Friendship is Ganking

by Teh_Zodiac

Laning

“So, you saved the world three times? I guess that’s pretty cool, eh. What world, exactly?”

Rainbow Dash groaned in frustration. It had been half an hour and it seemed none of her awesomeness actually impressed any of the aliens.

“You guys just met an flying, talking pony who managed to do a Sonic Rainboom not once, but two times, who is going to get into the Wonderbolts and is generally cool and radical, and no one cares except Meepo!”

She shouted, frustrated at their general lack of interest. The horned…whatever, Queen of Pain, wasn’t even looking at her, and was busy whistling and playing with a rather pointy knife. Sand King was seemingly lost in his thoughts, and Rainbow Dash couldn’t read his scorpion-like face even if she wanted to. Invoker just glared daggers at her, as he clearly wanted the pegasus to shut up but was forbidden from harming her in any way. Meepo was cheerful and actually interested in every word she said, but when she looked at the small talking rodent, she felt like this little ball of fur packed a lot more punch and viciousness than a first glance could show. But the most perplexing and unnerving one was the self-titled Chaos Knight. Discord had been reformed alright, but Rainbow Dash always felt jumpy beside him: the way he had managed to make his way inside her head and turned it inside out, that was an experience that she wouldn’t forget her entire life. And she had seen clearly the amount of magical power he possessed, and bitterly came to the realization that he had a lot more “juice” than both the Princesses combined, and the fact that his being well mannered ultimately rested on her friendship with Fluttershy didn’t help her either. For Discord had been cold with all of them except the meek pegasus, and Rainbow Dash feared that as soon as they passed away, with no one to keep him on the right tracks, the lord of Chaos would return to his former ways. Yet both the Princesses seemed happy enough with his transformation, and Rainbow Dash wouldn’t dare to tell them they were wrong to be so trustful. But this “Chaos Knight” was different. You couldn’t take Discord seriously, and that was one of his greatest strengths, but this guy? As soon as you look at him, you know he means business. Rainbow Dash felt a sensation that she normally had only for the Princesses: reverence. It was like this knight was much older and much more powerful than what the eyes could tell you. Even if he had defended her earlier, and pretty much had been just mildly bad mannered every time he spoke to her and nothing more, Dash still felt tingles every time he talked. And that happened right away:

“Horse, we’ve been alongside something that could only be described as a blue, talking space cow, a glowing centaur with a penchant for natural philosophy, a faceless purple man, and a gaseous mass of noxious energy that likes to collect souls. You’d too find your previous accomplishments and feats not that interesting if you had battled with a self replicating, spear wielding cat.”

She looked at him, stunned by the wealth of information and the sheer awesomeness of it all. For some reasons, the idea of a Opal Lancer sounded incredibly cool. She gulped and managed to ask with a shaky voice, too curious to just stay silent:

“You guys are warriors?”

“You got it from the axe and the knife or just the general unpleasantness we radiate?” Came a sickeningly sweet voice from the back. Rainbow Dash turned around to see that the horned… demoness, that’s what the pointy eared guy had called her was the one speaking to her.

“Uh, it’s just… I can see you, or the big guy being fighters… But all the others…” She answered sheepishly.
“Heard that, Karl? The rainbow pegasus pony says you’re a wimp!” Said the Queen of Pain with a small chuckle. Invoker waved a dismissive hand at her and turned around to finally look at Rainbow Dash after half an hour of ignoring her:

“You are right….” He snapped his fingers and gestured her to continue.

“Rainbow Dash!” She answered indignantly. This dude had already forgotten her name!

“Rainbow Dash, yes. I definitely am not a fighter. I’m a scholar of the arcane, and regrettably I had to give up my studies to fight in this war. I can’t speak for the wise Sand King or the stupid talking rat, though.”

The pegasus pony was more confused than before: she just realized she didn’t know practically anything about these guys except their names, the fact that they come from another dimension and that they were fighting in some kind of war. Rarity said to her once that she was too brash and jumped to conclusions easily. She was sure that jumping to conclusions with these guys wasn’t needed or wanted, so she went for a solution that was as ladylike as you can get: ask for formal introductions.

“Uhm, so maybe we should introduce. You fixed up my wing and I’m taking to you to Twilight, so we should know each other better.” She asked hesitantly, waiting for a harsh rejection. But the first thing she heard was the jubilant voice of Meepo:

“Uh uh, me first, me first! I’m Meepo, a geomancer!” Rainbow Dash cocked her head in confusion. Invoker saw on her face the mark of ignorance and proceeded to get into his best teacher mode:

“A geomancer is an expert in manipulating the thaumaturgic forces of the groundborn mana.” He explained, and nodded, satisfied. Surely the pegasus would understand his explanation. But as he looked at her, he saw even more confusion on her muzzle, if that was even possible.

“Uhm… He’s adept at exercising control over earthly powers.”

“?”

“Ehm, he’s the master of the flux that runs deep into the soil.”

“?”

“He can do magic tricks with mud.”

“Ohhhh, why didn’t you say so earlier?” Said Rainbow Dash with a boisterous laughter. “So you can you magic the ground, little guy?”

“Sure can! I can teleport to anything that is connected directly with the ground, my shovel is enchanted with several runes and of course I can summon my earthbind!” He waved a paw into the air, and strands of lights came out of it, and swiftly formed a luminous net. He waved it again and it disappeared immediately.
“I come from the Riftshadow Ruins, a pretty cool place, if you don’t mind the horrible predators, incredibly dangerous artifacts and the vicious and bloodthirsty bandits!”
If she was to believe him, this little guy lived in what he described as a nastier and possibly more dangerous version of the Everfree Forest. And he was still here to tell the tale. Guess she had been right to not underestimate him.

“I believe it is my turn? I am Crixalis, the Sand King. I hail from the Scintillant Waste, a vast desert that knows no bounds. The sands of the Waste are sentient, and when someone comes and threatens them, I’m called for defense. Inside this magic carapace there are the swirling thoughts of an entire desert, so forgive me if sometimes I seem lost in thought.” Said the talking scorpion.

Rainbow wasn’t sure about him: he seemed a nice enough fellow, polite and calm, but those teeth and pincers looked really nasty. And she couldn't quite understand how sand could think...

“Well, my name is Akasha, and I’m a succubus, sweetie.” Said the Queen of Pain with a wicked smile.

“But the pointy eared guy called you demoness and Queen of Pain…” Said Rainbow, puzzled.

“A succubus is a type of demon, honey. Succubus' dwell in the highest level of Hell, the one nearest to the surface. There, they wait until they are summoned. When it happens, they make a contract with the summoner, and they are obliged to follow its terms. Queen of Pain is just a nickname. I was summoned by a king, and forced to pleasure him. Let’s just say the guy had special, exotic tastes.”

Yuck. So, a demon torturer from… Hell?

“What is Hell?” Asked the pegasus, curious.

Akasha looked really surprised at the question for a moment, but answered with a smile nonetheless.

“Well, when you die, you go to the Narrow Maze. There Razor and Visage will make sure you go to the right place. If you were a good pony, you’ll go straight to Heaven, in peace and happiness forever. But if you were a bad pony, you’ll be stuck in Hell eternally, at the mercy of bloodthirsty demons like me, who will torture you forever and ever.” Explained Akasha, finishing the gruesome tale with a sadistic smile.

Rainbow Dash looked at her for a couple of seconds, before finally readjusting and letting everything sink in. She had no reason to believe her, she had no reason to lie either. Now Rainbow Dash knew the answer to the most important question all philosophers tried to resolve for centuries, if not millenia. And she didn’t like it one bit. Nessaj saw the distress clearly painted on the pegasus, and gestured a Queen of Pain clearly satisfied with her work to tell her all the truth.

“Don’t sweat it! I’ve never seen your kind in Hell, so I guess you’re all a bunch of goody two shoes. Or maybe you don’t go there at all. The Underscape is not for everyone. ” She said, begrudgingly.

Meepo grabbed the tail of Rainbow Dash and yanked it slightly to get her attention.

“Yeah, and if you’re a real badass, like Lion, you can just come back to life!” He said happily.

“Lion?” Asked the pegasus, looking at the small rodent smiling at her and feeling a little more confident.

“He’s one of our comrades! He was dragged to Hell for a bad deal, but he was pissed off with the people that set him up, that he slew the demon who cheated on him, tore his arm off, put it on himself, made his way back to the living and beat the crap out of everybody with his totally bitching demonic hand!”

Normally Rainbow Dash would just scoff and laugh at such pretenses, but after seeing these… creatures, she wasn’t really sure what to think. They had no reason to lie, or to impress her anyway. The ominous thought of the afterlife was put in the back of her head for awhile, as the Invoker started to speak.

“Mph. They call me Invoker, or the Arsenal Magus. I’m known far and wide as the best wizard in the whole world!” He said, completing his boastful introduction with a satisfied nod.

“I thought Rubick was the actual Grand Magus, Karl…” Said Akasha, while poking him with her finger.

“Ah! That blubbering green idiot wouldn’t know the difference between a spell and a Greevil even if it hit him!” He answered, shooing the demoness away. All the heads and appendices turned to face the big, ominous looking knight. He stopped for a second, as everyone held their breath. And when he spoke, that was most underwhelming.

“I’m the Chaos Knight. Mortals call me Nessaj.” He said, plain and simple.

“That’s it? You don’t want to elaborate?” Asked Rainbow Dash, trying not to sound too eager. Even if he was a bit intimidating, he was easily the coolest of the bunch. The way he walked, that gigantic axe, as big as her body! It was scary, yes, but also pretty darn awesome.

“No.”

“Uhm, okay then! Thanks for sharing, I guess. Ehi, would you look at that! You can see Ponyville from here!” She stopped abruptly and pointed at a small town in the distance. The Everfree Forest was now sparse, with only a few ghastly trees sticking out here and there in the fields. For a moment Rainbow thought of just getting them to the library and call for Twilight, but she remembered how Ponyville citizens had reacted to a bunny stamped. A monster parade would’ve probably caused mass hysteria, panic and disorder.

“Guys, how about you wait here for a couple of minutes, while I go call my friend Twilight? She’s the one with the lab and will think of a way to get you into town without getting noticed. Ponies around here are a little impressionable…” She said, hoping they’d have the patience to wait out for just a bit.

“ We don’t need any hindrances. If waiting here gets us quicker to the lab, we will wait.” Said the Chaos Knight, laconic and emotionless.

“I’ll be right back, don’t you worry!” Said Rainbow Dash, and took off In the direction of the small town, disappearing swiftly beyond the horizon. The sun was already falling down, and the night was near. The stillness in the air was calm and soothing-

“Who wants to play cards?”

---

It had been a quiet, uneventful day at the Golden Oak Library. The Ponyville residents weren’t exactly scholars and voracious readers, and it was summer, so nopony wanted to get out if they didn’t need to. Twilight Sparkle was busy putting some books back to their place, with Spike helping her out. The silence of the dusk and the cry of the cicadas was sweet music to her ears, relaxing her after a long day of studies. But the peace was interrupted as soon as she heard a loud crack coming from the kitchen, like the sound of a window breaking down. And she knew only one pony who introduced herself like this.

“RAINBOW? HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU TO USE THE DOOR? I DON’T CARE IF YOU THINK THAT DOORKNOBS ARE FOR… DWEEBS!” She yelled from the entrance as she stormed into the kitchen. What she found was a Rainbow Dash in a clear state of unbridled panic. As soon as she heard the unicorn walk into the room, she dashed and blocked her on the wall.

“Rainbow? What are you-“

“NO TIME! Aliens, other dimensions, Hell, someone who looks dorkier than you, Chaos Knight, talking scorpion!” She blabbered away, her eyes reduced to pinpricks and looking at her friend with fright.

Twilight saw her in clear distress, and decided to calm her. She took her hooves and got them off her shoulders, and patted Rainbow on her back.

“Calm down, Rainbow, and explain me what happened.”

It was just a couple minutes later that Spike, not amused at the idea of having to pick up the fragments of the window for the third time, heard the familiar voice of her favorite unicorn yelling at him:

“SPIKE, LETTER, PRINCESS, NOW!”

Dear Princess Celestia

Rainbow Dash has encountered 4 otherworldly beings in the Everfree Forest. If they are to be believed, they are some kind of warriors from another dimension and they are currently stranded here and in need for assistance. Rainbow said they never harmed her, and one of them actually healed her wing, but they all sound, at least from her description and impression, dangerous and not at all used to equestrian custom. They simply wish for a magic lab to find a way to return home, but I fear letting them into the town unguarded, as they are currently waiting on the edge of the Everfree Forest. I’m awaiting for your wise counsel.

Your faithful student

Twilight Sparkle

Ps. One of them called himself “Chaos Knight”

Dear Twilight

Don’t talk to them, don’t get near them, just make sure they stay where they are. I’m coming to Ponyville right now, with Luna and Discord. Prepare the Elements, just in case. Stay safe.

Princess Celestia

Author's Note:

Had this chapter already written down for a couple of months, just quickly looked through it and published for your viewing pleasure.

Comments

[Lobisomen616]

Worth the wait.

[LE_MALEM]

YOU ARE FUCKING ALIVE! OMG I kept seeing this fic for decades man!

[Xeravon]

I'll be publishing my own dota fic soon. Reading this gave me quite a few ideas for some new headsto- I mean- dialogue,

[Jgame]

The extremely terse response is both unexpected and the perfect to end off the chapter.