A curse in disguise

by Dream Quill

Prolog

Questions…

We face hundrets, maybe even millions of them…

Some are small or trivial, maybe even dumb…

Questions can even make us smile or laugh…

I will ask you one… that wont, for sure…

I’ve asked it myself over, and over again…

What would you do… if your one true wish… will never ever be possible to be fulfilled?

You may now say: “Hey! Never give up hope! If you just try hard enough, EVERYTHING is possible!”

Well… You see…

*sighs*

Let’s talk about true wishes.
They are not your everyday wants or needs or even dreams. Every heart… every soul holds only one true wish. Some never even discover theirs in their whole lifetime. Those who do set heaven and earth in motion to achieve their goal.
You may call it the meaning of life, the purpose of your whole existence.

So…

What would you do… if your one true wish, your meaning of life, your purpose… cannot come true?

Maybe I need to explain further…

Let me start with who I was and with who I am now.

My name is Janina. I’m a 24 year old woman, living in France, right next to the border of Germany, my birth- and homeland. I reside within the house of my parents and am able to speak the overwhelming amount of two french words.
And my one true wish…
Is to become a mother, to find my special somepo… I mean a boyfriend and give birth to the children of the one who I love.

…surprised?

Why this wish never ever can come true?

This is to blame to who I was…

You know. When my mother gave birth to me and my parents searched for a name my aunt comes to them with advice. So they named me after her suggestion.
Well… I would really like to tell you that name…
Actually I have forgotten about it. It never meant anything to me.
But you may suspect… it was not Janina.

That’s right. I was born as a man.

So maybe you can see now why it is absolutely impossible for my wish to come true.

Why I am writing this?

Well to tell a story. Wasn’t that obvious?

You see… the reason, why I wrote this is pretty simple.

Because I am not Janina… Not anymore, that is…

Before losing everything I am… everything I was…
No, this is not right.

Before I give up willingly everything I am and was, I wanted you to know that a few days before somep- someone stepped up to me with an offer that I simply could not refuse.
In my days as a so-called Pegasister I read much stories about becoming a pony in a magical land, named Equestria. They all had something in common. It happens unexpected, under mysterious circumstances or even on the verge of losing your identity by being overwritten and even death in various types, including suicide.
You may believe me that I never thought it would eventually happen and if it would, against all odds, I never thought it would happen this way.

So let me tell you my story… hehe. I kinda feel like I’m reciting a character of Final Fantasy X.

It was a chilly night after a really hot summer day…

A lone figure wandered the streets of a little village near the border of Germany. After the hot day and the unforgiving sun, this night felt like everything in the world sighs in contend and appreciation for the dark refreshment the night brought.
Looking up to the stars, as she did so many times, the figure came to a stop. She wore no jacket, as it was not necessary, and her long hair flowed free over her shoulders. Her face was hidden in the dark but her eyes reflected the stars. No moon lit this night for it was completely hidden in the planets shadow.
She loved the night. The day brought nothing but pain to her. Her skin could not take the burning rays of the sun like everyone elses. Yet she was no albino or the like.
The two glimmering dots, filled with thousands and millions of little white dots, which were her eyes reflecting the stars, never blinked even once as she watched a specific constellation.
Orion.
She smiled at thoughts of her younger self imagining this constellation to be a crossed out video cassette. She “wished” for a particular film that time and cried herself to sleep, because she was sure this sign of the stars themselves would tell her that her wish would never come true.
The last thought brought something entirely different up her mind and her smile turned into a frown.
She would be right after all… again…
A not so long time ago she began to hate being right in the end. Because it always meant that this thing ended almost the worst possible way.
A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she lowered her gaze to the ground in front and resumed walking.
How many times had she been sending her little wishes to the stars in hope they would be heard? Her steps ceased once more.

Could she take the risk of doing it one last time?

What bad could come from it? The worst that could happen was that nothing happened.
After a few short seconds she chuckled. Yeah, sure. As if a childish wish to the stars would change anything. She accomplished her biggest goal in her life thus far just two month ago. She became a woman, not only in soul, as she was one there all her life, but also in body.
But still…
A single tear ran down her face, almost immediately joined by a second, and a third. She did no sobbing or whining. She never did…
Just the tears that flow free down her face.
But this time was different from all other times she cried, and there were many. A shaky hand rose to her breast and laid itself right over her heart. The pain which was building there was nothing new for her but as it peaked to new heights she could not take it anymore.

She screamed…

Comments

[FlyingMushroomxii]

damn good writing