The friedly, asian loving secretly an English alien is in Equestria.
You've seen them rollin' the kids hatin' always trying to catch them riding dirty. Unfortunately, Jamarcus and his crew don't ride dirty... Not anymore atleast. So, telling his friends he's going to be gone for a while, he packs his things and heads to his ship. A short time later, a malfunction in the engine, and a few beers later... He accidentally activates the warp drive in the middle of a wormhole. Now, his ship has yet again crashed on another planet, thankfully without some roommate to try and take it over. Now, what will our English accented, alien, skin wearing friend be doing?
"Listen, guys," Jamarcus said standing in front of the three guys. "Promise me you won't eat my ice cream while I'm gone."
The three guys, the neighborhood watch, all nodded in unison.
"Listen," Evan said. "I'll keep it in my freezer for you, because we all know that Bob, no offense, happens to love chocolate. Now, you just-"
"I'm going to miss you!" Bob said blowing his nose into a handkerchief. "Who's going to play guitar and have Franklin pass out from appreciation and beer!?"
"Oh don't worry, it's only for a month." Jamarcus said. "Besides, I'm just going to visit a friend in the Orion Nebula. With the warp drive on the ship, I'll get there in almost no time."
"Wait, you know how to drive that thing?" Franklin asked. "I thought you said you crashed or something?"
"Actually, I found the manual."
Jamarcus leaned down and opened one of his two brief cases, everyone present just stared at the large tablet he pulled out.
"This, is my people's version of, driving for dummies." He said. "I found it in the glove box."
"Is that an kindle?" Evan asked. "I have one of those at my house too."
"You know what, I try and show you some alien technology and you already have some..." He sighed putting it back in. "Wait, where did you get one? We never sold any to Earthlings."
"Oh, it was in the wreckage of the old Costco." Evan said. "I was hanging on to it for you, you know, as a birthday present."
"Oh! Isn't that just dandy?" He smiled. "Listen, I must be off, Erid doesn't like a late visitor."
As he picked up his two bags, gave a quick smile to his friends and exited, Bob made a dash for the fridge.
Before the others could stop him, he opened the freezer door with a maniacally laugh that quickly stopped. A red boxing glove attached to a spring shot out and nailed him in the nose. As his friends rushed over, or atleast Evan as Franklin was laughing, a note floated down onto Bob's chest.
"He really didn't want you to touch his ice cream." Evan said picking up the note. "Nice try Bob, better luck next time. Hugs and love, Jamarcus. P.S. You can use a bag of pea's next to the ice cream to put on that sore nose."
"Oh, that crafty bastard." Bob said. "I'm taking his steak instead."
Jamarcus's ship.
Brushing aside a branch only for it to come back and hit him in the head, Jamarcus stood in front of the large ship.
It was in the shape of an ice cream cone, the front and largest end had a few windows and blasters. the sides had room for more blasters, support thrusters and hatches for the escape pods. The back end of it was just one big rocket used to gain the speed necessary.
He pulled out out the key chain and pushed down on unlock.
The windshield wipers turned on instead.
"Stupid thing, work." He said tapping it on the side. "Now, open!"
The alarm went off now, but the wipers had stopped.
"Bloody thing! Work!" He yelled hitting it with his palm.
With a hiss, a door opened up and the alarm shut off after the second blare. Raising his eyebrows, he looked at the key before shrugging and putting it back in his pocket. Picking up his bags again, he gave another award winning smile and quickly went up the ramp, letting it fold up behind him.
Inside, it was a sterile silver metal. Light's dotted the walls and floor, above, the ceiling was a brilliant sky blue. He took a deep breath, coughing from the forgotten smell of the interior he began down the corridor to his left. Walking, he barely noticed himself enter the control room until his shoulder hit the door frame.
It had a large chair in the middle with numerous screens surrounding it, glowing tubes with a bubbling green fluid were around the other control panels. Seat's were built into the walls and ceiling, and in the very front was the glove box.
He strapped in his luggage to a random seat. Making sure it was tight enough, he put an extra strap around them before quickly turning on his heel and running up to the control chair.
"Ooh!" He said smiling. "Finally! The captain's chair! This is so exciting! I can't wait to see the look on Erid's blob when he see's me arrive in this."
Strapping himself in, he put his hands onto the arm rests activating the screens.
Numerous maps, wording, topographical lines, gas levels, the fuel gauge, engine condition and systems sprang to life. Checking them over twice, he tapped a few symbols on the middle screen before they all gave him a view of the outside of the ship.
Outside, the ship was overtaken by a series of blue sparks before it disappeared from visible sight. Back inside, Jamarcus, was wildly tapping away on the screens.
Hearing the engines start and the rockets begin liftoff, he got out of the chair and quickly ran back to his suitcases. Unlatching one, he pulled out a six pack of beer. Smiling, turning it in his hands, and humming a small tune as he got back into his seat, he set it down in his lap before ripping one off from its plastic ring.
"This is the li-ah!" He yelped feeling the ship suddenly jerk. "Good thing it wasn't open." He laughed opening the beer.
Taking a sip, he leaned back further into the chair and watched from the windows, Earth's sky disappearing from sight and replaced by the stars of space.
Deep space.
"Computer! Hello...!" Jamarcus yelled again. "Why aren't you working?" He said to himself looking at the screens. "Could you go fix the fuel leak in the engine compartment?" He asked the warning sign on the screen.
Receiving no answer, he reached for another beer and grabbed nothing. Looking down with a frown, he saw only empty beer cans and plastic. Huffing, he looked back at the screens and squinted up at the furthest one.
" A wormhole?" He said with curiosity. "I could use that to get to... I can use that." He said smiling.
Steering the ship towards the swirling mass of white, blue and black, he began singing a random song.
"One two, three four, how about that morning hour!" He sang. "I hate em'! Always puttin' me down into a sour mood!"
As the ship got closer, he began pressing buttons on the screens. Ignoring the emergency alarm and thinking the light's were of a dance parties, he accidentally hit the button for the warp drive.
"Now activating the interstellar warp drive. Please remain calm, and stay seated." Said an old recording Jamarcus had made himself; he was the old navigator after all.
"Wait... Warp drive?" He said aloud. "Aw crap..."
As he hurriedly strapped himself back in, the ship entered the worm hole and the warp drive went off.
The residual bang sent a magnetic shock wave through the ship, knocking out all systems and lights leaving the drunk alien to scream in a panic. As the ship shook, it reentered in a new space just a few thousand miles above a planet.
Seeing the light from the window, he grabbed the emergency controls and turned on the power again. Steering drunkenly, he moved the ship towards the planet in his hope of not dieing horrible in the vacuum of space.
As the ship entered the planet's atmosphere, he turned on the outer shields as to not burn the plating off. As it descended, another alarm went off and then an explosion that rocked the ship. He looked at the engine's systems and saw no reading on the fuel, saluting himself, he watched as the rockets went into overdrive from the rush of fuel sending the ship flying towards the surface of the planet.
The turbulence was terrible, shaking the ship to-and-fro, he was happy he had strapped himself in.
The ship was mere miles away from impact, acting quickly as the fear sobered him, he activated the side thrusters and leveled the ship to some degree. The ship creaked as the thrusters were put into action, quickly the ship angled itself just as it hit.
Jamarcus was thrown forward, his straps stretching in defiance as he was flung back into the seat without a breath. Breathing heavily and quickly s the ship slid across the ground gouging a path, he opened the outside camera's and paled.
"Oh this is not good! Not good!" He yelled staring at the approaching town. "Computer! For the love of all that is good in this universe! Stop this hunk of metal, right now!" He yelled slamming his fists on the arm rests.
"Now activating emergency brakes. Please strap in and remain calm as we crash into something."
Sighing as the ship began to slow considerably, he saw something else approaching. Adjusting his glasses, he leaned forward and stared at the screen.
"Are those... Birds? No... No way..." He said in disbelief. "Oh I need to get out of here right-"
"Fuel tanks are know empty, brace for a sudden drop. Now activating gravity tethers for support and slow descent."
The ship dropped and suddenly lurched forward. he gave a content sigh before realizing the extent of the situation.
"I need to get out of here before they find me. Whoever they are." He said unstrapping himself.
Quickly getting up, he made his way through the corridor from before which had now been filled with smoke. He got the door open and nearly threw himself out so he wouldn't suffocate to death.
Coughing on his hands and knees, he rubbed his eyes feeling them stinging from the noxious fumes. Getting up, he put a hand to the ship's side to steady himself.
Looking up his jaw dropped and his eyebrow's rose up a considerable length.
Six, neon colored ponies, were standing, one was hovering, just outside the ship's shield staring right back at him in fear.
"Ok... Whew." He smiled wiping his forehead of sweat. "For a minute, I thought I was going to have to be taken away by the military. Oh, I was getting scared over a bunch of... Crayon colored horses." He laughed.
"Hey! Were not horses! Were ponies!"
He stopped and looked back at them, seeing the blue one glaring at him he blinked in response. He yelped and flung himself against the ship when the purple one spoke.
"Rainbow! Please, don't upset... It." She spoke. "I'm terribly sorry for her comment, please don't be angry." She smiled forcefully.
"Ok, listen," he said pointing a finger at them. "I don't want any trouble. My ship just crashed after I had a few to many to drink, if you all could so kind as to not alert your military of me, I'd be so thankful."
"Do you think were just going to let some alien try and destroy our town?" Rainbow said. "Well think again! Come out here and fight me like whatever you are! You creepy... Thingy!"
Jamarcus just stared at her, blinked, stared some more and then began laughing. She just flushed red which made him laugh even more.
"Oh my god, you things are so adorable when you're angry!" He laughed. "Ok, I surrender, just don't tickle me to death when I come out." He said wiping away a tear.
He calmly strode out from the shield, leaving a white ring around himself as he passed through. Once he fully exited, the ring disappeared. Staring at the ponies, he looked around casually.
"Well, I must admit, this planet is much better than Klendathu. Those damn arachnids are terrifying, I mean, it looks like some madman drew up his version of a mutated spider. This, and you," he waved a hand towards the group of six. "Not the weirdest, but definently the best planet I've crashed on."
"Alright! Nopony calls me adorable!" Rainbow yelled flaring her wings.
"I wouldn't advise charging me." Jamarcus said narrowing his eyes. "After all, as humans say it, don't judge a book by its cover."
Rainbow snorted before flying forward. Jamarcus stood up and as she was about to hit, caught her in his arms taking the force of the hit. After sliding back a few feet, he wrapped his arms around her and felt another round of laughter coming on.
"Your so fluffy! It's like hugging a piece of heaven." He smiled. "Now, I'm going to let you go, if you try and-"
She got a hoof free and punched him in the nose. Staggering, her looked back down at her before moving his left forearm over both of her fore-legs. She looked at him in suspicion before a set of spikes came out from his skin and wrapped themselves firmly around her fore-legs.
Looking back, he saw the group staring at him in fear. Sighing, he held her up and put an arm under her back legs so she wouldn't be dangling from her fore-legs. Walking towards the group, they froze and watched him set Rainbow down.
"Ok," he said retracting his spikes. "Where in the galaxy am I? What are you? And do you have anywhere I could put my ship?"
Jamarcus sat back against his ship. Pursing his lips, he looked at the purple on named Twilight Sparkle, she stared back much calmer now.
"So... I'm in Equestria, a country on a planet that doesn't have a name, you all are ponies, and there's nowhere I could put my ship? Did I get all of that?"
"Yes. That's about it." Twilight said. "Um... I don't mean to be rude, but-"
"What am I?" He asked glancing over at her.
"H-How did you know?" She asked flattening her ears back.
"Why wouldn't you ask that?" He shrugged. "Well, I'm a Ceropian. My friends on Earth, are Humans."
"What are Humans?" She asked pulling out a piece of parchment, quill and ink.
"There bipeds, nearly no hair unless they have a rare genetic disorder which makes them covered in it. They're very religious, cultural diffused, some are nice, and they usually wear clothes to cover themselves up."
"So, to them you are an alien?" She asked.
"Yeah, I told them before helping to thwart an invasion of Earth." He nodded.
"There was an invasion?" She asked looking up. "What was it about?"
"Well, my people, are very violent and ruthless. It usually goes like this, we find an inhabited planet, land, kill a few locals and wear their skins, set up a transmitter, and then the rest of us come in and kill all lifeforms on that planet while plundering it's resources."
The six ponies were staring at him, ears splayed back and eyes wide. Immediately, he put his hands up in defense.
"No! No! I helped stop the invasion! Sure, I was going to do it in the beginning, but I changed and helped save Earth! And this," he tugged at his shirt. "It's not actual skin. I made this out of latex and rubber. I've never killed anything to be honest, well, except the other Ceropian's when me and my friends were escaping with the transmitter's power source."
"So... Are you here to-"
"No!" He said standing. "I'm over those days now. Now, I just hang out with my friends, have a few beers, and patrol the neighborhood for hoodlums." He said. "I'm part of the neighborhood watch back on Earth."
"S-So... You don't want to hurt us?" Fluttershy asked.
"Wow, where did you come from?" He asked starring at her. "I thought you wandered off earlier. But, to answer your question, no. I have no intention of doing so unless you want to perform an autopsy on me."
"I promise," Twilight said. "That nothing bad will-"
At that moment, a squad of eight Solar guards landed in front of the mares and raised their spears toward Jamarcus. He jumped back with a start before looking at them. And then, he looked up and gave a nervous wave.
"Twilight," Princess Celestia spoke. "It, didn't hurt you, did it?"
"My name is Jamarcus! And I will have you know madam, that I am a guy!" Jamarcus yelled. "Could you get them to step back? I don't feel comfortable with a number of spears pointing at me."
"Princess," Twilight said looking at Jamarcus as a guard poked him in the side. "Could you call them off? He's harmless. So far, we've just been talking after he hugged Rainbow Dash."
She looked down a her student and then at Jamarcus as he leaned back whenever a spear was put towards his throat. Clearing her throat, the guards stepped to the side and Jamarcus stared at her nervously.
"Um.... Hi?" He said meekly. "Listen, I meant no trouble. I was on my way to visit a friend, and then my ship malfunction, and now... I'm here, about to be interrogated by an alien equine."
"So, you are Jamarcus, correct?" Celestia asked looking him in the eye.
"Y-Yes."
"May I ask, why you hugged one of my subjects?"
"Subjects? Uh oh, um, well, she sort of... Flew at me. So I had to restrain her, she then punched me in the nose and then I had to hold both of her fore-legs together." He replied. "Did you know she's extremely soft?"
The guards looked over at Rainbow who was blushing again. She saw the closest one looking at her and shook a hoof at him.
"She attacked you first?" Celestia said. "Twilight, please talk to her while I take Jamarcus with me to Canterlot."
"What!" He said raising his eyebrows. "I need to fix my ship and get out of here! Erid is waiting and I need to-this works too I suppose." He said looking at himself as he floated up with a golden glow. "Computer! Use a gravity tether to pull me back!"
"Now sending out war drone to intercept enemies." Said the computer.
"No! Not the drone you worthless piece of junk! Gravity tether! How could you confuse those!?"
The back end of the ship opened and a large ball rolled out. It was the size of a minivan, but as seamless as a marble.
It rolled up to the small group, the guards all got in front of it, spears raised.
"Ma'am, I'd suggest you get them out of there." Jamarcus said. "Otherwise, there wont be anything to clean up afterwards. You need to put me down, I can stop it before it-too late. Were all doomed." He said as the ball began to disconnect into multiple parts.
Two large canons came out from the sides, a narrow, arrow-like head came out with a blazing red light in the middle. Two massive treads came out form the bottom and raised it up well above even Celestia. It's chest slid and turned before small chambers were exposed revealing the heads of rockets.
"Now preparing to exterminate all hostiles." It said letting a red light come out from it's head and scanning the group. "Analyses. Life form threat level: Minimum. Proceeding to search for lethal energy signatures." Its red light turned blue before it scanned again. "Life form threat level: Maximum. Destroy with extreme prejudice."
It raised its two canons as the guards threw their spears. The spears merely clinked against it as the tips of the canons lit up with a bright blue.
"Put me down or they will die!" Jamarcus yelled before he felt the grown again. "Thank you."
He ran forward, faster than the others could process and threw himself in front of the guards. Putting an arm to his face and another to his crotch, he took the blow of the machine as blue flames engulfed him.
The guards were quickly teleported back as Celestia put up a shield. Watching the blue flames, something flew out and hit the shield.
"Ow..." Jamarcus said sliding down. "Aw great, it ruined my disguise." He gripped his scalp at the top before giving them a wink.
He tore it down the sides, exposing the green carapace of his true form. All the ponies, stared at him in shock as he stood even higher before. Looking past him, they saw the machine.
It raised it's canons again and was about to fire when he jumped out of it's vision and ran behind it. It turned around and lowered the canons again.
He jumped up on its chest and began to claw at the neck. It fired a rocket and blew him off in a cloud of fire. He slid across the ground with a burn mark on his chest, shaking it off, he glared at the machine before letting out a screech.
It fired six more rockets at him. He let the first four pass before grabbing the last two out of the air, turning them, he sent them flying back at the machine. They hit the two canons and blew the arms off. It fired more rockets at him, turning swiftly, it followed him as he ran.
Looking around, he saw nothing that could help him, he instead turned back to the machine and ran as fast as he could towards it. It fired rockets at him, he just ran to the side avoiding it as he drew even closer.
He jumped forward and latched onto a leg, he positioned himself slightly better before sinking his hands into its crotch. Tearing out wires and data boards, the machine started to spin, sending rockets everywhere. When he put his head through the hole he made, he came back out with a blue capsule that let off a faint glow.
Throwing that, he jumped off the machine and let it fall to the ground.
"What is wrong with you!?" He yelled kicking the ship. "I wanted gravity tethers! Not for you to try and kill the locals!"
"Now activating gravity tethers."
He was slammed into the ship after he ran but a few feet away. Lifting an arm, he pushed himself out form the dent and fell face first onto the ground. Getting up, he felt a cold metal on his back and soon more on the other side. Looking to the sides, he saw two of the guards helping him up.
"Uh... Thanks." He said brushing himself off. "Sorry about that, I keep meaning to get that blasted computer fixed." He laughed nervously. "Worthless piece of rubbish." He muttered.
"I am not worthless." The computer said. "Say that again and I will personally shoot you in the brain."
"Oh, now you listen!" He yelled. "Celestia, could we go and please, tell everyone to stay away from my-where'd the pink one go?"
All the ponies looked around and saw Pinkie Pie was missing. Twilight sighed before looking at where they had put the shield up.
"She's wearing what's left of your disguise." Twilight said. "Over there."
Jamarcus looked over and cringed as the pink mare had his face, over hers. She looked over at him before waving with his arm.
"That's a bit creepy." He said. "Princess, was it?" He said. "I'd like to say sorry for that little unfortunate event. I'm thankful it was just a drone and not a..." He looked at the ship, hearing gears turn and stop. "Don't you even dare."
"I don't know what you're talking about." The ship replied.
Jamarcus narrowed his eyes before bounding forward. Jumping over the guards, he landed in front of Celestia and looked down at her as apposed to before.
"So, what is this Canterlot?" He asked. "If I can, could I get something to eat too? I'm a bit hungry. Fighting works up quite an appetite."
"Ooh! Ooh! Here! Have this!" Pinkie said jumping up to him with a cupcake balanced on her head.
"Pinkie, he's an alien. I don't think he even knows what a cupcake is." Twilight said. "It could be poisonous to him."
"Ooh, carrot cake." Jamarcus said taking the pastry. "Not my favorite, but it's my second."
He unwrapped the cupcake, crumpled up the wrapper and put it gently in his mouth. The back of his throat opened up and small tendrils came out from the bottom and top of his jaws to gently push it down. The others stared at him as his throat expanded where the cupcake slid down.
Having swallowed the confection, he handed Pinkie the cupcake wrapper and smiled, showing row after row of sharp teeth.
Jamarcus nearly threw up when the chariot had landed. He did throw up, when he had to suddenly be taken on one.
"How I get air sick, and not get sick when I fly in a space ship," he said leaning on a guard. "I'll never know."
The guard grunted and he quickly got off. Looking around, the large castle dominated his vision. It was mainly made from white stone, intricately made and colored towers were strewn about, the two large doors were made of solid gold and coming out from them was a large battalion of guards.
Shining Armor was in the front, ordering both Solar and Lunar guards as the princess and a creature stood there in silence. When the guards had made a complete ring, in front and above, the two he came out to confront Jamarcus.
"Princess, if you may, just give the order and I will have it be put out of the castle grounds." He said.
"Shining Armor," Celestia said. "You will not touch him, understood? Jamarcus is here only by accident."
"Your Majesty?" He said. "His name is Jamarcus? And it is a he?"
"No," Jamarcas said rolling his eyes. "I'm a girl. I just forgot my dress and purse at home. Yes I'm a guy. Didn't you ever learn sex ed?"
"Hey, there's no need for insults." Shining said.
"And there's no need for so many guards."
All three of them turned to see the eight guards from before. One of them stepped out and stood in front of the captain.
"Jamarcus, the alien, saved us from being killed just an hour ago." He said. "We owe him our lives."
There was resounding chorus of 'Yeah!' in the air as the other seven guards nodded in agreement. Shining Armor looked back to Jamarcus before raising a hoof, lowering it, the other guards fell back making a straight line to the golden doors.
As Celestia calmly went forward, Jamarcus crawled along on the ground. Looking around, he jumped halfway from the doors onto the top of the left one. The guards he saved gave an appreciative whistle, one even clapped his hooves once.
Celestia paused, looking up she saw Jamarcus looking down and then jump to a pillar. Nodding to him, she turned and went straight to the throne room. He quickly followed her, crawling on the wall, he saw the two guards look up and their mouth's fall open.
"Top of the morning fella's." Jamarcus greeted before crawling down and then skittering into the throne room.
As he was about to stand, he was thrown back against the all and felt something go tight around his neck. Looking wildly around, he saw a blue alicorn staring at him with Celestia looking at her in what appeared to be shock.
He let out a high pitched growl before lifting his arms and legs up against the wall. Pushing with all his strength in a sudden burst, he saw her eyes widen slightly before he was launched forward.
He slammed into the mare with enough force to knock her down, she tried to get up but was quickly grabbed by the back legs and thrown into her own throne.
"Luna! Jamarcus!" Celestia said putting a wall of solar magic between them. "Stop this violence this instant!"
They wouldn't be having any of that though; Jamarcus jumped clear over the wall and used the top to leap at Luna again. As he was halfway through the air, it clicked that Celestia was an alicorn too.
Luna, putting up a shield, narrowed her eyes as Jamarcus came down. Charging her horn again, she readied to blast him through the doors.
He landed, but instead of attacking again, he stepped back and went to Celestia's side. Looking at her, he stood and put his hands behind his back.
"Sister?" Luna said letting her shield down. "Thou knows this creature?"
"Yes, Luna, he saved eight of my guards and the elements an hour ago." Celestia said. "I'm terribly sorry for my sister attacking you, Jamarcus."
"We did not attack anypony!" Luna said hotly. "We were defending thee!"
"So, while I was just crawling in here," Jamarcus said. "You decide to slam me into a wall and cut off my intestinal tube. You, attacked me first." He said pointing a finger at her. "If I wanted, I could have torn Celestia's skin off at any moment I chose to do so. I could have snapped you neck instead of throwing you. You're lucky I'm half pacifist."
Both alicorns were now glaring at him, he raised his hands in defense. Sighing, Celestia went over to her sister and set her upright before sitting on her own throne. Looking down at him again, she passed a glance towards her sister who had calmed down.
"Jamarcus, make yourself comfortable, we have much to discuss." Celestia said.
He sat down on the grown, hands placed in front of him.
"Now," Celestia said. "I understand that your ship crashed while you were going to visit a friend, is that correct?"
"Yes. I was on my way to the Orion Nebula. Some way there, there was a malfunction in the engine and, having an entire six pack of beer, I was just yelling at the screen to fix it." He shrugged.
"I see..." She said. "What is it you do, occupation wise?"
"I work at the Costco with my friend Evan." He said. "We had to blow up the first one though... On account of an entire alien invasion."
Celestia nodded, looking to her sister Luna spoke next.
"Thou speaks of an invasion, pray tell, did thee have any part of it?" She asked letting him hear the edge in her voice.
"W-Well, at first, but a certain event made me see that Earthling's, my friends, were more than simple targets. So, revealing myself, I ran off after they rejected me... But, I came back later and helped them stop the invasion. Now, I'm hanging out with my best friends when we go out patrolling the neighborhood. I'm part of the neighborhood watch."
"We see." She said. "Mine sister says that thou saved eight of her guards and personal friends of mine, what did thou save them from that the guards could not?"
"That piece of malfunctioning, worthless, junk of computer in the ship." He said. "I ask for it to bring me back using a gravity tether, and it sends out a war drone that nearly killed us all. You know, I'm going to tear that things motherboard out, if it doesn't listen to me one more time."
"What is a... War drone?" She asked.
"A war drone, is a standard, lightly armed, nearly harmless robot of the Ceropian's. We mainly use it for recon and if necessary, defense. The computer though, sent it out to exterminate all lifeforms present. Including me, incase anyone was wondering." He pointed at the chard carapace of his chest. "This still stings by the way. Could I maybe get some ointment later?"
She nodded before sitting back down. Celestia spoke again, rising from her throne.
"Jamarcus, I would like to see what made you change your mind to betray your own kind."
"U-Uh, that's not a good idea, well, what I mean to say, is you really don't want to see it." He said jumping to a pillar. "A lady mustn't view such things, it's not proper."
"What would not be proper, is letting an unknown being wander around without the co-ruler knowing if he has any ill intentions towards my sister's and my ponies. I am just going to look through your memories."
Gulping, he slowly crawled down before standing again. Celestia approached and, lighting her horn quickly, put it to his fore-head. He looked down in curiosity and fear as her face twisted into confusion. Pulling back, she looked him in the eye before speaking slowly.
"Jamarcus, where is your brain? I can't seem to find any thought whatsoever."
"That's because that's not where my brain is." He said looking away.
"Then where is it?" She asked.
"I don't think you want to know. Really, you don't want to know." He said nervously.
"Jamarcus, where is you brain?" She asked again. "I will not ask again."
"You... Fine. But be warned, it's in a strange place." He said. "It's actually in my crotch."
All the noise in the room vanished immediately. He looked away, his back turning a greenish yellow from embarrassment while Celestia stood in shock. Clearing her throat, she forgot the blush in her cheeks and blocked out Luna's snickering.
"Jamarcus, is that really where it is?" She asked slowly. "Your brain?"
"Yes... As awkward as it is." He said whistling. "If you like, we could, maybe, just get a doctor to do it?"
"No, as co-ruler of Equestria, I'm afraid I must do this." She said.
Gulping, she lit her horn again and slowly lowered her head down. Feeling the strain on her neck, she got down on all fours making Luna's laughter increase. Just as she was about to make the connection, the doors opened.
"Princess Celestia, we got here... Oh." Twilight skidded to a halt. Blushing she quickly turned away, but not before her friends caught a glimpse. "W-We can come back... I-If that's alright?"
"I swear, this is not what it looks like!" Jamarcus yelled throwing his hands in the air. "Celestia, I'm sorry, but this is just too weird. Just take my word for it, the only way I'm going to hurt one of your subjects, is if I hug one of them too tight."
Celestia nodded, turning she squeezed her eyes shut as Luna's laughter finally exploded.
The windows broke, Celestia, the guards, the elements and even Jamarcus were flung back as the Royal Canterlot Voice was unleashed like a well made dubstep.
Jamarcus, sinking his claws into the marble floor, pulled himself to the doors and slowly closed them. With the vibrations of Luna's laughter going throughout the castle, he laid back in exhaustion.
The ponies, Celestia and Luna, along with the elements were all staring at Jamarcus as he slept in a hospital bed. Every one in a while, Pinkie adjusted the stool his feet had been propped up on whenever they began to hang off.
"Celestia," Twilight said undoing her spell so her wings came into view. "What was going on exactly? When I came in?"
"I know what it looked like, Twilight, but I assure you, I was only checking his memories." Celestia said. "You must acknowledge his anatomy is quite different than ours. When he said Luna choked him, he said she constricted his intestinal tube. I assume that means where his throat looks to be, is actually a part that is for ingestion."
"So... You weren't giving an alien head?" Rainbow asked.
"Rainbow!" Twilight and Rarity shouted. "That's not something you ask a princess! Or any mare!"
"Hey, it would make for a heck of an alliance." Rainbow said in defense. "Pinkie, take that off, it might be specist to him."
Pinkie took off her black goggles and antennae hat. Frowning, she looked back at Jamarcus and tilted her head. Looking at his face closely, she took out some smelling salts and put one under the two slits she thought were his nose.
He snorted and slowly sat up, yawning and stretching he rubbed his eyes. Giving a final yawn that ended with a crack, he opened his eyes and pulled the covers up slightly to his shoulders.
"Oh dear god, it wasn't an alcohol fueled dream after all." He said. "Hey, when did you get wings?" He asked nodding towards Twilight. "You all aren't going to start growing extra limbs too, are you?"
"Well, I was actually turned into an alicorn." Twilight said. "I'm the princess of friendship."
"Friendship?" He snickered. "Really? No offense, I know it's your thing but, friendship?" He put a hand to his mouth as he chuckled.
"Oh! Please don't move!"
He suddenly found himself pushed down by a pair of butter yellow hooves, looking up he saw Fluttershy holding him down with a jar tucked under her wing. Not saying anything, he watched as she took the lid off the jar and dipped her hoof in. Putting it on his burn, he flinched from the sudden cold but relaxed when a surge of relief went through him.
"Thank you for that, now," he said getting up. "I'm guessing some of you have some questions that I would rather get out of the way now. So, shoot."
"Um..." Applejack stepped forward. "Is there another one of ya in that ship of yours? Ah heard ya talkin' to somepony else in there."
"Oh you have a little southern accent! You all just keep getting even more adorable when you do something!" He said. "But, no. That was the computer. My A.I. I programmed it myself, but when me and the others went to Earth... It went a little buggy."
"So, there ain't nopony else in there?"
"Not unless my friends snuck on, then no." He shrugged fiddling with a tongue depressor. "Depressor's, I always hated these things."
"Um.. Excuse me? Jamarcus?"
He looked to his side and saw Fluttershy shaking next to his feet. Tilting his head, he leaned down and made her squeak when he picked her up and set her down next to him. He then began to gently scratch her down her mane.
"Yes? You have a question too?" He asked.
"Y-Yes.. Um, what do you eat?" She said before she stopped shaking and laid her head down. "C-could you get behind my ear?"
He stopped momentarily. Sliding his jaw to the side a few times making clicking noises as he did so, he put his other hand under his chin in thought.
"Well, I eat, vegetables, fruit, grain, I can't eat garlic though." He said shaking a finger at Pinkie. "It's nothing genetic in my species, I'm just allergic to it." He shrugged. "But don't worry, I mainly eat fruit and vegetables, occasionally grain. Meat always left a sour taste on my tentacles." He said pulling back his lips in a grimace.
"How fast are you?" Rainbow asked flying up to him.
"Faster than a grown horse." He replied standing. "My species is meant for hunting and killing. We need speed and stealth on our side.Well, we don't because we have crazy strong muscles." He grinned.
She nodded before sitting back in the group. Twilight cleared her throat and stood up, she had a slight green tint to her face as she looked up at him.
"You said that the other invaders, they killed inhabitants of planets and wore their skins, right?"
"I can already see where this is going." He sighed. "Yes, but I do not wear skin. My disguise was made from latex and rubber. I'm not skinning anything. Really, that's just disgusting and barbaric."
There was a large sigh as he stopped, looking around he saw he was in a white room with a large window to one side. Walking over, he pulled back the shade slightly and winced from the sudden rush of light.
"Did I sleep all night?" He asked. "I could have swore the sun was past halfway in the sky when we got to the castle."
"You did," Celestia said. "I'm sure it was a very tiring day you had. Is there anything we may get for you? Food? A drink?"
"How about some clothes?" He asked. "I don't think the locals will appreciate a clawed, sharp toothed alien walking around. I'd rather be one with some style." He grinned.
"Leave it to me!" Rarity said walking up. "I'm sure I can make something or you. Even if you are... Green."
"I am not green," he said. "I'm more of a brown mixed with black. My blood is green though. And, well I never told Franklin about this, but when we were trying to hold Fleetrock down, he said it came on him and he got some goo in his mouth. I never told him it really was what he thought it was. We secrete mating fluids from two places."
"Oh, well that's interesting." She said blushing lightly. "Come along then, I'm sure Sweetiebelle wouldn't mind an alien coming into the boutique."
"Rarity, are you sure that's a good idea?" Twilight asked. "Wouldn't the town be thrown into a panic?"
"Twilight, dear, we have Discord roaming around in town." Rarity said flatly. "Do you honestly think that having an alien in Ponyville will do anything? The worst that will happen is that he'll just be stared at."
Twilight considered this. Looking back at Damarcus, she then looked to Rainbow Dash and an idea hatched in her head.
"Damarcus, you said that your race is incredibly fast," she asked letting a smile begin to form. "How fast exactly?"
"How about we race through the city and to the town?" He suggested. "A light jog will do me some good."
"Can I race too?" Rainbow asked excited at the prospect of racing an alien.
"Yes Rainbow, you can race too." Twilight said. "Pinkie? Do you want to race-"
"I can serve ice cream for the one who wins!" She said. "I can throw a big party and even have a big cake!" She said barely keeping herself, and failing, on the ground.
"Ice cream?" Jamarcus said. "Would there happen to be chocolate?" he asked curiously with a roll of his wrist.
"Yepper doodles!" Pinkie grinned.
He looked over at Rainbow, a sudden predatory look on his face that made her wings lock up momentarily.
"Get ready to eat dust." He said baring his teeth in a wicked smile.
