A draconequus ranger appears in the everfree-forest to hunt down a corrupt guardian. hilarity ensues.
One of the council's rangers is dispatched to combat the corrupt draconequus guardian stationed on Equis. how will Drazen - a mere rookie, fare against a being so powerful, so crazy that he warranted the tittle 'god of chaos'?
find out, in the first quirky instalment of rapscallion.
*set before season 3, no reforming here thank you*
A crisp winter breeze rolled across the Everfree forest, eventually reaching the abandoned castle of the pony sisters. the large marble Walls and towers reclaimed by nature destined to return to the land as a crumbling ruin.
Now nothing more than a shadow of its former glory, the fallen walls offered no respite from the cold to the few occupants that dwelt within.
Barry was one such critter – who, despite having fur, was still not impervious to the less than stellar weather outside his abode. The little jack-rabbit shivered as the cool air nipped at his skin, draining him of precious, precious heat on the cold floor. He hopped around desperate to get to his warm burrow. Even now he could feel the first signs of frostbite, the only drive being his wife and hundreds of kids replaying in his mind.
Woe is Barry.
Unfortunately, this story isn’t about Barry rabbit. What do you think this is? National geographic?
No, this story is of adventure!, romance!, friendship! And most of all….discord.
It’s in the bleak, abandoned throne room that we set our scene. The very wind itself not daring to intrude upon the once grand antechamber. Quiet prevailed with only the ambience of the ancient forest outside as a perfect frame to the otherwise silent room.
Suddenly, a wind rivalling that of the one outside began to blow from the dais. Torn and dirtied banners whipped in the tempest breeze that hadn’t been there a moment ago and broken furniture was thrown against the wall haphazardly.
At the very top of the stairs, the tip of a curved blade appeared slowly, cutting the very fabric of space-time. It rent a jagged zigzag shape, despite seeming to cut in one single downwards motion until it reached the floor. The portal stood about 8 feet tall and white snakes of energies seemed to swirl inside the anomaly, casting a gentle glow onto the less than clean floor.
From inside the portal a tall serpentine creature slipped through, the blue tear rippling like a disturbed pond before It fluctuated, the waves reaching the sides and closing up silently, the wind halting with it.
The creature stood a good 7 feet tall, with dark blue fur on its lower portion and dull white - almost grey towards its neck and head with a scruff of unruly fur separating the two colours. Two fangs protruded from its pony-like jaw and small tufts of fur on its ears flicked to and fro.
Its neck and head had a Mohawk of hair, a mane if you will, that looked choppy and wild from the force of the wind. Powerful hind legs kept the serpent-like creature standing, and in its claws held the scythe responsible for the portal. The weapons blade was a cool blue; almost aqua with black runes trailing the flat of the blade. Its handle had a stylised serpent coiled around the end of the staff and the creature gripped the weapon tightly in one of its claws, the butt of the staff firmly on the ground.
This creature was of course a draconequus. An old-god some theorized, although all that pony scholars have to go on was the spirit of chaos and disharmony, discord. In truth, the draconequus race was one native to equis in the very early days of creation. Their incredible magic abilities allowed them to traverse planes of existence, hopping from world to world on a whim. Its not incredibly powerful magic per say, but the inherent magics that the draconequus wield is both potent and dangerous.
Such is the reason for our unexpected visitor. The draconequus had taken up mantles as protectors – each world given a draconequus as a guardian to protect it against spacial anomalies.
But what happens when the protectee needs protecting from the protector?
Why discord of course. While not very common, there are always a few that go a bit overboard with their power. These draconequus are known simply as corrupt. It changes their very bodies, mismatching them with creatures seemingly at random and more often than not, driving them insane.
To combat corruption, a council of elder draconequus was made to make sure any and all corruption was dealt with. Their enforcers - the rangers, are a group dedicated to that sole purpose.
The one shivering his nips off in the throne room is one such being. His name: Drazen. (dray-zen) His mission: find and kill the corrupted guardian then return home to his ferret Frankie and half eaten pizza.
Drazen crossed his arms, resting his one free claw under his arm for warmth.
Trust my luck to get a winter job. He grumbled
Looking around, Drazen noticed the room for the first time since arriving through the portal. Huh. Maybe a dining room perhaps? No, it’s too large for that. Throne room maybe? He thought absentmindedly.
Never having traversed to this world before, Drazen hadn’t a clue for the lay of the land, only that its inhabitants were majority ponies. The council had requested him personally, which came to a shock as he was still considered the ‘rookie’ ranger. He’d raked up a sizable kill count so he wasn’t lacking in skill, but experience wise, Drazen was likened to a child (his immature behavior didn’t help much either) and when he was asked personally he was a bit skeptical. He shrugged it off a moment later when the promise of snack cakes was made.
Orighty, first things first. Get out of this castle then find Selker. With his – admittedly simple- plan set, he set off.
Stretching his wings, Drazen took to a hover above the freezing ground in a very serpentine manner. His whole body seemed to slither through the air; it server no purpose other than getting the blood flowing of course, but Drazen often did it because he could.
When he was sufficiently warm and no longer viable to freeze to death (he may be a god-like being who is essentially immortal, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t feel the cold - or pain for that matter.) Even now he could feel his little piggies going numb.
Reaching the large double-doors, Drazen found them to be rusted shut. Rather than forcing them open (even though he was more than capable of doing so) he instead opted to make a portal, the exit forming on the other side of the obstruction. Drazen stepped through without a moments thought, which as it turned out was a bad idea.
A wall of white immediately blasted through the portal, sending him sprawling, spread eagle in a shallow pool of snow. When he finally slid to a stop, face down in the cold, Drazen muttered a few choice naughty words before pulling himself to his feet.
Having learnt his lesson, this time the exit portal appeared a few paces away from the door. No snow came through this time, so Drazen took it as a sign to enter. When he emerged from the portal, he found himself in a courtyard. Collapsed balconies ran along the perimeter with doors hanging uselessly above the collapsed walkways.
The gravel – that was more or less frozen, crunched with equal parts snow under his feet as he plodded forth.
Drazen flicked the few bits of powder that had settled on his draconic wings before taking flight directly for the scant cloud cover overhead. They were a good hundred meters up in the air, the highest cloud almost matching the tallest spire of the castle.
The temperature substantially rose above the cloud line and Drazen settled on one large enough to accommodate his size, only pausing to pump a bit of magic into the cloud so as to not fall to his death.
A few loose wisps of cloud dispersed with a barely audible ‘woosh’ sound as he landed. Glad to be out of the cold, Drazen took only a moment to roll his shoulders and back, both eliciting ‘oh yeahs’ as they satisfyingly popped.
The sun shone much more clearly now the few clouds weren’t there to block it. Drazen reached up to shade his eyes with one claw, while the other held his weapon, and looked around.
A forest encompassed the castle on all sides. It was dark and foreboding, and even from this height, Drazen could see the perilous forest and its dangers. Swiveling on the spot, he located what looked like a town a fair distance away. It mattered not however. After all, when you have a scythe that can conjure portals, distance is irrelevant. Of course it could be seen as lazy, and more than a few draconequus had gotten quite pudgy using them, but that’s besides the point.
Twirling the blade, it cut a swathe downwards large enough for Drazen to enter. If he was correct, the exit portal would be at the very tree line of the village.
There was a certain risk too portaling long distances, namely in that you have a small chance the portal will appear inside a solid object, or divines forbid, creature.
Drazen had seen it before, his buddy Phil phased into the middle of a cake. It. Was. brutal. And delicious.
Thankfully nothing like that came about. this time.
Drazen emerged just behind a rather large oak tree, some fifty meters away from the tree-line. Flora he couldn’t name riddled the forest floor with no discernable pattern; or trail for that matter. The foreboding feeling that stemmed from the forest may have been intimidating to some, but Drazen was unfazed. In fact, he felt more giddy than anything else.
Always one to have a good laugh, Drazen couldn’t keep the smile off his face even if he tried. It wasn’t because of some creepy forest obsession he had mind you; It was because all the trees seemed to have spooky looking faces. He idly wondered if they had been carved into the wood or if it grew like that naturally.
As he walked, he couldn’t help but laugh and picture an office scene with grumpy looking co-workers.
‘Martin, you got the form I asked for yet? Questioned Steve tree sternly
‘oh, not yet Steve, woodies out to lunch, I’m waiting on him’ answered martin tree.
Steve tree shrugged, accepting it and stalked away towards his office.
‘so as I was sayin,’ martin tree said, turning to his audience, ‘when I woke up, my acorns were gone!’ he exclaimed, ‘that birch stole em as I slept, think she gave me squirrels too, my knots itched like a motherfu-‘
Drazen stopped that particular monologue as he left the forest. The change in light momentarily blinded him, but after a blink or two it passed.
Again using his claws for shade above his eyes, Drazen looked down at the village from the small hill he was on. It looked fairly large, with no more than 30 buildings. The words quaint and rustic came to mind. Most of the buildings had thatched roves and were very, very colorful. From what he could gather from the incline he was on, the town was set out in a wheel and spoke pattern with a city-square in the middle.
He saw a few ponies nearer to the town proper and was immediately reminded he was still in his draconequus form. Drazen had no doubt Selker had done a number on the draconequus public image. It had taken the council a bit longer then they had liked to determine this world’s guardian was corrupt.
A lot can happen in a thousand years after all.
So, Drazen grit his teeth together and steeled himself for what was to come.
Oh this is gonna hurt.
Not wanting to prolong it any further, Drazen charged the required amount of energy and formed it into the desired shape.
“Like a Band-Aid!” he chanted, pacing back and forth.
Coincidentally, the spell matrix for shape shifting looks oddly enough, like a Band-Aid.
With one final application of magic, the Band-Aid matrix snapped into effect and Drazen was driven to his tummy from the sudden pain. It started in no point in particular, just.. Everywhere.
The feeling of fire-ants nipping at every inch of his body washed over him quickly. this was known as the aether-ant effect. Because mass could not truly be destroyed, it had to go somewhere. It's theorized that the excess mass gets stored in the stomachs of phase-parasites until a later time when its returned safely.
Knowing is growing.
Drazen wisely chose to ignore the snapping and re-aligning of bones. His bones.
Things shortened and others grew. Bones and muscles elongated and thickened as needed all in the space of a few seconds. Transforming never took long, it was a sudden change, but the pain felt like it lasted an eternity.
Shakily clambering to his hooves, Drazen breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully he had acquired the pony mentality with the change; else he’d have to re-learn how to walk - Something he couldn’t afford to waste time on at the moment.
His first few steps as a new species were met with … mixed results.
Drazen had indeed acquired a ponies mind, and thus instincts - like walking and diet, but going from a biped to quadruped in a matter of seconds usually had some repercussions.
Namely in that he looked like a deer trying to stand for the first time.
Speaking of which, Drazen finally had the opportunity to see what he looked like.
Craning his head back, Drazen noted that he still retained his deep navy blue coloration. His mane was slightly longer on his new body and also the same dull white, shaggy mess. It was cut medium length; average for the males he’d seen. He was also slightly taller than most of the stallions he saw and without wings or horn.
Drazen also noted the pair of markings on his flanks. It was a single white star encircled by a ring of white the same color as his mane. He was sure he’d seen the symbol before but couldn’t quite place it. He gave it little mind however.
Drazen breathed in the chilly air and expelled it after a moment. The earthy smells from the forest seemed clearer, more pungent now. Whether or not that was thanks to his new form or simply taking a moments pause was debatable. He didn’t get moments like this often; It was usually missions with the other rangers or chilling at home with Frankie.
Turning his attention over to his scythe, Drazen willed it into a blue and white checkered scarf with his magic and fit it snuggly around his neck.
Nothing ruins first impressions like a pony casually holding a bladed weapon. He thought to himself
With only a moments pause to breath in once again, Drazen set off towards the village.
***
Not much had been accomplished in the few hours he’d been there.
Aptly named Ponyville, the quiet village was actually much larger than Drazen had originally thought.
He’d had been to the town hall first off, but all that resulted in was the disguised draconequus stumbling across an unplanned parenting workshop.
The horrors he’d seen. The horrors.
Scaring situations aside, Drazen was now on his way to the library after getting directions from the mare behind the reception desk. He had to find out Selker’s location, and what better way than visiting a place of knowledge he reasoned.
Along the way, Drazen noticed that everypony else had markings on their butts as well. It put his mind at ease knowing that he wouldn’t stand out amongst the pastel colored populace.
He saw ponies going about their days; chatting, shopping, playing, and all the stuff you’d expect of a happy community. Little ones scampered about playing this and that, and the marketplace was fairly busy as well.
Another thing he noticed along the way was the amount of mares to stallions there were. If his mathimication was up to scratch, he’d say it was about a 5:1 ratio in favor of the females.
He got more than a few sideways glances from the opposite sex along the way. So, Drazen being the suave stallion he was, decided upon a few suggestive eyebrow raises and ‘chicka-chows’, both eliciting giggles from the mares.
While that did put him in a good mood, the weather was a big downer. It hadn’t really warmed up much since he’d entered the town proper. His breath was still visible in the air of the midday cold, and Drazen was relieved to have his weapon-turned scarf at least. He wasn’t viable to freeze to death with his fur, but he was definitely feeling it.
Soon, Drazen arrived at his destination.
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little surprised.
The mare he’d gotten directions from said the building down the main street was the library; she said nothing about it being a tree. Weirder still, the thing was actually alive if the leafy canopy was any indication.
“I swear, if I knock and a hippie opens it, I’m runnin” he thought aloud.
Unknown to anyone, Drazen was deathly afraid of hippies. It had begun when he was wee drake and his parents had left to lead the greener lifestyle. They took to the names ‘Coyote bongwater’ and ‘pokeyourhaunches’ before suddenly picking up and leaving for the commune, dumping a distraught Drazen on his aunty and uncle.
To this day Drazen could not go near farmer's markets.
Steeling himself, Drazen reluctantly rapt on the thick door a few times with his hoof. The noise easily carried beyond the portal to the sole occupant inside.
Drazen heard somepony chirp “coming!” from within. A happy hippie...great.
Then, much to his surprise – and relief – it wasn’t a hippie that opened the door, but a dragon.
He (for it was indeed a he,) had purple scales and fins running down his back starting from head that were a lime green color. They ended in a stubby spade-like tail the same color as his scales sans the spikes. A set of small fangs could be seen if you looked close enough and the young drake was in his adolescence if his size was any indication.
“Yeah I’ll have ah…a large fries and shake please” said Drazen seriously.
The drake took to a bemused expression instantly. “oh, um… this is a library….” He replied confusedly.
Works every time, Drazen happily thought to himself.
“oh good, I thought I was in the wrong place there for a moment.”
“but you-“ the drake shook his head, “nevermind. Oh-ah come in, twilight’s sleeping at the moment, so I can help you find whatever your after. I am her number one assistant after all,” he said with an edge of pride to his tone.
Drazen couldn’t help but chuckle. Being part of the dragon family himself, he’d met a few dragons before. Most were just full of hot air, but there were a few that were okay.
He stepped inside after brushing a few stray flakes of snow from his fur.
Looking around, Drazen could see a fireplace in the corner of the lobby flickering away the cold with its combustion-y goodness. It warmed very well.
Next he noticed the shelves. They looked like they were carved into the tree like little alcoves of knowledge. Each held an abundance of books bound in covers of varying sizes and colors, and the scent of dry paper carried heavily in the air. Also candle wax, there was a lot of that to.
“ oh, cool, hey what’s your name kid?” Drazen asked conversationally while hanging up his scarf.
“oh yeah! My names spike, nice to meet’cha mister. What’s your name?” spike asked, proffering a claw to shake.
Drazen shook with a smile “Dr-“ he could have face-hooved at his stupidity just then. He hadn’t even given a pony name a thought. “Oh uh…” yeah I got squat “sorry kid, its classified” it wasn’t. He lied.
Best not to arise suspicion. At least until I know where Selker is, then it doesn’t matter.
Spike quirked an eyebrow before his face lit up, “oh are you with the government? Is it aliens?” he asked excitedly.
Not one to miss such an opportunity, Drazen leaned in, motioning for spike to do the same.
“I’ll let you in on the secret, but you gotta keep it under wraps okay?” he whispered conspiratorially, taking a pause for dramatic effect when spike nodded vigorously, “it’s aliens”
Spike slowly leaned back, the smile growing ever larger. “I knew it” he exhaled.
“But you gotta keep it a secret ok?” Drazen continued, “or bad things will happen. I’m talkin panic in the streets, rioting and mass discord here”
Spikes’ nods turned to a look of fearful realization on the last thing mentioned, “so he’s behind it?! I just knew it!” he exclaimed.
Drazen quirked an eyebrow, “who?”
“Discord. He’s the spirit of chaos and disharmony and a total jerk.” Spike explained, “He ruled for ages and ages or something before the princesses sealed him in stone with the elements of harmony!”
paydirt
“hmmh, spike,” he said, rising to his full height, “I think we need more Intel on this discord character, can you do that soldier?” Drazen said in his best authoritative tone.
Spike snapped to attention with a crisp salute and a “yes sir!” before charging head first into the task.
Dedicated little scamp aint he?
Drazen only paused momentarily to make sure his scarf was in sight before joining spike to look over the shelves.
Together they made short work of searching, and soon a pile of 6 books sat next to one of the cushions in the reading area. Drazen plopped down into the seat; grabbing the topmost book, spike doing the same with the second.
They shared a unanimous nod before flipping open both their books and beginning to read with fierce determination.
***
Drazen was bored.
While he’d gleaned quite a lot in the half hour of reading; Drazen’s inner slacker insisted the book was boring and that he take a break. He was more than willing to comply.
They had been reading for the good part of an hour if the wall clock was correct. It set the monotone mood with its click-clicking - a boring reminder for the boring task at hoof.
Truly. Twas’ boring.
Drazen let a quiet sigh escape his lips. He never much cared for the book; his forte lied in sleeping in and two-minute noodles.
How he got into the rangers – let alone the scythe squad – he’d never know.
He didn’t even have any sway with friends of the family because…. Hippies. And his marks in school were terrible. He was the slacker in the back, and more often than not, the class clown.
And yet, he managed to snag a job in the military. Who knew huh?
He was brought out of his musings by a quiet yawn from spike. Turning his attention over to the young drake, Drazen amusedly noticed he’d completely dropped the whole ‘book covering comic book’ shtick he had going in favor of openly reading the graphic-novel.
Drazen had to give him points for diligence though. He’d managed to hold off boredom for just slightly less than him. Drazen had to mask a chuckle with a cough when spike had begun inching towards where the comics where earlier.
Sighing again, Drazen went back to reading.
‘studies suggest that the Draconequus race is immortal, and have been present on Equis for longer than recorded history. The race is believed to be extinct, as only a sole member remains. As such all-relevant data is based on observations pertaining to a single specimen and should be considered inconclusive. Attempts to rectify this have been met with sudden carrot-isation.
The draconequus anatomy is largely reminiscent of a chimera. Its been theorized the mismatched appendices are a mechanism designed to attract a mate, but this is yet to be proven. Mating procedure on the other hoof is-
This was when Drazen became aware of a presence behind him. He’d been so engrossed in reading that he’d only heard the rhythmic inhale-exhale of breathing just now. At first he though it was spike, but a sideways look over to where he was sitting revealed the young drake sleeping with a book over his face.
Drazen turned his head, only to see a pair of lavender eyes not 2 inches away. The lavender mare they were connected to was looking straight at him.
No, not at him, past him; to the book. She was literally reading over his shoulder.
Drazen can honestly say he didn’t know what to make of this situation.
“Uh…can I help you?” he said awkwardly. He was to confused to be annoyed.
She blinked, like coming out of a daze and only noticing him just now.
“oh, no. im good.” And just like that she was back to reading.
Drazen muttered an “uh-huh” before scooting over a few paces, his heinie moving the cushion with him.
There was a moments pause, punctuated by the tick of the second hand on the clock, where he thought she’d get the message.
Apparently not.
The lavender mare blinked again, seemingly lost in thought, before calmly trotting over to re-continue reading like nothing had happened.
Drazen was about to skooch over again, but thought to rationalize with the mare.
“hey, not to be rude or anything, but surely you have better things to do right?” he asked calmly. The situation was weird, but not worth getting peeved about.
The mare reluctantly tore her eyes away from the script, “huh what…? Oh! Actually you’re right, I was doing something important wasn’t I?” She said, her face scrunched up in concentration.
“hmm what was it?” she continued, “No. It wasn’t a report. I sent that yesterday. Hmm, I visited my friends…” she trailed off in thought with a contemplative scratch of her chin. She was really just thinking aloud now.
Meanwhile, Drazen’s head slowly scrolled upwards to the black smoke overhead…
“-And its not my checklist to checklist my checklists either.” she ranted, still oblivious to the thick black clouds rolling across her ceiling.
She certainly didn’t strike Drazen as the forgetful type, (no librarian ever did), so she must have been reading over his shoulder for quite some time.
The fiend.
“-And it’s not my report on the benefits of friendship…no… that’s next week.” The amount of chin scratches had Drazen believing she’d scratch it straight off her face.
“Ugh, this is going to drive me c-arazy I just know it! It’s-“ She was cut short by a shout from the kitchen. A loud shout from the kitchen.
“HOLY SWEET CELESTIA’S SUNNY NIPPLES!! THE LIBARYS ON FIRE!!”
That got her attention.
Drazen could practically see the metaphorical head-hamster sigh with its new workload before jumping on its little head-wheel and running for all it was worth to make heads and tails of the situation. One could almost hear the little gears turning in her head, complete with a little ‘ding!’ when it finished processing.
Fire + dry books = big no-no indeed.
What happened next left Drazen in a tie between confused and amused. He settled on something in-between the two.
In a show of substantial magical power, the startled shoulder snooper reared back and fired a magic bolt at a nearby wall, obliterating it to millions upon millions of splinters instantly. Then, she quite literally levitated every book in the library before leaping out of the building with the asteroid of books following suite.
Drazen was left blinking dumbly at the spectacle. It was only when the book he was reading snapped shut and raced out the new exit, did he snap out of his stupor.
“…Uh…”
Shaking the pins and needles from his legs as he stood, Drazen trot over to the breach to behold another brain fart sight.
She’d make a book fort. A fortress of knowledge-atude complete with parapets and everything!
The structure was about 20 meters high, 20 meters wide and the books were facing cover outwards. Purple aura held each book together, making an almost transparent mortar between the ‘bricks’.
Stranger still, was the flustered unicorn mare shouting abuse from the highest tower at any passers by.
“Don’t touch it! Don’t even look at them! They’re my books, and I’m gonna save em!” she exclaimed, her mane a near hysterical mess.
The townsponies merely rolled their eyes at the shoulder snooper’s antics and went about their day as if it were a regular occurrence; completely unfazed by the impromptu castle that was quite literally built in the time it took Drazen to walk over.
“Ponies I tell ya…” he said to no one in particular. “I guess this means the library’s closed huh?” A grin spread across his face. It was coined the ‘dufus-grin’ by his squad mates because it often made appearances after a particularly bad pun or just plain stupid remark.
This was one such moment where Drazen’s idiot sense of humor reared its ugly head.
With a snicker-chuckle, Drazen about faced and strode over to where his scarf was, transforming himself as he got there. It still hurt more than stubbing a toe, (and for those with the holy luck to have never felt the pain of stubbing ones toe; that’s a lot of ouchie!) but Drazen soldiered through and was soon bipedal once again.
“Opposable digits are best digits,” he said twisting this way and that to make sure those greedy aether-ants didn’t leave anything out. Divines forbid if he was suddenly tail-less or worse still, if they took a certain part of the male anatomy…
Drazen shivered at the thought.
When he was certain he wasn’t missing anything, including…that… Drazen grabbed the woolen scarf and draped it over his right shoulder. It went stiff as a board; much like a hose with water being pumped through it, while Drazen willed it back into weapon-form. In less than a second the once-scarf was now back to all its scythe-y deadliness and gripped firmly in the draconequus' grasp.
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) spike chose this moment to enter from the still smoking kitchen.
“Don’t worry everypony, I got this!” he said confidently as he entered. “It was just-“
The sound of jaw and whatever spike was carrying hit the floor. Drazen guessed it was cupcakes. The only reason he’d say this is because he was no longer allowed to own an oven for the exact same reason. It’s pretty much stipulated on his lease that he’s not to go within 20 feet of and appliance of the cooking variety.
Drazen shot spike a toothy grin. He paced a few steps in a military fashion, his scythe still resting on his shoulder for added effect. “Soldier, let me take this brief respite from crazy to say that you’re a credit to the cause and should be commended. Your help has been invaluable and I couldn’t have done it without you. But…this is where we part I’m afraid” As he said this a portal appeared behind Drazen, casting a blue glow on the floorboards.
With a genuine smile, he said; “dismissed” and then disappeared.
Spike blinked.
Everything had happened so quickly that his mind was simply unable to process everything. As a result, it was only after a few moments of imitating a fish, did he regain basic motor functions and drew in a huge lungful of air.
“TWILIGHT!!”
***
When Drazen reappeared, he was buffeted by chilly winds. He soon found out it was because the exit portal had formed atop one of Canterlot’s many towers.
Being just below the cloud cover, Drazen was easily able to see to the very ends of the city. He wasn’t much for architecture, but Drazen could easily tell it was exquisite.
Beautiful marble towers, in both shinning white and deep blue, rose high into the sky. Topped by flags with insignias Drazen didn’t recognize, the towers loomed over the rest of the city. It wasn’t oppressive however. In fact, it seemed the castle was built in such a way to offer shade to the more recreational areas. Tax dollars at work no doubt.
In one word: the place was swanky.
The city as a whole just screamed expensive and luxuriousness. Heck, even the lower district looked good if that was even possible.
It was the kind of city Drazen was familiar with. He’d lived his whole life in the pig-city. (They called it pig-city because of all the grey pig-iron they used in the buildings) and was well versed in cityscape protocol.
But, enough dilly-dallying, Drazen still had a job to do.
Pausing momentarily, he reflected on the facts he’d found out before the cuffuffle at the library.
a) Selker had aptly taken the name ‘Discord.’ 2) His location and whereabouts, (Thanks to a map in the library) And lastly: confirmed his earlier suspicions that the rapscallion had left a bad taste in the ponies mouths - sometimes literally.
Drazen pivoted about, looking for the castle garden. The book hadn’t been specific to where his exact location was; but it placed him roughly in the area.
It didn’t take him long to find it. Which wasn’t all that surprising considering it stood out like a beacon.
Rather than portaling to the garden, Drazen decided to glide down; limber up some for the fight. He opened his wings, almost being thrown from the tower when the wind caught, and glided down. He was up to high to be seen by anypony and the pegasi he saw where occupied with the weather.
When he touched down, it was on the first bit of grass he’d felt since arriving. It felt good.
The garden it seems was untouched by snow and other inclement weather. The grass felt fresh; unlike the stale, frozen parody that he saw in the Everfree forest, (Another name he’d learnt from the map in the library), and the wind was a lot warmer here as well.
It was still early mid-morning, so there was nopony in the garden to impede his progress as Drazen checked the area.
He past a few benches and water bubblers in his search. There were flowers and sunshine and rainbows - the whole 9 yards. It honestly didn’t feel like the right setting for what was to come. When two near god-like beings fight, it can get pretty messy after all.
The Draconequus race wasn’t a naturally violent one though, and they certainly didn’t go throwing their weight around either; but there are always a few that go a bit power-trippy like discord.
Eventually Drazen found what he was looking for. In a small sectioned off area in the garden stood a statue posed in a look of eternal shock. Overdramatic is what it was.
Looking at the statue, Drazen couldn’t help bit feel a little disgusted. If the term was ‘the body is a temple’ then Selker’s was now a rundown chimichanga stand in the middle of a salt lake next to a psychiatric ward.
Drazen couldn’t even name some of the animals Discord had been mismatched with! He still had the pony-like head of a draconequus, but that’s as far as any resemblances went. He had a lions paw and eagles claw as arms, with lizard and goats legs. A scruffy little beard grew from his chin like a Billy goat and he had the snaggletooth to end all snaggletooths in his jaw. Even his pupils didn’t escape change. They looked unsymmetrical, unaligned and unfocused. Not to mention one was larger than the other.
Drazen calmly went and sat atop one of the benches nearby. From what he could remember from skimming over the mission briefing, Selker had been encased in soul-stone. Drazen couldn’t simply chop his head off now even if he had months - soul-stone was stronger than diamonds and anchored the victim to the realm, so he couldn’t just portal him into a lava world either. Plus, where would the fun in that be?
So, all that was left to do was wait.
He wouldn’t have to wait long though. The report said that Selker had been trapped recently – just a year ago in fact. The enchantment they’d used was weaker this time round from non-use and wouldn’t hold for long. It was only accelerated by Drazen’s presence; an ability the council taught to all rangers.
While he waited, Drazen set about inspecting the blade of his weapon. He’d gotten it as soon as he joined the military all those years ago and it hadn’t left his side since. (Of course, it was changed to suite his needs. He couldn’t just carry it around in weapon form now could he? Drazen could practically see it now: ‘yea, just a pint of milk good sir…oh, and don’t worry I’m not robbing you that’s just my scythe…)
Dead set on a minute later, a rumbling could be felt throughout the area. This wasn’t Drazen’s first rodeo so he knew it was coming from the statue. He remained sitting all the while.
He watched in mild fascination as the statue split like a banana; revealing the ugly fruit within. It had a short, very grey; almost black mane with the bushiest eyebrows Drazen had ever seen. Selker’s hide was a brownish-maroon ending in a light red tail. A tuft of white fur sat perched at the end like a cat toy.
“Oh, it is good to be back!” he spoke in a suave, welcoming voice, broken by a long yawn.
“Have a good nap?” asked Drazen, rising from the seat.
Discord spun to meet the newcomer. His face fell when it met Drazen's. “Oh goodie. One of the councils lap-dogs.” Selker deadpanned. “Do you want a biscuit boy? Do you want a biscuit?” he mocked, slapping his knees and summoning a dog treat excitedly.
“Yeah, no” Drazen said, just as deadpan.
Discord merely shrugged, taking a bite of the treat, revealing it to be liquorish centered.
“Oh! Actually, if the offer still stands, ill have a bite. I love liquorish”
Discord looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “Ugh, how can you stand the stuff? Its vile!”
Drazen pointed to the treat, “Then why are you eating it?”
“What?” Selker questioned genuinely.
“The biscuit, its liquorish” explained Drazen.
“Is not” retorted discord, amused.
“Is to”
“Is not”
“What are you 5?” Drazen asked.
“Nope, that’s just my youthful complexion. I’m glad someone noticed, ” Selker fluttered a pair of long eyelashes and struck a pose. “I don’t know why, but my eyes just seem to pop now, don’t you think?.” They really did pop. Like deflated balloons in fact.
“Maybe it’s Maybelline?” offered Drazen.
“Maybe.” agreed discord, nodding his head with a thoughtful expression.
Conversation tapered off at this point. The brief pause was filled with chirps from the birds and squirrels scattering about this way and that. The wind rolled across the parkland with a gentle and calming ‘whoosh’.
“So… wanna fight? That’s kinda the reason I’m here after all.”
Discord mock pouted. “And here I though you came for my charms and liquorish.” He placed a paw over his heart, “you wound me good sir.”
“A-hah! So you admit it was liquorish!” proclaimed a grinning Drazen.
“So what? Wanna fight about it?” replied discord, a grin of his own spreading across his face.
“Indeed I do, good sir,” replied Drazen cooly. “I’ll fight for the honor of the liquorish!” he said grandly.
Discord chuckled and hmmed. “You know what newbie, I like you. You may be a hypocritical attack dog for a bunch of fossils with a loose leash, but at least you have a sense of humor.”
Drazen’s eyes went wide. “How did you know I was a rookie?!”
Selker laughed mirthfully. “I didn’t! You just told me!” he shook his head, confetti shooting from his ears as he did so. “Frankly I don’t know whether or not to be insulted they sent a kid to fight me, or thrilled that I get to kick you butt up and down Canterlot!”
Drazen glared, tightening his hold on his weapon. “We’ll see.” he said defiantly.
“That we shall.” replied discord, returning the glare equally.
With a popping sound that seemed to come for nowhere and everywhere, discord summoned his weapon; a rubber chicken the size of a swords hilt, into his paw. It made a quack - despite being a chicken - as a red and white blade emerged from its beak. The candy colored short sword gleaned in the winter sun brilliantly as it was drawn.
Meanwhile, Drazen had begun forming spells for the battle. Magic saturated his entire body, making him harder, better, faster, stronger and more resilient to damage. Wards of protection passed his minds eye feverishly as his magic went about powering up, and no doubt Discord had started doing the same if the look of concentration was anything to go by.
They began circling slowly, sizing each other up, daring the other to make the first move.
The air itself started to get heavy with magical tension. Wisps of blue and orange energies rose from the ground like flames in a fire as the two continued to circle. The energies danced and intermingled erratically, trying to snuff the other, but neither so much as flickering as they rose into the sky.
A silence ensued. A calm before the shitstorm.
Then, the unspoken order was given and the two clashed.
Bursts of compressed air exploded outwards as weapon met weapon; blowing the grass flat and making both their coats whip back with every strike. Showers of sparks cascaded to the ground when blade struck blade, lighting the fight with brilliant flashes of blue and orange.
Sounds like whip-cracks followed every move as electric spikes shot across the blades, traveling down the bodies. The smell of ozone only grew stronger when the lances of orange and blue electricity crackled across the combatants’ as well.
Drazen powerfully slashed outwards, but was parried by discord. Quick as lightning, discord struck back, lunging forward and trying to thrust the blade into his enemy’s chest; only to have it nearly wrenched from his grasp when Drazen twisted his staff left then down. The blade sung through the air once more but only met empty space.
Grunting as a particularly brutal attack hit his scythe, Drazen ducked low and drew the weapon outwards in a wide arc quickly. Seeing the attack coming, discord merely jumped over it and threw his free claw outwards, balling it into a fist mid way.
The blow struck Drazen in the chest, almost knocking the wind out of him where it not for his magic. Tiny furrows from where his claws dug into the earth could be seen leading to the smirking discord.
“Discord: 1 wimpy pup: 0” he mocked.
Drazen didn’t even give him time to laugh before rushing forward and catching discord by surprise with a shoulder bash. The hit connected and would have sent a lesser being sprawling in the dirt, but discord managed to bring his arms up to lessen the impact. When he stopped sliding, discord threw his arms outwards from where they were crossed, drawing his weapon into a fighting position.
“Ruff” mocked Drazen, smirking.
Discord grinned and slunk into a lower stance, Drazen doing the same. The two rushed forwards again, using their wings to propel them along faster.
When they clashed next, a sizable crater formed from the force alone - enough to throw up chunks of rock the size of fists that narrowly avoided the now airborne fighters as the battle continued.
Drazen gritted his teeth as he felt discords weapon nick his arm. Selker was incredibly fast – not including flight – and just as strong, if not more so than Drazen. He was having trouble pinning him down.
A left and right slash saw them locking weapons midair. Both grunted, trying to force the other back into a more advantageous position, but neither seemed to get the upper hand.
They broke apart only to go back to attacking and defending fiercely once more. They’d alternate with the others openings and follow-throughs, forming strategies and attacks on the fly and dodging nimbly.
Their fight had taken them higher into the air now; the sparks of orange and blue continued to mark their progress as they rose higher into the sky. Slash for slash, blow for blow they traded, neither suffering more than a scratch or two when the other blocked.
Suddenly and lightning fast, discords tail shot out and hit Drazen squarely across the chest. The momentum was enough to send him flying towards the ground at a blistering speed before stopping abruptly. He impacted the earth, forming a crater that, despite what they portray in the cartoons, did not look like a Drazen shaped hole in the ground. He pulled himself from the crater just in time to block a vicious swing from discord’s bastard chicken sword.
The shrill sound of metal sliding across metal rang with the block, but Drazen was quick with the counter and bashed the blade away with the body of his scythe. It wasn’t enough to knock the weapon free, but it let Drazen spin the butt of the staff sideways; thumping discord in the side.
Discord ‘oofed’ and put a few paces between the two. He used the space to slash at the air downward, a disc of solid orange energy hurtling towards his enemy at the end of his swing. It warped into a crescent moon shape from the speed as it traveled the short distance, but proved useless as a blue disk from Drazen cut it in half. He sidestepped another and slashed upwards while charging, barely scratching his opponent’s chest region. The adrenalin and magic wards made sure that they either didn’t feel the attacks or just didn’t care.
Their movements blurred together, going from slash to slash in a dance of chaotic melee for what felt like an age. Flashes of light born from clashing weapons illuminated the frantic battle in soothing blue and chaotic orange with every swing.
Drazen had superior reach no doubt, but discord more than made up for it with speed, agility and strength.
In short; things were not going well for our hero.
Drazen once again found himself hurtling towards the ground. He’d made quite a few visits throughout the fight; only a few of them reciprocated to discord.
So much so, that the garden was beginning to look like a lot like a block of Swiss cheese in fact.
It’s not easy being that cheesy.
The uneven terrain was making it difficult to fight on the ground, so the majority of it was done in the air. That of course meant that more often then not, Drazen would be sent flying back down towards the earth. It was a viscous cycle.
Drazen pulled himself from the latest crater with an inaudible groan. Coincidently, this crater had taken the rough shape of his body because of the softer stone he crashed into. He guessed clay or mud.
Drazen didn’t even have to look to know that Discord still had that shit-eating grin on his face, floating there with his snaggletooth, mocking him.
“You okay there champ? Looks like you’ve fallen and cant get up.” Discord sniggered maliciously. “Here. Let me give you a paw.”
Drazen felt something strong wrap around his arm and throw him with great force across the ground. He skidded and tumbled like a stone across water, easily smashing through a cobblestone wall and spilling out onto the main street.
Through the dulled film of pain that had settled over his entire body, Drazen could just hear the screams of frightened ponies, no doubt scared witless by the display of rubble and dust.
Drazen groaned pathetically but managed to right his footing and stand. Even with all the wards and magic he’d still taken quite a beating; a testament to the unreal draconequus strength. Nothing was broken though, and that was good, but his coat would be covered with bruises for quite a while, and he wouldn’t be surprised if a rib or two was cracked.
That’s not to say he didn’t give discord a run for his money. Drazen was pretty sure that the hit with his staff was enough to at least break bone and the numerous scratches marring discords coat were… well numerous. He did think the effect was diminished somewhat because of the lack of bleeding, though. Every scratch caused by either of them would leave orange and blue scars, essentially cauterizing the wound with the same solid energy that formed the discs they used for medium range fighting.
A whizzing sound filled the air suddenly, and Drazen had just enough time to leap out of the way as discord crashed into the ground in a bathtub. Discord screamed a very girlish scream when the dust settled and the two locked gazes. Drazen rolled his eyes, but that was all Discord needed to grab the lip of the tub, do a summersault; still holding the bath, and throw it at his enemy. The ceramic missile sailed through the air, the water becoming concrete with a snap of discords paw.
It impacted not Drazen, but the wall behind him; spreading spider web cracks across the brickwork of the fine doughnut eatery unlucky enough to get in the way.
No sooner had Discord touched down, Drazen shot forward like a bullet and grabbed his neck in his free claw, throwing threw him much like he had done to him in the garden. The only difference was that Discord stopped when he hit the wall.
It served to daze him long enough for Drazen to close the distance and punch him straight through the bricks…
…Or at least he would have, had discord not sidestepped.
Seeing the opportunity, discord delivered a knee right into Drazen’s tummy, this time driving the air from his lungs and throwing spittle – and Drazen – across the courtyard where he came to a stop by a stage in the middle.
As if to just add insult to injury, Drazen landed slumped against the platform – the barrels on top leaking cider on his head from the bungholes.
Discord nimbly landed on the top of Drazen’s scythe like a cat. The blade had embedded into the stone nearby, only an inch or two shy of concealing the entire blade, and the staff sticking at an angle upwards.
“How?” Drazen croaked, his voice groggy and sore. “Soul-stone saps you faster than a blonde with a credit card. How are you so strong still?”
Discord chuckled that condescending chuckle. “It’s quite elementary my dear pup, you see, it wasn’t soul-stone” he said in a mater-of-fact tone.
“It was flour! Brilliant if I do say so my self.” He not so modestly rubbed a paw to his chest.
“My first go with corruption landed me in the stuff unfortunately. So when I was released I was weak as… well… you, and needed to recuperate. At the last moment before I was hit with those demandable elements of harmony, I encased myself in faux-flour and played it off excellently.” Discord boasted. “You should have seen it. It was great.” camera flashes went off and an award appeared in his claw. He even had a bowtie.
“Aint’ that just a fun-fact? You’ve been fighting me at full-power this entire time!” discord said. “Commendable if not foolish, hmm. I will admit you’ve given me more trouble than a bag of bees though. I’m usually able to do a whole lot more magic wise, but most o its bein pumped into wards and strength. You rapscallion you.” He teased.
drazen shook away the blur from his eyesight. “Aint I just a stinker?” he replied, still somewhat dazed.
Discord threw is head back and laughed a condescending laugh that was starting to grate on Drazen’s nerves.
Then, Much to the mismatched draconequus’ surprise, Drazen jumped to his feet and snatched the scythe out from under him. The brief respite from fighting had allowed Drazen’s head to clear, and he grabbed the weapon and brought it up.
Unfortunately Discord’s speed came into play again, and the blade was parried out of Drazen’s grasp. It sailed behind Discord and embedded itself in mid air with the sound of fabric being torn. Drazen’s momentary surprise shifted into a shit-eating grin of his own and he rush forwards, dodging a slash from discord and spear-tackling him into the back of the weapon. The momentum carried them hard enough into the scythe that it cut a portal open and the two fell through.
When they reappeared, it wasn’t too high off the ground, but still enough for them to grapple and punch as they fell.
They hit the ground to find that it was a sandy tropical beach. The luscious palm trees were jostled by their landing and a sizable cloud of dust was thrown up. As it settled, the forms of two draconequus could be seen floundering about, having both landed face first, and buried up to their hips.
Drazen emerged in time to see – and hear – discord clamber out of the hole with a ‘popping’ sound. He had a beard made of sand stuck to his face, and if it where possible, even bushier eyebrows.
“Hey look! I’m sandyclause!” he quipped.
Drazen groaned, rolling his eyes, and dropped into a fighting stance. Discord did the same after a few strokes of his new facial hair. The beard and eyebrows stayed in place, no doubt held there by Discord’s magic.
Just as they were about to come to blows again, a bipedal creature ran between the two. It wore tatty, loose fitting clothing, a sash around its hips and a hat that - in Drazen’s opinion - looked pretty badass. Its face was painted to make it look like he had 4 pairs of eyes constantly open.
The hairless ape-thing came to a sudden halt between the two draconequus and quirked an eyebrow.
“Aye?” it said, before leaning in and sniffing Discord. Apparently what ever it smelt wasn’t relevant because it shrugged and pranced off flailing its arms like it was in distress.
It only occurred to Drazen and Discord that It might have been running from something when the ground shook. Looking down the beach, they saw a whole mob of those ape-things running full tilt, screaming and shouting wildly. Unlike the first ape-thing, these wore little to no clothing and held spears in hand.
Needless to say, the dueling draconequus duo took off down the beach much in the same flailing manner as the ape-thing had.
A turkey war-cry sounded behind them, and the next thing Drazen knew, the sky darkened with a volley of spears. They ducked, dodged, danced, darted, rolled and slithered to avoid the razor sharp projectiles. One even embedded itself in the sand not two meters from where Drazen was headed, forcing him to the left and straight into another spear. Discord was having more or less the same problem but looked a lot more amused about the situation.
So, At the risk of getting gelded, Drazen haphazardly opened a portal and jumped through; Discord diving in as well, just as three spears sunk into the sand behind him.
Upon emerging from the portal, they had all of a second to grab onto the flying contraption passing just underneath the portal. The large hull of the aircraft was made of smooth green plates, and was shaped much like a whale but more streamlined and aerodynamic.
They heard noise from the canopy, barely audible over the rush of the wind. “-Dear humanity, we regret bein’ alien bastards. We regret comin’ to earth! And we most definitely regret that the Corps. just blew up out raggity-assed fleet!” a chorus of “hoo-rah!” followed suite.
Remembering he wasn’t alone, Drazen quickly jumped to his feet and drew his weapon up to his chest. Apparently discord had had similar thoughts, because to too jumped to his feet.
Something else was said from the cockpit, but was ignored in favor of trying to beat the stuffing out of each other. Most of the attacks swung wildly because of the wind, and every other hit would result in either a resounding ‘boom’ or whip-crack sound when they made contact with each other’s weapons.
A pinging sound brought both their attention to the green balls of fire raining down on the ship from the scorpion-like construct ahead. It was clearly mechanical and extremely advanced at that. The stubby scorpion tail continued to blast the other aircraft out of the sky, while the big mouth-thing at the front began glowing sinisterly.
There was a sound of a vacuum being turned on, and then a shrill ‘whirr’ noise as the gun opened fire. A solid beam of green energy; much like the balls of fire, shot from the front, directly at the aircraft discord and Drazen where fighting on.
In a twist of luck, the beam smashed into discord, sending him flying.
Drazen laughed at his misfortune, portaling to where he saw his adversary land miles away in the city. He exited the portal to see a very charred and blackened draconequus clamber from under some rubble.
“Ugh, I’m getting too old for the multiverse.” Discord groaned.
Drazen sniggered, drawing discord’s attention. “Something funny?” he snapped.
With another barely suppressed laugh, Drazen merely pointed to the large Styrofoam cow that was straddling Discord in a compromising position. It looked like part of an advertisement or something; complete with winning smile and a cartoony slicked back hairdo and a wink-y face. The caption read ‘do mooore with milk!’ in bubble letters on the bell around its neck.
Discord chortled. “In soviet-“
Whatever Discord was about to say was cut off as a shadow fell over the ruined building. Looking up, the first thing they noticed was the green glowing maw of the scorpion construct from before.
“Gasp!” he didn’t gasp. He actually said gasp.
The whirring sound was deafening at this distance, but Drazen managed to hear something remarkably similar to stupid over the noise.
“Hi-ho Milkie! Away!”
Drazen was struck dumb… then struck physically, as Discord and the now very much alive cow rushed into him, nearly impaling him on its horns.
Drazen held on for dear life, clinging to the beast’s neck as it avoided the green beam that promised many ouchies. The cow, or ‘Milkie’ as Discord had named it, was surprisingly agile. He weaved this way and that, always managing to outmaneuver the beam trailing just behind.
It must have looked quite the scene: two mythological creatures riding a cow grinning from ear to ear down an abandoned street while a death machine chased them, firing beams of not-so-nice things while explosions rocked the ground and surrounding buildings.
So a slow day, huh?
Milkie put on a burst of speed just as balls of fire began pelting the street around them, melting anything they touched and emmiting sizzling sounds that went unheard over the constant whirring of the main gun. It was pretty awesome.
Drazen by this point was desensitized to pretty much everything and just opened a portal.
The trifling trio tumbled out of the portal face first into scorched desert sand. Their mixed groans the only sound; they extricated themselves, Drazen giving his enemy a thump for good measure.
Looking around, Drazen noted the sand. And more sand... Still more sand... He kept slowly pivoting until he saw a billboard down the cracked road they were on; that read ‘build mass with sass!’ in faded script.
Drazen heaved a long-suffering sigh. He knew this realm; he’d fought and killed the corrupt guardian stationed here a few years back. She masqueraded as a sickeningly cheerful trader woman in a hole in the ground. Killing her was a kindness.
Meanwhile, discord was waving Milkie off into the distance as he wandered away.
“Good kid. Smells like mothballs though.” Said discord.
Drazen chuckled and spared a brief wave to the bovine companion. “Yeah but he runs like a bat outta hell, though.”
Discord hmmed in agreement and the two fell into silence for a moment. Discord checked his non-existent watch and Drazen shuffled about, chewing his gums.
“Shall we fight for our lives?” he asked.
“Oh yes, lets.” Agreed discord.
The two rounded on each other again, their motions blurring together and each swing leaving a contrail with its speed. They grappled, scratched and fought tooth and nail this time, more or less rolling through the portals.
“-I…Am your father-“
“-STELLLA!”
“-Ah’l be back.”
“-I did not have-“
“-i dont think we're-”
“-Exit stage left!”
“-Here to chew gum-“
“-life is like a-“
“carpe deim!”
“-HEY you GUYS!”
“-You stupid idiot!”
“-MY CABBAGES!”
“-Say hello to my lil friend!-“
“-I’m batman!”
“-They fight, they fight! They-“
“-Oh…it’s you.”
“You’ll never take me alive!”
“-War…war never changes-“
“-You cant handle the truth!”
“-I’m duh jugganaught bi-“
“-hey. listen.”
Drazen flopped onto nothingness with an “oof”. The little misadventure through the multiverse had left him sore and gasping for air. Their fight had drained him of whatever energy he had left, and Drazen’s muscles ached despite the numbing effects of his wards. He’d like to think Discord wasn’t faring any better, but the perpetually perky prankster seemed to be a limitless source of energy.
Even now; after more or less rumbling through a slew of dimensions, Discord was merely taking large lungfuls of air, laying down on the white void much like Drazen.
The universe they were in, as far Drazen could tell, was empty. Nothing but white everywhere. A heavenly sheen that looked glassy blended the space to look like it had direction but that was about it.
Knowing my luck, its probably home to some beastie with tentacles that wants to-
“Please no!” he shouted.
Thankfully none of that came about…this time.
Instead, as it turns out, this universe was home to another of those ape-things, but this one shouted compliments from afar.
“I like your shirt.” He called to Discord who was now sporting a flowered shirt.
“Well, thank you.” Replied Discord, blushing for the sake of it.
Another voice that neither had heard before answered at the exact same time as Discord.
“Gah! What the deuce?! What the heck are those things?” it asked.
Much to their surprise, Drazen and discord found it to be a baby who said that. He was accompanied by a white dog with a red collar around its neck and walked on its back legs.
“What the hell?” was the unanimous reply.
“I don’t know Stewie, this is the multiverse after all. As you stated earlier, there are infinite amounts of universes co-existing with ours. We’re bound to run into something weird eventually.” explained…the…dog…
Stewie nodded, accepting it.
“You. Freak-show,” he said to discord. “What are you?”
His question was met with only silence.
“…”
After a pause, it was Drazen that asked the question on both their minds.
“Seriously, Did that dog just talk?!”
More silence.
Discord eventually broke the silence with a scoff, not letting the freak-show remark slip either.
“Your mother.” was his reply. Drazen face-clawed (which, as it sounds, is quite painful)
Stewie’s eyes narrowed with a scoff of his own. “How fortuitous. For you see-“ he inched a hand behind him. “- I’m trying to kill my mother!” quickly drawing a ray-gun from…somewhere, he fired it at the confused draconequus.
“The babies packing!” whaled discord, diving out of the way nimbly.
Drazen laughed, wiping a tear from his eye. “Geez, Selker. Some mother you are, huh.” He chortled. “I bet they-GAH”
Looking down, he became painfully aware of the dog biting his leg. Painfully aware indeed.
“get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off!” he shrieked in a purely 100% manly manner. Nope, no femininity here. nothing happening. Yeah testosterone! Woo!
In his haste to remove the furry addition to his leg, Drazen fell backwards, tripping over Discord who had leaned down to hide, and snagging him in the crook of his scythe.
The end result was them both falling through the portal, minus dog and baby.
Drazen’s head smacked against cobblestone this time, not hard enough to worry, but enough to send his head reeling.
A quick check found them to be back where they started; at the staging area on main street. A fresh wave of panicked screams sounded the return - and prompt exit - of the local populace, who had no doubt calmed somewhat in the 5 or so minutes the brawling hoodlums had disappeared.
Drazen groaned, wiping his brow of the sweat before it could get in his eyes. The fight had left him looking like he’d lost a fight with a bath full of kittens, and the sweat was stinging his wounds that hadn’t been sealed by orange hard-light.
Opening his eyes, a knot formed in Drazen’s throat.
Discord stood not a few meters away, holding a gumball machine is his mismatched paw/talon. It made a ‘click-click’ sound when discord’s paw swept across the coin slot and Drazen darted behind cover just as a spread of jawbreakers threatened to break his jaw. They ripped into the overturned wagon with reckless abandon, somehow not actually hitting Drazen as he leaned against the cart.
It was frightening, but not as frightening as what happened next. Drazen felt a paw rest on his head and a wave of panic overcame him. This was not good - a corrupt had whacky mind control powers in their arsenal, and all it took was touch to counteract the wards.
For a second drazen pondered what kind of zombie he’d be. Probably something bland and boring; a stark contrast to his brazen and spontaneous attitude, he thought.
His fears where unfounded as it turns out, because discord merely changed his pony-like head into a horse-like head; and even that was stretching it…
It looked like discord had just taken a horse head and colored it an unnatural shade of blue, sans the mane; which was plait, and stuck it on his neck. It looked like he’d tried to make it cute and cuddly but it turned out as a gross abomination half way through and just left it.
Drazen can honestly say that no one could make a face crazier than this.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> meanwhile, on a train. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
“-And so I said. Purple rhinoceros fart!” Pinkie chirped, ever perky as she was.
“And then,” she continued. “He was all like woah, and then I was all like woah, and then he was all like- *gasp!*
“hmm?” hummed Rarity, only half paying attention. “What’s that darling?”
Drazen stared at his reflection in disgust. Discord had been kind (or unkind) enough to give him a mirror and Drazen was finding it hard to keep down his lunch.
“Oh, my finest work.” Discord beamed. “Just right for you, don’t you agree” he said, leaning on the gumball machine.
Anger began to bubble to Drazen’s normally happy-go-lucky demeanor. He was pissed.
“Oh that is it! Imma’ make a motherbucker suffah.” He declared.
Discord merely rolled his eyes. “Well, “ he began amusedly. “Unless you’d be cliché enough to say you’ve been holding back the entire time, I think the only way this is going to end is with you pushing up liquorish daisies, compadre.”
Despite the burst of bravado, Drazen could find truth to his words. Discord had many more years of experience than him and luck seemed to smile upon him with everything he did. He’d thoroughly kicked his can up and down Canterlot like he’d promised, and showed no signs of slowing down. Drazen knew he had to step up his game but not much was left in the tank to do so.
But like in those tales of ole, inspiration struck, affording the hero with the means to defeat the baddie in the end.
Drazen would have to start:
Thinking with portals.
Drazen psyched himself up and set his (admittedly less then steely) determination into a resolute look. He snapped his claws and Immediately a number of portals appeared around discord, boxing him in.
Drazen took a running start and dove into the closest portal. He was a portaleer – a draconequus capable of multiple portals at the cost of more magic. It was a desperation ploy, Drazen knew, but he was desperate after all.
His momentum carried him faster and faster, while discords escape attempts merely brought him back into the house of portals in a loop. When he was traveling sufficiently fast, Drazen gave it conscience thought and the portal paired up with another, launching him past Discord and throwing his scythe to the side.
It was rewarded with a pained yelp from Discord and a severed horn hitting the ground. That little accomplishment was enough to spurn Drazen into further action and he continued flying from portal to portal, alternating through the interconnected passages.
Discord sneered and flew through one of the portals, brandishing his chicken sword defensively. When he reappeared it was back in the middle of the portals. His tricky foe was controlling the entries and exits with his mind - a feat considering he was also managing the portals he was using to build speed. A relay tactic if he remembered correctly.
Discord watched intently at the blur passing by. Every so often his enemy would strike, not managing more than a number of deep scratches across his chest and arms. His paw shot out to catch him once or twice, but he was to quick and managed to evade.
Time seemed to slow at some point, casting them both into silent adrenalin fueled stillness.
Drazen’s charge frozen, his scythe drawn back ready to strike.
Discord, a grin that had no place on any sane being, frozen in time.
Things resumed, and everything happened in the blink of an eye.
Drazen struck, fast as quick silver, the blade piercing through Discord’s lower body at about the navel.
A gurgling sound also signaled that discord had successfully been able to wrap his claws around Drazen’s neck like planned, delivering a devastating clothesline to the younger draconequus, as well.
An explosion of air swept across the ground as the counteractive force fought each other for dominance.
But. In the end, one of those forces won out. That being Drazen’s forward momentum.
It ripped discord backwards, catapulting him over Drazen’s shoulder and into the portal on the floor, dragging Drazen; who was still suffocating in discord steely grip, with it.
Upon emerging, Drazen had the fortune to land on the grass, adding yet another crater to the landscape. Discord wasn’t so lucky for a change. He slammed into the stone dais where his statue used to stand, shattering the slab in two.
They where back in the garden now, although it looked more the part of a warzone.
Or a block of cheese, Drazen noted, almost delusional from the immense pain.
He managed a cough, but that only inflamed his sore throat. It wasn’t liable to close shut he didn’t think, but Drazen knew talking was out of the question - at least until he could redirect his magic from wards to healing, anyways. That is assuming he lives to talk about it later.
A garbled sputter brought his attention to discord. He wasn’t faring well at all.
A globule of maple syrup dribbled from his mouth as he rolled onto his back, facing the sky. For the first time throughout the fight, discord actually showed signs of fatigue. The stab wound above his pelvis looked like it was causing a great deal of discomfort, and his breathing indicated a collapsed lung.
Drazen fought hard to stand, using his scythe to steady himself and leaned against it unsteadily.
He was running on fumes now and he knew it. He had to finish this.
Discord ears perked at the shuffling sound. “Still alive huh? I was sure your neck snapped back there.” A pained chuckle left his lips. “You hero types I tell ya.”
Drazen stumbled his way over, slowly as to not irritate his injuries.
“See, that’s the difference between me and you, kid. I realize my place in the universe and dare to change it. You fight for the weak, and that makes you weak. You’re a sheep. Blindly following the council without a word.” He spat the word like it left a bad taste in his mouth.
“They don’t care about you. You’re nothing. Expendable to them: a candle in the wind.” Discord said. “And guess what? They’ve left the window open. If they think they’re in the right, they they’re crazier then I am.” Another glob of maple syrup left his mouth. “Mark my words, pup. Someday you’ll be just like I am. And you’ll love. Every. Single. Moment of it.”
Drazen came to a stop aside the ruined pedestal.
“Nothing happening, discord,” he managed to choke out. “I’ll fight the good fight for as long as I draw breath; Mark my words. And the council aren’t wrong. They protect us from bat-shit crazies like you, and I’m proud to be one of their enforcers.”
Discord rolled his eyes. “heroes. Cant beat em, cant live without em.” He said.
“You know,” added discord, almost absently after a moment. “I’m glad it wasn’t one of those boring up-tops that showed up; else I would have just thrown the moon at him and been done with it. If anything I’m glad it was you… But for the life of me I don’t know why.” He pondered.
“Maybe it’s my sense of humor?” Drazen asked.
“Bit out of place at a funeral aint it?”
“Yeah,” agreed Drazen. “But I could always be like one of those stiffs you see on cliché funeral flics. This just seems fitting is all, no?”
“No…no, your right. This is…this is how it should end. Chaos to the very end, and all that.”
Drazen nodded.
“Any last words?”
Discord seemed to think about that for a moment.
“Watch were your loyalties lie, kid. Nothing worse than being stabbed in the back.” With that said, he closed his eyes for the last time.
Drazen paused a second, remembering those words; he’d afford him atleast that courtesy.
Without hesitation he drew up his weapon.
Drazen had no qualms with discord. But he had neglected his duty as guardian and was now going to be held responsible. Drazen had seen some of the things on the briefing. Terrible things. Unforgivable things. Murder, genocide and abuse to name just a few.
Drazen was only thankful no-one was hurt this time, at least.
Discord was once a protector – a guardian; and he’d just thrown it away carelessly. Now he’d answer for what he’d done.
