5299657 I was actually planning on a really evil villain. Also, thanks for the suggestions.

5301853 define really evil

5302492 I'd define it as a villain who knows what he is doing is bad, and enjoys doing so.

5305711 hmm well if you want really evil look up the tvtrope omnicidal maniac

Small grammar question.

Is it Pegasus' or Pegasus's in the following sentence.

The next I was standing in the eye of a cyclone, the frenzied storm plucking at my grey cloak as the cyan pegasus’s magic fed uncontrollably into the wind wall I had conjured.

Assistance please.

5305835 Pegasai is plural and just use pegasus' it gets the point across i think

5305835
5306288

Actually, it's Pegasi if we're using original-like, Greek-like plural form, or Pegasuses if we were to use English-liform.

Me, personally, I prefer Pegasi.

If you're using a possessive form of a singular noun, just an apostrophe at the end will suffice, "Pegasus' magic".

5306288
5308010

Thanks guys.

And yeah, I tend to use Pegasi for the plural as well, but this is a possessive form of a singular noun, which would be where the confusion sprang from.

I love the English language, it has some beautiful words and wordplay; but my god the rules for grammar suck the root.

5308026 is English not your native language? Its mine but even I agree the rules are dumb

5308028

Oh yes it's my native language, but holy-moly are the rules dumb.

Also in a discussion on the English language I feel almost honour-bound to point out a typo.

language? Its mine

Should be "It's".

So, I do have a question:
How do you potray a character who's wrong genre savvy?
Essentialy, I want to take a character who belongs in a lighter, softer and generally more lighthearded kind of story, with villains who most of the time employ Bond villain stupidity, mooks have the courtesy to attack the hero one at a time and whatnot, but instead is in a darker, grittier and more realistic version, where enemies go straight for the kill and the idiot ball never comes into the scene in the first place?

5323290 The easiest way to see this in action is to look at any story featuring a pony in another world, like say Dark Wanderings. Where Twilight Sparkle is transported to the Capital Waste and has to deal with all the shit that that entails and she is completely out of her league since her problems are usually solved with Rainbows and friendship while the Lone Wanderers is with Nukes and Violence. It's a very interesting character study and I suggest you look into it before writing your story even if it's not a crossover.

5299596
An interesting subject you want to write a lecture about is the differense in Genera's such as Si-fi and Fantasy. I'm saying one is better then the other just talk about the differences between them and the reasons why people like both of them so much.

Also did you write a lecture of creating species of creatures. I'm working on an IRL book that involves Anthro creatures being dominate with only a few humans remaining. All in the aftermath of a large war. The reason why I'm asking is that I'm having a hard time trying to write each anthro race with their own culter and all that. So any tips you could give me that would help?

5326573
>The differences between Sci-fi and Fantasy
Well, there's not a very clear difference actually. I could say "Sci-Fi is technology and Fantasy has magic", but who's to say that a lightsaber isn't magical or that a wand isn't a carefully engineered piece of technology? So there really isn't a clear line, but there are things that do tip it one way or another.

The closer the fictional world is to our own, the more likely it is to be considered Sci-fi, even if that world is in space. If the characters use technology that is clearly understood by the scientists of that world, then it is most likely to be considered Sci-Fi. (space ships, in the future, dystopian worlds with advanced technology, etc.)

However, the farther the fictional world is from our own, the more likely it is to be considered fantasy, even if that world is on earth in the modern day, especially if there is "magic", or in other words, cool things that happen and no one knows how it works, even the people making them happen. (flying broomsticks, different races, cultures and magical creatures, etc.)

So is there a really clear difference? I don't know. Which is more impossible, Star Wars with lightsabers, the force, tons of alien species, and faster than light travel, or Harry Potter, with wands, magic, tons of magical creatures, and flying on broomsticks?

So that's my answer. It really depends.

Why do people like it so much? Well, many people love dreaming about the impossible, fantasizing about cool things they would do with magic, or superpowers, or whatever. These kinds of stories satisfy that need to imagine and explore those impossible things.

>Tips on creating species and culture
My simplest advice is to create a stereotype personality for that species. Are they brutish? Kind? Unfeeling? Intellectual? Simple minded? Etc. Give each race its own stereotype and then invent a culture around that stereotype (for example in Lord of the Rings, Dwarves are greedy and keep to themselves, and so they mine gold and gems and then live underground away from everyone else).

And sure, individual characters can break the stereotype, but in general, most of the characters in that species or race will (or at least should) behave similarly.

I hope this helps!

5327926
Thanks for the advice on that and it does help.

As for the Genera's I can see where your argument lays in there. it was just an idea I thought might intrest you

Thanks again for the adivce.

Implementing Music/Songs into a fic

Working on a fic set during the time of the Dazzlings invading CHS and (as you know) it involves a lot of singing and magic ect. While working on a chapter, I was seriously thinking about adding some music to go a long with the reading. I don't have much experience with it other than doing it like once or twice doing a random greentext story on /mlp/ I forgot about a couple of years ago. and I'm looking for some help on A: Avoiding legal trouble by pasting music I didn't make, and B: Doing it without distracting the reader from the words, or having a negative impact on the chapter. (Mostly the former)

The way I've been thinking about tackling this is to do it in a way like this:

Rainbow Dash cranks up the amp, playing a couple of practice notes before breaking into the song.

[insert youtube link here]

(copy paste the lyrics of the song inside, since it's supposed to be Rainbow Dash singing the song}

[song ends around here]

"Wow Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie exclaims. "That was an awesome guitar solo at the end!"

If I use the method as stated above, my biggest concern like how I said, is legality issues. Will there be repercussions if I use a method like this? I've seen other authors put music into their stories so I know it's not 100% illegal, but where do you draw the line?

5374544

I don't think there would be any legal repercussions here. Plenty of sites embed other's videos. It's all under fair use, I'd say, as long as you're not making any shekels off of it.

Whether it's a good practice or not, is a completely different matter. One worthy of a lecture, I would say...

My personal opinion is that you should write in a way that can convey a complete story through written word alone. Inserting music, videos, pictures are just distractions. They make the reader lose immersion to click that link and play that video.

There are also people like me, people who read stories mostly on mobile, laying in bed or riding a bus. In that case, I can't have a video playing in the background. What's more, my phone is shit enough that it would probably just hang if I had YouTube app and Firefox running at once. Those people miss out on a part of story you decided to include via external means.

Including lyrics is IMHO just bloating your word count unnecessarily. Unless it's a song that has some meaning to the story, has altered lyrics, or is an original creation I feel like you shouldn't include the lyrics in your story. It's better to write "And then Luna sang 'Enter Sandman'" than writing "And then Luna sang "Say your prayers little one/Don't forget, my son/To include everyone/Tuck you in, warm within/(...)'"

5374544 Pasting the youtube link is fine, but using the song lyrics themselves is kind of just lazy man.

Hello there good folks! (and to those less good folks, I don't really discriminate)

I would like some help with the beginning of a chapter I'm working on and I hope this is the right place to post this.
In short : previous chapters introduced an OC from another world and his arrival in Equestria, and most of the fic is in first person view following that OC. For this chapter, I'm changing PoVs by keeping a third person following princess Luna. The fic attempts to introduce just enough elements for readers who wouldn't know either of the worlds used.
I would like if someone could check this part and let me know how it is, especially how the descriptions went and whether I got the charaters right in the dialogue.

The night was particularly bright. It was as if the stars and moon were trying to match the cheerfulness of the festivities below. For tonight was a special night, one in which ponies did not sleep, but instead wore costumes, scared each other for fun, and ate candy. It was Nightmare Night. Still, dawn was not so far and sleep was picking the ponies off one by one.

One lone chariot, pulled by two pegasi with bat-like wings, was heading towards the capital city of Equestria, Canterlot. Inside the chariot stood a mare with navy blue coat, a translucent, shimmering mane that matched the night sky above. Her wings and horn identified her as an alicorn and one of the rulers of Equestria. This was the pony that brought the night and controlled the Moon and the stars, co-ruler of Equestria, princess Luna.

And tonight she was happy. More than that, she was ecstatic. This was her first Nightmare Night and indeed it went better than even she could have hoped for. While many ponies still viewed her as Nightmare Moon, the evil pony that was banished to the Moon for a thousand years and only recently came back, she managed to reach out to the citizens of Ponyville with the help of an exceptional mare and one of her first friends, Twilight Sparkle.

As the chariot landed on one of the balconies of the palace, she noticed her elder sister, Celestia, was sitting there waiting for her. As a fellow alicorn, princess Celestia also had a horn and wings, but her coat was white and her own mane’s translucent colors evoked an aurora.

Yet, while she tried to hide it behind a gentle smile, Celestia was exhausted and a little bit worried. Her worry soon left her as she saw her’s sister’s smile and almost foal-like excited gait as she descended from the chariot. The two mares embraced.

“Welcome back Luna. I take it your first Nightmare night went well enough?”

Those words were all for Luna’s excitement to rush out in a torrent of words.

“Oh sister it was wonderful! Our subjects did not fear Us… me… as I had first believed. They used the concept of fear for amusement. In fact it was better than amusing! It was fun!” Luna exclaimed, trying to add all of her cheer into that one word she only just discovered. “I discovered that word mingling with them! And your student, Twilight Sparkle, she is wise beyond her years. This whole idea of mine would have been a disaster had it not been for her assistance. And best of all, they were all enjoying my night!”

Luna emphasized her words by raising her forehooves to the night sky as her wings kept her stable.

“Yes Luna, I’m glad to hear things went so well for you. You left so suddenly to change our little ponies’ minds about Nightmare Night!” Celestia chuckled, attempting to hide a yawn.

But Luna noticed it. Then she noticed the rest. The slightly drooping eyelids, the the ears, the wings and her sister’s overall subdued gait.

“Sister, you seem exhausted! Don’t tell me you’ve been staying up so late worrying for me?”

“Do not worry. I was sure nothing would go wrong, I just… I’m glad everything went well.”

“Thank you Celestia. Thank you so much for being there for me. You may rest now dear sister. I shall guard the night.”

“Very well Luna.” Celestia . “Goodnight."

"Goodnight sister." Luna bid. With those last words both Celestia and Luna left the Balcony, each going to their respective quarters.

5403474

previous chapters introduced an OC from another world and his arrival in Equestria, and most of the fic is in first person view following that OC.

One problem right here.

As a fellow alicorn, princess Celestia also had a horn and wings, but her coat was white and her own mane’s translucent colors evoked an aurora.

I don't really think this part here is needed. Maybe if you were writing it with people who aren't familiar with MLP whatsoever, but people who visit FiMFiction know how Celestia looks like.

Generally speaking, the fragment you showed here was good. I have no complaints.

What worries me, is the idea of an OC from another world, and the story being centred around him. I only pray this "other world" won't be human world.

5410858
First of all, thank you kindly for your answer.

I don't really think this part here is needed. Maybe if you were writing it with people who aren't familiar with MLP whatsoever, but people who visit FiMFiction know how Celestia looks like.

As you have said, most of the beta readers I managed to bribe/blackmail into reading this have no prior knowledge whatsoever about neither MLP nor the other world I'm making a crossover with! And it may also be posted on other fanfic websites, because why not! (it's out already on fanfiction, couldn't post it on fimfic yet because first chapters didn't have ponies)
That said, I could always skip some of those descriptions, which would then be placed later on when the MC meets the two rulers.

What worries me, is the idea of an OC from another world, and the story being centered around him. I only pray this "other world" won't be human world.

In that case, I'm sorry to confirm it (well, I'm not actually that sorry, wouldn't be making this fic if I was) but the MC is indeed a human. Well, mostly human. And he's from a video-game where the players faction are all veteran warriors, with access to futuristic firearms and magic, and who can slay hundreds of foes with more or less ease! (I know, that way I'm describing him just makes it look worse and worse, but, in my defense, I originally thought mixing those two worlds could only be a bad idea, then an update gave a big piece of lore that made me change my mind)

5410897

Sounds Like Warframe to me.

Even if it's not, the fact that it'll be a character from the game is better than what I initially assumed. It doesn't leave space for self-insert.

5410931

Indeed it is Warframe! I didn't think I had made it that obvious!

But yeah, the Second Dream update made me really curious as to what goes in the mind of a Tenno, considering the reveal was as shocking to the characters as to the players. I wanted to see inside a Tenno's mind, how much of their morality is completely alien to us and how much of their humanity did they retain?
That, and my brother really wanted to make a MLP crossover for a while but had issues coming up with interesting characters and plot.

And thus a story was born. Now to hope it is as good as we imagined it to be...

5299596
Ha quick question.

How would someone go about building a culture ?

5436567
Define a core personality or other stereotype for the group of people, and then start basing their every day decisions on that stereotype: food, education, entertainment, etc. Basing that stereotype on their environment or their situation is a good and realistic start making it easy to pull out memorable characters and keep a "blend in" flat c

From there you can begin to flesh out individual characters who break the mold. If you want, you can check out my lecture on creating characters and apply the basic concepts to an entire group of people, and then to the individuals who are important to your story.

I wish you luck!

5299215
5302492
I have a question for you 2. I decided to give up my revalutionary story until I have it fully planed out. But my question is in a new story I'm working on I need original elements of harmony. As different from the main 6. Own names and attributes. So my question is if you could make your own Elements of Harmony how would you do it and what would they be?

5457385 I wouldn't the elements of harmony are supposed to be unique elements.

5457590
I understand that that the elements are supposed to be unique.

But what I'm trying to do is that these elements of harmony are from a different world. They are still trying to under stand their knew found power. The main six act as teachers to them. So in others words if you were trying to build your equivalent for the elements of harmony for your own world how would you do it?

5457623 You'd probably just have the elements be the same but with different ponies or under different names that mean the same thing so Laughter would be Joy, Magic would be Friendship, Loyalty would be Honor ETC

5457670
No what I'm talking about are your own elements with their own meaning and own holders.

Ex - Understanding - Able to understand the reason behind anyone's ideals and thoughts. But whether they agree with it or not is up to the holder.

Ex - Courage - Although of afraid doesn't let it define them as they stand up for what is right agaisnt something they truly fear.

5457698 yea umm no sorry bro i don't do that hopefully Piercing can help

5457728
Just that I would ask. This group does creativity in it none stop.

Also quick question what you say to a metal pony character. As in the pony's fur appears as a metal?

5457750 Are they a robot or are we talking like Alphonse Elric from full metal alchemist?

5457900
No story for this one revolves around a secret group of scientists. An experiment they were working on which was a pony that appears as metal. They are completely alive and can think. They originall were going to be used as weapons but when one got away it though that it didn't need to always fight. Much like crystal pony's except when under different conditions their furs appear to be metal.

5457385
Joy, Charity, Integrity, Bravery, Patience, and Magic.

That's what I'd do if I had to come up with my own. No matter what, they'll tend to have rewordings of the existing elements. Sooo... yeah. Maybe that helps?

5458972
Thanks for the info and I didn't think of Patience. I'll use it. All I need is one more.

Can anyone help be a pre reader for me? I want my first story to be published and one of the moderators told me I need one to proof read it and check for mistakes. I would be happy if someone could and if you can pm me and I'll let you know. If you can't that is fine. The story is called Gat's adventure. If you want to know anything else please pm me and I can tell you more details. Thanks!

5467522

Have you tried "The Proofreaders' Group"? If it's a short oneshot, though, I think I'll be able to help as well, to the best of my abilities.

Anguis
Thank you but I decided not to try to write anymore. I learned that I'm not really the best writer for stories. Maybe I'll write again when I am 15-16. That way I have more experience writing and getting grammar right. So Until then I'll just read other stories and give feedback. Thanks again though!

Hello, My name is SumDankPony, or SDP if you view that as more appropriate.
Now I'm not the greatest writer, my writing skills are just above average at best,
but if there's one thing I do better then most, is my ability to create things.
You could say that my special talent is Creativity. (I apologize for any metal damage that joke may have caused to you.)

I'll get strait to the point,
I've realized from a lot of the beginner writers that I've met/had the pleasure to read their stories have some serious problems when it comes to writing down their ideas or having the ability to write creatively, resulting in boring or unorganized stories.

I was wondering if I could apply as an admin/professor for creative writing and creative thinking for this group.
I don't really know how the whole system works, or if this is even the proper place to be asking this.
I'm fine with whatever your answer is.

Hello my fimfiction name is Heartlessman or Heartless for short.

My skill in writing is not that great since I started becoming a writer a few weeks ago, but a lot of errors, misspells, and complicated words. I am not really the best of vocabulary, but I am getting better just can't really decide to use it. My small mind of imaginary comes from most of my drawings and seeing pictures. Even thinking of a story I lack how to begin, the emotions, and ending a chapter.

My mind of planning out a story runs wild from beginning chapter to a one I'm not even near. My describing of things is a lack since I can't really describe things from looks and how's it built or created.

I have help from a fellow writer to help me navigate around fimfiction on finding the editors and proofreaders. If it weren't for him I would have kept writing horrible stories.

5505442
If you want to become a professor, you're going to need to write a lecture that displays your knowledge and skill in any area you feel you're more than proficient at. We will then review the lecture by its grammar, presentation, and most importantly, how useful the information is. Satisfy those requirements, and we'll let you into our secret society of professors. P.S. You're going to have to be okay with ritualistic sacrifice.

Feel free to PM me the lecture or any further questions.

If you need an example, this is the lecture I wrote that got me accepted as a professor. Best of luck!

5506106
It's a good first step to be inspired by images, but you should lay a lot more groundwork before you start writing. Think about what you like about the image, ask yourself why you like it, and try to make a story from it. Why is the subject of the image doing something, and what are the consequences? Those are the kind of questions you should ask yourself when developing a fic based solely off an image.

As for starting and stopping chapters, I suggest that you read more books and study how authors start and stop their chapters. You can pick up a lot of good tricks from seeing how proven authors write. Another tip is to start the chapter at the last possible moment necessary to tell a story and to end the chapter immediately after the purpose of the scene has been accomplished. It's something that you'll get better at over time as you practice it more, trust me.

Descriptions are something you have to read a lot of books and develop your vocabulary for. It doesn't come easy to most, so work at it and read how your favorite authors describe things.

5506300
Thank you the helpful advice. I will read some more than trying to figure a vocab word meaning the same.

5514098 What are the stories about

5521804 So I'm restarting my Podcast tomorrow and If you want I can talk about this?

5522154 Your not talking on it, basically me and piercing sight can if you want us to answer your question on the podcast today

im having trouble getting my chapters all the way to the wordcount that i want. i think i should find a way to be more descriptive and have less dialouge, but what do you think.

5531802
Well, filler isn't usually a good idea. Wordcount shouldn't really be important while you're learning to write. It also isn't a measure of good writing. However, if you want there to be more to your story, you should try to come up with more content, or simple details that enhance the story. If you want the story to have a longer flow (time between events), then you need to have relaxing or slow events and descriptions in between. Nothing that doesn't matter to the story or it's tone, but at least something.

TLDR - Don't worry about word count. It'll sort itself out as you learn to create dynamic worlds and story flow.

5531802

That depends.

You can try to be more wordy, but beware of purple prose.
You can try to add more descriptions of the scene and such, but beware of paragraphs-worth of it.

Also, do you really need to add more on top of what you have? Or maybe simply merging two chapters into one will suffice?

Of course if you went in a bland "She went there and did a thing" style, you will need to work on it. But if it's not the case, try the method with merging chapters.