Friendship is Ganking

by Teh_Zodiac

Last Hitting

Luna looked at the wonderful sky above her: the moon was shining like a pearl entombed in a field of rich, deep darkness and the stars were glittering like a legion of fireflies. She was lost in contemplation of a beautiful display of nature at its finest, and the power of her goddess Selemene seemed all the more potent and comforting under the pale moonlight of a-

“And then I said: your Mask of Madness? More like your MoM!”

It wasn’t going to last for long.

“Ok, how about this… Dark Seer walks into a bar and the bartender asks: Why the long face?”

“Nah, that’s old. Wisp always has the good ones.”

The series of strangely charming sounds fooled for a moment the warrior of Selemene. The little flying ball was adorable and one many too many times Luna had fallen to its charms and somewhat cutesy attempt at communicating. Still, it was really annoying that she was the only one who didn’t understand Io, because the little bugger always used it against her, and made the butt of its disturbingly raunchy jokes. And it looked this time was no exception. She was almost near the clearing she had left to gather her thoughts in peace, to meditate in harmonious communion with nature, when she heard the roaring laughter of both Tinker and Rubick, and the always jubilant voice of the Grand Magus.

“Oh, that was really a good one, I have to admit. But, I’m more of a Ry’lai slash Luna kind of guy, if you know what I mean. Am I right, Tinker?” Rubick asked the Keen Folk, and was greeted with a flabbergasted expression and a sharp pain on his neck, as a firm hand grabbed him and elevated him into the air.

“Luna! Such a pleasure to- ARGH! To see you, eheheh. I’m sure you understand this is all in good fun, yes? It’s all OUCH!” He tried to speak as the Moon Warrior held him by the throat and looked at him in the eyes. She wasn’t amused in the slightest. She spoke with a fear-inducing loudness that shook the trees around them.

“You are the Grand Magus! Yet you act like a whimsical fool! You should be the wisest among us, and you parade around like a bloody clown!”

Tinker had crouched behind a bush, and was already tiptoeing his way out of being scolded, when an unwieldy force of light locked him in place. The legendary Lucent Beam of Luna was keeping him still.

“Where do you think you’re going, Keen Folk? You opened a gate to some hellish dimension that would make the Doombringer quiver in fear like a baby! You’d think it would have taught not to joke in the face of danger…” She said angrily as she stepped forward, shoved a hand into the bush and grabbed the purplish scientist by the ear. Boush squirmed, trying to free himself, but the Night Princess, former bandit and scourge of the Bone Plains, was way stronger. He looked up with pleading eyes and saw the beautiful Luna sporting her trademark manic smile, the one she had while, as she put it, smiting that insufferable ginger harlot. “But it’s clear you haven’t learned your lesson.” She whispered as her moonglaive got dangerously close to his throat.

A collection of astral snickers resonated from behind her. She unceremoniously dropped Tinker and turned around to point her accusatory finger at the big ball of light currently facing her.

“And you! You’re supposed to embody all that’s good and caring in the universe! And the only things that come out of your shiny ballface are DIRTY JOKES!” She yelled angrily and threw one of her moonglaives into a nearby tree, eliciting what seemed to be a yelp from Io.

Tinker managed to crawl to a terrified and twitching Rubick and hugged him fiercely, while Wisp hovered behind them, quivering in fear.

“You look absolutely pathetic right now. I can’t fathom how the Radiance decided to put me with you three idiots!” She groaned in frustration as she retrieved the glaive stuck in the tree in front of her. “You know what? I don’t care, I’m going to sleep. And if I wake up and you have not cleaned the camp and prepared breakfast, Selemene help me you’ll regret it.”

And she stormed off angrily, settling behind some bushes. They waited to be sure that she was actually sleeping, and crawled (or hovered) back to the fire.

“Ok, so, I was facing DarkTerror, and I said, ehi, Faceless Void! Yo mama is so fat she doesn’t even fit into the Cronosphere!”

---

“I am the embodiment of forces beyond your understanding, demoness, and far more ancient than your fiery master. I will NOT rest in a town named Ponyville!”

Chaos Knight boomed as his fist impacted an unlucky tree, cracking it in half. All the ponies present, except for the Princesses, winced. Chaos Knight had actually managed to seal the deal, something Invoker and Sand King thought the warmongering Fundamental could not do. But as soon as he discovered that the town they were supposed to be staying in was named Ponyville, he lost it. Seeing Nessaj angered was not an unusual sight for them, but it was probably scaring the locals, as he was an imposing and ominous sight. The Smartass Duo, as they were known in the team, wasn’t really sure that they could completely trust the Princesses, or these ponies. They didn’t go all out on them since they wanted them alive, but even outnumbered two to five, they had managed to hold their ground for a while. They had both seen powerful rulers in their respective lifetimes, and the King of Desert and the Arsenal Magus knew that every intelligent leader acted only with their country best interest at heart. The aura of power that Invoker felt before the battle and that disappeared almost immediately was enormous, on par with a Fundamental or a Demigod. He was going to better brief Chaos Knight of this presence as soon as they were left alone. But it looked like it wasn’t going to happen any time soon. The ponies that tried to magic Chaos Knight out of existence were all standing behind the Princesses, Rainbow Dash included. It looked like she felt guilty, for whatever reason. Maybe she thought she had betrayed them.

“Your call boss. We are going to sleep here, since Princess Celestia graciously offered us a roof over our heads. Enjoy your stay in the wicked forest of doom!” said Akasha with a small smirk.

“Honorable Sand King! Surely you understand!” Chaos Knight said as he took a step forward.

“I’m sorry Nessaj, but I can’t go another night with no warmth. I am a creature of the desert.” Sand King said as he scuttled towards Akasha.

“Invoker?”

“I must remain to make sure this alchemic lab is functional to our needs. Even if the gaudy name irks me too, I will stay here.” Invoker answered.

“Urgh… Meepo?”

“No can do, boss! I’d love me a nice bed!”

“Fine! I will go alone. I’ll come in the morning to check your progress, Invoker.” Chaos Knight said as he marched towards the Everfree Forest. Soon, he disappeared in the darkness.

Silence.

It was awkward.

“Ahem. Before letting you sleep, I’m going to have to ask you a few questions about yourself and your mission.” Celestia said firmly and turned around to face the scared crow behind her. “Citizens of Ponyville, please return to your homes. There’s nothing to fear! These travelers will not harm you!”

Angry murmuring could be heard through the crowd, but eventually everyone returned to their homes and left the outskirts of Ponyville empty, except for the four heroes, the six ponies, the two princesses and a couple of guards.

“I assure you, Princess, that we have nothing to hide. Ask your questions.” Said the Sand King.

“Fine. Where do you come from?” Celestia asked.

“It is a tricky question to answer. Before we found ourselves in your Everfree Forest, we were in what is called the Material Plane. But only three of us are natives of it, namely me, Invoker and Meepo. The Material Plane is the central dimension of the Loom, the great structure that binds together all the different worlds. It is currently housing a war of epic proportion, fought through space and time, for the possession of the fabled Ancients, the Radiant and the Dire. Akasha comes from a different dimension, the First Hell, where the souls of the unworthy and the cowardly are sent after death to suffer a punishment fit for their shameful lives. Chaos Knight is here temporarily.”

“And where does he come from?” Asked Luna impatiently.

“Ehm… It is kind of difficult to explain. I guess the most correct answer would be everywhere”

“How can a feller be everywhere at the same time? Ah reckon it doesn’t make any sense to me!” Muttered one of the six ponies, the orange one with a strange hat on her head.

“You’ll find that Nessaj makes little to no sense at all, miss…” The pony seemed surprised that Sand King actually considered her.

“Uh… Applejack.” She said sheepishly.

“Well, Miss Applejack, what you just saw walking into the forest was just a smaller part of a bigger entity. Like the tip of an iceberg. There are other versions of him pretty much everywhere. He’s spread out across many dimensions, so his powers are severely diminished.”

“Such a shame that not a single one learned some manners, unlike you. Rarity is my name, darling. I’m pleased that there chivalry is not lost through the dimensions, though I wished we could’ve met in more favorable circumstances.” Said a white, frilly looking pony.

“A fight born from a simple misunderstanding, unfortunately. I’m sure you will find him surprising, Miss Rarity. Chaos Knight can be quite… random.” Sand King answered calmly. The lavender pony raised his hoof excitedly as soon as he finished talking.

“Uh…yes?” Sand King remembered that she looked pretty scared when the fight started…. But now her eyes were twinkling with curiosity and her mouth was distorted into a somewhat creepy smile.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle and I want to know EVERYTHING!”

“You’ll have to be more specific, Miss Sparkle.” Sand King said with a small smile.

“I mean, everything about YOU! I’ve never met dimensional travelers before! We didn’t even know it was possible before you came to Equestria! How do you do it? Is it possible to replicate? Why are you so different-“She kept chattering away at incredible speed, making her speech completely inaudible. Sand King scuttled forward and smacked his tail into the ground, producing a loud sound that startled the lavender pony and finally made her close her mouth.

“Calm down, please. If answers are what you seek, I’ll be glad to give them to you. Dimensional travelling is common where we come from, but it’s not easy and you need certain individuals to do it. I’m not an expert on magic, though, so maybe you could step in, Invoker?” Sand King said as he turned around to face the impatient Magus.

“Mph. If I must…” He said, but everyone on the Dire team knew he was actually waiting for someone to actually ask about his magical expertise. “The power to travel through dimensions is rare, and is only found naturally in few places. I can already see by looking at you that this dimension is not one of those: you all seem to be permeated by natural magic, but it’s deeply connected to this planet.” He looked at Luna and Celestia in the eyes. “And yours are tied to the Moon and the Sun. Strange, but not unheard of. Since your natural source of magical energy is tied to a physical place, you couldn’t hope to leave it under normal circumstances. For beings like us, not blessed with the ability to skip dimensions, there are essentially two ways to do it: the first one is to resort to a Smuggler.”

“A smuggler?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Aren’t smugglers just common criminals?” Rarity interjected. “How could they possibly know how to move through dimensions?”

“Not this kind of smuggler. Smugglers are beings that can skip dimensions on their own, and with the promise of some kind of payment, will take you anywhere you want. There were a lot of Smugglers before the Ancient War, but the battle between the Radiant and the Dire has closed off most of the gateways, and now only a couple of them, the most expert ones, are still available.”

“Do you know them?” Celestia asked.

“Yes. Barathrum, Razor, and the Weaver. I personally don’t like them, but they will always uphold their part of the bargain. If you can find them, they will take you anywhere, as long as you can pay. But there is another way. If you have an extraordinary talent in magic, you can cut off your natural magic temporarily and use your own mana to sustain it, create a gateway to another dimension, walk through it and hook your natural magic to whatever forces you can find at your destination. It’s incredibly dangerous and almost always results in death. Only one wizard that I know of actually did it, and he came back fairly… changed. For the worse.”

“Then, how do you explain how you got in Equestria? Is it the work of these so called “Smugglers”?” Luna asked.

“Probably not. They are on our side and sending us here would not aid them. Also, before we disappeared, the Ancient informed us that this was starting to happen in other cycles too. A single hero or entire team disappearing from the material dimension. “Now that he actually explained that, he felt like he had just missed the entire point of those disappearances. How could you just pluck five powerful beings and shove them, without their consent, in another dimension? The Radiant couldn’t possibly be responsible, with its power bound and no real dimensional traveler in its midst. Yet if the trend kept going, it could possibly spell the end of the Ancient War, with the Dire on the losing side. Maybe there was a third party rooting for a Radiant victory. Maybe there was a pattern, something the Arsenal Magus couldn’t yet discern. It had been such a long time since he had actually put his phenomenal intellect to work.

Twilight raised her hoof with excitement and made sure to grab the Invoker’s attention with a loud “Oh, oh, me, me!”

“Urgh. What is it?” The Invoker asked, annoyed with the interruption.

“Rainbow Dash told us a bit about you, but it would be SO enlightening to actually hear it from the source!” She said excited with a huge smile plastered on her muzzle.

“Hear what?” Invoker asked.

“Oh, just everything.” She said as she got uncomfortably close to Karl’s face. Before he could push her away, a blue light engulfed her and she was shoved back.

“You must forgive Twilight, mister...err, Invoker. She’s a scholar and the poor dear simply gets too excited when she can study something new. Now, since we’re all civilized beings, I’m sure that introductions will fix the misunderstanding we’ve all been through. I’m Rarity, fashionista and designer.”

“Name’s Applejack. Ah ‘m an apple farmer.”

“My name is Fluttershy and I care for the animals…” The butterscotch pegasus said, her voice barely more audible than a whisper.

The pink pony just gasped and disappeared in a flash.

“She’s Pinkie Pie, and she’s a baker and party organizer. A bit on the random side.” Twilight Sparkle interjected. “You already know Rainbow Dash” she said as she pointed at the cyan pegasus who was trying her best not to be noticed. “And together we are the Elements of Harmony, saviors of Equestria!”

She was clearly waiting for some kind of compliment, but what she got was the trademark Invoker scowl, a blank face from Sand King, an amused look from the Queen of Pain and Meepo picking his nose.

“You know, Equestria!”

…

“This very kingdom!”

…

“Millions of lives! And we saved them all!”

…

“And now I’m a Princess because of it!”

…

“An immortal Princess!”

Akasha appeared in front of Twilight with a sulfur puff and put a finger on her mouth. Luna tensed visibly, but Celestia stepped forward, implicitly telling her sister to settle down. The lavender mare, on the other hand, just blushed, eliciting an amused smirk from the demoness.

“Honey, I’m so happy that you’re climbing up the social ladder around here, but so far we’ve battled against a ghost, a drunken panda that can split in three, a small purple guy in a suit of armor, a big drop of water that somehow is able to move, a zombie, a dashing masked samurai, a talking hedgehog, a talking tree, a talking bear, a talking rock and a talking walrus. And that’s only on Tuesday.” She paused for a second and looked Twilight in the eyes. Those deep, innocent looking purple eyes that clearly had not seen much physical pain, if ever. “Forgive them for their rudeness. They are beyond salvation, I think. I tried to uplift them, I tried to make them better, but you know how boys are…” She said as her gaze moved from mare to mare.

“Impolite and vulgar” Rarity nodded with an understanding smile.

“Too immature to tell the truth right away.” And that earned Applejack’s earnest nod.

“Uninterested in culture and knowledge.” She whispered back to Twilight, who was now a deeply shade of scarlet as she nodded furiously.

“And sometimes even cruel to poor little animals!” Fluttershy nodded sadly with a barely audible sigh.

“But we… mares are different! Oh, I want you girls to tell me all about your adventures! And don’t think I forgot about you two!” She said as she disappeared and reappeared between the two monarchs with a loud pop and a cloud of red smoke. “You know, I’m a Queen in my world, so we can exchange notes.” She said as she smiled sweetly at Luna. The Lunar Princess was not amused, however.

“Don’t think I trust you, demon. You may not come from Tartarus, but you’re still- EEP!” She faltered as Akasha kissed her on the cheek. “Ho-how d-dare you k-kiss the royal-chee-“

“Oh, I’m sorry Lu-lu, you just look so CUTE when you’re angry and I couldn’t resist. You’re just so fierce, and proud, always trying to assert your strength. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re the big sister, distant and powerful.” She said as Luna muzzle gradually turned light red. Celestia looked at the demoness with a skeptical look, not convinced by such simple flatte-

“But would it be fair to leave the wise Celestia out? Her diplomatic skills and nerve of steels avoided a complete disaster! That kind of calm under duress is something you get only after thousands of years of expert ruling. Truly you two are a perfect match: fiery strength and courage! A lucid and powerful intellect! You must absolutely tell me ALL of your secrets! My own kingdom will greatly benefit from your wisdom and bravery once I get back!” She said as she started walking forward, slightly pushing the two Princesses, who looked completely dazed, with her hands. They didn’t offer any resistance and the five mares followed them closely, like under a spell. Soon the amiable chatter of the demoness faded in the distance as the strange group headed for the small town, leaving behind three annoyed heroes and a confused Rainbow Dash, who whispered:

“What was that?”

“Akasha is a succubus.” Answered Sand King. “Charming people is her specialty.”

The cyan pegasus flinched as she realized they had heard her, and started hovering away, her head still hung in shame. All three of them were pretty confident about what was eating at her, but it was Crixalis that spoke first.

“Rainbow Dash, stop. I know what you’re thinking, but we’re not mad at you for informing your Princesses about us. We understand that you had obligations and loyalties, and we respect that.” Sand King said as he scuttled forward and touched her leg slightly. She turned around, her eyes shut and barely keeping the tears in. “Isn’t that right, fellow heroes?”

“Mph. I have no animosity towards you, blue horse. It is clear you did what you thought was right.” Invoker said with an annoyed tone.
Meepo just jumped on the blue mare and hugged her fiercely, almost making her barrel into the ground.

“It’s ok, Dash. We’re not mad. You had yer princesses and stuff to think about.” He said as he hugged her.

She managed not to break right there, just barely. The battle and the moment she had to use the Element had been excruciating. On one hand, the Princesses told her they were dangerous and that they had to stopped. On the other, they had been nothing but nice to her, and had probably saved her life by finding her in the Everfree Forest. And even if she was so glad when finally everyone had reached an agreement, she still felt guilty for almost betraying her new friends.

“Thanks guys… I’m sorry for everything.” Rainbow Dash whispered as she sniffled slightly. She pushed Meepo away with a light nudge and got up again. “Come on, I’ll show you where you’re gonna sleep.” She said and gestured them to follow her.

They started heading towards the town in silence, but after a couple of minutes the cyan pegasus said:

“What was that about the zombie and the talking walrus?”

Author's Note:

This was so difficult to write and came out so awkward I don't even know.

Aaaaaaanyway, Diretide was given (!) so I guess World Peace is just around the corner.

I was thinking guys, maybe we could make a group to play together some nice DOTO, let me know what you think about this (and the chapter) in the comments.

pls no copy pasterino

Comments

[Lobisomen616]

GODS!, I needed this!
There's been a dry spell with a lot of the stories I've been following lately, but this should hold me over for a while.