As Rainbow Dash was flying through the dark void of nothingness, she was looking for any signs of life whats so ever. Nothing, their was no signs of life except for her and Twilight.
"Wait Twilight, Where is twilight" she thought aloud.
That's when she discovered the full extent of her situation. She was lost!
"TWILIGHT TWILIGHT!" she yelled but to no avail, their were no answers, Just the sound of an eerie breeze that somehow managed to sweep across the desolate land of despair. "Wait" she thought, If I could pull Off a sonic rain boom in here that might let twilight know where I am" She thought with a last glimmer of hope.
With that last encouraging thought she soared as high up into the darkness as she could possibly go, Spread her wings and with a hard thrust was sent rocketing towards the ground. As she flew faster her eyes started to tear up and a small mach cone started to form around her body. "Just a little more, COME ON!" she grunted as she was approaching the apex of her speed. Just as she thought she had it she paused in mid air and like a sling shot was propelled backwards with incredible force. "nonononono NO!" she yelped as she hit the ground with a bone shattering impact.
As she hit the ground she felt her wing crunch under her and knew right away that she wouldn't be doing any flying for a quite some time.
As she lay on the ground wavering between consciousness and unconsciousness she whispered one final phrase.
"Mom...Dad, What did I ever do in life to deserve do die in a place like this?" And with that she drifted off into the realm of unconsciousness.
"Dash, Dash. Come on Rainbow Dash wake up" Ugh come on just 5....more...minutes. "No Rainbow you have got to wake up. come on mom I don't have school today. "Wait what" she heard an unknown voice say.
"Come on Dash, stay with me."
"UGHHHHH I don't want to stay with anyone..........I..........Just..........Want.......To......sleep" Dash muttered.
"Fine Rainbow Dash you asked for it" "SLAP" "OUCH WHAT THE HELL!!!" Dash yelled. "Wait TWILIGHT" Dash said in surprise. "Oh thank Celestia your alright, I thought I lost you!" And with that Twilight wrapped her hooves around Dash and embraced her for all she was worth.
"Okay okay I get it your glad you found me" Dash said as she felt a slight blush start to come over her.
"No rainbow dash you just don't get it, I thought you were DEAD!" As tears started to fall from the purples unicorns violet eyes.
"Okay okay Twilight just PLEAS enough with the drama geez, Besides in case you haven't notices my wing here is completely messed up, man is Pinkie Pie starting to rub off on you" As Dash said that she half expected Pinkie to somehow tear through the fabric of time and space and find them, but that thought was quickly replaced when a shot of pain went shooting though her right wing causing her to winch in pain. "AH" she yelped as her wing continued to throb.
"Dash are you alright" Twilight asked in a concerned tone.
"ugh yea just a minor scrape" Dash responded.
"uh Dash I think theirs more to it than just that, here let me take a look at it" Said twilight.
"Ugh...Fine go ahead just be careful pegasi hate it when other ponies touch their wings" exclaimed dash.
"Don't worry I will" Twilight said in a compassionate tone. When Twilight went around to Dashes left side she was surprised at what she saw. Dashes normally straight wing was bent completely to the side. "Hey Dash" Twilight said
"y yea " dash responded preparing for the bad news she was expecting to hear from Twilight. "This might hurt a little" With that Twilight took Rainbow Dashes wing quickly popped it back to it's right location.
"AH WHAT THE BUCK TWILIGHT" Dash yelled as a surge of pain went shooting through her wing. "There you go good as new although I wouldn't do any extreme flying for a little wile" Twilight said
"Wow, Thanks twilight my wing feels as good as ever" Dash said as she prepared to take off with a blast. As she took off yet another surge of pain went shooting through her wing. "UGH" She yelped as she once again fell to the ground.
"like I said you might want to take it easy for a while" Twilight responded. "Yea I guess your right" Dash said as she slowly got up and stretched.
"Say Twi how did you find me in the first place" Dash asked
"Well It wasn't that hard when I saw a rainbow trail streaking against a pitch black sky and then saw that rainbow stream plummet to the ground. "
I..I guess But why didn't you just yell" Dash asked "I did it's Just that you were flying so fast that you didn't hear me" Twilight responded.
"Well I'm Exhausted twi" I think I'm going to hit the hey." Rainbow said as she yawned and started to lay down on the ground. "Wait Dash" Twilight started to say but was interrupted by Dashes snoring. Twilight just smiled as she also laid down and drifted into a deep sleep.
"But that's soon about to all change when they get trapped in an interdenominational portal for the next 3 days."
The portal trapped them within multiple religions...?
I think you're looking for "interdimensional," unless the portal connects the Baptists to the Seventh Day Adventists or such.
Not that that would be a bad fic, mind you...
First off, the word you're looking for in the description is "interdimensional", not "interdenominational".
Second, never have more than one character speak within a single paragraph. If someone else has something to say, start a new one.
Third, when using numbers, write out the words instead of using numerals (example: "three" instead of "3"). The exceptions to this are dates and times.
You also need more description. Pace yourself. The plot is almost as rushed as a cheetah chasing an antelope.
It's a good thing this site has a very helpful writing guide that explains everything you need to know about good writing. You should check it out.
2659107
Yeah, but just because I see a door doesn't mean I'm going to run through it, especially if it's glowing and every glowing door prior to this one has ended up in "surprise" sex.
I think Rainbow Dash is being needlessly reckless to further a plot.
Also that is me, so thank you. Agree with me and I'll do something kinky for you involving flank.
2658116 Thank you! I will be sure t o change it!
2659180 Yea, I probably need go more into detail about what she was thinking.
LOL at that last sentence!
2658105 lol if i knew enough about that stuff i probably would make a fic about it.
2657890
Yes, Yes the portal is intertwined with a variety of different religions. (sarcasm)
1st off u have the story go WAY to fast tune it back a bit and have a bit more meat to the story