Never think your wishes will be fullfilled without a rub
Every single individual has one true wish. A purpose in life, a reason to exist. Some never find it, some don't even care about. The few ones who discover their true wish seek its fulfillment with everything they've got. Now what would happen if you actually know your one true wish but at the same time you realize that it is absolutely impossible to fulfill?
And what if a fairly well known deity of chaos offers an opportunity to you?
Special thanks for the very beautiful Cover Image go to Radiant Eclipse
What would you do… if your one true wish… will never ever be possible to be fulfilled?
You may now say: “Hey! Never give up hope! If you just try hard enough, EVERYTHING is possible!”
Well… You see…
*sighs*
Let’s talk about true wishes. They are not your everyday wants or needs or even dreams. Every heart… every soul holds only one true wish. Some never even discover theirs in their whole lifetime. Those who do set heaven and earth in motion to achieve their goal. You may call it the meaning of life, the purpose of your whole existence.
So…
What would you do… if your one true wish, your meaning of life, your purpose… cannot come true?
Maybe I need to explain further…
Let me start with who I was and with who I am now.
My name is Janina. I’m a 24 year old woman, living in France, right next to the border of Germany, my birth- and homeland. I reside within the house of my parents and am able to speak the overwhelming amount of two french words. And my one true wish… Is to become a mother, to find my special somepo… I mean a boyfriend and give birth to the children of the one who I love.
…surprised?
Why this wish never ever can come true?
This is to blame to who I was…
You know. When my mother gave birth to me and my parents searched for a name my aunt comes to them with advice. So they named me after her suggestion. Well… I would really like to tell you that name… Actually I have forgotten about it. It never meant anything to me. But you may suspect… it was not Janina.
That’s right. I was born as a man.
So maybe you can see now why it is absolutely impossible for my wish to come true.
Why I am writing this?
Well to tell a story. Wasn’t that obvious?
You see… the reason, why I wrote this is pretty simple.
Because I am not Janina… Not anymore, that is…
Before losing everything I am… everything I was… No, this is not right.
Before I give up willingly everything I am and was, I wanted you to know that a few days before somep- someone stepped up to me with an offer that I simply could not refuse. In my days as a so-called Pegasister I read much stories about becoming a pony in a magical land, named Equestria. They all had something in common. It happens unexpected, under mysterious circumstances or even on the verge of losing your identity by being overwritten and even death in various types, including suicide. You may believe me that I never thought it would eventually happen and if it would, against all odds, I never thought it would happen this way.
So let me tell you my story… hehe. I kinda feel like I’m reciting a character of Final Fantasy X.
It was a chilly night after a really hot summer day…
A lone figure wandered the streets of a little village near the border of Germany. After the hot day and the unforgiving sun, this night felt like everything in the world sighs in contend and appreciation for the dark refreshment the night brought. Looking up to the stars, as she did so many times, the figure came to a stop. She wore no jacket, as it was not necessary, and her long hair flowed free over her shoulders. Her face was hidden in the dark but her eyes reflected the stars. No moon lit this night for it was completely hidden in the planets shadow. She loved the night. The day brought nothing but pain to her. Her skin could not take the burning rays of the sun like everyone elses. Yet she was no albino or the like. The two glimmering dots, filled with thousands and millions of little white dots, which were her eyes reflecting the stars, never blinked even once as she watched a specific constellation. Orion. She smiled at thoughts of her younger self imagining this constellation to be a crossed out video cassette. She “wished” for a particular film that time and cried herself to sleep, because she was sure this sign of the stars themselves would tell her that her wish would never come true. The last thought brought something entirely different up her mind and her smile turned into a frown. She would be right after all… again… A not so long time ago she began to hate being right in the end. Because it always meant that this thing ended almost the worst possible way. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she lowered her gaze to the ground in front and resumed walking. How many times had she been sending her little wishes to the stars in hope they would be heard? Her steps ceased once more.
Could she take the risk of doing it one last time?
What bad could come from it? The worst that could happen was that nothing happened. After a few short seconds she chuckled. Yeah, sure. As if a childish wish to the stars would change anything. She accomplished her biggest goal in her life thus far just two month ago. She became a woman, not only in soul, as she was one there all her life, but also in body. But still… A single tear ran down her face, almost immediately joined by a second, and a third. She did no sobbing or whining. She never did… Just the tears that flow free down her face. But this time was different from all other times she cried, and there were many. A shaky hand rose to her breast and laid itself right over her heart. The pain which was building there was nothing new for her but as it peaked to new heights she could not take it anymore.
She never broke down like this before. Under other circumstances she would have worried that her scream could be heard, that some of her neighbors would call the police either for the thought that someone has been robbed or for disturbance of their peace by night. But at this very moment she did not care. How she ended up lying on the sidewalk, curling up just like a little baby would do, crying her heart out, she did not know. What the reason was was something completely different. A moment of clarity and not a nice one. She thought she showed it to nature that she overcame the bonds of her body. She thought that she became a woman finally. But in this one cruel moment she knew she would never be a real woman. Never ever would she have to “fear” that she goes into menstruation an never ever she could hope to feel the life of a newborn growing in her. Her one and only true wish would never come true.
A tall, cloaked figure, standing away quite a distance, stared at her. It wore a ridiculously combination of a mantle, which seemed to be made of leather and what seemed to be a teapot as a hat. Despite the darkness of the night you could see one outstanding feature about this strange creature. In the Shadow its face was you could see two rows of almost shining white teeth curved up into a menacing smile. The most interesting thing about this smile was that it had a fang on just one side. There was a sound like one would have snapped his fingers and the figure disappeared in thin air just to reappear in front of the broken woman. In this it made no sound nor disturbed the wind around it. It just was there in a blink of an eye. The woman did not notice it until a surprisingly slender Hand, that seemed to have only four digits, gently stroked down her hair. Her crying did not stop and for some reason she was not even startled. She tried to speak and after some failed attempts she managed a barely audible whisper which somehow carried all her pain with it.
“Who are you…?”
What she could not notice, due to her eyes been shut, was that the smile grew wider for a moment, almost as it was savouring the taste of a good wine. After a few short seconds the smile split in half a surprisingly deep vibrating voice answered.
“Who I am, my child, is none of your concern as it is not my identity to be revealed that I am here for.”
The obviously male creature in front of her waited a moment for her to response or question his motives but it never happened. A minute or so passed in which he just kept on stroking her hair. He never was one to be patient but he forced his voice to remain calm.
“Say, little one, would you like to leave this cruel, unforgiving world which put you through so much?”
To his surprise her next words were not filled with fear as you would expect of such a statement.
“Are you going to kill me?”
He blinked, his “hand” on her hair stopping its stroking. Then he blinked again. A small surge of pain raced through his chest but he shook it off.
“No, why would I? What I have for you is an one-time offer, an opportunity you may say.”
He reached down with his other arm and tickled her nose with something that felt like a little fury ball. She opened her eyes which grew wide and her face took on a stunned expression. In front of her face was not a hand there was a paw like one of a lion. His chuckle made her to slowly turn her head and look in the face of what she thought was a man. Everything she could see in the dark of the night was his smile, his one-fanged smile she knew all too well.
“D-discord?”
The figure snapped his other “hand” which turned out to be an eagle talon as she could see it. The cloak and the teapot disappeared and sure enough the dragonequus in front of her stepped back a bit so she could take in his whole, slender and not matching body. He spread his arms wide and presented himself.
“Tadaa”
All she was capable of was staring at the supposed-to-be cartoon figure in front of her. Well he was not cartoony at all at the moment. She could see his fur consisting of millions of little hairs, the not so smooth surface of his hoof on his one leg and the probably lethal claws on his other. Quite a time of unending staring the dragonequus blushed and giggled like a little schoolfilly, squirming a bit under her stare.
“Oh don’t look at me like that. You make me feel embarrassed.”
No reaction.
“Err… hello?” He glided through the air in a swift motion and landed on all fours by her side waving his talon in front of her eyes. “Somepony at home?”
This snapped her out of her stupor and the fangirl took over.
“Oh my gosh!”
She jumped to her feet pulling him with her in a tight hug that knocked the air out of him. She squealed like a little girl getting the gift she wanted really badly. He struggled to get out of her surprisingly strong grip and in the instant she remembered herself and let go off of him. Blushing a little she stepped back a bit.
“S-sorry. I just- I…. wow. I really just met the god of chaos!”
He chuckled a bit at her antics and a pair of sunglasses appeared on his snout.
“Well well. We celebrities wear quite the burden.” He shook his head what made the sunglasses disappear like they were made of smoke. “But back to business.”
He snapped his talons once more and right next to him a long scroll of parchment appeared out of nowhere with a already ink dropping quill by its side. On the parchment was seemingly a written contract but she could not read a single word of it for it was in a complete unknown language and letters she had never seen. The skeptical and analytical part of her mind rang all bells of alarm that she got but all she could bring herself to was to ask a little question.
“What is this?”
He dismissively waved his paw. “What this? This is just a standard contract for transferring a being into a pony and a new life in Equestria.” His smile grew menacingly once more and his voice dropped a bit in pitch. “Interested?”
Now you may think that she would ask why this was happening to her and no one else, or how it was even possible. But truth be told? She grabbed the parchment out of his magic with so much force, that it nearly got ripped in two. She signed her name on the dotted line on the bottom of the contract and as soon as the quill left the parchment it disappeared into nothingness. She was about to ask Discord what was now supposed to happen but he already leaned back and laughed out loud into the night. It reminded her quite a lot of a scene in the series and immediately her heart fell.
“What did I sign there?!”
Instead of an answer she got only a snap of his talon and then everything turned black.
When her vision returned it was like she was dreaming. Everything she saw was blurry. Her ears declined to take in any sound and her body felt limp and numb, there was not an ounce of strength in any of her appendages. Yet she was defiantly moving on what she thought could be a bed.
Something felt really wrong.
She was not able to put her hand on it. Her subconsciousness was practically screaming at her. Yet she found herself completely incapable of understanding what was going on. There was a weight on her chest she did not recognize. What the hay was going on? She felt an icy fear take grip of her heart. Why couldn’t she move any part of her body but in the same time felt herself moving in the blanket? It dawned on her. Someone must be moving her. Maybe she lay in bed for quite a time and someone just tried to roll her over to prevent her body from developing bedsores on her back or something. Then again… why was she moving up and down on the bed and not rolled over?
Something just felt really wrong.
She blinked, trying to turn her vision less blurry but she suspected it could be for her missing contact lenses. She always kind of felt it if they were not in her eyes. So she tried to awake her other senses but was only met with deaf numbness. All she could do was staring at the ceiling above her which was moving up and down due to her own movement. Then his face appeared over hers. There it was, kind of labored but with the most possessive grin she had ever seen. Did he sweat? Was he doing something that strained him?
The screams of her subconsciousness finally broke through her and her mouth opened for the most terrified and painful scream she ever screamed in her life as she shot up in her bed. But Discord was gone so was the light around her. Everything was dark. Her heart raced and her blood rushed deafening in her ears. She looked around in horror but no one was there.
“A dream…?” she muttered to herself, her voice somehow bringing her ears to readopt their function and process the sounds around her.
The first sound she heard was a quite fast beeping noise to her left. She looked over just to be greeted by the spiking line of a heart monitor. By the view of something as familiar as this her heart rate noticeably calmed, which was announced by the far slower beeping of the machine. As her eyes began to adjust to the darkness surrounding her it was even more obvious that she was in a hospital. Suddenly she felt very tired. No she was far beyond tired by now. She sunk back in the pillow closing her eyes, realizing just now that her body felt utterly off. Not bad or even pained, just… off. Maybe she was on sedatives? Yeah… That’ll explain the sudden tiredness she felt overwhelming her. And just like that she succumbed to sleep once more.
Her senses came back to her the moment she heard the door opening. The sound of something hard clopping against the floor approaching her, passing by and then came to a stop. She was ready to drift off again as the sound of parting curtains penetrated her ears and a way too bright light invaded her eyes through her closed lids. She groaned loudly and turned over in her bed to escape the pain the light brought to her seemingly oversensitive eyes. A surprised gasp came from the direction of the window.
“Oh my. I did not know that you were awake.”
It was female, quiet and kind of fragile. Like if it could break if the owner of this voice would strain it too much. Where did she have heard this voice before?
She shook the thought away and grumbled under her breath. “Well I was not.”
Surprisingly enough the other person did hear what she said and let out a relieved sigh. For a moment there was the clopping sound again and the voice was clearly closer now.
“I’m glad you are. Because you seemed to never recover from whatever happened to you.”
At this her ears perked up. She was about to say something but then what just happened hit her with enough force to let her thoughts screech to a halt.
Did her ears… just move?
She opened her eyes and although she faced away from the source of light she could feel the pain it caused. She blinked confused. In the night she did not notice but everything around her was just too colorful. Even the sterile white of the blanket she was wrapped in seemed more brilliant, more… shiny. Did Discord stand up to his words in the end? Was there any possibility she was in Equestria right now? And if she really was in Equestria did that mean she was a pony right now? Just like that?
Suddenly in a haste she tried to move her fingers and as they did like they were supposed to her heart fell. She had fingers not hooves. Then this feeling that something was utterly off came back to her. She could tell that she was on sedatives now because all she felt was a dull ache in her back and haunch. This kind of dull you only feel when there is a soaring pain which is numbed by painkillers. She felt hollow at once her voice but a terrified whisper.
“What did happen to me?”
There was an anxious shuffling of what she suspected to be hooves now but was accompanied by another sound she did not recognize. It almost sounded like ruffling feathers?
“For that… we do not know. Twi-“ She stopped a second, then went on. “A friend of mine said that it is up to you to explain yourself. The doctors only treated your injuries, which really weren’t severe, but you just did not wake up. They said you were in a state of shock, both physically and mentally.”
‘Well being tossed into another world can do that to you’, she thought and sighed. What alarmed her too was that her memories came back hard on her. The walk in the night, the breakdown, the signed contract with the god of chaos himself and last but not least this dream. Something about it bothered her. It was like her subconsciousness was flinching away from the memory, hiding in a corner of her soul and began crying. What the hay was up with her? While she lay there obviously zoned out the other person began walking again rounding the bed until it stood straight in her line of view. The waving yellow hoof in front of her eyes snapped her back to reality but all she could do was stare at the Pegasus she saw standing right there like it was the most natural thing ever with a slight worried look on her ridiculously cute face.
“Are you alright? You did not fall asleep with open eyes, did you?”
What the hay was Fluttershy doing here? Sure she was always displayed as the most kind and caring pony. But why would she tend to some random human being? Was that her element that hung around her neck? Sure as Tartarus it was!
“N-no… I’m still awake.”
She smiled and put her hoof back down on the floor just as a thought crossed her face. “Oh! I should tell the others that you woke up.”
A dumbfounded stare met her smile. “Others?”
The yellow Pegasus turned around and left the room leaving a confused being behind. She stared at the door that was not closed completely and tried to listen for any sound which made her ears swivel towards the direction. A shudder ran down her spine caused by the new and strange feeling of her moving ears. Ok, maybe she was not entirely human anymore. For quite a time there was no sound but the clip clop of hooves passing by. Probably some busy nurses or something. She was in a hospital after all. Just as she started getting bored of the situation and pondered the thought just going back to sleep even more hooves could be heard approaching. Hay it sounded like there was a whole bunch of ponies coming her way. Wait, what if they actually were heading her way? What if there was a whole division of guards to take her under arrest or something? As the sound grew closer she could hear a firm voice of a female pony answering questions that seemingly came from nowhere. She could not understand what it was saying but it sure as Tartarus sounded mad. Fear set in and was even more fueled by the sound of metal clattering. The heart monitor at the side of her bed rocketed into a furious beeping. Only one thought was allowed to surface through the haze of panic rapidly building inside her.
She had to leave like RIGHT NOW!
But as she struggled to get out of her bed her vision blurred and albeit the strong painkillers her body flared with pain. A groan of pain left her lips and she felt her body spasm uncontrollably what only caused her more pain. Her panic peaked as the door swung open and none other than Twilight Sparkle, the lavender unicorn and protégé of her highness Princess Celestia, accompanied by a very scared looking Fluttershy and a minimum of five royal guards entered the room. The unicorn was clearly upset by something and if she had to guess that would be her squirming form on the bed.
“It tries to escape! Grab hold of it, now!”
The guards flooded the room and pinned her down on her bed. Totally horrified she glanced around.
“Leave me alone! I’ve done nothing wrong!”
Her voice sounded so high pitched in her screech that even the guards flinched, but not Twilight.
“Your kind is not welcome here, dragonequus.”
Her struggling ceased and she stared dumbfounded at the sinister face of what she thought was a friendly unicorn…
…and she laughed.
First a genuine laugh but soon it turned higher in pitch indicating the panic in her mind.
“What are you talking about?! Are you crazy?!”
Twilight was not amused at all. Her horn glowed with her trademark aura and she felt the blanket fly off from her body exposing it for everyone to see. Especially for herself.
She froze solid as her mind could not process what her eyes told her was there.
Her brown slender figure ending not in two different but two similar draconic legs and her tail twitched once more before going completely limp as she fell unconscious.
Everything was dark. Not just some sort of black as it would be at least any color. No. Everything around her was just dark. She floated through this nothingness which might was her dream but she was not sure. There was no need for the question what happened as she could remember just fine and thus decided not to wake up. Every single time she felt her consciousness returning to her she pushed it away for what she would find was far too cruel. If she would wake up there was no possibility that it would not be in a cell or even on the cold, rough surface of the moon. Maybe she was not even capable of waking up due to the fact that she was turned into stone just like Discord has been.
Slowly but constantly the darkness was penetrated with voices. Muffled, but clearly not amused ones. It was nothing short of a deafening drone that vibrated through her very core. She felt her consciousness returning and tried to push it away once more but this time it was far too adamant, strengthened by the noise around her which only grew in volume till she thought her head was going to burst.
‘No… please… I don’t want to wake up. Leave me alone… please… I’ve done nothing wrong…’
Then there was the pain. Her whole existence flared with nothing but the everlasting burn of piercing unforgiving pain. She felt her body go rigid, shaking with spasms which only made the whole thing worse. The first thing she was able to hear clearly was the ridiculously fast beeping of her heart monitor, followed suit by her own shrill screech. Through the haze of tears in her eyes she could only make out colorful moving blobs around her. Last there were the voices around her most of them drowned by her screaming. But there were some shouts that she could hear but was completely unable to relate to any of the colorful blobs around her.
“What is going on in here?!”
“This is no more any of your business. It is under arrest by royal decree!”
“What are you doing?! Did you really just cut off the painkillers?! Are you nuts?!”
“Watch your tongue! It tried to escape not half an hour ago so it must be pretending!”
Did she really was out just for half an hour? Felt like an eternity…
“Are you deaf or something?! Are those screams not indication enough?!”
“It’s a dragonequus! It would do anything to break free! Don’t be fooled by its behavior!”
The lavender blob just by her side was shoved away which was accompanied by a surprised gasp. An unmistakably white blob with some pink on the top took its place and after what seemed to be another eternity she felt her body go limp once more as the pain was numbed. She just lay there and with the seconds passing by she felt less of her body. Until all she felt was this dull ache. Tears flowing free down the sides of her face as her eyes slid shut. She could feel herself sobbing although she not heard it. The voices around her were muffled again but she could barely understand them.
“…resistance against the authorities!”
The other voice seemed quit enraged, its pitch reaching a screech. “OUT! OUT OF MY HOSPITAL!”
She could feel the movement around her more than she heard it. It should have concerned her that she could actually feel the ponies leaving her room but right at this moment there was only sorrow. Why did this happen to her? What did she do to deserve such a treatment? She felt betrayed. This contract was supposed to be her dream coming true, maybe even her wish. But instead? It was like hell and tartarus came together in an agreement to shatter her childish dreams and to torture her along the path in every way possible.
As her sobs ceased she half expected to fall asleep again due to the fresh portion of painkillers in her veins. She was surprised that quite the opposite happened. The slight deafness in her ears disappeared and she felt her tears been dried.
“There there… the bad ponies are gone. Everything will be alright.”
Her body was lifted carefully and she felt a pair of hooves enclosing her in a tight but at the same time cautious hug. In her former life she was not one for such gestures, not because she did not want to but she felt like she was all too grown up to get hugged by another adult. How foolish she was… Hesitantly and with shaking forelegs she returned the hug as she felt a fresh wave of tears. She tried to fight them back but something inside of her just broke then and there and she buried her face in the shoulder of the white mare, crying her heart out. The presence of the other mare and her gentle strokes down her back succeeded in calming her down at last. The pony broke the hug just enough to look her in her bloodshot eyes.
“Feeling better?”
She just nodded and sniffed.
“My name is Cecilia Adamantine Redheart, but as my profession is being a nurse everypony just calls me Nurse Redheart.”
Redheart waited patiently for an answer from her and after a few more minutes she found enough strength to speak. “Janina. My name’s Janina.”
The mare in front of her grimaced a bit. “Now that is some weird name.”
She felt her ears fall flat against her skull which was some strange feeling by the way. “You think so? Well where I’m from it’s a common name for wo- mares.”
Redheart tried to say her name a few times then shook her head. “No, this won’t do. It just… I mean really no offense but it just sounds plain weird.”
She thought for a bit while she was laid back in her bed. She only knew one other name for a dragonequus and ‘Discord’ won’t do either, so there was only one possibility left. The name that the fandom made up for his female version. Just as Redheart was about to leave her room she spoke up again.
“Eris. Just call me Eris.”
The white mare stopped in the door and turned her face to Eris, smiling. “Now that is a cute name. I suggest you catch up on some sleep. You are still recovering after all.”
She proceeded to leave the room but was detained once more as her ears caught a barely audible whisper. “Nurse Redheart?”
“Yes darling?”
“Won’t you get in trouble for throwing the guards out and acting contrary to the royal decree?”
There was silence for the briefest of moments before Eris could hear a slight sigh. “I swore an oath. To help those in need and to protect them from anypony who would bring harm to them. You seemed to be quite in need of help if you ask me.”
A smile crept to her face the first time since she woke up in this world. “Thank you, for everything. And I’m sorry for all the trouble that I maybe will cause.”
“Don’t be.”
She stared at her form underneath the blanket which was obviously put on her again and the smile faded. “How can you even be so kind to a monstrosity like me…?”
She could hear the frown in Redhearts voice. “Don’t you say something like that ever again. You are a beautiful young dragonequus mare and although I have to admit that I never saw another female one you look quite cute. At least your body is way less mixed up like Discords and your fur has a really stunning shade of auburn.”
An embarrassed blush heated her cheeks and she shyly looked away. She could not take it being complimented by others, she never could. Her ears swiveled in the direction of the door as it caught a genuine and hearty laugh.
“Wow now that’s a sight. At least we can be sure that you are not suffering from anemia.”
Although she felt her blush growing deeper she joined in and laughed and it felt wonderful. Did laughing always felt so… right? On very few occasions in her past it really did and she always treasured these memories like they were her most valuable possession. But in the back of her mind she knew. She won’t be under Redhearts protection forever. Eventually she would recover and had to leave hospital walking right into the waiting shackles of her highness’ royal guard and her all too eager protégé.
A series of firm knocks broke the silence in the room. Eris did not even have noticed that Redheart had left. Maybe she drifted off at some point. Out of sheer habit she answered before thinking.
“Come in!”
When the door swung wide open to reveal a slightly fuming lavender unicorn she instantly cursed herself silently for being careless. In a childish (or foalish?) attempt she hid under her blanket and began to shiver. Heavy hooffalls could be heard from an obviously stomping Twilight Sparkle and in the next moment the blanket was pulled away from her head. She raised her arms in a defensive way and pleaded desperately.
“Please don’t hurt me.”
She sniffled quietly because her eyes brimmed with tears of fear. But the awaited assault, physically or mentally, did not come. For some long moments there was nothing but her quiet sniffling. She did not dare to lower her arms so she could see Twilights face. Until there could be heard the sound of a rear slumping down on the ground, that is. Curiosity got the best of her and cautiously she let her arms drop on the bed. Right in front of her sat the unicorn staring dumbfounded at her.
“You are terrified of me.”
It was not a question but a simple statement. Realization obviously had hit the mare straight in the face and what it showed her was noticeable not to her liking. But what happened next was not what Eris expected. Anger flashed in purple eyes and the unicorn stood tall again, glaring daggers at her.
“What is this? Are you trying to play tricks on me? Dagonequi are one of the most powerful creatures amongst the multipotens belua(1). You cannot fool me!”
All she got from her outburst was the sight of a supposed-to-be heartless monster sobbing pitifully in its pillow.
“B-but…”
Suddenly the tear soaked face of what she thought was everything near a demons shoot up and looked desperately at her.
“Do you think I chose to be one?!”
At that she had to admit that she might have chosen to be one for she did not know in the slightest what the contract with Discord included. She lowered her head in defeat, again felling her ears falling flat against her skull. Her voice was but a whisper.
“Do you think I wanted to be one…?”
Twilight stopped at this and for the first time looked the dagonequus in its eyes. They carried an unspoken pain she never saw. The eyes are windows showing ones soul. And what the unicorn saw in this grayish green orbs was nothing short of a shattered soul tortured by dolors unimagined, scarcely healed and then shattered again.
In this very moment… Twilight did not see the monstrosity but the distressed, broken dragonequus mare which she almost dragged out of the hospital despite knowing that it will cause her even more pain. She lowered her head in shame.
Twilight and Eris talked for some time after the apology. It was awkward at first but the more the lavender unicorn came to know her the more she opened up and the more comfortable became the conversation. At some point she drifted off again without even noticing. Her body claimed the rest it needed so badly. It was a dreamless sleep, for her she just closed her eyes and as she opened them again Twilight was gone. She was even so confused that she thought the unicorn just teleported away for a few minutes. But when Redheart entered her room, planting a small tray on a pivoted construction at her bed which served as a table, claiming it was her breakfast, she knew that she must have slept through at least one entire afternoon and night. To be precisely she did not even know what time it was for the lack of a clock in her room. After a short smalltalk with her the Nurse stated that she had to leave because she had other patients which needed their breakfast as well. So she bid farewell for the moment and Eris was alone again. Curious about the contents of her diet she swiveled the construction, her breakfast stood on, over her and paused for a moment. She stared at the ceiling and felt like planting her hand on her face with enough force to elicit a loud smacking sound at least. Yepp, she was still laying on her back and she just forgot to sit up. A blush crept to her face as she swung the construction out of the way and tried to sit up. You may think that this was a simple task but this brought up more than one might think. First of all she had to decide on what part of her body she could sit comfortably and this one demanded for something she had done everything to avoid. She had to actually look at her new body. Not just looking at but she had to try to understand it. And if she was honest with herself this frightened her the most. Sure she caught glimpses of her new form a few times but she could not help it to feel kind of disconnected from it. As if she was just watching some cruel joke, which was nothing but a rubberfigure, and her real body would lay under it, hidden from view. So she had to coming to terms with her new body. For quite a time, how long she was not sure due to the lack of anything which would indicate the duration, she just lay there staring at the ceiling. Her senses were working well as far as she could tell. Small shadows danced over the ceiling caused by the slight movement of the curtains. She noticed it earlier but she actually was able to see everything clearly. This meant that her eyes were not in need of visual aids anymore. The sporadic movement of her ears in the direction of a sound or where she tried to hear something still felt odd but she was getting used to it. This had not only advantages. If she swiveled her ears over to the window she was able to hear some noises of the sometimes busy town out there. Walking and conversing ponies. She could not understand what they were saying but sometimes there were excited shouts of younger voices, probably foals or adolescent ones. At this a smile showed on her face. But when she not focused on the sound in front of her window her ears would just lazily return to what seemed to be their relaxing position. She could also tell that her ears reacted to her feelings directly which gave away more than she would like. From what she called neutral position, for the lack of a better name, her ears perked up and stood straight on her head if she focused on something or if she was excited. They even shivered a bit which tickled quite much. If she was angry, she found out while thinking about Discord, her ears would turn to lay back, not against her skull but lifted just a little bit. And they would practically vibrate with fury which by the way did not tickle in the slightest. With being sad or depressed her ears would just hang down from their neutral position to the point where they touched the sides of her face. But what felt odd the most was when she heard a sound and was not sure where it came from. If she tried to make out the source of the noise her ears swiveled frantically in all directions, not even synchronously. It was this strange of a feeling she had to put her hands on her ears to stop them or she would get dizzy or even air her belly. It felt just like if you turn around and around and abruptly stop your movement but like ten times as bad. After the world in front of her ceased its movement, and she was sure she would not make a mess on either her bed or the floor beside it, she removed her hands from her ears. And for the first time, since she woke up, she actually looked at them. Just like her legs they were not differing. Instead of a talon and a paw she got what looked like a cross between a lion paw and actual hands. She only got four digits but they were too slender to fit with those belonging to a paw but at the same time they were too thick and too short to be fingers. They looked plain weird but at the same time felt right. As if she could use them just like her former fingers. Her arms looked almost fragile although they felt not weak in any way. Both her arms and paw/hands were covered in ocher fur which turned to auburn near her shoulders. Almost if she was wearing a shirt or something. This look carried on over her shoulders as her neck was covered in a somewhat longer white fur with a barely visible shine to it. She could only assume that this white fur covered her whole head. She lifted the blanket to get a better view of the rest of her body. Her chest was entirely auburn just like Redheart had said. All the way down to her haunch. She took some time to stare in wonder at her slender and kind of long body. Although it was not just one tube like Discords. There were undeniably some curves at the right places and all of the sudden she felt kind of exposed. She shook the thought away and instead let her gaze wander to her legs. Their scales shimmered in the most beautiful emerald and albeit as slender as everything on her she could see that they got some muscle. Not much but the outlines were barely visible. She followed their line down to her feet which were nothing short of dragonclaws. Her talons possessed a slight and elegant curve. And last her tail. Just like everything else it was slender and looked fragile. Its scales were not even near anything like those of her legs. They were a surprisingly brilliant shade of sky blue. At the end it got something what looked like it could be a fin. Maybe a sea snakes tail would fit its sight. She wondered if she could use it for swimming. Or, for starters, if she could move it at all. But how to move something that you never had your whole life? She stared at her tail trying to force it to move by sheer willpower. What she got was not even a twitch. After a long staring contest with her tail – at this she blushed a little – she just went back to looking at the ceiling. So much to process for her mind. So much new sensations to cope with. And the last part was bound to become even worse when the painkillers that numbed her body to a small extend were removed from her system. She heaved a heavy sigh just as the door to her room opened to reveal a pale yellow Pegasus.
“Erm… excuse me? I knocked but nopony answered so I’m just coming in… if it’s alright, that is.”
Were there any knocks? She could not remember hearing some. Nevertheless she turned to the shy mare with a smile on her face.
“Yes it is alright. Do come in. It’s nice to see you… again.”
For a moment she was about to say ‘Fluttershy’ but then again has she ever been told the name of the mare? Some dragonequus appearing out of nowhere certainly was strange enough. No need for confusing anypony further while trying to explain why she knew their names. Maybe she was told her name but in the rush of events that followed she just could not remember. She decided that the best way was to introduce herself first and see what happened.
“By the way. Name’s Eris.”
Fluttershy smiled and stepped closer to her bed as she caught sight of the untouched tray.
“Oh my. You did not eat your breakfast yet?” The Pegasus was ready to launch herself in a lecture by the looks of it. “You know that it is essential for your recovery to be well nutrified.” It was quite funny but also a bit intimidating that her voice changed from her almost fragile whisper to a firm and reproachful speech. Eris on her part tried to defend herself before this lecture was going in directions of a grown mare teaching a little filly that she should eat her vegetables.
“Wait there just a moment. I was just too distracted, ok? I intended eating my meal like a good little filly would.”
The last part dripped with sarcasm which went completely unregistered by the pale yellow mare in front of her. She was met with nothing but a genuine smile and then something happened what almost made her snap. The Pegasus leaned over and ruffled her mane.
“That’s a good girl.”
She just stared dumbstruck for a moment then began cautiously.
“You know that I am not some random animal, do you?”
Aqua eyes went wide as the hoof on her head came to a halt and finally was removed. Fluttershy shrank back a bit und muttered something under her breath which had a distant resemblance to ‘I’m sorry’. She instantly regretted being harsh to this pony.
“It’s alright, really. You just… I don’t know… fell back to your habits or something? I mean since you are caring for so many animals.”
“How do you know…?”
Crap.
She felt beads of sweat forming on her forehead and put on a nervous smile as her mind raced for some excuse.
“I… errr… You see it is like this… that… ehhh… Nurse Redheart told me?”
Perfect, just perfect. As if anypony would buy such a…
“Oh. That would make sense since I was here watching for you when you first woke up.”
Serious? She just came up with the lamest excuse ever which also sounded like it was a question in the end and this all too kind pony just believed it? Okay now she felt bad. The door opened and of all ponies Redheart stepped in.
“Hello Eris. I just finished my… Oh you are in company. Good morning Fluttershy.”
Double crap!
The pale yellow Pegasus turned to greet the nurse. “Good morning, Nurse Redheart. Eris here just told me that you have told her of my good work with animals.”
Her mind did her best interpretation of Sweetie Belle. ‘OH COME ON!’ There was an awkward silence or a moment in which the white mare glared daggers at her and she felt her head lower in shame but perking straight up at the nodd from the nurses head.
“I thought it would be nice for her knowing something about the pony she met after waking up.”
She threw a glare at Eris that told her she was not getting away with this so easily. She gulped and flashed an apologetic smile which she replaced with a genuine one as Fluttershy turned back to her bed. Watching her expectantly the Pegasus nodded towards the tray. Okay, she could do this. Just raising the upper part of her body and leaning against the head of her bed to reach a more upright position. How hard could that be? She positioned her paw/hands next to her chest and tried to raise herself but the moment her back lifted off the bed a soaring pain thundered through her body. A groan escaped her lips but just as she wanted to give up trying two surprisingly soft hooves supported her and aided her in reaching the position she aimed for. She never imagined such a feat would be this exhausting but nevertheless she smiled at Fluttershy.
“Thank you very much.”
To her surprise she was met with concerned looks from both mares. Okay, obviously sitting up was not supposed to cause her this much pain.
“You’re welcome. Are you feeling alright? Because you do look kind of pale.”
How could she tell she was pale? She got white fur all over her face. But now that the Pegasus mentioned it she actually felt not quite that good. Cold beads of sweat glistened in her fur and her labored breathing just won’t calm down. What was going on? Why she felt so weak all of the sudden? Her vision turned blurry and she felt her body heat up increasingly. Redheart was by her side in the instant and began examining her while she also managed to put her back down to lie on the bed. She heard her blood pulsing in her ears and felt a way too cold hoof touching her forehead. The nurse pushed a button at the wall next to her bed and urged Fluttershy to leave at once. When even more ponies arrived the pale pink maned mare bellowed orders at them but everything she could hear before her world turned black again were some parts of sentences which did nothing to ease her nerves.
“…way too high temperature!”
“We need to…!”
“No time…!”
“…cool her down!”
“We’re going to lose her!”
Then there was nothing… again… how she started to hate this…
The first and most prominent thing she felt was an omnipotent hum which droned through not only the room around but herself alike. Right down to her core. And as if this was not bad enough something inside her resonated to this hum and shocked her violently. The hairs of her fur stood on end and her body twitched painfully every now and then as if it was electrified by this hum. Not a single one of her five senses was working as it was supposed to. Her ears were filled with this hum deafening every other noise around her. When she tried to open her eyes she was greeted by violently swirling colors that only made her bellyache worse. The only thing she felt were millions of millions of tiny lightning strikes, and not the tickly ones, torturing the entity of her body. She would not be surprised if she could smell singed fur if she would have been capable of smelling anything at all. And last her sense of taste. Oh how she wished it would be numbed like anything else but instead she tasted the unmistakable, metallic flavor of blood. Was she going to die?
‘How ironic…’, she thought. ‘Coming to Equestria, awaking to be a dragonequus, and now I’ll just vanish…’
How long she drifted through this hell of pain she could not tell. It certainly felt like a minimum of two lifespans. Somewhere on the way she started to wish for it to end, for dying only to escape this everlasting nightmare. The few moments her consciousness drifted to the surface she found herself emptying her already long empty belly but although she tasted blood she could not see any of it through the chaotic haze of colors. This should have been some kind of reassurance to her if she had been even capable of thinking, that is. It took her not long to fall into nothingness again. This repeated over and over again. A never ending cycle of pain, fever and spasms of her body which was obviously trying to fend off some kind of contaminant. But eventually her body surrendered, deprived of its last bits of strength. And finally, just as she could not take it anymore, the droning hum toned down. The lightning faded and the twitching along with it. Her whole body and with it all of her senses went numb. And for the first time after what seemed to be an eon long agony she was embraced by the comforting arms of sleep.
She could swear that she heard an almost motherly whisper of singing.
‘Hush now, quiet now…’
When her senses finally returned to her she could not help it but to groan uncomfortably. She felt sore all over and wondered how it was even possible that even her sense of taste seemed to have a dull ache to it. Cautiously she opened one of her eyes and felt a wave of relieve wash over her for there were no more swirling hazes of colors obscuring her vision. Immediately she began coughing due to her desert dry throat. It certainly hurt but it was nothing compared to the former experienced agony. A glass with what looked like water in it floated in front of her and she eagerly accepted it, downing its contents in one single gulp. The clear, chilly liquid felt like heaven as it traveled down her throat and elicited a small, contend sigh from her. She was about to face her savior to thank him or her properly but froze in mid movement as her eyes laid on a single figure standing by her window, admiring the view. Slowly her surroundings dawned on her. She was still in the hospital and she still lay in her bed. It was nighttime, which hour exactly she still could not tell for the still present lack of a proper chronometer. The lights were out so that her room was solely lit by the moons divine glow. The constant beeping of her heart monitor became a thing of reassurance to her, telling her she indeed was alive. Her mouth opened and closed a few times refusing to say what she wanted to. There was no need for thinking about who this figure was as she knew it in the instant her eyes fell upon it. It stood patiently, not moving a bit but for her eyes scanning and admiring the night sky. The view was… breathtaking at least. Somewhere deep down out of her subconsciousness she felt the word enticing surface into her mind. She was actually not into females and definitely not into ponies but… the undeniable beauty of the figure in front of her left her awestruck. All she could do was staring. Not at a single part of it but at the entity of the stunning sight. The color of the mares coat could not be described anything short of the same color of the night sky on a summer day. It was otherworldly and natural at the same time and had the air of the unknown to it. Of secrets undiscovered and calmness together. Her brilliant turquoise eyes wandered about the stars with the same warmness in them like when a mother would look on her children. Which was, if Eris thought about it, probably the case by the way. And last, but definitely not the least, was her mane which was like a piece of the sky had torn itself apart from its place only to become the ever floating sight attached to this pony. Interspersed with uncounted stars it complimented her in a way which could only be described as divine. Eris did not found it in her to break the moment, to draw the attention of the princess away from the sky. And she could not stop staring as her mind struggled to comprehend such beauty and failed. Even if she wanted to say anything her mouth, again, would refuse to do so. She was caught in this moment and she was able to understand now why the mare in front of her was called a goddess. The portrayal in the series of ‘My little Pony’ suddenly felt like an insult to this deity. But there was even more. She could not grasp it but she was sure that she saw something more or to be precise she felt it. There was something inside her, something new, that sent information to her brain but she was not able to understand any of it. Like if she developed a whole new sense but was not capable of processing it. Everything her mind could understand was that the one in her line of view was dangerous and in the instant her body reacted to the possible threat for her wellbeing by shivering in fear. This however did not go unnoticed and a frown showed itself on the face of the princess as she slowly, gracefully turned around.
“There is no need to be afraid of us.”
The voice of the mare calmed her nerves a bit but again this new sense alarmed her of something in it. As if some unknown part of the voice was way stronger as it should be, almost as if this particular part was like she was shouted at through a megaphone. It overwhelmed her, took her breath and caused her to shy away with horrified eyes. Whatever it was the princess seemed to take notice and smiled reassuringly.
“I see… Farewell for now. We will meet again.”
And just like that the mare was gone. No light, no sound. Just… gone. And only then her new sense calmed down followed by the rest of her body. A pressure she did not notice until it was not there anymore lifted from her and left her feeling a little dizzy. What in the name of Tartarus just happened? She went back to what seemed to be her favorite activity, namely, staring at the ceiling. Luna, the princess of the night, just stood at the window of her room, admiring the view of her own night sky. And what did she do? She cowered in fear just like the little fillies and colts did in the nightmare night episode. Hopefully the deity did not felt insulted in any way by her actions. Placing a paw/hand over her heart she could not help but feel that there was something new just beneath it. For what it was she could not tell but it felt like it belonged to her like her arm would. As if it had been there her entire life but at the same time she knew exactly she never felt it before. It pulsed, following her heartbeat. If she concentrated hard enough she could tell that something was spreading from it throughout her body to the very tips of the hair her fur consisted of. To say it felt strange did no justice to the sheer weirdness of it. But, to make her confusion complete, it felt all natural at the same time. As if it was supposed to be like this and it was something she missed her entire life up to now. She needed some answers and she knew just the unicorn to ask for. Everything she had to do was waiting for the day to begin and then ask Redheart to call Twilight. Sleeping was out of the question right now. So she did the only thing she could think of being useful right now.
She faced a massive task which probably would take all she had in her and would leave her exhausted beyond all degrees. Just by thinking of it let her muscles scream in fear of the sheer impossibility of her intention.
She watched the dawn displaying itself in front of her window, a gloomy and abstractedly expression adorned her face. Just a few minutes before, she finally managed to lean herself against the head of her bed to reach a more upright position. However all initial enthusiasm and cheering for her accomplishment faded not two seconds after that. Wow she sat herself up, how awe-inspiring.
It was so humiliating.
For something so simple like sitting up she exhausted herself to the point that her heart was racing and she was covered in sweat. She needed whole minutes to calm her labored breathing. She was not unaccustomed to receiving help and she was not so proud that she would deny it. But she could not take being a burden. In addition she had not a single bit in her possession and, sure as tartarus, she had no health insurance coverage. Redheart certainly was a nice and caring mare but she too needed to earn her living. She heaved a heavy sigh. As beautiful as this dawn was it did nothing to ease her nerves. Slowly she turned her gaze away from the colorful display and looked down on her hand/paws. Her thoughts, one more time, returning to the deity which visited her that night. Why was she so overrun with fear? Why did she shy away from this mare? One of her hand/paws laid itself on the place on her chest where she could feel her heart beat. There, just underneath it she could feel this new thing. Not as present anymore but if she concentrated enough she could definitely feel it. Why did this thing react so extremely to the presence of Luna and why did it see to it that she was horrified beyond measure? As much lost in her thoughts as she was she did not notice that the door to her room opened until the by now familiar voice of Redheart snapped her out of her stupor.
“Good morning, Eris. I see that you are doing way better.”
When no answer followed the white mare tilted her head slightly. She actually smiled at the nurse but it was obvious that she forced it. Of course this made the pony frown.
“Is anything the matter?”
Again a sigh escaped her lips and she felt her ears drop down as she turned to look out of the window again. When she answered it was but a whisper. “Just look at me… I’m pathetic…” She smiled sadly. “Don’t say I’m not. I’m reclining here and almost pass out if I try to sit myself up.”
A surprisingly soft hoof touched her hand and albeit she did not want to be touched she did not flinch. “You are ill. It’s just normal that you are a bit under the weather.”
She kept on staring at the roofs of the town underneath. In the distance she could see a clock tower which explained why there was no clock in her room. “Don’t play it down. I’m not just a bit under the weather. Even a foal would put up more of a fight than me.”
“Pardon?”
“What I’m trying to say is that I’m not able to stand up and walk around. Hay, I can’t even sit properly!”
Redheart put a hoof on her chin and turned her face towards her, smiling reassuringly. “But that is perfectly normal. Are you even aware of the fact that you are on sedatives and painkillers? They tend to make you weak and sleepy. All you have to do is to recover first.” The nurse ruffled her mane playfully and to her own surprise she actually giggled at that. “Don’t worry about feeling a bit weak. It will go away if we discontinue you medication. So be a good filly and eat your breakfast this time.”
She rolled her eyes but could not suppress a smile. “Yes, ma’am.”
With that the white mare turned around and pulled a metal cart in her room which was loaded with several trays. One of them was marked with the name ‘Eris’ whereas the others were not marked in any way. She could only assume that the diet of dragonequui actually did differ from the one of ponies. She waited patiently while Redheart placed her tray on the pivoted construction which served as a table. As a matter of fact it was quite interesting to observe how the pony ‘grabbed’ the tray with her fetlock joints while at the same time balancing herself by leaning back to the point where her backhooves were almost under her chest and thus pushing her hindquarters out. A blush crept to her face as she caught herself staring at the flank which swayed just the tiniest bit in front of her. Quickly she forced her gaze away. What the hay was going on with her that she not only almost immediately fell for the beauty of the princess but was entranced of her caretakers flank? She. was. not. into. females!
“Everything’s alright? You just zoned out there.”
The voice of the nurse snapped her back to reality and she blinked, surprised that the table was already swiveled over her bed with the uncovered tray on it. What she honestly did not expect was what she found on her plate. Well maybe she should have expected this cause their only reference was none other than the god of chaos himself. In the episodes was shown that he got quite the sweet tooth. But she never assumed that candies and sweets in general could be the proper diet of a dragonequus. Her plate consisted of various kinds of sugary treats accompanied by nothing less than a glass of chocolate milk. While she looked over her supposed-to-be meal her expression went blank. She admitted that she tended to allow herself a piece of chocolate or a lollipop from time to time in the past but she never really liked sweets all that much.
“Eris? Will you keep on zoning out here?”
“Ehhh… Huh?”
When she took her gaze off the plate and turned to look at the mare she was met with a worried frown. “You seem not to be very excited about your breakfast. Is there something wrong with it?”
She hastily shook her head and put on a fake smile. “No, not at all. It’s just that… uhm… it is… so much that I don’t know if I’m able to eat all of it.”
To emphasize her point she grabbed a candy cane and began to nosh it slowly. When she chewed off the first bit she had to keep herself from gagging due to the syrupy sweet that invaded her mouth. She rubbed her belly and hummed in appreciation which elicited a giggle from Redheart.
“Okay. Take it slow. Just eat as much as you can. I have to leave you for a bit to provide the other patients with breakfast.”
The white mare then began pushing the metal cart with the other trays on it out of her room. She swallowed as she remembered something.
“Nurse Redheart?”
The pale pink maned pony stopped at the door and turned to look at her. “Is there anything you need?”
“No thanks I’m perfectly fine. But can you do me a favor and call for Twilight Sparkle? I have some things I wanted to ask her.”
It was obvious that Redheart was not too fond of the idea of letting the lavender unicorn step in her hospital again if she was not injured. “And what would that be?”
“Well… for starters what happened to me. I mean, I was fine, weak but fine. And then I just… passed out and lived through tartarus for I don’t know how long.”
She flinched a bit as she felt a scowl on her. “And why would that be that you prefer to ask her about that instead of your nurse?” A sigh echoed through the room. “Listen, what you experienced was a magical overload. It occurs if an individual is isolated from the environmental magics for a very long time and then is fully exposed to them without protection. It overstrains your body’s own magic circuit which causes a defensive reaction just like if your body would try to fend off a foreign matter. Though your case was the most severe one ever recorded in history.” At her blank expression the nurse frowned. "It's just like if you would go outside from a dark room and look in the sky. I can promise that it will hurt. But it's actually not the eyes themselves that hurt but the nerves which transmitt the signals. It's the overload with stimuli which causes the pain. Now try to imagine staring directly into the sun with barely used eyes. The only difference is that you can't become magic-blind. If your circuit is ever on the verge of being, for the lack of a better term, blinded your body would break under the pressure..." By now every ounce of anger had left the voice of the nurse and was replaced with something Eris could not name. “We almost lost you but then you suddenly began to recover. Nopony knew why as some less optimistic ones even had given up on you. Just like that, without any noticeable reason.”
A heavy silence laid itself upon the room as she could do nothing but stare dumbstruck at the pony who just told her that she very nearly died just from entering this world. She took neither notice of the worried face nor the waving hoof in front of her eyes.
