Jamarcus in Equestria

by Shadowstalker

Leaving Earth.

"Listen, guys," Jamarcus said standing in front of the three guys. "Promise me you won't eat my ice cream while I'm gone."

The three guys, the neighborhood watch, all nodded in unison.

"Listen," Evan said. "I'll keep it in my freezer for you, because we all know that Bob, no offense, happens to love chocolate. Now, you just-"

"I'm going to miss you!" Bob said blowing his nose into a handkerchief. "Who's going to play guitar and have Franklin pass out from appreciation and beer!?"

"Oh don't worry, it's only for a month." Jamarcus said. "Besides, I'm just going to visit a friend in the Orion Nebula. With the warp drive on the ship, I'll get there in almost no time."

"Wait, you know how to drive that thing?" Franklin asked. "I thought you said you crashed or something?"

"Actually, I found the manual."

Jamarcus leaned down and opened one of his two brief cases, everyone present just stared at the large tablet he pulled out.

"This, is my people's version of, driving for dummies." He said. "I found it in the glove box."

"Is that an kindle?" Evan asked. "I have one of those at my house too."

"You know what, I try and show you some alien technology and you already have some..." He sighed putting it back in. "Wait, where did you get one? We never sold any to Earthlings."

"Oh, it was in the wreckage of the old Costco." Evan said. "I was hanging on to it for you, you know, as a birthday present."

"Oh! Isn't that just dandy?" He smiled. "Listen, I must be off, Erid doesn't like a late visitor."

As he picked up his two bags, gave a quick smile to his friends and exited, Bob made a dash for the fridge.

Before the others could stop him, he opened the freezer door with a maniacally laugh that quickly stopped. A red boxing glove attached to a spring shot out and nailed him in the nose. As his friends rushed over, or atleast Evan as Franklin was laughing, a note floated down onto Bob's chest.

"He really didn't want you to touch his ice cream." Evan said picking up the note. "Nice try Bob, better luck next time. Hugs and love, Jamarcus. P.S. You can use a bag of pea's next to the ice cream to put on that sore nose."

"Oh, that crafty bastard." Bob said. "I'm taking his steak instead."

Jamarcus's ship.

Brushing aside a branch only for it to come back and hit him in the head, Jamarcus stood in front of the large ship.

It was in the shape of an ice cream cone, the front and largest end had a few windows and blasters. the sides had room for more blasters, support thrusters and hatches for the escape pods. The back end of it was just one big rocket used to gain the speed necessary.

He pulled out out the key chain and pushed down on unlock.

The windshield wipers turned on instead.

"Stupid thing, work." He said tapping it on the side. "Now, open!"

The alarm went off now, but the wipers had stopped.

"Bloody thing! Work!" He yelled hitting it with his palm.

With a hiss, a door opened up and the alarm shut off after the second blare. Raising his eyebrows, he looked at the key before shrugging and putting it back in his pocket. Picking up his bags again, he gave another award winning smile and quickly went up the ramp, letting it fold up behind him.

Inside, it was a sterile silver metal. Light's dotted the walls and floor, above, the ceiling was a brilliant sky blue. He took a deep breath, coughing from the forgotten smell of the interior he began down the corridor to his left. Walking, he barely noticed himself enter the control room until his shoulder hit the door frame.

It had a large chair in the middle with numerous screens surrounding it, glowing tubes with a bubbling green fluid were around the other control panels. Seat's were built into the walls and ceiling, and in the very front was the glove box.

He strapped in his luggage to a random seat. Making sure it was tight enough, he put an extra strap around them before quickly turning on his heel and running up to the control chair.

"Ooh!" He said smiling. "Finally! The captain's chair! This is so exciting! I can't wait to see the look on Erid's blob when he see's me arrive in this."

Strapping himself in, he put his hands onto the arm rests activating the screens.

Numerous maps, wording, topographical lines, gas levels, the fuel gauge, engine condition and systems sprang to life. Checking them over twice, he tapped a few symbols on the middle screen before they all gave him a view of the outside of the ship.

Outside, the ship was overtaken by a series of blue sparks before it disappeared from visible sight. Back inside, Jamarcus, was wildly tapping away on the screens.

Hearing the engines start and the rockets begin liftoff, he got out of the chair and quickly ran back to his suitcases. Unlatching one, he pulled out a six pack of beer. Smiling, turning it in his hands, and humming a small tune as he got back into his seat, he set it down in his lap before ripping one off from its plastic ring.

"This is the li-ah!" He yelped feeling the ship suddenly jerk. "Good thing it wasn't open." He laughed opening the beer.

Taking a sip, he leaned back further into the chair and watched from the windows, Earth's sky disappearing from sight and replaced by the stars of space.

Deep space.

"Computer! Hello...!" Jamarcus yelled again. "Why aren't you working?" He said to himself looking at the screens. "Could you go fix the fuel leak in the engine compartment?" He asked the warning sign on the screen.

Receiving no answer, he reached for another beer and grabbed nothing. Looking down with a frown, he saw only empty beer cans and plastic. Huffing, he looked back at the screens and squinted up at the furthest one.

" A wormhole?" He said with curiosity. "I could use that to get to... I can use that." He said smiling.

Steering the ship towards the swirling mass of white, blue and black, he began singing a random song.

"One two, three four, how about that morning hour!" He sang. "I hate em'! Always puttin' me down into a sour mood!"

As the ship got closer, he began pressing buttons on the screens. Ignoring the emergency alarm and thinking the light's were of a dance parties, he accidentally hit the button for the warp drive.

"Now activating the interstellar warp drive. Please remain calm, and stay seated." Said an old recording Jamarcus had made himself; he was the old navigator after all.

"Wait... Warp drive?" He said aloud. "Aw crap..."

As he hurriedly strapped himself back in, the ship entered the worm hole and the warp drive went off.

The residual bang sent a magnetic shock wave through the ship, knocking out all systems and lights leaving the drunk alien to scream in a panic. As the ship shook, it reentered in a new space just a few thousand miles above a planet.

Seeing the light from the window, he grabbed the emergency controls and turned on the power again. Steering drunkenly, he moved the ship towards the planet in his hope of not dieing horrible in the vacuum of space.

As the ship entered the planet's atmosphere, he turned on the outer shields as to not burn the plating off. As it descended, another alarm went off and then an explosion that rocked the ship. He looked at the engine's systems and saw no reading on the fuel, saluting himself, he watched as the rockets went into overdrive from the rush of fuel sending the ship flying towards the surface of the planet.

The turbulence was terrible, shaking the ship to-and-fro, he was happy he had strapped himself in.

The ship was mere miles away from impact, acting quickly as the fear sobered him, he activated the side thrusters and leveled the ship to some degree. The ship creaked as the thrusters were put into action, quickly the ship angled itself just as it hit.

Jamarcus was thrown forward, his straps stretching in defiance as he was flung back into the seat without a breath. Breathing heavily and quickly s the ship slid across the ground gouging a path, he opened the outside camera's and paled.

"Oh this is not good! Not good!" He yelled staring at the approaching town. "Computer! For the love of all that is good in this universe! Stop this hunk of metal, right now!" He yelled slamming his fists on the arm rests.

"Now activating emergency brakes. Please strap in and remain calm as we crash into something."

Sighing as the ship began to slow considerably, he saw something else approaching. Adjusting his glasses, he leaned forward and stared at the screen.

"Are those... Birds? No... No way..." He said in disbelief. "Oh I need to get out of here right-"

"Fuel tanks are know empty, brace for a sudden drop. Now activating gravity tethers for support and slow descent."

The ship dropped and suddenly lurched forward. he gave a content sigh before realizing the extent of the situation.

"I need to get out of here before they find me. Whoever they are." He said unstrapping himself.

Quickly getting up, he made his way through the corridor from before which had now been filled with smoke. He got the door open and nearly threw himself out so he wouldn't suffocate to death.

Coughing on his hands and knees, he rubbed his eyes feeling them stinging from the noxious fumes. Getting up, he put a hand to the ship's side to steady himself.

Looking up his jaw dropped and his eyebrow's rose up a considerable length.

Six, neon colored ponies, were standing, one was hovering, just outside the ship's shield staring right back at him in fear.

"Ok... Whew." He smiled wiping his forehead of sweat. "For a minute, I thought I was going to have to be taken away by the military. Oh, I was getting scared over a bunch of... Crayon colored horses." He laughed.

"Hey! Were not horses! Were ponies!"

He stopped and looked back at them, seeing the blue one glaring at him he blinked in response. He yelped and flung himself against the ship when the purple one spoke.

"Rainbow! Please, don't upset... It." She spoke. "I'm terribly sorry for her comment, please don't be angry." She smiled forcefully.

"Ok, listen," he said pointing a finger at them. "I don't want any trouble. My ship just crashed after I had a few to many to drink, if you all could so kind as to not alert your military of me, I'd be so thankful."

"Do you think were just going to let some alien try and destroy our town?" Rainbow said. "Well think again! Come out here and fight me like whatever you are! You creepy... Thingy!"

Jamarcus just stared at her, blinked, stared some more and then began laughing. She just flushed red which made him laugh even more.

"Oh my god, you things are so adorable when you're angry!" He laughed. "Ok, I surrender, just don't tickle me to death when I come out." He said wiping away a tear.

He calmly strode out from the shield, leaving a white ring around himself as he passed through. Once he fully exited, the ring disappeared. Staring at the ponies, he looked around casually.

"Well, I must admit, this planet is much better than Klendathu. Those damn arachnids are terrifying, I mean, it looks like some madman drew up his version of a mutated spider. This, and you," he waved a hand towards the group of six. "Not the weirdest, but definently the best planet I've crashed on."

"Alright! Nopony calls me adorable!" Rainbow yelled flaring her wings.

"I wouldn't advise charging me." Jamarcus said narrowing his eyes. "After all, as humans say it, don't judge a book by its cover."

Rainbow snorted before flying forward. Jamarcus stood up and as she was about to hit, caught her in his arms taking the force of the hit. After sliding back a few feet, he wrapped his arms around her and felt another round of laughter coming on.

"Your so fluffy! It's like hugging a piece of heaven." He smiled. "Now, I'm going to let you go, if you try and-"

She got a hoof free and punched him in the nose. Staggering, her looked back down at her before moving his left forearm over both of her fore-legs. She looked at him in suspicion before a set of spikes came out from his skin and wrapped themselves firmly around her fore-legs.

Looking back, he saw the group staring at him in fear. Sighing, he held her up and put an arm under her back legs so she wouldn't be dangling from her fore-legs. Walking towards the group, they froze and watched him set Rainbow down.

"Ok," he said retracting his spikes. "Where in the galaxy am I? What are you? And do you have anywhere I could put my ship?"

Author's Note:

This will be updated on no regular basis. Only when I feel like it, and have a plan for each chapter.