Zanix prowled through the undergrowth in the Everfree Forest. He was excited, as always, to perform a kill.But this was a particularly special kill: he was going to kill Lord Xanth's puppet of seven thousand years.
He had at last spotted the upside-down shack that discord called home. A rare smile showed itself upon Zanix's face as a pure black blade soundlessly slid from Zanix's right wing. He already had a plan in his head: stun Discord with a few needles, the behead him with his best blade.
All sound seemed to have stopped below the new moon. The white assassin could hear discord's light breathing as he slept. In his minds eye, he imagined where the spinal cord was. He swung his right wing, and a needle zipped out of a miniscule tube next to the blade. Game set match Zanix thought, as he walked menacingly through Discords door, his red mane and white coat glowing in the oil lamp on discords bed stand. "You've had a good run discord," Zanix said softly but firmly "To think you were born a pony, and die a message"
Zanix strode out of the shack, holding discord's head as if it were a trophy. Which it was.
Oh dear. Grammar and spelling errors side by side, (Missing space for new sentence, a the should be then. Ugh.) plot rushing by so fast that not a single fuck is given. (FFS, less than 200 freaking words and Discord has just died. Why? We don't freakin know. What is this, a summarized second-hand retelling?!)
I honestly don't know what I was expecting.
Discord is a name. Therefore, it should start with a capital D. All names start with capital letters. I think you need a bit more detail on how he managed to kill a beast as powerful as Discord. Your chapters need to be a bit longer and have more detail. I recommend you get an editor to help you fix some grammar mistakes. Good luck.
Goodness. OK. Um... this was-er- overall it was .
If this DIDN'T have so many grammatical, and structural errors, it would be a damn good story. I'd like to read it, if you'd be interested in rewriting it. You should check out Ezn's fan-fiction writing guide and try again, the plot is very interesting.