So if Christ was born from the Immaculate Conception, how will the Antichrist come into the world?

Vaginal Beast Infection.

Complaint overheard at the dinner table of a cannibal family:

"Aww, feetloaf again?"

Have you met Dr. Richard Skinner?

He specializes in circumcisions.

I don't invite basketball players to my dinner parties because they dribble all over everything.

What kind of tea do you never run out of?

Plenn Tea.

What kind of tea do you never have enough of?

Emm Tea.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DEEZ NUTTS

Do you know why I'm posting this?

Because I knew you'd hover over this in curiosity, despite it being a spoiler.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because there was chicken porn on the other side.

I smuggled a flighless bird into the country. Now I'm wanted for harboring an illegal emugrant.

What did the waiter say to the customer who was brought the wrong fish?

"Sorry not saury."

What language does a Shiba Inu bark in?

Yapanese.

I used to date a mermaid.

Until she gave me clamydia.

How do you get Winnie the Pooh out of an airplane?

With a bearachute.

So one time I went to this house with shag carpets so deep they were more like Shaq carpets.

What kind of bear doesn't eat anything but cheese?

A Camem Bear!

What does Goldie Delicious' house have in common with James Bond?

Pussy Galore.

"...and this is my wife Sharon."

☭

So this guy walks up to a 14 year old boy and says, in a sinister voice, "I fucked your mother, boy!"

The boy looks up at him, rolls his eyes, and says "I know, Dad. I heard the bed shake."

I got a message from India the other day.

It was delivered by currier pigeon.