Prologue: The Gift of Sight
By MrAnderson92
It is not easy being blind. Or maybe it can be, but I just don't want to adapt. I don't know. But being born with the gift of sight, only to have it torn away from you in a terrible accident just when you're starting to appreciate things for their beauty is quite difficult to adapt to.
That's what happened to me.
Four years ago, when I was 16 years old, there was a stampede on the outskirts of Fillydelphia, where I was visiting family. I ran to see what the commotion was, and to see if I could help. Some white pegasus pony who was flying high above everypony suddenly swooped down and informed us that a huge herd of cows was stampeding straight for Fillydelphia from one of the farms not too far away. A small group of ponies was beginning to form of who was willing to try and divert the stampede from going through Fillydelphia to going around it. I joined the diversion group, much to the distress of my parents, who said it was much too dangerous for a pony of my age. I tried to ease their nerves by assuring them that I was going to be fine, that with my magical skill (which at that time was rather advanced for my age) I wouldn't be harmed and that I would be of great assistance to helping save Fillydelphia.
I should have listened to my parents.
I was positioned on the far left side, along with dark blue unicorn and a caramel colored earth pony who apparently was a great herder. Which she was. The dark blue unicorn and I were there in case some of the cows didn't go with the herd and we were to use our magic to stop them. To be completely honest, I wouldn't have needed the other unicorn.
Everything was going well, the stampede was successfully averted, and I was running behind everypony, to the right side of the herd, alongside the caramel earth pony. I could've easily ran faster, but I wanted to hang back just in case something went wrong. And it's a good thing too, because things took a turn for the worst.
I heard a yell come from beside me as the earth pony I was running with tripped over a rock. I slammed my hooves into the ground, every fiber of my being suddenly focused on saving her from being trampled. I ran as fast as I could to where she lay in the dirt, groaning and holding her hoof. I quickly felt over her hoof with a couple of tendrils of magic, and found that she sprained her hoof. I cursed silently, then focused my energy to envelop her whole body. I lifted her off the ground and started running from the stampede, holding her above and in front of me as I ran for our lives.
But fate decided to be cruel that day.
I felt my hoof scrape the ground far too early, and saw the world tip on its side as I fell forward and had my jaw slammed into the dirt. The caramel earth pony fell to the ground again, but before my magic gave out I moved her off to the side so she was out of harm's way. I, on the other hand, was right in the path of the stampeding cattle. I knew I wasn't going to get out of the way in time, so I curled up into the fetal position, closed my eyes, and waiting for my impending demise. The sound of pounding hooves grew impossibly loud, as if I was in the midst of a thundercloud, then they were upon me.
The pain was indescribable.
I didn't die, obviously, and when I next came to I was in the hospital in Canterlot. But I did not know it at the time.
Because I was blind.
I had lost the gift of sight.
The idea has loads of promise. Yet there's a lot of things that stick out at me immediately.
1)Why not just call this 'chapter one'? There's no need to formalize it as a prologue.
2)You alternate between huge all of text paragraphs to single sentences. I'd rethink this.
3)You have kind of a round-a-bout way of writing that seems to fall flat.
Like: I heard a yell come from beside me as the earth pony I was running with tripped over a rock. I slammed my hooves into the ground, every fiber of my being suddenly focused on saving her from being trampled.
If I was writing this, I might go with: The earth pony besides me tripped, letting out a yell. I immediately slammed my hooves into the ground. Every fiber of my being focused on saving her from being trampled.
Details are fine, but some extra details in the writing aren't needed. It's also important to emphasize the action.
4)A lot of the sentences are pretty long and should be broken up.
I do really like this idea, though, so please do keep writing.