Mister Jones

by Patient X

Now We Start

Stan strolls back into the main library, where Twilight is found dusting bookshelves, rearranging items of importance, and testing out her flying skills in lieu of using a ladder. RC had gotten up to use the lavender alicorn's bathroom, so it was just the human and pony within the main library area. Suddenly, he comes to another realization.

"Ah god fuckin' dammit..." Stan groans with frustration.

"What?" Twilight asks, flying back to him.

"Alman." He puts his finger up to his ear.

"Yes, mister Jones?" The elderly black man on the other end replies.

"What about my family?" Stan asks, vocalizing his realization.

"What about them?" Alman echoes as if asking the same question,

"They'll be worried sick that I won't be home for the next week or however the hell long this'll take!" Stan is agitated by this lack of forward thinking.

"You're old enough to be on your lonesome, aren't you?" Alman asks in his sagacious wisdom.

"I'm seventeen and am a senior in high school." Stan slowly tries not to chew out the nutty professor, who kind of deserves it.

"I thought kids at your age would be out of the house by now!" Alman is shocked by this.

"No, that's next year." Stan corrects him.

"Is this fuckin' kid serious?" Stan can hear another voice on the other end, but it sounded like none of the scientists or Rochester.

"Shut your goddamn mouth, Alvarez." Rochester scolds the obvious soldier on the other end, who quietly 'yes-sir's him.

"Should we tell his family?" Alman asks, sincerely not knowing what to do.

"Yes!" Rochester urges him.

Footsteps and voices are heard in the background as Stan rolls his eyes and breathes out, shrugging at Twilight, who smiles and chuckles. A minute of background conversations occur before Stan is spoken directly to again.

"Alright, we're making the phone call to your emergency phone number you listed down. We're going to urge your family to come over to the laboratory." Alman reassures Stan, who sighs.

"Great. Now when they see and hear this, they'll be worried pneumonia." Stan uses his own colloquialism.

"What was that?" Alman asks as Twilight gives the human an inquisitive glance.

"Worried sick, worried pneumonia. It's a thing I made up a while ago and I'm trying it out to see what people think." Stan elaborates to the two listening beings.

"Well, I think it's fuckin' stupid." Alman quietly mumbles on the other end of the line and the receiving feedback static is lost, showing Stan that Alman was done talking to him.

"What's going on with your family?" Twilight asks, worriedly.

"They had no idea that this was going on, and just now I had remembered about them. Being trapped in an alternate dimension on your own kind of makes you forget absent people for a brief moment." Stan sighs and sits back in one of the chairs in the center of the library.

"Also, just a question. Are you considered an...adult?" Twilight asks, only curiously.

"Not for another year. We reach adulthood at age eighteen, or so the state says. Personally, we don't fully become grown up until we're about, like, twenty five or more. So if you're wondering, I'm still technically a kid." Stan elaborates.

"Oh...so just like ponies, then." RC shoots from the hallway to the bathroom, still clad in golden torso armor.

"You don't need to keep wearing that, do you?" Stan asks, only for the sake of his bodyguard's comfort.

"Well...yeah. Especially for the crowd outside. Can't you hear it?" RC asks, going back to the table and fitting his helmet over his orange stubble.

Stan and Twilight can just now hear the faint chanting outside. The three beings stroll to the door and open it, only to find a completely different gathering of ponies. The interested ponies before-hand who initially "met" the human had gone back to their homes and jobs, as per Luna's orders Stan had thought, and a new crowd of angry eyed, foul mouthed equine stand before them, throwing xenophobic insults at the alien.

"We don't want your kind here!"

"Take your pony-eatin', dirty ass somewhere else, ya freak!"

"If you even lay a claw on my little filly, then I'm gonna stomp your brains out, jackass!"

Stan only heard about seven seconds of the oncoming barrage of the protest before closing the door, letting Twilight lock it with a key.

"What do we do now?" Stan asks the two ponies before him.

"I say we wait them out. Knowing the folk of Ponyville, a counter protest of non-bigoted kin will grab their attention long enough for the three of us to leave and commence with the research you need." RC suggests, making Twilight nod her head in agreement.

The three sit at the table, thinking of what to do to bide the time until the counter-protest is predicted to arrive. A silent, awkward ten or so minutes agonizingly crawl by as Stan thinks of ways to strike up a conversation.

"So..." He starts, Twilight's disposition lightens from bored to happily curious.

"Yes??" She asks, hoping to gain more knowledge from the alien.

"Yoooouuu wanna know more about human history?" Stan throws out, being a slight history buff himself.

"Sure! Lemme grab a quill and some paper!" Twilight is giddy to take more notes.

About an hour passes filled with Stan telling Twilight and RC of the various empires, civilizations, and wars of humanity's history, down to the finest detail he possibly could know. Twilight diligently takes notes while RC keeps his body facing the door, still spewing racist remarks from the terrified bigots outside.

"Oh, so the British put unfair taxes on their colonies because...?" The lavender alicorn tries to pry more facts from the almost mentally dry Stan.

"They're mean." RC speaks up, sounding sarcastically like a little kid.

"Exactly." Stan points at the guard.

"Seriously, though." Twilight is slightly annoyed.

"They're greedy." Stan tells what he thinks is the best answer, although he could be wrong.

A sudden crackle in his ear lets Stan know that someone's on the line. He springs out of his seat and places a finger in his ear.

"Hello?" He quickly asks.

"Stanley! Oh my god, are you okay??" A familiar voice buzzes in and then becomes clear.

"Mom! Yeah, I'm fine! I-is dad and Isabel there?" He asks, thankful to hear his own mother's voice after the near-traumatic dimension shifting experience he's had today.

"Yes, they're all here." Alman comes in over the radio.

"They've been paid a hefty sum each to keep this a secret. If the secret somehow gets out...well...you know what will happen; same thing will happen to you, too." Rochester comes in over the radio, but in a grave voice.

"Wait, what??" Stan could hardly believe what he's heard.

"Yes. I apologize, but that has to happen. You did sign this government sanctioned contract." Alman reminds the interdimensional human.

"I swear to god--" Stan begins to shout, but then is cut off by Rochester.

"You can't do anything about it. It's not like we would let you back or anything." The general tells the explorer.

Stan almost tears the earpiece off and throw it across the room out of fear and rage, but then remembers that if he just does what they tell him to do, then they'll let him--and his family--go.

"It's alright Stan. We're fine." A familiar paternal voice comes over the line.

"Can you at least tell me what they paid you, dad, so I know how secret this whole project of theirs is?" Stan asks. The two ponies before him are incredibly confused; the protests outside double in volume as a new set of voices accompany the bigotry with love-speech.

"Enough to get your mom, you, Isabel, and you into retirement as soon as you come back home." Dad replies, assuring Stan that everything will be fine as he comes back.

"Jesus Christ..." Stan slowly states.

"JC I know! Now off to work with you, young man! I will keep your family posted on any new information about you." Alman cuts the line.

"What's going on?" RC asks.

"They invited my family to see the portal they sent me here in. They also paid them a shit load of money to keep their mouths shut about it." Stan enlightens the ponies.

"That's great!" Twilight reasons.

"Yeah, but if they don't keep it a secret, they'll kill my family and strand me here for the rest of my life...or kill me too." Stan sighs distressingly.

"Well, we don't have time to waste! Let's go out there and complete the mission." RC unlocks the door, opening it.

Outside are two large groups of ponies gathered on both sides of the library door, both throwing insults, eggs, and toilet paper at each other. One side is familiar, the bigot side, while the other side is advancing on them, eggs and toilet paper at the ready.

"Is this the tolerant bunch you've predicted?" Stan asks RC, who shrugs and charges out into the fray, knocking ponies aside and creating a pathway for a few seconds.

Stan and Twilight only take that few seconds to think before following the guard through the pony-trench and into the town...

Comments

[ferret]

Love and tolerance, also known as eggs and toilet paper.