Rapscallion

by monkeyXtypewriter

chapter: 3

“uh”

“-And its not my checklist to checklist my checklists either.” she ranted, still oblivious to the thick black clouds rolling across her ceiling.

She certainly didn’t strike Drazen as the forgetful type, (no librarian ever did), so she must have been reading over his shoulder for quite some time.

The fiend.

“-And it’s not my report on the benefits of friendship…no… that’s next week.” The amount of chin scratches had Drazen believing she’d scratch it straight off her face.

“Ugh, this is going to drive me c-arazy I just know it! It’s-“ She was cut short by a shout from the kitchen. A loud shout from the kitchen.

“HOLY SWEET CELESTIA’S SUNNY NIPPLES!! THE LIBARYS ON FIRE!!”

That got her attention.

Drazen could practically see the metaphorical head-hamster sigh with its new workload before jumping on its little head-wheel and running for all it was worth to make heads and tails of the situation. One could almost hear the little gears turning in her head, complete with a little ‘ding!’ when it finished processing.

Fire + dry books = big no-no indeed.

What happened next left Drazen in a tie between confused and amused. He settled on something in-between the two.

In a show of substantial magical power, the startled shoulder snooper reared back and fired a magic bolt at a nearby wall, obliterating it to millions upon millions of splinters instantly. Then, she quite literally levitated every book in the library before leaping out of the building with the asteroid of books following suite.

Drazen was left blinking dumbly at the spectacle. It was only when the book he was reading snapped shut and raced out the new exit, did he snap out of his stupor.

“…Uh…”

Shaking the pins and needles from his legs as he stood, Drazen trot over to the breach to behold another brain fart sight.

She’d make a book fort. A fortress of knowledge-atude complete with parapets and everything!

The structure was about 20 meters high, 20 meters wide and the books were facing cover outwards. Purple aura held each book together, making an almost transparent mortar between the ‘bricks’.

Stranger still, was the flustered unicorn mare shouting abuse from the highest tower at any passers by.

“Don’t touch it! Don’t even look at them! They’re my books, and I’m gonna save em!” she exclaimed, her mane a near hysterical mess.

The townsponies merely rolled their eyes at the shoulder snooper’s antics and went about their day as if it were a regular occurrence; completely unfazed by the impromptu castle that was quite literally built in the time it took Drazen to walk over.

“Ponies I tell ya…” he said to no one in particular. “I guess this means the library’s closed huh?” A grin spread across his face. It was coined the ‘dufus-grin’ by his squad mates because it often made appearances after a particularly bad pun or just plain stupid remark.

This was one such moment where Drazen’s idiot sense of humor reared its ugly head.

With a snicker-chuckle, Drazen about faced and strode over to where his scarf was, transforming himself as he got there. It still hurt more than stubbing a toe, (and for those with the holy luck to have never felt the pain of stubbing ones toe; that’s a lot of ouchie!) but Drazen soldiered through and was soon bipedal once again.

“Opposable digits are best digits,” he said twisting this way and that to make sure those greedy aether-ants didn’t leave anything out. Divines forbid if he was suddenly tail-less or worse still, if they took a certain part of the male anatomy…

Drazen shivered at the thought.

When he was certain he wasn’t missing anything, including…that… Drazen grabbed the woolen scarf and draped it over his right shoulder. It went stiff as a board; much like a hose with water being pumped through it, while Drazen willed it back into weapon-form. In less than a second the once-scarf was now back to all its scythe-y deadliness and gripped firmly in the draconequus' grasp.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) spike chose this moment to enter from the still smoking kitchen.

“Don’t worry everypony, I got this!” he said confidently as he entered. “It was just-“

The sound of jaw and whatever spike was carrying hit the floor. Drazen guessed it was cupcakes. The only reason he’d say this is because he was no longer allowed to own an oven for the exact same reason. It’s pretty much stipulated on his lease that he’s not to go within 20 feet of and appliance of the cooking variety.

Drazen shot spike a toothy grin. He paced a few steps in a military fashion, his scythe still resting on his shoulder for added effect. “Soldier, let me take this brief respite from crazy to say that you’re a credit to the cause and should be commended. Your help has been invaluable and I couldn’t have done it without you. But…this is where we part I’m afraid” As he said this a portal appeared behind Drazen, casting a blue glow on the floorboards.

With a genuine smile, he said; “dismissed” and then disappeared.

Spike blinked.

Everything had happened so quickly that his mind was simply unable to process everything. As a result, it was only after a few moments of imitating a fish, did he regain basic motor functions and drew in a huge lungful of air.

“TWILIGHT!!”

***

---

When Drazen reappeared, he was buffeted by chilly winds. He soon found out it was because the exit portal had formed atop one of Canterlot’s many towers.

Being just below the cloud cover, Drazen was easily able to see to the very ends of the city. He wasn’t much for architecture, but Drazen could easily tell it was exquisite.

Beautiful marble towers, in both shinning white and deep blue, rose high into the sky. Topped by flags with insignias Drazen didn’t recognize, the towers loomed over the rest of the city. It wasn’t oppressive however. In fact, it seemed the castle was built in such a way to offer shade to the more recreational areas. Tax dollars at work no doubt.

In one word: the place was swanky.

The city as a whole just screamed expensive and luxuriousness. Heck, even the lower district looked good if that was even possible.

It was the kind of city Drazen was familiar with. He’d lived his whole life in the pig-city. (They called it pig-city because of all the grey pig-iron they used in the buildings) and was well versed in cityscape protocol.

But, enough dilly-dallying, Drazen still had a job to do.

Pausing momentarily, he reflected on the facts he’d found out before the cuffuffle at the library.

a) Selker had aptly taken the name ‘Discord.’ 2) His location and whereabouts, (Thanks to a map in the library) And lastly: confirmed his earlier suspicions that the rapscallion had left a bad taste in the ponies mouths - sometimes literally.

Drazen pivoted about, looking for the castle garden. The book hadn’t been specific to where his exact location was; but it placed him roughly in the area.

It didn’t take him long to find it. Which wasn’t all that surprising considering it stood out like a beacon.

Rather than portaling to the garden, Drazen decided to glide down; limber up some for the fight. He opened his wings, almost being thrown from the tower when the wind caught, and glided down. He was up to high to be seen by anypony and the pegasi he saw where occupied with the weather.

When he touched down, it was on the first bit of grass he’d felt since arriving. It felt good.

The garden it seems was untouched by snow and other inclement weather. The grass felt fresh; unlike the stale, frozen parody that he saw in the Everfree forest, (Another name he’d learnt from the map in the library), and the wind was a lot warmer here as well.

It was still early mid-morning, so there was nopony in the garden to impede his progress as Drazen checked the area.

He past a few benches and water bubblers in his search. There were flowers and sunshine and rainbows - the whole 9 yards. It honestly didn’t feel like the right setting for what was to come. When two near god-like beings fight, it can get pretty messy after all.

The Draconequus race wasn’t a naturally violent one though, and they certainly didn’t go throwing their weight around either; but there are always a few that go a bit power-trippy like discord.

Eventually Drazen found what he was looking for. In a small sectioned off area in the garden stood a statue posed in a look of eternal shock. Overdramatic is what it was.

Looking at the statue, Drazen couldn’t help bit feel a little disgusted. If the term was ‘the body is a temple’ then Selker’s was now a rundown chimichanga stand in the middle of a salt lake next to a psychiatric ward.

Drazen couldn’t even name some of the animals Discord had been mismatched with! He still had the pony-like head of a draconequus, but that’s as far as any resemblances went. He had a lions paw and eagles claw as arms, with lizard and goats legs. A scruffy little beard grew from his chin like a Billy goat and he had the snaggletooth to end all snaggletooths in his jaw. Even his pupils didn’t escape change. They looked unsymmetrical, unaligned and unfocused. Not to mention one was larger than the other.

Drazen calmly went and sat atop one of the benches nearby. From what he could remember from skimming over the mission briefing, Selker had been encased in soul-stone. Drazen couldn’t simply chop his head off now even if he had months - soul-stone was stronger than diamonds and anchored the victim to the realm, so he couldn’t just portal him into a lava world either. Plus, where would the fun in that be?

So, all that was left to do was wait.

He wouldn’t have to wait long though. The report said that Selker had been trapped recently – just a year ago in fact. The enchantment they’d used was weaker this time round from non-use and wouldn’t hold for long. It was only accelerated by Drazen’s presence; an ability the council taught to all rangers.

While he waited, Drazen set about inspecting the blade of his weapon. He’d gotten it as soon as he joined the military all those years ago and it hadn’t left his side since. (Of course, it was changed to suite his needs. He couldn’t just carry it around in weapon form now could he? Drazen could practically see it now: ‘yea, just a pint of milk good sir…oh, and don’t worry I’m not robbing you that’s just my scythe…)

Dead set on a minute later, a rumbling could be felt throughout the area. This wasn’t Drazen’s first rodeo so he knew it was coming from the statue. He remained sitting all the while.

He watched in mild fascination as the statue split like a banana; revealing the ugly fruit within. It had a short, very grey; almost black mane with the bushiest eyebrows Drazen had ever seen. Selker’s hide was a brownish-maroon ending in a light red tail. A tuft of white fur sat perched at the end like a cat toy.

“Oh, it is good to be back!” he spoke in a suave, welcoming voice, broken by a long yawn.

“Have a good nap?” asked Drazen, rising from the seat.

Discord spun to meet the newcomer. His face fell when it met Drazen's. “Oh goodie. One of the councils lap-dogs.” Selker deadpanned. “Do you want a biscuit boy? Do you want a biscuit?” he mocked, slapping his knees and summoning a dog treat excitedly.

“Yeah, no” Drazen said, just as deadpan.

Discord merely shrugged, taking a bite of the treat, revealing it to be liquorish centered.

“Oh! Actually, if the offer still stands, ill have a bite. I love liquorish”

Discord looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “Ugh, how can you stand the stuff? Its vile!”

Drazen pointed to the treat, “Then why are you eating it?”

“What?” Selker questioned genuinely.

“The biscuit, its liquorish” explained Drazen.

“Is not” retorted discord, amused.

“Is to”

“Is not”

“What are you 5?” Drazen asked.

“Nope, that’s just my youthful complexion. I’m glad someone noticed, ” Selker fluttered a pair of long eyelashes and struck a pose. “I don’t know why, but my eyes just seem to pop now, don’t you think?.” They really did pop. Like deflated balloons in fact.

“Maybe it’s Maybelline?” offered Drazen.

“Maybe.” agreed discord, nodding his head with a thoughtful expression.

Conversation tapered off at this point. The brief pause was filled with chirps from the birds and squirrels scattering about this way and that. The wind rolled across the parkland with a gentle and calming ‘whoosh’.

“So… wanna fight? That’s kinda the reason I’m here after all.”

Discord mock pouted. “And here I though you came for my charms and liquorish.” He placed a paw over his heart, “you wound me good sir.”

“A-hah! So you admit it was liquorish!” proclaimed a grinning Drazen.

“So what? Wanna fight about it?” replied discord, a grin of his own spreading across his face.

“Indeed I do, good sir,” replied Drazen cooly. “I’ll fight for the honor of the liquorish!” he said grandly.

Discord chuckled and hmmed. “You know what newbie, I like you. You may be a hypocritical attack dog for a bunch of fossils with a loose leash, but at least you have a sense of humor.”

Drazen’s eyes went wide. “How did you know I was a rookie?!”

Selker laughed mirthfully. “I didn’t! You just told me!” he shook his head, confetti shooting from his ears as he did so. “Frankly I don’t know whether or not to be insulted they sent a kid to fight me, or thrilled that I get to kick you butt up and down Canterlot!”

Drazen glared, tightening his hold on his weapon. “We’ll see.” he said defiantly.

“That we shall.” replied discord, returning the glare equally.

Music – (optional)

With a popping sound that seemed to come for nowhere and everywhere, discord summoned his weapon; a rubber chicken the size of a swords hilt, into his paw. It made a quack - despite being a chicken - as a red and white blade emerged from its beak. The candy colored short sword gleaned in the winter sun brilliantly as it was drawn.

Meanwhile, Drazen had begun forming spells for the battle. Magic saturated his entire body, making him harder, better, faster, stronger and more resilient to damage. Wards of protection passed his minds eye feverishly as his magic went about powering up, and no doubt Discord had started doing the same if the look of concentration was anything to go by.

They began circling slowly, sizing each other up, daring the other to make the first move.

The air itself started to get heavy with magical tension. Wisps of blue and orange energies rose from the ground like flames in a fire as the two continued to circle. The energies danced and intermingled erratically, trying to snuff the other, but neither so much as flickering as they rose into the sky.

A silence ensued. A calm before the shitstorm.

Then, the unspoken order was given and the two clashed.

Bursts of compressed air exploded outwards as weapon met weapon; blowing the grass flat and making both their coats whip back with every strike. Showers of sparks cascaded to the ground when blade struck blade, lighting the fight with brilliant flashes of blue and orange.

Sounds like whip-cracks followed every move as electric spikes shot across the blades, traveling down the bodies. The smell of ozone only grew stronger when the lances of orange and blue electricity crackled across the combatants’ as well.

Drazen powerfully slashed outwards, but was parried by discord. Quick as lightning, discord struck back, lunging forward and trying to thrust the blade into his enemy’s chest; only to have it nearly wrenched from his grasp when Drazen twisted his staff left then down. The blade sung through the air once more but only met empty space.

Grunting as a particularly brutal attack hit his scythe, Drazen ducked low and drew the weapon outwards in a wide arc quickly. Seeing the attack coming, discord merely jumped over it and threw his free claw outwards, balling it into a fist mid way.

The blow struck Drazen in the chest, almost knocking the wind out of him where it not for his magic. Tiny furrows from where his claws dug into the earth could be seen leading to the smirking discord.

“Discord: 1 wimpy pup: 0” he mocked.

Drazen didn’t even give him time to laugh before rushing forward and catching discord by surprise with a shoulder bash. The hit connected and would have sent a lesser being sprawling in the dirt, but discord managed to bring his arms up to lessen the impact. When he stopped sliding, discord threw his arms outwards from where they were crossed, drawing his weapon into a fighting position.

“Ruff” mocked Drazen, smirking.

Discord grinned and slunk into a lower stance, Drazen doing the same. The two rushed forwards again, using their wings to propel them along faster.

When they clashed next, a sizable crater formed from the force alone - enough to throw up chunks of rock the size of fists that narrowly avoided the now airborne fighters as the battle continued.

Drazen gritted his teeth as he felt discords weapon nick his arm. Selker was incredibly fast – not including flight – and just as strong, if not more so than Drazen. He was having trouble pinning him down.

A left and right slash saw them locking weapons midair. Both grunted, trying to force the other back into a more advantageous position, but neither seemed to get the upper hand.

They broke apart only to go back to attacking and defending fiercely once more. They’d alternate with the others openings and follow-throughs, forming strategies and attacks on the fly and dodging nimbly.

Their fight had taken them higher into the air now; the sparks of orange and blue continued to mark their progress as they rose higher into the sky. Slash for slash, blow for blow they traded, neither suffering more than a scratch or two when the other blocked.

Suddenly and lightning fast, discords tail shot out and hit Drazen squarely across the chest. The momentum was enough to send him flying towards the ground at a blistering speed before stopping abruptly. He impacted the earth, forming a crater that, despite what they portray in the cartoons, did not look like a Drazen shaped hole in the ground. He pulled himself from the crater just in time to block a vicious swing from discord’s bastard chicken sword.

The shrill sound of metal sliding across metal rang with the block, but Drazen was quick with the counter and bashed the blade away with the body of his scythe. It wasn’t enough to knock the weapon free, but it let Drazen spin the butt of the staff sideways; thumping discord in the side.

Discord ‘oofed’ and put a few paces between the two. He used the space to slash at the air downward, a disc of solid orange energy hurtling towards his enemy at the end of his swing. It warped into a crescent moon shape from the speed as it traveled the short distance, but proved useless as a blue disk from Drazen cut it in half. He sidestepped another and slashed upwards while charging, barely scratching his opponent’s chest region. The adrenalin and magic wards made sure that they either didn’t feel the attacks or just didn’t care.

Their movements blurred together, going from slash to slash in a dance of chaotic melee for what felt like an age. Flashes of light born from clashing weapons illuminated the frantic battle in soothing blue and chaotic orange with every swing.

Drazen had superior reach no doubt, but discord more than made up for it with speed, agility and strength.

In short; things were not going well for our hero.

Author's Note:

writers block...tis gone! Just a bit of a break i guess. :D Well, i think i got this chapter right - i hope so anyways, but it bugs me for some reason... needs more esplosions I think... k bye!