then send them ta the Gryphon Kingdoms."

"The Gryphon Lands? Why?" I asked. AJ smiled at me but said nothing. "Come on. Why do... no..." It just couldn’t be possible. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"I never lie." She answered with a wink. I rushed over to the nearby cabinet and started rummaging, causing Applejack to look at me blankly. "John? What are ya doin’?"

"I just need to find... A-HA!" I pulled out a booklet and held it triumphantly. "I knew this was in here!"

"Why do you need that?" AJ asked.

I quickly rushed through the pages, just hoping that what I was looking for was there.

"It’s a holiday brochure." I replied. "And I could swear that I saw an advert for the Gryphon Kingdoms in it..."

Author's Note:

GREATODYER'S RANDOM THINGS: Bacon, John and Refridgerator.

GREATODYER'S AUTHOR'S NOTE: That random noun generator gave me some good choices but those three words were just perfect. The first thing that came to mind was I bet these humans miss bacon in Equestria. I wonder if they can go crazy about it... I kind of imagined myself without bacon so that’s where the sheer mentalness of this came from. xD

Thanks to FrostRancher for the tree picture!

And before you ask, yes. It's real.

Comments

[Klakmuf]

I'm a french guy and I admit that, "la poitrine de porc" is a delicious dish

[Hawkx1]

Y'know AJ just for that let John kill one of the pigs you'd sell to the Gryphon Kingdom and let the poor guy have his meat

[KeroKero]

"Why does the best food in the world have to come from something that rolls in it's own shit?"

I'm becoming a vegetarian -kero.

[Minerving]

Is his name possibly John... Smith?