Felanthroid

by Zytharros

The Man-Cat and the Thirst for Knowledge, Act One

I caught the tail end of the dream. Puzzlement flitted behind my thoughts for a moment, but I decided to let it and my host rest. I began thinking of ways to gather the information I was after.

So I have to sneak into my home and steal my Samsung phone and the plug from where the laptop rests. First, I'll need a bag to carry them in. I don't think I have anything I could use... except...

No. Absolutely not. That's a prize-winning woven bag Rosebud made - pale cream with a type of Celtic knot woven into it. I'm gong to have to think of something else...

Maybe a plastic container would work for now. Yes. I'll use one of the plastic Glad storage boxes and carry the cord and phone in that.

But it might mean two days... or one night. During summer we usually leave a window or two open. I could get in at night, find my way to the kitchen, pilfer a plastic, grab my phone and charge cable and get out before morning.

Now, I have to do that while she's asleep and also while both house cats, namely Snarles and Plaid, are asleep.

Blank.

I realized then that I had no idea what their nighttime routine was. I needed to at least gather some data on their movements before then.

And then I realized that I hadn't heard my wife's wheelchair leave her parents' house yet.

...Zytharros, you idiot. Do it now!

I roused our sleeping body and stretched. I put Opal in a safe corner, gave her what I hoped was a virtual pet, and left the garage by a broken window next to a table nearby. I looked around and dropped from the window into a non-crappy but muddy section of llama paddock. I ducked under the wire fence surrounding their land and mounted my in-laws' deck at a quick "cat"-ter. I passed over their deck and made use of the ramp heading down to avoid the gravel at the end of the walkway. I slinked back along the grass, around the house through the orchard, over a picnic table, and across a small zone of gravel. I mounted our deck, crossed the planks and mounted the bannister by the front door.

I then proceeded to examine how exactly I would open the door. I shuffled close to the handle and proceeded to try and swat at the handle. This seemed to garner a measure of success, in that I managed to dislodge the door from its moorings. It wasn't open, but with that down I wedged my paw into the space between the door and the jamb. I pushed open the storm door and dropped to the ground, instinctively searching for signs of other cats. The silence of my ears registered the absence of any approachments, and what I observed gave me peace. No cats either down the hall or in the living room.

"Well, here we go..."

I bolted for the kitchen. I leapt up onto the counter and swiped a plastic from the cupboard. I carried that plastic down from the counter and up to the computer desk. Some shuffling through bills and my sponsor kid's letters bore the fruit of a compatible cable jammed into a power bar.

"Oh, right."

A particularly stubborn power socket.

I sighed and observed my opponent.

"I forgot I could barely pull this out when I was a human," I muttered, "never mind as a cat."

I switched off the power bar before making my next move. I wasn't going to get electrocuted. I wrapped my teeth around the base of the cable, careful to only hold the cable and not actually bite in. Then, making use of the cat's natural flexibility, I lifted the power ball and placed both rear paws against the bar. With a mighty roar befitting a ferocious house cat, I pulled as hard as I could.

I had forgotten one important detail. The cable came in two pieces.

The part that connected the phone to the wall cleanly separated from the plug and sent me floundering frictionless off the desk, along with most of the table's contents. I landed badly, cracking my head cleanly against the floor with a loud shriek of pain. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my head with a paw.

"Ow. Okay, I deserved that."

I got up and shook my head to clear the mild headache before returning to the task at hand. Paw.

I've gotta get used to these cat euphemisms...

So after that cat-astrophe... did I really just think that? Ugh... I leapt back up to the desk and thought for a moment. I realized that this next bit, that of getting the plug half out of the socket, was going to be tough. I couldn't do it straight physically. The darn plug was super tight and made to stop an overload. I contemplated different tools and pressure points, my tail swishing left and right as it hung over the desk.

Eventually, I settled on using a common kitchen knife to fulcrum it out.

So, back to the kitchen I went. As I entered the eatery, another bout of short-sightedness called ke a moron and forced me to look at the closed drawer with a grimace. I asked myself how I was going to get the darn thing open.

I facepawed.

"This is going to be a long day..."